Chapter 79

And I still see your reflection, inside of my eyes

"I was surprised to hear from you," Alexis said, as she settled into the couch across from Patrick.

His breathing shortened by exertion, he took several breaths before replying. "I need a will," he explained. "And I needed someone who knows who is important to me."

She nodded, uncapping her pen. "Are you nervous about the surgery?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "But I'm ready - or as ready as I'm going to be. I know...I know I don't want to go on like this."

Alexis smiled kindly at him, understanding exactly what he meant. There was a time during the course of an illness, any illness, where it has gone on for so long that a person would do almost anything to make it stop. It was both a breaking point and one of acceptance.

"Have you done a will previous to this?" she asked.

"No" he smiled weakly. "Thought...thought I was invincible."

"Okay. Before we begin, I need you to assure me that you are doing this of your own free will and that you have not been pressured by anyone."

"Well Eric's the only person I'm really talking to these days and he's got more money than I do," he joked. He noticed the way her cheeks reddened at the mention of his friend's name. "He likes you...a lot."

"That wasn't even close to subtle Patrick," she admonished him teasingly.

He shrugged. "I don't have time for subtle, I could be dead in five days. He's a good guy Alexis and he likes you."

Ignoring his last statement, she pressed on. "Now that we've determined that you are of sound mind and entering into this document freely, how would you like to begin?"

Leaning forward, he opened the folder perched on the corner of the coffee table. Retreiving two envelopes he handed them to her. "One is for my dad and the other is for Robin." He whispered her name. "I'm scheduled for surgery on Thursday and I would like you to give these to them once my surgery has begun."

Nodding, Alexis took the letters and placed them in her briefcase. "Anything else?"

"I have a few assets that I'd like distrbuted. I received a significant trust fund on my 25th birthday. I would like 500,000 of it to go to my dad and for him to start an assistance program for those without insurance. It's not a lot but it's seed money. I've had a lot of time to think over the last few weeks and I think we have a responsibility to remove as many barriers for people as possible. I also have a car in storage - a 1969 mustang. I'd like my dad to have that as well - he needs to feel the wind in his hair a little."

Alexis smiled. She remembered back to when he started at General Hospital and word of the new doctor spread around the corridors like wildfire. People remarked on his arrogance, cockiness and boldness. More than a few women - patients and staff - swooned at a flash of his dimple and it would have been easy to dismiss him as being vapid and shallow. But over time, as she had come to know him, she had been surprised and impressed with both his sensitivity and his compassion. She also admired the way he was with Robin. The young doctor was an important part of her extended family and she had seen how Robin had been knocked about. And where most would have assumed he would either not be interested in her or would limit her to a one night stand, he had fallen for her. It had warmed her heart to see Robin so happy and she hoped that this separation would be temporary and that he would find his way back to her shortly. Both Robin and Patrick were better with each other than without.

"I...there's..." Patrick stammered as he tried to say out loud what he had written down on the paper before him. His hand shook as he held the paper and the words swam before his eyes. "I would like 750,000 to go to Robin" he finally said, not looking up. "There's...there's a house on Hunter street that Robin loves. It's on the corner and has a big backyard. She always makes us walk by it when we are walking home from work. I want her to buy it. It's worth about 250,000 and if she made a fair offer the owners would sell - they told me so."

Alexis looked at him in surprise. "You called them?"

"I had to be sure they would be interested. She...she loves this house Alexis. It has a wrap around porch and she talks about having a porch swing and sitting out under the stars. I want her to have that."

"I'm sure she'd love it."

"And I want her to take some of the money and plan a holiday - somewhere amazing."

Looking at him over the tops of her glasses, Alexis opened and closed her mouth several times. Aware of the dangerous ground she was treading - walking the line between being a lawyer and a friend, she didn't want to do anything to agitate him. However, at the same time, she felt an overwhelming urge to shake him.

"Okay, look - this is none of my business but that's never really stopped from offering my opinion before," she began. "What you want Robin to do with your money should you die is lovely. But you know what make it more lovely? What would really make an impression? Call her. Call her and tell her that you love her. Don't let those words stay unsaid as you go into surgery. Talk to her Patrick."

Patrick sighed heavily. He was tired of having the same arguement with people over and over again and wished they would just understand that he was doing what was best. Calling Robin, talking to her would be painful. It would only reinforce that he was not the man she hoped him to be and it would compound the heartache.

"It's better if I don't" He fidgeted with the corner of the paper as he spoke.

"Oh bullshit," Alexis replied. Patrick's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Better for whom? Not for Robin who loves you completely - sick or healthy and certainly not for you. Just call her. Whatever it is you think you are protecting her from, you aren't. She is sad and lonely without you and she misses you. However difficult your health is, she can take it because she loves you."

"Had that on your mind for a while?" he joked weakly.

She gave him a small smile. "Maybe. Okay, I'm doing lecturing. Anything else?"

