Author's Note: Well, this update and the tester chapters are proof that I haven't been slacking off even when I stopped updating AGAIN. I'm really disappointed with myself actually but I still haven't forgotten about you all. So here I am! :D QueenyLeAcH was actually the one who got me back in front of the computer because she told me she was hoping for an update. It's been a really long while and my computer lost its auto correct so this might be a somewhat error filled update. I apologize in advance if it sucks. Anyway, I hope you enjoy reading!
PS. This is really important. I really thought I could do it on my own – but I must admit it. I am in need of a Beta reader. Bad enough I haven't updated in a while, worse if it lacks finesse and chock full of grammatical errors. Plus I feel like I've been getting really rusty with my writing. PLEASE. I would be honored if someone would be my Beta. :)
Title: A Tale of Timeless Love
Disclaimer: I DONT. - 'nuff said.
CHAPTER 12 Stirrings from Within
Ikuto watched Amu silently; he watched the steady rising and falling of her chest. He watched her clasp her hands together tightly, as if keeping herself as firm as her grasp. He watched her avert her eyes and settle it fixedly on the table between them. He watched... and once more realized how young she was.
She still had the body frame of a child, the voice of a child, the eyes of a child; she was so small and young; she barely even reached his chest. Though her body may be that of a child, her mind was most definitely not. Ikuto had come to acknowledge that fact within their limited time of acquaintance. The manner in which she spoke was like those he had encountered in the Gatherings with his father and Kazuomi. Her line of thought was not one most fourteen year olds traversed. She dealt with certain matters deftly, without a problem. Her frame of mind was that of an adult, it was an indisputable fact.
Ikuto had already come to accept that Hinamori Amu was an extraordinary girl. He knew it very well – but he didn't like it. He couldn't fully grasp the idea because he did not know what had brought such results. He did not know what had caused her to grow up much faster than others. What had she been through? What had robbed that innocent smile from her face? What had erased that naiveté that girls like her was suppose to possess?
Ikuto did not know and Amu never spoke of it. Whenever he would even attempt to touch her past, her eyes would cloud over – as if it they were trying to shut out the whole world. What he did know, was that Amu occasionally referred to a particular someone.
"You want to meet her right?"
Amu had asked him that question once; he hadn't understood then actually, only that she had made Amu make such a wretched face. She had worn an expression of absolute self loathing as she uttered it. He had seen that very face many times before, sometimes in his reflection, sometimes in Tadase's face, sometimes in Utau – he was very familiar with that expression. Because he knew it so well, he did not want to see it on Amu's face. So when she had posed him that question, he had chosen to speak what he felt. He had told Amu that she was more important than some phantom that haunted her.
Her.
Whoever she was. If that person could make Amu have such an expression, he didn't think he wanted to meet her at all.
He opened his eyes and found Amu staring intently at him. Her golden orbs were bright and alert, with a question plain in her gaze. He stared back at her steadily, wanting her to speak first. She did not fail his expectations. She opened her mouth and said one word.
"Ikuto."
His name. He smiled reflexively. He loved the way she said his name. She said it clearly, directly, and with no malice or hidden intentions. He had never heard anyone say his name so cleanly. It was a refreshing change from the repetitive monotone of all the other servants. He was right to have given her the right to speak his name.
"Ikuto." she repeated his name a little louder; it was a demand for attention. He replied immediately this time.
"Yes." He noticed how he sounded a tad bit breathless.
"Is there something bothering you?" a crease formed between her brows as she gazed at him intently. She seemed somewhat disgruntled. Was it because he was acting differently?
"Does it seem as if something is bothering me?" he replied smoothly, trying to return to his usual persona.
"You're distracted," she answered bluntly, "It's not like you." she added firmly. He smiled at her words.
"Hoo... then do you suppose I should be acting right now?" he wanted to know the extent of how much she had grasped his personality at this point in time.
"You should be teasing me and bombarding me with questions. You should be shameless and relaxed. Actually, I'm feeling very wary of you now." she answered.
"Only now?" he asked pointedly, "I would have expected you to be wary of me from the very beginning." he replied cleverly. He watched as she pondered seriously on his point and he laughed out loud. She offered him an inquisitive look.
She seemed to be pondering on his point when he decided to take control of the conversation. His time was limited. Even now, he had only barely escaped Utau's acquaintance party. He had to take full advantage of the time he had. He was going to be busy the next few days after all. Kazuomi left him with more work than usual.
"Amu," he uttered her name softly but her head snapped to attention at once. "I really like you." he spoke frankly without a hint of jest in his tone. Amu blinked a few times before a dash of pink made its way to her cheeks.
"Why would you -" she began to ask him a question but he cut her off swiftly.
"Do you like me?" he asked straight to the point.
She only stared blankly at him for half a minute before she answered. "I respect you," she said seriously, her voice not wavering in the least. Ikuto pushed back the urge to laugh – it was obviously this sort of outcome. He shouldn't have expected anything more; this was Hinamori Amu after all. He had already expected such a reply. He divined that Amu was the sort of person that completely eliminated the factor of love from her life and her reply clearly proved him correct on all levels.
"Do you respect me for my title alone?" he asked purposely and Amu shook her head in reply.
