Chapter 85

Your love is just the antidote when nothing else can cure me

Mac held his shuddering niece in his arms as he gently rubbed her back. He was amazed it had taken her this long to allow herself to feel the full effects of Patrick's illness. Having experienced loss and disappointment at such an early age, he knew his niece had become an expert at delaying her feelings to get through whatever hurdle was in front of her. He remembered with almost painful clarity the day she told him she had tested positive for HIV. She was still a teenager and the first love of her life had just days left to live. She broke the news to him with a poise belying her young years and then apologized as though she had done something wrong. For as long as he had known her his remarkable niece had always done what needed to be done. But nomatter how many times a person dodged and weaved, their feelings would always find them.

"You're okay Robin" he soothed. "You're okay."

Slowly pulling away from the safety of his embrace, she swiped at the tears on her cheeks. "I'm sorry" she said quietly. "I don't...I'm not sure what happened to me."

"Robin this has been a hugely stressful time for you and I would have been more surprised if this had not happened than if it did."

"But I've seen patients before - people looking worse than him." She shook her head in disbelief at her reaction.

"He's not a patient."

Mac and Robin both looked up as Noah joined them in the hall.

"Noah - I am so sorry for-"

He held up his hand, interrupting her. "Robin - all the medical training in the world can't erase the heartache of seeing someone you love, looking like that."

"I just thought I would be stronger"

"Oh Robin," Mac sighed. "Your strength is never in doubt."

"And being strong" Noah added, "doesn't mean being numb to your feelings. If it did, I would be Hercules," he told her with a shy smile.

Robin smiled in spite of herself. "I guess I just wasn't ready" she offered. "Not to see him like that. And looking at him lying there I started to wonder if he - do you think he knows how much we love him? I told hm and I tried to show him as often as I could but do you think he really knows?"

Noah took the young woman's hand in his own and looked at her intently. "Robin - my son is crazy in love with you and he knows that you love him. There may be a lot of things he questions in his life but your feelings for him aren't one of them."

Her tears started anew and she frustratedly wiped them away. "He wrote me a beautiful letter" she said hoarsely. "And it made me think that I've never written him a letter like that. And I'm wishing I had."

"You still could" Mac suggested. "You could write him one and give it to him when he wakes up."

Exhaling slowly, she rubbed her hand over her bedraggled hair. "This is harder than I thought."

"It always is" Noah said, extending his hand. "So, what do you think? Ready to go back in?"

She nodded. Mac kissed her cheek. "I'm going to take a wander to the cafeteria and stretch my legs. Call me if you need me, okay sweetheart?"

Throwing her arms around him, she hugged him tightly. "I love you Uncle Mac. Thank you for being here to catch me."

"Always" he reminded her. "I will always catch you."

Robin reached for Noah's outstretched hand and let him lead her back into Patrick's room. She touched her fingers to the necklace that lay nestled against the hollow of her neck and smiled. The claddagh didn't only represent his feelings for her, to her it was very much an expression of who he was.

Dropping Noah's hand, she moved to the head of his bed and gently placed her hand over his heart. Dipping her head, she kissed his cheek. "You write a pretty good love letter Patrick Drake" she whispered. "And I love you."

She half expected his eyes to open and for him to answer her with some flip remark but when none was forthcoming she pulled a chair to his bedside and sank down into it. Tucking her legs up underneath her, she slid her hand inside of his and bringing it to her lips, kissed it. It felt good to hold his hand again. To feel the warmth of his skin against hers and in her heart she believed that this was the beginning of the road back.

Flopping into the chair on the other side of his bed, Noah sighed heavily. He understood Robin's reaction at seeing Patrick for the first time. The moment he spotted the ventilator tube in his son's mouth, he thought his heart would stop beating. He looked at him and saw the little boy with the curious nature and the adventurous spirit. He saw the determined teenager taking advanced classes, looking for a challenge. But mostly he saw the result of a great love - the last tangible reminder of a magical time in his life. Seeing his son in such a fragile state served only to remind him of precarious everything in life was and that he had let precious minutes, days and years slip by. He dragged his hand through his hair and hoped that somehow by having his son forgive him, he could learn to forgive himself.

"He blew up his bedroom once," Noah said breaking the silence.

Robin did a double take. "Pardon?"

Noah chuckled at the memory. "He was eight. He wanted to make a functional volcano for his science fair project. Mattie and I bought everything we needed but told him not to work on it unless we were around."

"He didn't listen to you?"

"Not a chance," he laughed. "And of course being a Drake man, he decided that bigger was better. He got a large container and dumped all the ingredients in it but decided to triple the recipe."

"Oh no" Robin groaned, her hand covering her mouth.