"I've also set aside enough money for season tickets to the Rangers - in a luxury suite. That's for Eric. He has spent enough time on the sidelines and I want him to use the tickets to get back in the game." He arched his eyebrow. "Unless of course he's out of the game because of you."

"Relentless" she muttered, making a note.

They spoke for almost another 45 minutes as he laid out the plans for his funeral and burial. He was surprisingly unemotional about it but was very clear on what he wanted. Having finished up,she put away her notebook and taperecorder.

"I'll get these typed up tonight and courrier them to you for your signature tomorrow."

"I really appreciate it" he said, his voice growing weak from fatigue.

"Good. I'm viewing you as a cash cow" she teased. "You're going to need that will revised several times over the coming years - it'll be decades before it's read."

"I like your optimism," he told her appreciatively.

Both looked up in surprise as the door flew open and Eric walked through. "Pantsy, you would not believe the storm out there everything is cancelled. I had to walk three-" The words died on his lips as he saw Alexis sitting on the couch. He stared at her slackjawed, not speaking.

"Close your mouth Smitty, you're catching flies."

"There's a storm?" Alexis asked tentatively, trying to ignore the hammering inside her chest.

"Yeah" he nodded. "The city is pretty much shut down. Airports are closed, can't find a taxi for love nor money."

The corners of Patrick's mouth curved upwards into a small smile. "I guess Alexis is bunking with us then."

Eric stood rooted in his spot. It had been almost a week since she had left his bed in the middle of the night and his calls to her had gone unanswered. His disappointment over such an abrupt end to something that had begun so easily was total.

Alexis shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "I'm sure I can find a hotel room" she stammered, fidgeting with the pen in her hands. "I certainly don't want to put you out."

"You aren't" Patrick answered quickly, avoiding the look of wrath in his friend's eyes. "After all you've done for me, we insist that you stay here. Don't we Smitty?" he prodded.

With a look of incredulity passing over his face, Eric simply shook his head. "Of course," he said, finally mustering his voice. "I'll set you up in my room" he told her as he finally shut the door behind him.

"Wh-where will you sleep?" Alexis asked quietly.

"Yes Eric, wherever will you sleep?" Patrick teased gently.

"On the couch." Shrugging off his coat, he laid it over a chair and pulled the wool cap from his head. "How are you feeling?" he asked Patrick.

"Tired" he admitted. "I'm going to head to bed."

"You don't want to watch the game?" Eric queried, sneaking a look at Alexis as he did so. Patrick shook his head. "Okay."

He helped Patrick from the couch and walked behind him to his bedroom. As the tumour continued to grow, Patrick had become unsteady on his feet and after a couple of tumbles to the ground, Eric had hired a day nurse to stay with him while he worked and when he was home, made sure he followed him to catch him if he fell. Once inside Patrick's room, Eric gently shut the door as Patrick pulled back the covers on his bed.

"Are you matchmaking Pantsy?" he asked.

Slowly getting into bed, he shrugged. "Maybe. I'm pretty bored and need something to occupy my time." Rolling his eyes Eric said nothing as he slipped the blood pressure cuff on his arm. "You should ask Alexis to watch the game with you. Then you can explain it to her in a smug, condescending boyfriend-like voice" he wheezed as his chest tightened.

"I'm not her boyfriend" he said quietly as he took the reading. "And I don't think you get to lecture anyone unless you're about to tell me you called Robin today."

Patrick sighed. "Do as I say, not as I do."

Removing the cuff and placing it back in the drawer, Eric gave him a small smile. "Rest up Pantsy - I'll see you in the morning."

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Returning to the living room, he found Alexis typing away on her laptop. "I...uh...I'm just...I'm going to change my clothes" he stammered nervously. "And then...I can make some dinner if you're hungry."

An apology sat stuck on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him how sorry she was for ignoring his calls, how badly she felt for the way she had treated him but when she opened her mouth to speak, the words would not come. "Okay" she said, watching as he walked up the winding staircase to his room in the loft.

Clenching her eyes shut, she cradled her head in her hands. Eric had been such a surprise for her - his attention and affection seemingly came out of nowhere and she was swept up in it. But the scars from the dissolution of her marriage were still fresh and however much she wanted to trust him, she was having difficulty trusting herself.

She continued typing the contents of Patrick's will, pausing as she reached the bequest to Eric. Patrick's words, "he has spent enough time on the sidelines" played back in her head and she looked back up at the winding staircase. Before her head could silence her heart she shut her laptop and rising from the couch, walked the familiar path to his room.

Pushing open the door, her breath hitched in her throat. Clad only in a pair of battered jeans as he rifled through a drawer, she stared at the broad expanse of his back and the tattoo of the phoenix rising, almost daring her to take a chance.

"Are you really going to sleep on the couch?" she asked, breaking the silence.

Jumping at the sound of her voice, he slowly turned around and looked at her. "You're a guest, the guest bedroom is currently occupied and so you get my bed."

"You shouldn't have to give up your bed."

"Alexis, I'm not going to make you sleep in a bed with me when we're...when you..." He stopped and taking a steadying breath, started again. "I left you four messages and you didn't return any of them. I thought I might at least warrant a phone call."