"It's not obvious in your attitude but you're actually a very dutiful person. You're steady and you know what you have to do. You can be either harsh or gentle depending on the needs of the situation. You may be carefree most of the time but you're still able to achieve what is expected of you. You may act like you don't care but when you put your mind into something - you put your everything in it, well, most of yourself that you can spare, I suppose. You can be stubborn but it only shows that you're a very resilient person." She spoke like all of it was so obvious even to a mere commoner and it took Ikuto a lot of effort to keep a straight face.
He wondered just how much she knew about him. He felt like it was a tad unfair – she could easily find out things about him, while he had to work hard for whatever he found out about her. But then again, he wouldn't have it any other way. If she wasn't difficult, she wouldn't really be interesting would she? He could just consider it a part of her charm.
"I'm flattered," he said with a smirk.
"But." she spoke emphatically. "You're too selfish and demanding at times. You're not considerate enough to your servants and you choose to do whatever you please whenever you please without even thinking of the people you might inconvenience by doing so." she added matter-of-factly.
"My, my, aren't you being a bit too frank today?" he raised a brow and Amu gave a sigh.
"I thought you wanted me to be brutally honest?" she replied pointedly. A laugh escaped his lips.
So this was what she was like when she was a hundred percent honest? He found that he liked it quite a lot compared to her usually quiet self. She was definitely a more interesting conversation partner.
"Then, that being said – you haven't given a proper answer to my previous question."
"Question?" she seemed confused.
"I asked you if you liked me. You said you respected me but that wasn't really an answer to my question. I only required a yes or no answer. So," he gave her a coy smile, "which is it, Amu?"
Ever since their last encounter, he had been troubled by something unknown to him. He'd go to sleep thinking about Amu and think of her the moment he woke up. He'd think of her face as she cried and then think of her troubled face. He didn't know why his chest felt heavy every time he saw her face in his mind. His meeting today was actually an experiment to find out what was wrong with him. He had no idea – except that it had everything to do with a girl named Hinamori Amu.
He saw her bite her lip and close her eyes for a moment.
"If the choice is between like and dislike," she spoke in a contemplative tone, "then I would have to say that I like you. I don't particularly hate you, so it must be that I like you, shouldn't it?" after she digested her words she seemed addled.
"Tell me. Have you ever truly hated anyone, Amu?" At his words, her eyes met his own with a spark of recognition.
"Perhaps you could elaborate your definition of hate?" Ikuto tried to think of the simplest way of explaining it but he found that there were really no exact words for him to use. He settled with using the closest definition he could think of, "To hate – to hold deep antagonistic feelings towards another person." he replied simply. It wasn't exactly what he meant, but it would suffice.
Amu nodded to show that she understood. What surprised Ikuto was not her expression, but the words that left her lips quietly, "Is that really the question you wish to ask me, Ikuto?"
She knew. Her eyes clearly conveyed that she knew what he wanted to know. This time, he laughed softly and leaned closer to her. "Alright. Hinamori Amu, do you hate me?"
She had already told him a moment ago that she did not particularly hate him – but he needed to be reassured. He wanted to know how she felt about him specifically, not just some vague presumption on his side.
For a moment, she only looked at him – her eyes wonderfully clear. "I do not hate you. You make me feel uncomfortable but I do not, how do you say this, hold deep antagonistic feelings towards you." she had purposely used his definition to prove her point.
And just like that, the ball of anxiety within his chest dissipated. It was only then that he realized that he had actually been worried. He chuckled audibly at the realization, feeling somewhat foolish for thinking it was something more serious. He covered his eyes with one of his hands as he accepted a fact he had been blind to moments before.
He did not want to be hated by Hinamori Amu – it was as simple as that.
She had told him frankly that she did not, indeed, hate him. He was satisfied – more than satisfied actually, he was honestly relieved.
"But regarding your previous question, I may have disliked a particular trait of a person but I have never fully hated anyone."
That very answer showed another side of her to Ikuto. Hinamori Amu accepted people. She looked at another's good points as much as she looks at their faults. She looked at the person as a whole and accepted them – both the good and the bad traits.
It was a priceless trait – and at the same time he thought it, he noticed something else about her that he hadn't seen before.
"More relaxed," he spoke audibly and Amu replied with a befuddled look.
"What is?"
"You are," he said with a smile.
"I can't quite follow." she replied with her eyebrows knit together.
He chuckled and pressed a finger against her forehead. "You're shoulders are more relaxed now. Not as rigid as they used to be." he clarified and the confused look on her face still didn't disappear. She tried to suppress it, but she flinched slightly at his touch.
"How could you note such a minor thing?" she asked disbelievingly, pulling away from him.
"I can," Ikuto replied resolutely, "I've been watching you for quite some time, Amu. I would know if anything was different."
"You sound confident," said Amu dryly, there was a note of challenge in her voice.
"I would, I can, and I will." he shot back in that cocky tone he had heard other nobles use when they visited the Palace. As much as he disliked it, he found that it suited the situation perfectly.
"But you are aware that outside appearance and inner emotions are different matters, do you not?"
He only looked at her. Of course he knew – why did she think he worked so hard to try to understand her? She acted like nothing shook her but that day in the tower had proved his assumption wrong. Even the strongest pillars crumble, that's why Ikuto wanted to be the one to help her when she crumbled occasionally. If he was to achieve such a feat, he had to understand her.
"I'll know," he said quietly, his eyes focused on her alone. "I'll definitely know."
