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Coming home…

Chapter 8:

Finding Cam was easier than I had anticipated. Maybe because she seemed to have been watching me and Angela. So, she'd surely seen the hug which had ended our conversion. Sometimes I really dreaded those glass walls that only offered private words, but not private actions. On the other hand it seemed that nobody else had paid me and Angela attention and I had to tell Cam the truth anyway.

"Cam…. Could I maybe talk to you in private?" I asked and she gave me an assessing look, concern edged in her features. When, I wondered, had she started to worry about me? Or was she worrying about the famous forensic anthropologist, the employee and not me as person? I ignored those thoughts, giving myself a mental shrug. What did it matter? Did it change the fact that I was pregnant, did it change the fact that I – once again – was about to have a conversation I'd never ever in my life had imagined to have? No, it didn't change a single thing.

Dr. Saroyan only nodded and led me to her office and – obviously still having the hug I'd shared with Angela in mind – pulled the blinds to offer REAL privacy. I briefly asked myself why I had forgotten to do so when I had had my conversation with Angela…. Well, the answer was quite easy: I was not used to display emotion, so why should I prepare for it? Remembering that pregnant women could get pretty emotional – due to hormonal changes – I made a mental note to consider pulling the blinds more often from now on.

I swallowed hard and nodded in mute response when Cam offered me water. She sat down behind her desk, her face betraying no emotion, but I had seen the brief flicker of concern before. Whatever the motivation, she cared. It was better than nothing.

I swallowed hard, not sure where to begin, but when I heard a shuffling sound pass Cam's office door – the sound that I immediately connected to one of my grad student's rather sloppy gait – I knew where to start.

"Dr. Saroyan….. I know I've neglected to do what you asked me to do – namely to finally settle on one student to permanently act as my trainee. I'm sorry I held up the process for so long, but….. I didn't want to replace Zach." I sighed. Remembering my grad student, the brilliant young man that had made such a huge mistake still hurt as hell. He was not dead, but he was gone and he would not return to his post at my side. I had to finally accept it.

"Now I understand that it's not about what I want, but what we need. I will go through my notes on all the students again and let you know within two weeks whom I would recommend for the position."

My voice sounded odd even to my own ears, the words stiff and formal, but I was glad to have found a way to start this conversation. After all, Cam was – although she hardly ever remembered me of the fact – my boss AND a former girlfriend of Booth. Telling her that I was pregnant with his child was…. uncomfortable.

"Dr. Brennan…" She hesitated and abandoned her mask of detachment and obvious concern showed in her eyes. "What's wrong? This sounds as if you ….. want to make preparations."

I blinked and nodded after a moment. "Well, I am."

She drew in a deep breath and, after a moment of hesitation, asked. "Okay, how bad is it?"

My reaction was to blink and frown a little in confusion. "Bad?"

"Well…….. you hugging Angela like that – I was not intentionally watching, by the way, I just looked up that moment – and you saying you're making preparations. I'm not an idiot. You sound as if you want to make sure the Jeffersonian has a trained forensic anthropologist because you… won't be around. So, what kind of … illness are we talking about and what can we do?" She spoke quickly, brief pauses only before 'Won't be around' and 'illness' as if she had to weigh her words.

And then the last part "What can WE do?" settled in and I gaped at her for a moment, absolutely taken aback. We never had been really close, but this sounded like an offer of help to me. An offer of help to a woman that may be dealing with a terminal disease.

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to scare you." I hurried to say. "I'm not sick."

Cam only stared at me, confused but also relieved. "Well, that's good." She said after a moment and gave a breathless laugh. "What then? Did you get a job offer, are you thinking of leaving us?" Dr. Saroyan didn't sound exactly thrilled by that prospect, but not concerned anymore.

"No, I'm not leaving the Jeffersonian or DC. But in a few months I won't be able to maintain my usual workload anymore, especially not at crime scenes. In fact I will have to work regular hours - as Angela called it - from now on." I took in another deep breath and finally said it. "I'm pregnant."

The expression on Cam's face was almost comical. A mix of shock, surprise and….various other emotions I could not identify. After a moment of silence she started to laugh. Now it was my turn to be surprised. Maybe she thought I was joking? I frowned a little, unsure of what to do.