"Oh yes. Mattie was in the garden and she heard this small boom. She dropped everything and came running into the house thinking something had gone terribly wrong. She got to Patrick's room and he was sitting in the middle of his floor, surrounded by suds and papers all over the place."

She looked at her boyfriend and smiled. "You were a badass even then, weren't you? How did you punish him?" Robin asked.

"Opera" he grinned. "We had season tickets to the Met and for three months we made him put on a suit and go to the opera. Mattie..." his voice hitched. That was the problem with memories, they brought both joy and pain at the same time. He had never stopped missing his wife and wasn't sure he had ever missed her more than at this moment right now. "Mattie loved opera - was very knowledgeable about it. So Patrick got quite an education in it."

"He must have been so happy when the three months were up."

"Actually," Noah smiled, "he liked it. It became a regular date - just him and his mom mostly. I would join them when work permitted. He knows almost every major opera and when he was 16, we took him to Italy for his birthday. We surprised him with tickets to Tosca at La Scala."

Robin's eyes widened in shock. "He...but he always told me he hated opera. We went once and it was like pulling teeth to get him to go. He joked he was going to fall asleep during it."

"Did he?"

She shook her head. "No" she replied softly. "He seemed captivated by it. I thought it was new discovery for him - I had no idea that...what it meant for him"

"Well Sport," he said teasingly. "Looks like I blew your cover, try not to be too mad. You'll have to take Robin to the Met when you're back on your feet."

Robin leaned forward in the chair, stroking her fingertips along his brow. "I'm going to add it to our list" she told him softly.

"Excuse me, I'm sorry to interrupt." Noah and Robin both turned towards the door where a young nurse was standing.

"Yes?" he asked.

"Doctor Smitherman asked that we give these to you" she said, entering the room. She handed them each a blanket and a pillow. "He thought you might need them."

They accepted them gratefully and each curled into their chair. The long night's journey into day was not yet over.

xxxxxxx

Standing in the entrance of his apartment, surveying the strewn furniture and remnants from the paramedics, he exhaustedly rubbed his hand over his face. There was no place he could go that did not hold some reminder that his friend was fighting for his life and that much of Patrick's success in that fight was dependant on him.

Alexis stood beside him and gently rubbed her hand in small circles along his lower back. They had said little in the short cab ride from the hospital to the apartment but he had held tightly to her hand the entire time. He needed her – she knew he did – and she was going to make sure she didn't let him down. Leading him to the couch, she gently pushed him down.

"I should clean that up" he said, looking at the misplaced coffee table and the knocked over chairs.

"Eric, you're exhausted and those chairs aren't going anywhere. We can clean it up tomorrow. All I want you to do is sit here and relax until I get back."

His blue eyes widened with worry. "Wh-where are you going?"

She brushed her hand across his cheek, smiling. "I'm just going upstairs for a minute and I'll be back down to get you."

Arching his eyebrow up, he gave her a curious look. "I'm almost afraid to ask."

"Trust me" she asked him softly.

Gazing intently at her, he nodded. "I do."

He watched as she disappeared up the stairs before leaning his head back on the couch and closing his eyes. Though he was not sure where things stood between the two of them, she was offering to take care of him and he was going to let her. The morning after he had stormed out of the apartment Patrick had flooded his voice mail with messages. In his tired, raspy voice he had told him that he was being a jerk, that he needed cut people some slack but mostly he needed to not quit. There was nothing more frustrating than having your advice thrown back at you when you least wanted to hear it.

Feeling Alexis' hand on his shoulder, he snapped open his eyes. She held her hand out to him. "Come with me" she commanded kindly.

Eric's hand engulfed hers as she pulled him from the couch and led him up the stairs. Turning right towards the bathroom he gave her a quizzical look but said nothing. She pulled him in to the bathroom, shutting the door behind them and quickly pulled his scrub top from him.

"You're undressing me?"

Unable to help herself, Alexis swept her hand across his bare chest and nodded. "It's easier to take a bath naked than it is clothed," she teased.

Whipping his head around, he saw the large roman tub was filled with steaming water. "A bath?"

"A bath" she answered as she tugged his scrubs pants down his legs while he stepped out of them. Spotting his boxers covered in images of Kermit the Frog, she glanced up and him, grinning as his skin blushed from his neck to the tip of his head.

"They're my…uh…they're my lucky boxers," he offered in embarrassment.

"Interesting," she mused. "But lucky or not, they still have to come off." Hooking her fingers in the waist band, she pulled them down his long, lean legs and tossed them on to the pile of clothes.

She could feel the heat rising in her body as he stood, unabashedly, in front of her.

"I'm naked" he told her.

"Yes you are" she answered thickly.