If he didn't, others may see her tears during the moments when she became weak and vulnerable. It may sound strange and selfish, but he wanted to keep that to himself. The faces she only showed to him, he wanted nothing but to keep them all to himself.
She didn't say anything but she seemed truly surprised at his reply. "I see," was all she answered as she closed her eyes for a moment. As always, he watched her attentively. But then...
He reached out abruptly and touched the lower part of her cheek, near the jaw line. Amu's eyes snapped open and she stiffened at his touch. Ikuto didn't notice the panicked expression on her face; he only saw the faint scar near her jaw. It was a really strange scar, he almost hadn't noticed it. The scar was a straight line down to her jaw and it was almost as if...a knife had been pressed against her neck.
"How did you get this scar?" he asked seriously, his eyes flicked to her eyes. She seemed troubled and it was only then that he realized he had been to rash. He pulled his hand away but he kept the mark in sight.
"How did you get it?" when he repeated his question though, Amu's eyes suddenly dimmed and her lips pressed together. He knew then that he had struck a nerve. She was about to say something but he cut her off smoothly.
"Please do not answer. I take back my question. On second thought, I don't want to know." he spoke in a lazy and dismissive tone. He didn't want to force her to answer difficult questions. He wouldn't pry and she would tell him sometime when she was ready – she was obligated to do so.
"I understand." Amu didn't make further comment and Ikuto could have sworn she sounded the slightest bit grateful.
Ikuto glanced out the window and judged that it was about time he returned. Kairi was most likely covering for his absence and further delay would bring him to Kazuomi's attention. He didn't like being chastised so he decided that it would be best to leave now. As much as he loved Amu's company, he still had matters to attend to.
He would leave her in peace for a few days. The dark circles concealed beneath her eyes had not escaped his notice. He wanted to talk to her about so many other things but it would have to wait. For now, he would let her rest.
He stood up quietly, leaned forward and traced the mysterious scar lightly with his fingers. She froze once more at the contact and he continued to trace her jaw line. When he reached the tip of her chin, he pulled his hand back swiftly and spoke to her.
"Thank you for your time today, Amu," he said her name as a whisper but he knew that she heard him, it showed in the way her eyes widened slightly.
He offered her one last smile before he quitted the room. He felt a great deal lighter than before. His steps were lighter and so was his chest with the burden completely gone – but the whole time, the hand that had touched Amu was tingling uncontrollably.
-OoO-
"Utau-hime's voice was so enchanting. It's such an honor to perform on the same stage as her," Nagihiko said wistfully, humming the song Utau had sung only moments before. He smiled happily as combed his hair. The two of them had chosen to skip the banquet entirely, staying in the dressing room until the end of the party. They had no obligation to join such events, Nagihiko was only tasked to perform – not interact.
"What do you think Rima? About the princess' fiancé." he flicked his eyes to the mirror in front of him and kept his gaze on Rima's concentrated expression. She seemed wholly focused on fixing his hair and he pushed back the urge to laugh, knowing it would embarrass her.
Instead, he called her name, "Rima?"
She finally paused from combing his hair, "I think he is a respectable man. He's the youngest son but he was chosen as the heir, defying the traditional birth right priority. His manner is calm and amiable. He gets along well with people, he even took it upon himself to greet us personally, remember? Anyone can tell that he'll be a great Minister someday," she uttered the praises confidently.
Nagihiko nodded in agreement, "True. But you know, I don't think him suited to the Princess." he commented dryly.
"Why do you say so?" She resumed her previous task as she addressed him.
"Royalty rarely marry for love. I cannot presume to know the princess' is preferences but I do know that she wouldn't be suited to another noble. Everyone goes on about equality in marriages but the very fact that there is such a rule proves how unfair it is," he replied flatly with a slight shake of his head.
"But marriage is the only way the Princess can be of use to the family," said Rima logically.
"Which is why it's sad. Simply because she cannot ascend the throne, it is assumed that the only thing she can do is marry to keep the royal bloodline strong and pure. Her husband is chosen beforehand and she will never have the freedom to choose a husband that is not accepted by the masses. They'll never accept a marriage of people with unequal status so she will never marry for love; she marries for the family and the people." Nagihiko spoke passionately, shaking his head all the while.
"She can learn to love her partner," Rima replied reasonably.
"We can only hope so," he agreed.
"I never thought you pondered on such things, Nagi," said Rima with a hint of surprise in her tone.
"I don't want to be some ignorant fool who just accepts things as the way they are. I'm not a mindless puppet of society," Nagihiko replied lazily, twirling a pin between his fingers.
"To put it simply, you do not wish to just abide by the rules without question."
Nagihiko smiled. "As always, you know me so well, Rima." he spoke in a well-natured tone.
"So what do you intend to do about it? I won't allow you to do anything reckless if that's what you're planning," she said flatly, giving him a look in the mirror.
Nagihiko laughed, "I wish I could, but I'm bound to duty just as much as you are. I was stating an opinion."
"An opinion which could get you beheaded if you told it to the wrong person." Rima replied pointedly.
"Would you betray me, Rima?"
"I wouldn't." her voice was confident and resolute, Nagihiko chuckled silently.
"Then that is enough. Only Rima knows my deepest secrets and if you say you will not betray me, I am at ease," he replied in a wholly satisfied tone then continued, "But then again, I do not necessarily have to get married though. Mother said I only have to provide her with an heir."