"Good God. Pregnant. You had me scared you were going to die and then you tell me you're pregnant." She gasped and shook her head, but soon she had calmed down enough to be serious again. "That's wonderful news. My congratulations. How far along are you, if you don't mind me asking?"

I needed a moment to process her reaction, then I answered. "Eight weeks."

She nodded and gave me another long look before she said with a smile. "Thank you for telling me. We'll have plenty of time to work on a good schedule for you and the student you'll chose, don't worry. You'll have to make sure not to exhaust yourself as you did ever since Booth …" Her voice trailed off and the sentence hung unfinished in the air.

"Eight weeks." She murmured after a moment. "Booth's been gone eight weeks." The words held an unspoken question and although I'm not much a people person I could make an elaborate guess on the nature of that question. She was wondering if I either had had sex with some stranger, presumably to distract myself from missing Booth or if Booth and I had – finally as Angela would say – had slept together.

Our gazes connected and I took a sip from my water glass to moisten my suddenly dry mouth before saying. "He's the father. He doesn't know, though."

"Wow." The one word – that, to be accurate was no real word – did not tell me what she thought of her ex as the father of my child. I fidgeted a little.

"Wow." She repeated, then grinned. "I knew you two would get together eventually." Then she shook her head. "And now he isn't even here so I can tease him about it."

"You're not…. angry?" I asked carefully.

She blinked in surprise, then waved my question off. "You think because Seeley and I……? No, absolutely not. We had a nice time together, but it wasn't the real thing. But with you two, it's different."

"Oh?" I made, surprised.

"He'd do anything for you. I've known him for quite a while now and you're the one person that means the most to him, aside from his son, that is. I always knew how he felt about you, Dr. Brennan. I was not completely sure how you felt about him, though." She gave me an apologetic smile. "But your behaviour these past eight weeks confirmed my suspicions."

Words eluded me. Had I really been that transparent? Had Booth been? Then, how come we had not acted on all this pent-up emotions before? How come it had taken us so long to realise we were in love, when everybody else had seen it? Not Cullen, though, I reminded myself. He had NOT anticipated Booth and me to get together.

"Your suspicions?" I repeated after a moment of silence.

"That you two belong with each other." She simply said and I swallowed hard upon that short – and hopefully accurate – assessment.

"I miss him." I confessed after a moment, my voice barely audible. Cam nodded understandingly. "I know. I guess it's been hard for you to find out you're pregnant with him gone, hm?"

What an understatement, I thought and simply nodded.

"When will he come back?" She asked and I bit my lip, then answered. "I don't know. His assignment… is very important and he can't just leave. I chose not to inform him about the pregnancy yet. It would only distract him and that might be dangerous."

Her brow furrowed but she nodded understandingly. "I understand your decision. If you need anything, you'll let me know, okay?" I nodded, a little surprised by her amicable behaviour. Then we both remained silent for a while.

"So, how are you feeling so far? Morning sickness, headache?" She asked after a few moments, a mischievous and curious glint in her eyes.

I narrowed my eyes at her and she laughed. "I AM a medical doctor. My average patient usually is dead, though.." She shrugged and I had to smile and answered honestly. "I felt miserable these past weeks. But I'm not sure if I can blame it on the pregnancy. Probably not. I'll make sure to eat regularly from now on and get more rest."

"You've been hard on yourself these past weeks. Consider it both medical advise and an order from me as your boss to quit that nonsense from now on." She raised an eyebrow. "I'll have Angela enforce this."

I winced a little. Angela could be downright scary, if she wanted to. "No need. She already volunteered for that job."

Cam nodded. "Good." I rose, thinking that we had covered everything, but she called my name before I could reach the door of her office. "Dr. Brennan?"

"You can call me Temperance." I offered, then blinked. Where had that come from? I mentally shrugged at my own consternation, what did it matter? Cam had been genuinely concerned for me and I called her Cam half of the time. It was only fair.

She smiled. "Thanks. I'm curious… and if you don't want to tell me, I totally understand… It's just…when did things change between Booth and you?" She asked hesitantly.

I smiled slowly, sadness and joy warring in me. "Eight weeks ago." I simply said and her eyes widened a little. "Oh." Cam said and I nodded. Oh. Yeah, that pretty much summed it up.

Then I left her office to finally get some work done.

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