Chapter 88

Felt the healing in her fingertips

Patrick closed his eyes and took a long, slow breath. Opening them, he looked from his father, to his friend and then to Robin.

"I feel okay," he told them. "My head is still fuzzy but I feel okay."

Their expressions remained unchanged and he could feel his heart racing as panic started to creep in. He turned to his father and looked at him imploringly.

"Dad. I made it – I'm okay."

Seeing his father's eyes well with tears, he slammed his fists down on in the bed in frustration. How could they not understand him? He turned his gaze to Robin as she covered his hand with her own.

"Patrick," she called to him softly. "Your words are mixed up and we can't understand you."

He clenched his eyes shut. When he opened his mouth to speak again, he found he could not make a noise. Swallowing thickly, he motioned to the cup of ice cubes, hoping that all he needed was a little lubrication in his throat and his speech would once again flow easily.

As Noah pressed the ice chips to his lips, he tried to reassure his father with a look but the sadness in his father's eyes told him that his message was not getting through. As he moved away, Patrick frantically grabbed his hand. He tried again to speak but could not make any noise.

Noah gently touched his free hand to Patrick's cheek. "Patty" he said softly. "Don't stress yourself. We will get this sorted out. All that matters right now is that you came through surgery."

Finally finding his voice, he spoke. "Did you get my letter?"

He wanted to ensure that his father knew he had forgiven him. And though he had done a poor job of showing it, that he loved him. The sad shake of Noah's head told him that he was still incomprehensible. Frustration and panic boiled up inside him and he started to tremble.

Eric, who until this point had been leaning against the wall observing everything, finally stepped forward.

"I'd like to speak to both of you in the hallway please," he told Noah and Robin. "And then Pantsy, I'll be back in to chat with you –okay?"

Patrick blinked once.

He closed his eyes as Robin brushed her lips over his. The sensation of her lips against his made him want to freeze time and just stay like that. He had no idea how he had gone so long without kissing her, touching her, being with her but in the part of his brain where he could find clarity, he knew that he never wanted to be without it again.

"I'll be back in a minute" she told him.

He searched her eyes for evidence of suppressed feelings but saw only determination and love in them. That alone softened the panic he was feeling. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply as they exited his room.

xxxx

"I'm going to give him a full neuro exam along with new film-"

"To see if there are pieces of the tumour left?" Noah asked.

"You mean pieces I missed" he corrected. "Yes. And I want to get him up on his feet for a short walk around his room."

"I think his motor skills are fine" Robin offered, thinking back to the message he traced on her back.

"All the same," he answered tightly, "we need to check everything out. I'd like the two of you to go for a walk, go get some breakfast or something and I'll let you know when it's over."

Robin folded her arms across her chest and glared at him. "No" she told him simply. "We are going to be here every step of the way with him."

She was not going to be moved from his side. Patrick needed her, now more than ever. If he couldn't speak, he would need an advocate and she would be that for him. She would speak for him if he couldn't speak for himself. He had done the very same for her when she needed it. When she was falling to pieces after April Gilbert's death he had stayed with her – even when she pushed him away. He was her advocate – not to doctors or caregivers but to herself. He made sure she didn't get lost in herself.

"That wasn't a request" he shot back.

"Tough."

Exhaling slowly, he rubbed his hand over his face. "Robin, I need to examine him and I can't do that while he's frustrated and agitated that he can't communicate with either of you."

"You don't think he's frustrated being unable to communicate with you?" she challenged hotly.

"He's not trying to reassure me," he replied, his temper rising.

Noah, who had said little to this point, gently placed his hand on Robin's shoulder. "Robin, we need to let Eric do his job. We are all doctors but he is Patrick's doctor and we need to give him the room to do that."

"I'm not trying to get in his way."

"I know you aren't" he told her. "But this is what he's asking and so we need to give it to him. So long as Eric understands," he added, turning his attention to the young doctor, "that we will be kept in the loop at all times."

"Of course" he agreed quietly, shoving his hands into his pockets.

"Do you think you're going to have to go back in?" Noah asked, straining to keep the worry from his voice.

"Pretty sure but I won't make a final decision until I get the films." Looking back over his shoulder, he saw Patrick staring at them. "I'm going to head in. Give us about an hour or so and then come back." He gave a curt nod before heading back into the room.

Noah looked at his son's girlfriend and slid an arm around her shoulders. "You okay?"

"I will be when he is" she answered staring through the window.

"Where is your Uncle?"

"He had to fly back to Port Charles this afternoon but extracted a promise I would call him every day."

"And you will" he told her kindly.

Looking up at him, she smiled gratefully. "And I will."

Having closed the door behind him, Eric then did the same to the blinds. Walking to his friend's bed side, he lightly touched his shoulder. "Patrick?"

His eyes flew open and he opened his mouth to reply, groaning as he could not form any words.

"Hey – don't strain yourself, okay? I want to examine you, get you up for a short walk and get some new films. We're going to find out what's causing this and fix it. I promise"

Eric put him through his paces, checking his reflexes and reactions and sensitivity to pain and light. After nearly 20 minutes, he pulled his covers back. "Ready to stand up?"

Too tired to try and speak again, Patrick merely blinked once.