"So you'll just pick some random girl, have her give birth to your heir then forget about her completely? Isn't that no different from going to a brothel?" Rima asked with a frown.
"Of course not. Do you think me such a lowlife? I'll take care of her of course, give her a house and provide for her. I'm not such a bastard to impregnate her and then leave her to suffer." Nagihiko replied in an irritable voice.
"If you did do something like that, I would slap you as hard as I can," Rima conceded and gave a nod of approval at his reply. When Nagihiko looked at her in the mirror, he was surprised to find that she looked a tad bit nettled.
He smiled as he realized what might be bothering her, "But when I do choose my own consort, I want her to be like you, Rima." he spoke in a somewhat jesting manner. He saw a flash of annoyance in her bronze colored eyes.
"Is that another joke?" she asked with displeasure.
He watched as she looked at his reflection steadily, her eyes bright. How many times had he gazed into those eyes since they were children? She had been by his side because of her duty – but was that really all? For some reason, he really wanted to know the answer to that question.
"I'm serious," the words had left his lips without his knowing. "Rima is the only one who knows everything about me – about Fujisaki Nagihiko. If I had to choose a consort, I would want someone like Rima who accepts me as I really am, not as the beautiful Nadeshiko people know me as. Rima is important to me, and I want my consort to be someone I could really care about. I can't help it if I end up choosing someone very similar to Rima."
Nagihiko paused for a moment and closed his eyes, "Even now, I think that the only person with the right to stay by my side is Rima and no one else. Because I think like this, I will most probably choose a consort that reminds me the most of Rima. It's selfish and unfair to that girl – but is it strange to say that I don't care in the least?"
He felt Rima let go of his hair and he slowly opened his eyes to look at her. He looked at the mirror and was speechless. Rima wasn't looking at him; her head was lowered but Nagihiko could make out the faint color of a blush on her cheeks.
They say that mirrors give the reverse image of the original. The Rima he saw in the mirror was definitely the opposite of the one he grew up with. The Rima he knew cared about her duty more than anything, but the Rima he saw right now showed that she cared about him and what he said. Nagihiko was glad – immensely glad.
He unconsciously reached out and touched her reflection, all the while thinking – not yet.
"My most precious childhood friend," he began and Rima moved to look at him. "servant and companion, Mashiro Rima. That will never change, even when choose to bring another woman into my life." Nagihiko spoke pleasantly a light smile playing on his lips. Rima's blush had not disappeared at his words, if fact, Nagihiko might have imagined it but it seemed to have gone a shade deeper.
"Are you stupid?" she spoke in a tone and frustration and anger after a moment. "What will your consort think if she found out that you cared more about a servant than her?" she asked pointedly, quelling her embarrassment by chiding him.
"She might get upset, or she might think me a very compassionate man – but honestly, as I said before, I do not really care in the slightest. If she's truly willing to be my consort, she should first accept you and acknowledge that you are someone special to me." He replied good-naturedly, not the least bit ashamed of his words.
Why should he be ashamed? It was the truth.
Rima frowned at him in reply. "With that sort of attitude, I do not think any consort you choose will last," said Rima frankly. Nagihiko laughed in reply.
"I suppose so," he asserted immediately. He was not bothered in the least; Rima on the other hand seemed to want to change his reaction.
"Honestly," she said, accompanied by a long suffering sigh. She finally finished arranging his hair and leaned back to admire her work. Nagihiko watched as she scrutinized his hair with a critical eye and spoke just as her eyes reached the end.
"Then Rima. How would you feel if I started doing the things I'm doing with you to another woman?"
Rima only looked at him blankly for a few seconds then she replied in an expressionless voice.
"I would pity that woman." her reply made Nagihiko laughed out loud.
"Of course. I shouldn't have expected a different answer," he muttered under his breath.
"I beg your pardon?"
"It's nothing," he said dismissively. He looked at Rima's confused face. "For now, it's still nothing."
-OoO-
"Tadase-chin!" a somewhat familiar voice called out to him as he was strolling in the garden. Tadase turned to the direction of the girl's voice and was shocked by the sight that was closing in on him. It was the girl from the other day, Yuiki Yaya coming towards him with Ikuto's aide, Sanjo Kairi, in tow. He watched bemusedly as Kairi kept up surprisingly well with her speedy pace. Though they were moving quickly, he had not lost the slightest bit of the composure he always had.
When they reached his position though, Yaya immediately let go of Kairi's arm and glomp tackled him. Tadase kept both of them upright with an effort and clearly heard Kairi's reprimand.
"Yuiki-san," he said pointedly. When Yaya turned to look at him, he frowned and continued, "You cannot simply do as you please in the presence of the Royal Family." he spoke in a tone that discouraged any argument and crossed his arms.
"Tadase-chin, doesn't mind," she said as she unwrapped her arms from Tadase's neck and turned on her heel to scowl at Kairi. "Don't you?" she asked and glanced back at him briefly.
"It is quite alright," Tadase answered with a smile. He held back the urge to laugh as Yaya pulled her tongue out at Kairi.
"Your Highness, you should not indulge her too much. If you do, she'll most likely become more incorrigible than she already is." Kairi warned him in an extremely serious tone. Yaya puffed her cheeks and moved closer to him. When she reached out towards his face, he swiftly evaded her and she tripped accidentally.