"I am so sorry" she apologized. "I wanted to call you but I was embarrassed by my behaviour and didn't know what to say."

"Alexis, we don't have to do this. If you don't want to be with me then just say so. I'll be disappointed but..."

"I do want to be with you" she told him, taking several steps in his direction.

"Really?" he challenged, "because that's not what it feels like from where I'm standing."

Alexis flinched slightly at his words. She had always been a little clumsy when it came to dealing with feelings - her own or someone else's and this was proving to be no exception. "Eric...I have made some very bad choices in my life and it wasn't so bad when it was only me who suffered the consequences but I have to protect my daughters-"

"I'm a bad choice?"

"No" she told him emphatically as she continued to work her way to him. "Not at all. I'm just cautious - it's not about you - it's about me."

He nodded his understanding. "Alexis, I really, really like you. I think about you all the time and I want to be with you - I want to talk to you on the phone and hear about your day and I haven't felt that way about anyone in a really long time."

Standing right in front of him, she curled her fingers into the waistband of his jeans. She could feel the heat coming from his body as he took one serrated breath after another. "Me too" she whispered.

Eric stared at her for several beats before sliding his finger under her chin and tipping it upwards. He crashed his mouth over hers in a hungry, passionate kiss. His hands slid down her back, pulling her flush against his body. As their mouths fused together, their tongues tangling round each other, he pulled her off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his waist. Carrying her to his bed, he laid her down on the mattress before stretching out on top of her. His lips moved to her jaw then her neck, his kisses coming in urgent staccato beats. Alexis threaded her hands through his hair, cradling him between her hips as their bodies rocked in unison.

His fingers made quick work of the buttons on her blouse and his hands trailed across her skin sending shivers through her from head to toe. Her hands swept over his shoulders, dragging her nails lightly against his skin.

Breathless, he raised his head and smiled as he looked at her. "God Alexis," he panted, "I'm falling in love with you."

She froze at his words and stared at him in shock. "Don't say that" she said quickly. "You can't say that."

Confused, Eric rolled off of her and sat up. "Wh-what?"

"You can't say that. It's too soon for you to say that."

"Too soon?"

Alexis quickly re-buttoned her blouse. "You're not falling in love with me" she told him, "you're just -it's a crush."

Blowing out his cheeks, he covered his mouth with his hand. "Wow" he said quietly, swinging his feet to the floor. Walking back to his chest of drawers, he pulled out a t-shirt, tugging it over his head.

"You know," he began with a small shake of his head, "I'm not asking you to say it back to me, I'm not expecting your feelings to match mine but for you to dismiss how I feel about you because it's - I don't know - inconvenient? That's cruel and I don't deserve that. I'm not a little boy Alexis, I've been in love before and I know what it is and I know what I'm feeling. Clearly you don't feel the same way and you're just looking for a little piece on the side."

He wiped the back of his hand against his mouth, trying to keep his emotions in check. "I'm not one night stand kind of guy. It's unfortunate you didn't know Patrick before he met Robin - I'm sure he would have been happy to scratch your itch."

Alexis groaned as she rose from the bed. "That's not what I meant," she tried to clarify. "Eric, I have issues-"

"And what?" he snapped angrily, "You think that makes you special?" Weeks of stress, worry and frustration were bubbling up inside him. He was feeling the weight of Patrick's impending surgery acutely. "We all have issues Alexis - we all have baggage but it's not a free pass."

"Eric, I really like you." She started to explain but her cut her off.

"No you don't. You like the idea of me and that's not the same thing. I'm...I'm going to head back to the hospital - there's some prep work I need to do for Patrick's surgery. The fridge is fully stocked, help yourself to whatever you'd like. You're welcome to sleep here or on the couch - I won't be back tonight." Grabbing his shoes, he brushed past her as she reached out to touch him.

Stopping in the doorway, he turned back to look at her. "We could have been really good together," he told her quietly.

As she heard his footsteps pad down the stairs, Alexis sank onto the bed and covered her face with her hands as tears streamed forth.

xxxxxxx
Patrick snapped his cellphone shut in frustration and tossed it across the couch.

He had heard Eric stomp out of the apartment the night before and though it had taken some doing, he had finally managed to get Alexis to open up and tell him what happened. He had offered her both his insight on his best friend and his advice - which was to go after him - but Alexis was embarrassed and wouldn't do so. She had stayed the night so he wouldn't be alone and had left early in the morning. Patrick had been calling Eric ever since but he wouldn't pick up.

A sharp pounding on the door, caused his head to snap up. A quick glance at his watch told him it was too early to be his nurse. Gingerly rising to his feet, he shuffled to the door. "I've been calling you for hours Smitty" he called as he opened the door. "You forget your ke-"

The words died in his mouth as he came face to face with Robin. Her brown eyes were shiny, her hair pulled back into a low ponytail and her jaw was set in that determined way he had come to love.

"It's time to come home."