Very carefully, Eric sat him up and placed his feet on the floor. Sliding his hands under his arms, he hoisted him to his feet, holding on to him while he found his balance. Once he was sure he was steady on his feet Eric took a step back, still holding on to his hands.

"I want you to take two steps towards me. There's no rush – take your time."

Patrick locked his eyes on Eric's and with slightly shaky legs took first one step and then another. He gave him a small grin as he took a third.

Eric smiled back. "Easy there overachiever." With great care, he assisted Patrick back into his bed, noting the perspiration on his brow from the exertion. He pulled the covers back up around him. "I'll have the porter come and take you Radiology in a minute."

He turned to leave but spun back around as Patrick slapped his hand on the bed to get his attention. Eric looked at him in concern. Patrick motioned with hand for a pen. Pulling one from his pocket, he handed it to his friend and watched with great interest as he held it nimbly between his fingers. Seeing the expectant look on his face, Eric also handed him a piece of paper.

With infinite slowness, his friend printed out a small message on the paper and held it up.

Thank you.

Eric swallowed thickly as he read it. "Don't thank me yet" he told him before hurriedly leaving the room.

xxxxx

As Eric approached Patrick's room he saw Noah and Robin both standing anxiously outside the door. He had examined the new films from every possible angle and was no clearer about what was happening inside his friend's head than he had been prior to seeing the new scans.

"He's on his way back from Radiology now" he told them.

"How did it go?" Noah asked, twisting his fingers around the rosary in his pocket.

"I see some shadows but nothing concrete. I'm going to go back in and insert radiation seeds and a chemo wafer for good measure. If there are pieces of the tumour still hanging about, that will solve it."

"When?" Robin asked.

"Tomorrow"

"That's awfully fast" Robin remarked. She was not trying to challenge him but for Patrick's sake – for everyone's sake – she needed to make sure he had considered all the risks and options.

"If I wait too much longer, I risk doing more damage and interfering with his healing."

Robin nodded, fully understanding the difficult position he was in. "Does he know?"

"He does," he told them. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out two keys and handed one to each of them. "Look, it's going to be a long haul and I know that neither of you came prepared to stay. These are keys to my apartment – I want you to treat it like a home base – sleep there, eat there, shower there."

"Thank you" Noah said as he pocketed the key.

"I'm going to head back to my office and review his chart again. He'll be back down here in a minute."

As he turned to leave, Robin placed her hand on his arm. He was tied up in knots and the toll of the last day was graven on to his face. "Eric – can we help?"

Too tired to speak, he simply shook his head.

"Eric, we're a team. Let us-"

"No we aren't" he interjected. "I'm the surgeon and this complication is mine to solve."

In that moment she caught a glimpse of the guilt he was carrying and felt badly. "You didn't cause this complication" she told him seriously. "You didn't."

"You don't know that.

"Eric-"

"Robin, you don't know that," he repeated, "because I don't know that." Turning on his heel he strode down the hallway and out of sight.

She moved to go after him but stopped as she saw Patrick being wheeled in a gurney towards them. She smiled brightly and waved to him. He flashed a tired smile back at her as he was moved into his room. Heading towards the door, Robin stopped and turned around when she didn't feel Noah behind her.

"Noah?"

With a half smile, he gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "I think….I think you and Patrick should have some time alone. I – there's a phone call I need to make."

Looking at him carefully, she nodded. "Okay. But you'll be back later, right?"

"Of course."

Taking a deep breath, Robin pushed open the door. "Hey good looking" she called to him. Seeing the incredulous look he shot her, she chuckled lightly. "Well whatever is going on with your speech isn't affecting your communication," she teased.

His eyes were droopy and his breathing heavy as the afternoon of activity had depleted him of most of his energy. Looking at her, he patted the space beside him. There was much that was not working – he could not make himself understood, he felt weak and his emotions were very close to the surface – but there was much that was. And what was working the most was Robin.

She nodded as she crossed the room. "I got you a gift."

His eyebrows quirked up quizzically.

Reaching into the bag she was carrying, she pulled out a small dry erase board with two pens.

Patrick smiled, once again amazed at her resilience. Robin passed the board and the pens to him before getting under the covers next to him. He quickly pulled off the cap to one of the pens and began to scribble on the board.

Are you okay?

"I am. And you're going to be too" she told him confidently. "We didn't go through all this to let a few misfiring neurons get in our way."

He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for leaving her. Let her know that if he had to do it over again he wouldn't. He would have stayed in Port Charles, stayed in her arms. He was at a loss to understand his actions and wanted so desperately to make it right.

But fatigue was gaining on him and he was losing the battle against slumber. Seeing a flash of her necklace, he reached out with an unsteady hand and fingered the claddagh pendant.

Robin smiled warmly at him as she gently tugged on the neck of his hospital gown, pulling it down his chest revealing his tattoo. His breath hitched as she pressed her lips against the heart of the claddgah.

"We're connected, you and I," she told him. "And speech impediments, brain tumours, HIV and crazy childhoods are no match for what we have."

Patrick brushed his lips over hers in a soft, loving kiss. Reaching for the board and a pen, he scrawled a note and passed it to her. As she took the board from him, he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

Robin's eyes misted over as she read the note.

You are my dream come true.