Tadase moved in to catch her, but Kairi moved faster than he could imagine. He held her up by her shoulders and sighed as he helped her onto her feet.
"Clumsy," he shook his head and adjusted his glasses.
Yaya swiftly jabbed him in the side pretty hard and Kairi bit back an outburst. He moved an arm's length away from Yaya and shook his head with a disapproving frown. "Clumsy, violent and ungrateful."
"Thank you very much." Yaya replied sarcastically while rolling her eyes. "You're so kind Kairi-kun. You never stop criticizing me. You always find something wrong with whatever I do. I'm so glad you're my friend." she harrumphed and turned away from you pointedly.
Kairi remained silent, only staring at Yaya. After a few seconds the tension in the air was suddenly broken by laughter from Tadase. He doubled over in laughter, holding his abdomen while he continued to laugh uncontrollably. Kairi and Yaya could only stare at him dumbfounded.
When his laughter died out, he stood up straight and wiped the tears from his eyes.
"Are...are you alright Your Highness?" Kairi asked worriedly.
"Ah! You were laughing at us weren't you?" Yaya burst out, pointing a finger at Tadase.
"Yes. I'm sorry," he gave a sheepish smile. "You two were just too amusing to watch, I could not help myself."
Kairi turned a deep scarlet while Yaya stared at him in wonder. He looked at them directly and spoke sincerely. "I truly am sorry and thank you very much."
His words made them look at each other in confusion. He clearly read the question on their faces but chose not to answer. "Where have you two been?"
"Kairi's office," Yaya replied immediately.
"It isn't my office. I told you, it's the Records Room." Kairi automatically corrected her.
"But you're the one who manages it right? Then it has to be your office!" Yaya insisted, stomping her foot.
"It's not," said Kairi firmly, "and if you even try to put my name anywhere in that room, I'll tell your Master what you did to me." his voice was calm and it wasn't even obvious that he was blackmailing her. Yaya's eyes widened.
"No fair! And how did you know I would do it?"
"I can tell. It's easy to tell when you're scheming something." he replied dryly with a wave of his hand. Yaya's eyes widened visibly.
"You're lying!" she denied, pointing a finger at him.
Kairi sighed. "Believe what you want,"
Tadase had to bite his lip to prevent him from laughing out loud. When he disguised a laugh as a cough, they turned to him at the same time with shocked expressions – which made him want to laugh all the more. He was trying so hard to keep it in that he was close to tears.
"Look what you did to him!" Yaya accused Kairi.
"I believe the blame lies on both of us, Yuiki-san."
"Then make him stop! It's so embarrassing!"
"I share the same sentiments as you, but maybe you should do something about it yourself instead of passing the work onto me."
"So mean!"
"Why thank you."
"It wasn't a compliment!"
"I see."
"Don't agree with me!"
"Then what am I supposed to do?"
"Make Tadase-chin stop laughing!"
"Such a task is impossible for me. I hold respect for his Highness unlike a certain someone." Kairi replied coolly. When he turned to Tadase, he found Tadase's shoulders shaking with laughter. He looked back at Yaya and grabbed her hand hastily.
"If you want him to stop laughing, I believe the best solution would be to leave him alone for now. Would that be alright with you, Your Highness?"
Tadase couldn't find the strength to stop them and just waved as a sign of dismissal. He wanted to talk to them some more but he was sure if he was going to spend more time with them, he might have died of laughter. He stopped laughing when they were finally out of sight. When he tried recalling their conversation he was very much tempted to laugh again. He stifled the urge and silently thanked whichever Kami who sent them to lift his mood.
He came to the Garden to nurse his ill spirits and Yaya and Kairi had done so in such a short time. Just as he was about to forget though, Tsukasa's words resounded once more in his mind.
"The moment you were born, you were fated to be used for the benefit of the Royal Family. You must learn to accept that fact, Tadase."
A bargaining piece, he thought, that's really all I am, isn't it? Not an heir, not a prince – but a pawn merely to be used for the sake of the country.
"It's no use," he muttered under his breath. "No matter what I do, no matter how much I struggle – isn't it really all pointless?"
He looked up at the sky and clenched his hand, "But – if I'm going to be a fool, I might as well struggle until I die," he said quietly.
"A fool, huh? I don't particularly mind being one anyway." he added on a more cheerful note. "It's better than being a pawn."
He turned to the direction of the window in the library and was surprised to find the silhouette of someone looking in his direction. The figure turned away – but Tadase was pretty sure he had caught a glimpse of something pink just as the figure moved.
Without really thinking, he rushed to the Library – hoping to be able to catch her. He might be wrong and he might have just imagined that flash of pink... so why was he so hurried? He didn't really know. But he wanted to talk to her, that much was evident. He wondered what sort of face she would wear when he appeared in front of her.
Would she be shocked? Wary? Or unconcerned?
But then again, it didn't matter to him. He simply wanted to catch up with her. Make her look at him with those clear golden orbs he liked best about her and let her tell him exactly what she thought.
-OoO-
Amu tried really hard to understand what had just transpired between her and Ikuto only a few moments before.
He seemed troubled the first few minutes of their encounter. Silent and more distant, like he was thinking about the world indefinitely. But he was also watching her every move. She had felt the weight of his gaze potently, meeting his ocean eyes with her own. When they had seated themselves, Amu wondered what was going through his mind as he sat there before her.
