Hello dear readers.
You really are the best, thank you all so much for your reviews.
I'm so glad you liked the last chapter, although it was pretty sad…. Here we go, the next one is ready now ;)

It may be a bit shorter, but the last one was quite long, so I hope you can forgive me ;)

Coming home…

Chapter 10:

I sighed and stared at my laptop. The blinking cursor seemed to be mocking me and my inability to find the right words. Somehow it was sad that I had something like writer's block when I only wanted to add a new entry to my journal.

It had been Angela's idea and though I had first been a bit sceptic, I soon realised it was a brilliant. It kept me busy and – which had been Angela's primary aim – I didn't feel that guilty for not letting Booth know about the pregnancy.

"You can show him that journal and the ultrasound pictures when he comes back, Sweetie. Show him that you wanted him to be part of it." Angela had said the day after the both wonderful and painful conversation with Booth.

"What should I write, Angela…. I don't have a clue how to write about my emotions. I don't even understand them, how am I supposed to keep a journal on all this?" I had given back and Angela had regarded me thoughtfully for a while.

"Maybe you need to write it down to understand it yourself. Start the journal, Sweetie. Start with the day you found out that you're pregnant. Write in it as often as you can… it's not the same as being here with you, but Booth will appreciate it when he's back, I'm sure." Angela had said… with that serious look she sometimes turned at me. The look that always made me suspect she was a psychologist in an artist's disguise.

"I don't know…" I had given back, still resisting.

"See it at as a report. You're good at writing reports." Angela had continued. "And you have to admit, it might be interesting to be able to read this journal in a few years. You know, scientifically seen."

"You're evil. You're trying to make this appealing to the scientist in me." I had frowned at her.

"The scientist in you opposed to the what in you?." She had asked, one eyebrow arched at my response.

"The mo…." The word had died on my lips. Yes, I had been about to say … the mother in me. It had been that very moment I had realised that keeping this journal would appeal to BOTH of them. The scientist in me would be fascinated by the journal's details regarding bodily changes. The mother in me was going to appreciate the fact that I could look back to ultra sound pictures any time. And the woman in me decided if that was the only way I could somehow 'include' Booth in all this, I'd do it.

My first entry had been a summary of the day I had discovered I was pregnant and the following, the conversations with Angela and Cam, Parker's birthday and the conversation I had had with my father two days after that. My father had been thrilled to learn he was going to be a grandfather.

I smiled, thinking back at his reaction…I had seen tears in his eyes, I was sure of it.

Now, fifteen weeks into my pregnancy, I was sitting in front of my laptop, though, and had no idea what to write.

I looked back at the last few entries:

"Today was another appointment to make sure the baby is developing satisfactorily. It is and I'm grateful. Angela went with me again, but it should have been Booth sitting there, looking at the monitor with me. I got prescribed more vitamins, but it's standard procedure, so I'm not worried.

No sickness today, what a relief."

The entry was dated a week ago, 5th of May, and I had scanned in the ultrasound picture. I had to smile a bit when I read what I had added to the same entry a few hours later.

"add, 5th of May:
I'm never going to get excited about not being sick again, at least not before I can be sure dinner stays down. I hope I'm not among those women who suffer from sickness through the whole duration of the pregnancy."

I trembled a little as I read my next entry from May, 7th.

"Today we finally made it official that I'm pregnant. Cam, Angela and Hodgins knew already of course … but the other people at the lab were… surprised, to say the least. I heard somebody whisper that 'That cold fish shouldn't have a child." I don't know who said it. I should know better than to let things like that get to me, but the hormones make me more susceptible, I guess, because I can't forget about it.
Angela told me to ignore comments like that, that people said all sorts of things because they were jealous or didn't know me. I try to believe her, listen to her, but today it's been harder than usual.
Crest's reaction to the news was more positive, though. I had had no idea she liked me enough to be happy for me…. She didn't ask for the father and I didn't tell her, but I think she knows all the same. I don't care. What difference does it make, Cullen knows anyway."

May 8th read:

"Still no news from Booth, but Cullen said something about it being a good sign. I have no idea what's that supposed to mean. Angela yelled at him for being always so cryptical, but he assured us he would contact us as soon as he knew more. I may not like him, but I trust him to tell me the truth.
I'm glad Cullen likes Angela, though…. she said a few things that would have gotten her taken out by security otherwise, I'm sure of it. "

May 10th:

"Today after work Angela forced me to go shopping with her. Logically, I knew the day would come when none of my clothes fit comfortably anymore and I would have to start shopping for maternity clothing. It still scared me a little. Especially when Angela showed me clothes to be worn close to the end of term. They were impressively big and though I know how a heavily pregnant woman looks like it's hard to imagine myself in that state. But my breasts keep growing and my waist too. It would be illogical not to react to the change, so I have to buy suitable clothes."

May 11th

"The new clothes actually are pretty comfortable.
My Dad brought me almond muffins today and I think they are my new favourite. He said that my child was going to be born with a sweet tooth, but I informed him that babies were in fact born without teeth. It took me a while to understand he had made a joke. He gave me that sort of incredulous look Booth always gives me when I say something weird."

Well and now here I was and I was not sure if I should write down the only important thing that had happened today. Thinking back still had me trembling, but then I decided to be strong and write it down. Angela had told me to include everything that made me laugh or cry, concerned or happy. She had said it would help and she had been right before. I decided to go with it.

May 12th.

"Tonight I dreamed of Booth. I dreamed he came back and was so angry at me. He said he didn't want the baby and that he could never love a person as cold as me. Logically, I know it's only been a nightmare, that it has no significance whatsoever, but I still woke screaming.
I hope he comes back soon and I hope he'll be able to forgive me for not telling him. I hope he will be able to understand my reasons. But even if not, I know Booth would never be angry at our child. He would never be so cruel, he is a good father and a good man. I guess my subconscious just picked up on the things people whisper behind my back, things they think I'm not able to hear, but sometimes I do. I haven't told Angela about the dream yet, but I think maybe I will.
Tomorrow is Saturday and I'm going to meet Parker again. He wants to see the dinosaur exhibition at the Jeffersonian. I think I will tell Rebecca I'm pregnant… It's getting hard to hide and I think she already suspects something. I won't let her tell Parker that it's Booth's though. It would confuse him too much and it should be Booth explaining this to him, not me or Rebecca."

I read through it again and nodded to myself. I felt a little better now that I had written it down.

Despite the fact that I still hated psychology, I had to admit that some techniques used by psychologist were indeed working. I had found out a few days after Angela's suggestion to write a journal that she had taken the idea from Sweets.

I had been mad at her, but she had just given me that long look again and had asked. "Do you feel better since you're writing down all this?"

The answer had been easy. "Yes."

"Well, whatever works, Sweetie, right?" She had said and given me a hug. It had not been as good as one of Booth's… but better than nothing.

Just like writing the journal was not as good as having Booth here with me… but better than nothing.

Soooo, please let me know what you thought about this chapter.

I thought having her keep a journal would be a nice touch and a good way of shortening things, making time-jumps. As you hopefully noticed we made time jump in this chapter…. Parker's birthday was approx. 9 weeks after Booth left, now it's 15 weeks.

Reviews are VERY welcome!!!!