Alright...yeah yeah yeah. I'm super sorry for the long wait.

I've had terrible writer's block, and some pretty big family stuff going on. It kinda messes with your life.

Anyways, here's a long chapter just for you guys (longest one yet!)! Thanks for not giving up on me!

Sorry for any mistakes too...I liked this chapter a lot. It's been the one I've looked most forward to writing! Sadly, I'm not super happy on how it all turned out, but I didn't want to leave you guys in the shadows forever. So...Enjoy!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own any characters.

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Clary's P.O.V.
Sleep eludes me most of the night. I finally wake up at 10:52, sunshine streaming through the paper thick curtains, turning the white light into a soft blue.

Next to my alarm clock sits my phone, mostly hidden under two notes. I pick the first one up, seeing the familiar penmanship of my mother's hand.

I called the school and said you were sick. Relax a bit today. Jonathan will bring your work home. Feel better, sweetheart. –Mom

I smile. I did tell my mom what happened between Jace and I, and she was the one who suggested I took a day off. I didn't even ask. She probably felt sympathetic for me, though the incident happened years ago.

The incident.

My mind reels into a flashback with a blink of my eyes:

'Why am I even here?' I asked myself as the dark alleyway opened up into a deserted street. The person in front of me had dark clothes, almost blending in with the shadows that seemed to swallow everything around, save the lone street lamp illuminating a circle on the cracked sidewalk.

His grip tightened on my arm, my hazy mind making the buildings move in slow motion as we pass them at a quick pace.

"Snap out of it, Clare." I beg myself, though there's no point. I'm pulled back under into my past once again, my body rigid as stone.

There had to be something in the drink he gave me earlier. My mind whirls as I'm suddenly transported into a bedroom:, wallpaper peeling from the ceiling, the smell of dirt and something dead, and the lone piece of furniture in the middle of the room.

A bed. Old, wooden head board at the top. No sheets. No pillows. Nothing. Just the frame and the mattress.

I start to breath heavily. Not having thought about this memory, or more so nightmare, for years, and it hits me like a tidal wave.

Somewhere between the door frame and the bed, most of my clothes are ripped from my body and sent to the floor. My back hits the scratchy mattress, the springs noticeable through the worn fabric.

Count, Clary. You have to count.

One. Two.

He kisses me, the love and softness experienced in earlier ones is non-existent. Desperation and hunger radiates from his lips, making me shiver for all the wrong reasons.

Three. Deep breath now. Four.

My hands are now locked above my head. Every article of clothing gone from both our bodies. Something is tied around my mouth, almost choking me.

Five. Inhale. Six. Exhale. Seven.

Pain. Pain everywhere, inside and outside of my body.

Eight.

It burns. Tears break free, along with a muffled scream.

Nine. Breathe.

Another scream accompanies his actions. He kisses me again, his lips hot. Too hot. I feel them between the cloth.

Ten.

As my nightmare ends, and I am then overtook into darkness once again.

~'-,-'-,-'-,-'~

I recover in less than an hour, waking up in a cold sweat.

Why now? After 4 years without giving my past a second thought, why did this rush at me for no reason?

I take a shaky breath, stepping out from the cold water, and reach for the towel on the side. I wrap it around my body, taking in my reflection on the long mirror. Just the sight of myself -broken, defeated, alone- makes me look away.

I twist my damp and chilled hair into a messy bun, and slide on a pair of dark jeans and a warm sweatshirt with only a sports bra underneath. I needed air, to go on a walk, to do something.

In less than a minute, I'm out the door, shoes on my feet, motorbike underneath me, and no destination in mind.

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The park was chilly, the wind constantly breaking through my thick sweatshirt, freezing me to the bone. It was taking a cold shower all over again.

I'm walking the perimeter of the park for the third time now, kicking a rock with my boot.

I look up, and see the cemetery. I've always wondered why they would build a park less than a block away from a cemetery. Don't you think it would scare kids or something?

I keep walking, letting my thoughts roam wild in my mind. I'm so entranced in my own head, I almost hit the fence surrounding the cemetery. I sigh, thinking a change in scenery would be better than walking around a dinky little park for a fourth time.

The paved sidewalk winds through the small yet hilly area, allowing myself to take my time. Before I know it, I'm lost, not knowing which way I had just came from, or where I was heading. It probably doesn't help that my head was whirling with anything but this morning.

I'm about to turn around, hoping to find my way out again, but something catches my eye as I spin on my heel. A flicker of gold?

Jace?

No. It couldn't be. Why would he be in the cemet-

Wait, what day was it? I search my pockets for my phone before remembering that I left it on the table at home.

It couldn't be the 15th. It just couldn't.

I make my way to where I thought I spotted the gold flash, up on a small hill to my left. No one is there, but a few stones sticking from the ground. On three of the tombs, there are bouquets of flowers: two are soft white roses, set gently at the same angle before the stone, the other a variety of colorful daisies.