But as expected, a conversation resembling normalcy sparked between them. But all the while as he had spoken, he seemed to want to ask something specifically. Like he wanted to clarify a single point.
"Have you ever hated anyone?"
The way he had spoken that lone question, it was the same as asking, "Do you hate me?"
It had come to her then that maybe this was what he really wanted to ask her. Before she replied, she had thought over it momentarily. Did she hate him? Truly hate him? The answer appeared to her as easy as the sun rose over the horizon.
She didn't. But when she chose between like and dislike, having told him she liked him – she felt a small surge of embarrassment and confusion.
She...liked him?
It perplexed her because as far as she knew, she only respected him. But when it came down to it, when he had made her choose, she did not, in fact hate him. So it could only mean that she liked him, did it not? But it felt bizarre saying that to Ikuto's face directly.
In fact, she was almost embarrassed, so to say. But why would she be embarrassed in the first place? So she liked him. She possibly liked the others in the Palace too – so in truth, was there really a need to feel ashamed of her reply?
Her reasoning was flawless – and at the same time completely out of place.
Amu sighed and placed a hand against her forehead. "I don't dislike him. It's as simple as that Amu, get a hold on yourself." She muttered under her breath. She stood up and strode towards the open window nearby. She expected to find the serene quiet of the garden but instead but quite a bit of a ruckus.
It was the Second Prince together with Kairi-san – and Yuiki Yaya? Amu wondered what they were discussing. She could she Tadase barely keeping himself from laughing as Kairi-san and Yuiki-san bickered. Somehow, Amu found herself. The expressions of the other two were so amusing; she understood how Tadase could be on the verge of laughter.
They noticed Tadase at last and flushed a bright red simultaneously. This seemed to spur their debate even further, undoubtedly bringing Tadase closer to breaking his composure. Amu assumed that Kairi had proposed their leave when Tadase waved them away and they hastily retreated, still arguing of course.
Amu watched calmly as Tadase reoriented himself. His expression moments ago suddenly vanished, transforming into one of deep contemplation. He raised his face to sky and suddenly clenched his fists. He looked determined this time. Tadase always had the most honest expression – like you could see his heart right there in front of you. If he was sad, he would show you a face that clearly portrayed his sadness.
Like an open book.
His sort was not the type of people suited to be connected to people like herself – to frauds and liars. Amu could never be someone like him. She could be honest – but she was rarely sincere. She could say what was on her mind, but they would be all practical things like work and manners. Not deep emotions of hatred and love like Ikuto had asked her moments ago.
Abruptly, he turned to look in her exact direction and she instinctively moved out of his line of sight. She hid amongst the shadows and began to realize something.
It really didn't matter whether she liked him or not – to her, it was no different from knowing someone and seeing them only as strangers. Amu then decided to throw away all her previous thoughts. She would be who she chose to be, not what others would make her into. She would remain unchanged by all of it. Wasn't that her resolve from the very beginning? If so – she had to make some decisions.
With that embedded in her mind, she glanced back out the window and found that Tadase had disappeared. She heard the sudden opening of the door and turned swiftly to see the new visitor. She was wholly surprised to find Tadase leaning against the door frame, very much out of breath – Amu could tell that he had run towards here at full speed, seeing as how his robes were wrinkled and stained in some parts.
When he stood upright, breathing normally, Amu addressed him. "Is there something you require of me, your Highness?"
He seemed to have trouble phrasing as reply, opening his mouth and then closing it right after. "I…you…" he began to say.
"Yes?"
"Are you… busy at the…moment?" he asked, haltingly.
"I was supposed to return to Utau-hime but if what you ask is a matter of importance, I can delay my return for a while."
"No, no…" he said, shaking his head slowly. "I merely came to ask a favour of you."
"A favour?"
"Yes," he said softly, "Would…I mean, are you… willing to accompany me somewhere... tomorrow?" Amu took notice of how he wouldn't look directly at her. She recalled her schedule for tomorrow and discovered that she had some free time after lunch.
"I am available after noon, tomorrow. Would that be acceptable?"
Tadase looked at her in surprise before he broke out into a shy smile. "Yes, that would be wonderful. I will see you tomorrow then, Hinamori-san." He spoke pleasantly with a pleased air about him. "You can return to my sister now."
"As you wish." She replied and made her way past him back into the hallway.
Back to her duty, back to where she was comfortable, back to what she chose for herself once more.
-OoO-
When Utau opened the Temple door, she didn't have to look far for Kukai because he was seated right in the very middle of the room – and he was looking straight at her. She noticed that he was still donning his green servant robes and wondered if he had waited for her since Amu had delivered her letter. She made her way inside and closed the door behind her.
Kukai only looked at her unwaveringly. He was seated formally, with his knees tucked underneath him. She didn't like seeing him like that. Before, he sat as he pleased in that ever so casual manner of his but now, it was like he was here to see the Princess and not Utau. She didn't know why, but it suddenly occurred to her that Kukai might have been irritated. She sensed it in the air and the way he clenched his fists.
No, she realized abruptly, not irritated but upset.
She knew it was true the moment to took her spot in front of him.
"What were you thinking when you wrote this stupid letter?" his voice was low and serious, his anger poorly concealed. Utau flinched slightly at his tone and pulled back a bit. He noticed right away and sighed.