His skin was always lightly bronzed and his broad shoulders, narrow hips and his lean but defined muscles were enough to make her weak in the knees. She unconsciously licked her lips.

As he stepped into the tub, he looked at her over his shoulder. "You aren't going to make me sit here by myself are you?" He groaned as the hot water started to unknot his fatigued muscles.

Giving him a feline smile, she shook her head. Making quick work of her clothes and adding them to the pile, she stepped toward the tub. He moved towards the back of the tub to make room for her, but putting a hand on his shoulder, she slipped in behind him. Sliding her arms around him, she gently ran her hands over his chest trying to release some of his tension.

She smiled as he melted against her and sank further into the water. His head lolled against her shoulder as his hands gently caressed her legs.

"You know, in all the years I've lived here I think I've only ever taken two baths."

Her curiosity got the better of her as she kneaded his tight shoulders. "Alone?"

Tilting his head back, he looked up at her and smiled shyly. "You're…you're the first person I've been with in a very long time."

She pressed her lips to the soft patch of skin just under his ear and kissed him tenderly. "Your neck and shoulders are a wreck"

He nodded as she continued to work the knots. "I swear I gripped every instrument like my life depended on it," he scoffed lightly. "I guess in a way it did."

"Were you scared?"

He shook his head. "Not scared but worried. The tiniest of movements in the wrong direction and I can change the course of his life forever."

"Doesn't that hold true for every surgery though?"

"Yeah," he agreed. "But Patrick….I need him. I'm not that close to my family any more and he's pretty much all I have."

"What happened with your family?"

She had a hard time reconciling what he told her with the photos of his brothers and sisters and parents placed throughout the apartment. She had even spotted an "Uncle's Brag Book" on his nightstand one night.

"I got cancer" he said simply. "My parents were incredibly supportive at first – even when Karen and I broke up, they were great. But the sicker I got, the harder it was on them. There was a good four or five weeks where it really looked like I wasn't going to make it. My mom couldn't handle it so she flew home. My dad didn't understand it – he was an athlete and believed that if you were mentally strong enough, you could get through anything."

Alexis exhaled slowly, "But that….you hadn't pulled a hamstring, you were sick."

He nodded. "Look my parents love me, I know they do but illness changes people and it changes your relationships. I mean, I worry about Patrick and Robin because even in the best case scenario with minimal side effects, Patrick is still going to be very different than who he was."

"How did you change?" she prodded gently.

He shrugged. "I…uh…I can't have kids and so I threw myself into my work. I developed a new technique for a certain type of microsurgery and it was written about in the major journals. I spent more than a year presenting the technique at conferences and med schools. I was a bit of neurosurgical rock star for a short period."

Chuckling, Alexis kissed his shoulder. "That's amazing."

"Yeah, well," his tone took a bitter turn. "When my parents talk about me to their neighbours or friends, it's not 'my son the doctor' it's 'my son, the one who can't have kids.'"

"Oh Eric" she sighed sympathetically.

"It is what it is. Patrick didn't care about any of that shit and he had his own baggage – so we became family."

Alexis said little else but continued to stroke his skin. As the water cooled, she slipped from behind him and pulled two towels from the cupboard. She wrapped one around herself before holding the other one open to him.

He smiled tiredly as he rose for the tub. Rivulets of water beaded against his skin as he walked to her, allowing her to wrap the towel around his hips. She took his hand and led him to his bedroom where she pulled the covers back and motioned for him to get in.

Obediently, he crawled under the covers to the far side of the bed. "You're staying, right?"

"Yes" she told him, smiling as she clambered into bed with him.

Gathering her in his arms, he brushed his mouth against hers, nipping at her lips before finally fastening his mouth over hers in a languid, passionate kiss.

"I'm glad you're here" he told her as he reluctantly pulled his mouth away.

"Me too." Seeing his eyes droop with fatigue she brushed her hand over his eyelids. "Go to sleep Eric." Too tired to do anything else, he tangled his legs through hers and fell almost immediately into a deep sleep.

She stared at him for several minutes, watching the way his full lips parted ever so slightly as he slept and the way his stubby black lashes contrasted against his cheek. Content in his arms and relieved at having been forgiven, sleep finally overtook her as well.

Blindly reaching the night stand he had no idea how long he had been asleep or how long his phone had been buzzing. Eyes still closed, he finally put his hand on it and flipped the phone open.

"What?" he barked. Alexis sleepily raised her head from the pillow as he listened to the caller. "Okay. They are not to do anything until I get there. I'll be there in 20 minutes."

Kicking the covers back, he sprang from the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans.

"Eric?" Alexis asked rubbing the slumber from her eyes. "What is it?"

"It's Patrick. He's awake."