The daisy grave is unknown to me, though I'm not looking at it like I am the rose graves:

Celine Lightwood

January 12, 1971- November 15, 1999

Ave Atque Vale

Stephen Lightwood

August 28, 1966- November 15, 1999

Ave Atque Vale

My breath shortens, coming out in small clouds of fog in front of my face. Today was the anniversary of their death. The day after I broke up with Jace.

Jace!

He must be broken beyond belief. How could I have done that to him? What's wrong with me?

Everything. My mind echoes.

I take a deep breath, because it's true. I'm a terrible person…destroying myself and everyone else along with me.

Not anymore though.

I bend down onto the daisy grave, and pluck two flowers from the back. The blue one goes on the first grave, the red on the second, right next to the roses.

I start to back away, letting my eyes see the sight one last time before turning around – and running into a tall, solid figure. A pair of warm hands grabs my shoulders, helping me stay balanced, and I look up.

Soft golden eyes stare at me. His mouth a thin line, like he's deciding what to say, but I beat him to it, starting with:

"Jace."

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Jace P.O.V.

I noticed Clary long before she saw me. Or…I think she saw me. Why else would she have came up here?

I watched from the other side of the hill, making my way around as to stay behind her. I saw as she took notice of my parents grave, picked the two daisies from the other batch, and lay them down before my own bouquets.

The thought made me smile, knowing that she must still care for me if she's laying damn flowers on the tombs of my lost ones.

She starts to back away, but I step out in front of her. I didn't expect for her to run into me, but I caught her shoulders as she took notice of my presence. Of anything I could say, I'm sorry, Forgive me, What are you doing here?, Go away, nothing escapes my lips.

"Jace." Clary says, her voice quiet and quick, but it entered my mind slowly. I loved the way she said it, with anger or joy, sadness or hope, it didn't matter. I loved it anyway.

I love her.

But before I could say anything, she speaks again.

"I-I didn't mean to come here. Sorry, but I thought I saw you and I didn't think today was that day. And I didn't want to be here while you were here, so I tried to quickly put a flower down before you got back. I know you probably hate me, so you don't want me here right now. but-" She breaks, inhaling deeply. Having said all of that in one breath, it was a bit difficult to follow, but I got the jist of it. "I'll just go." She finishes.

I don't know what to say to her but Clary tries to break away from my grasp. Not wanting her to run away like yesterday, I tighten my hold on her shoulders which instantly makes her stop moving but look at me with fear in her wide set eyes.

"Clary, what's wrong? I'm not mad or anything." But she doesn't say anything, nor does she move. I take a small step towards her body and she instantly stiffens. "Clary?" I ask again, my voice quiet.

"Please let go of me." Her voice shakes, so quiet it's almost carried away with the wind. I do as she asks, and take a step back. The fear is still displayed in her body expression, but not at defined as before.

"Sorry." I say, not knowing what to do.

Finding her own voice, Clary says, "No. It's fine. I'm fine."

"You most definitely are NOT fine, Clary." I want yell at her, but I don't.

A silence sets between us, a quiet awkward one at that. I don't know what to say at first, but I decide on asking why she wasn't in school after taking a seat in the grass.

"Needed a break." She mutters, actually sitting down also, but a good two feet away. I nod in agreement with her. Everyone needs a break sometimes.

Another awkward silence.

Probably 10 minutes pass, but it feels like 10 days, when I move directly in front of Clary. She's a bit startled by my sudden appearance once again, but her expression turns cold in a split second.

"Alright, I need to know if we're okay." I say, gesture between the two of us with my hand. "I know what I did was…idiotic, but I can expla-"

I freeze as a smile makes way onto Clary's face, along with a small giggle….I didn't know she giggled. "What's funny? I'm confessing feelings here!"

"I just think it's funny that you actually doing this now. After a day! And it's usually the girl that confesses feelings." The smile lights up her face, making it seem as anything that happened before was the thing of the past.

"But-but I want to know if we're still friends." I say quietly. Clary's smile fades, and her bright green eyes stare into mine. After a few seconds, I look away, understanding her answer. I move away, trying to rise to my feet, when a hand is suddenly clamped around my wrist. I freeze as Clary's lips softly graze my cheek, causing me to close my eyes for a second. Oh, how I thought I would never get to feel that again: her body right next to mine, her lips, though they aren't on mine, makes my heart race.

I open my eyes, and chance looking at her again.

"Friends." She says, her smile returning, and I can't help but smile back at her.

"With benefits?" I ask jokingly, causing her to laugh a little bit.

"Don't push it, Lightwood." She shoves my shoulder, making me fall back onto the grass again. I stick my hands up in surrender, but don't allow the smile to disappear from my face.

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Alrighty then! A bit of fluffy stuff at the end, but how was it?

And with the thing about Clary being raped and such, I know it may seem kind of repetitive, since there are A LOT of stories with Clary being raped...but I hope you give it a chance. There's still about 4 or 5 chapters left, and there may still be another twist to come!

Please review also! Tell me what I need to fix, or what you like/dislike about the story! Or just say Hi! I'm usually a very friendly person!

Love you all!

Until next time,

shadowwarrior898