"Sorry. I'm not in the best of moods, Utau. Bear with me here, I'm extremely annoyed with you at the moment." He ran a hand through his hair, making it all the more unruly.
She bowed her head, "Sorry. I know you don't want to talk to me. I didn't mean to inconvenience you –"
"Why in Kami's name would I not want to talk to you?" he almost bellowed, cutting off what else she was going to say. "And you think I'm angry because you asked me to see you? Are you an idiot?" he asked angrily.
Utau could only stare at him dumbly; Kukai slapped his forehead and slammed her wrinkled letter on the floor. "I'm not such a jerk that I'd prosecute you just because I found out about your secret. Is that how you see me? Do I really seem that shallow to you, Utau?" he asked in that same fraught tone as before.
"N-no!" the word had escaped her lips without her permission.
"Then what do you expect me to think after giving me such a letter?" he shook his head and looked away from her. "So what if you're in love with your brother? I don't care about stuff like that. To think you'd lump me together with all those judgemental nobles and bastards." He spoke the last sentence with uncharacteristic venom. His face scrunching up and his eyes flashing dangerously.
Something suddenly slammed into his head from behind and he cried out.
He cursed under his breath, "What –" he began to ask when Daichi suddenly popped up in front of his face right between his eyes.
"Get a hold of yourself, Bakai! You're scaring her! Can't you see she's trembling? You're not even giving her a chance to explain!" Daichi burst out moving closer to Kukai and touching his forehead.
"Your aura's out of control, too. Jeez, if you were going to be like this I shouldn't have agreed to stay out of it." Utau felt a sudden gust of wind from the two of them and Kukai abruptly collapsed onto the floor. Utau moved towards him instinctively and found him completely unconscious. She adjusted him and let his head rest on her lap.
"What… what did you do to him?" she managed to ask the floating boy. He took the liberty of settling on her shoulder – Utau couldn't even tell if he was there, he was a light as air.
"He'll come around soon. I only calmed him down." He answered lazily. Utau could feel the fuzz of his hair against her neck, she couldn't see him but she assumed he was leaning on her now.
"He was… really upset," she mumbled.
"Well, you hurt his feelings." Daichi replied matter-of-factly.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to."
"I just… thought that most people would be repulsed after finding out about my feelings for my brother."
"It was a bad move on your side. Kukai hates those types of people the most. And to assume that he was of the same kind as them really insulted him."
"He seemed to really despise them."
"He has a right to."
"What do you mean?"
"It's not really for me to tell. You should ask him if you really want to know – he doesn't usually tell just anyone."
"I really am sorry." She muttered sincerely.
"He's such an idiot though. Getting so worked up over such a thing," Daichi said, "He must really like you, Princess."
"Why do you think that?"
"Well, he wouldn't be so angry if he didn't like you even a little bit right? People don't get angry at people they don't care about. Plus, he came to meet you despite the consequences so I'm pretty sure he likes you a lot, Princess." Daichi spoke as if all of it was as obvious as daylight and yet – Utau found herself blushing at the realization that he might be right.
"You like him too, right? Because, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered trying to reconcile with him." He added.
So that was it – she did not want to change in Kukai's eyes because she liked him. The Kukai who comforted her and smiled for her – she liked that Kukai very much. She had been scared when he found out because she did not want to be detested by him.
"He's a good guy. Why wouldn't I like him?" She replied. "Do you like him, Daichi?"
He laughed; it was a very childlike laugh. "He's a good guy. Why wouldn't I like him?" he repeated her answer and she realized that it was, indeed, an amusing reply.
Utau smiled and silently agreed. She gazed down at him and found him breathing steadily. "I wish he would be my friend." It was her honest wish. She pushed the hair from his face lightly; she was stunned when all of a sudden, Kukai opened his eyes and grinned at her.
"Then it shall be done. I hereby proclaim, Tsukiyomi Utau as my friend." He announced. He reached out and pinched her nose. "But if you do something like this again, I won't let you off so easily." He added seriously, letting go of her nose. He sat up and the two of them were almost face to face.
"It's breaking the rules but since it's the wish of the Princess of the country, how could I disobey?" he said impishly with a sly smile. Utau found herself blushing at the sudden proximity. She pushed him away and crossed her arms.
"D-don't be so cheeky! You're still just a lowly servant!" she burst out but it only made Kukai smile all the more.
"That's right," he said seriously, making her turn to look at him, "I'm not a royalty or a noble. I'm just a lowly servant and nothing more. But you said you want me to be your friend – so it makes me want to be yours too." He grinned after he spoke and Utau found her chest suddenly tighter. "You're not like all the other highborn people who are so stuck up and proud of their titles. You're not most people, so I like you." He added with a glint in his eyes. As the words sunk into her mind, light dawned on her.
"You were listening?" she asked.
"Daichi gave me a low level shock. I couldn't move my body but I could very well hear what you were talking about." He replied pleasantly. Utau made a grab at her neck but found nothing. She discovered Daichi sitting on Kukai's shoulder this time, with a grin similar to his master's.
"You knew!" she accused him with a frown.
"Of course I did. You wouldn't have been so honest if you knew he was awake, would you?" he questioned with a knowing look.
Utau only stared at the two of them. A realization struck her just then and she suddenly reached out towards Kukai. She wrapped her arms around his torso and squeezed him tightly. He froze under her touch and she rested her forehead against his shoulder. She didn't say anything for a few seconds, only savouring the warmth he emitted. She noted that he carried the fresh scent of pines and rain, like he had been up a tree all day – and who was to say she was wrong?
"I'm truly sorry about prejudging you… and thank you for allowing me to be your friend." She spoke with genuine gratitude and apology.
She felt him pat her head just then, "Geez, and here I was worried you were going to cry again."
"If I do, I'll count on you to comfort me then. That's your duty as my friend," she said meaningfully. He chuckled and she finally let go of him.
"Leave it to me," he replied with a smile and maybe Utau was merely seeing things, but she thought she saw a small hint of a blush on his cheeks.
"Are you two lovebirds done yet?" Daichi asked as he landed on top of Kukai's head. Kukai heaved a sigh and stood up. He offered her his hand and she graciously accepted it.
"I'm sorry, but I have some business to attend to now. Can you get back on your own? Or should I escort you?" he asked politely as he glanced out one of the Temple windows above. Utau shook her head in reply.
"I can get back on my own. You seem in a hurry so you should be on your way."
"Alright. Daichi, we're going."
"You're going to be in so much trouble, Kukai," Daichi said mischievously as they made their way to the exit.
"Trouble?"
He looked at her through the corner of his eye. "Don't worry about it. It just means you won't be seeing me for a while. I'll be back before you know it."
When they were outside Kukai just said, "Well, I'll see you when I see you. And next time I'll let you tell me everything - your worries, insecurities, fears... I'll take all of it." He winked and before she could phrase a reply, the two of them dashed away at full speed. Utau didn't know why she felt so breathless after hearing his words. Her face felt hot and her pulse seemed to be in a frenzy.
"Reiji-dono," Utau uttered her fiance's name carefully, "I…will make your wish come true. Definitely, most definitely." Utau turned and began walking back, her heart untroubled and possibly, ridiculously elated.
-OoO-
"The Imperial Festival is fast approaching your Highness. The preparations are well underway." Nikaidou read aloud from the scroll he held in his hands. Kazuomi listened attentively as he tapped his finger repeatedly against the table. "The invitations to the Noble houses have already been sent and the hired workers are almost finished with the stage."
"Have you double-checked security?" Tsukasa inquired.
"The complete round schedule and placements of each guard at each location has already been assigned. The General was informed of the hourly reports and has consented to the terms you implemented."
"I see. You've done your job well. The Festival will proceed as planned. You are dismissed." Kazuomi spoke in a tone of authority and Nikaidou bowed at the praise and exited the room swiftly.
"Tsukasa, what do you suggest we have the children do?" Kazuomi turned to his advisor who stood to his right.
"I believe they would like to leave the Palace and go to the Imperial City for the day. The First Prince shall, of course, remain here. But I think it would do Tadase and Utau good to have a look around. They haven't been out of the Palace since their naming ceremony, it would be a good time for them to familiarize themselves with their country," Tsukasa said in the reasonable tone of a reliable friend.
"Would they not get in trouble?"
"Nobody is knows what both of them look like seeing as how they haven't reached their coming of age ceremony. We'll have them mingle with the crowd but we'll keep watch on them the whole time. I believe it would be a good idea to have their personal aide accompany them too. Some of them are familiar with the layout of the city and they would keep them out of trouble. They might even teach them to mix in with the crowd properly."
"If you think it is a good plan, I can't complain with how in depth you've already thought it over. As a matter-of-fact, I received a letter from Souma-dono's young heir today." said Kazuomi with a smile.
"Utau-hime's fiancé? What did the letter say?"
"He asked whether it would be possible to invite Tadase and Utau for a picnic together with the aides. I was just thinking that it would be good to build up some relations; Utau needs to spend some time with her future husband anyway."
"Then you consent to my proposal?" Tsukasa asked.
"Do I look like I refute it?" Kazuomi replied pointedly and Tsukasa laughed.
"That you don't. I shall make arrangements then for their little get together."
"And I shall write a reply to my future son-in-law." Kazuomi replied, chuckling as he rose and the two of them made their way back to the Royal Manor.
-OoO-
Endnote: To the person who's willing to be my beta, please PM me but I'll only read your message after a few days given what limited internet time I have (bear with me here, I live in a third world country). Anyway, thanks for reading! I won't be doing my crazy endnotes today, (it's a miracle!:D) ciao! Oh yeah, and leave me a review if you want, I'd be so happy if you did. Happy enough to write the next chapter quicker, maybe. ^.^
PS. I still adore Kukai so much after all. Haha, He's always been my baby and I love writing him. So if he's being more lovey dovey with Utau than Amuto, please forgive me. It's bias so I can't really help it. Plus my Amu's pretty stubborn so it will take a while before I get there. :D
PPS. That thing about liking someone really ticks me off though. Someone, my super weird best friend, asked me, "Do you like him?" and I answered, "Yeah, we've been classmates for 8 years, how could I not like him?" and she replied, "ohhhh. I seeeeee…" with her eyes glinting all maliciously. *gag* Yeah, I like him but it doesn't mean I'm infatuated with him. *rolling eyes* he's practically my brother for Pete's sake. Well, I just wanted to get that off my chest, and also because my best friend reads this fic too. :D Eat that, Gwynn!