Chapter 6: Mind control
We headed back to the room in the corner of the house. Sono was still sleeping, and Dormi was kneeling over him, obviously consuming his dream. I was appalled. Traum caught my eye and smiled maliciously.
"Wait, wait." He said softly. As if on cue we heard footsteps on the stairs. The door opened and the older human smiled vaguely down at us. Traum made some foolish movement indicating upstairs, which the human seemed to ignore. Nevertheless he gestured broadly at Traum and I, and we followed him. As I left I caught Dormi's eye. Her gentle, distracted face looked ashen.
Traum capered exaggeratedly after Norio as we walked upstairs. I tried to walk with a very straight back all the way upstairs, which made my scars hurt and apparently went unnoticed anyway.
Upstairs the room was bathed in the dingy light of the blinking wall of monitors. The two humans conversed quietly for a few moments, glancing occasionally in my direction. I felt uneasy. "Whatever you do, don't resist." Traum hissed, his usual sarcasm all but gone. The uneasiness deepened.
The two humans advanced on me, and I cowered. "It's okay, this won't hurt too much." Tadao said cheerily, jabbing me in the arm with something that made me yelp. "Now come forward and we'll fix you up to the monitoring equipment." I felt very calm, somehow, though the fear was still on my mind. It was as if, whilst I remained aware, I had no power to act on it. My skin began to tingle, and my body felt immensely heavy, as though my control over its functions was weakening. The overall effect was terrifying, but I was numbed to it, my conscious thought relegated to a small, frightened corner of my brain.
"You reckon it will alter the baseline data?" Norio said, his words filtering through my head from a great distance.
"Nah, better he's calm. I don't know what mental damage this one's undergone. Might be no good for study anyway." Tadao's voice drifted into my ears, as they seated me on a stool in a small chamber I had mistaken for a filing cabinet. My mind was telling me to run, fight back, do something. 'No, it's okay' I answered myself. 'Run, now, fight them off!' I was obviously panicked, but I couldn't respond to it.
"Gimme that gel." Norio's voice sounded hazier than ever. I felt a cold slimy sensation on my head, then another and another. It was unpleasant, but I couldn't seem to lift my arm to rub it off.
"Okay, he's done. Where's subject 5?" Tadao moved out of earshot.
"There's a good boy. Sit up." I couldn't discern which human was speaking now. My head lolled, and my skin felt unbearably like it was crawling. Hours seemed to tick by. I got progressively more anxious, my teeth clenching and unclenching. Suddenly it was as if there was another voice in my head, telling me how calm I needed to be.
'But I don't know what's going on.' I whimpered.
'That isn't important. Please, maintain calm.' The voice said. I felt my heart rate slow, which made me, if anything, more afraid.
'No, no I don't want to die. Don't do this!' My thoughts pooled out, drifting slowly through my mind.
"Fuck, it isn't working, subject 6 isn't responding."
'Please be calm, you have nothing to fear.' The voice placed emphasis on every word, which should have sounded strange, but instead seemed natural, correct. 'Allow your breathing to stabilize. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.' The voice seemed to be coming from my chest. I could feel it vibrate through my body, not loud, just strong. I felt myself relax. I was calm. I would do what I was told, and it would make me happy. I felt reassured.
'Are you calm now?'
'Yes, I am calm.' I couldn't imagine feeling anything else.
'Are you listening and understanding?'
'Yes, I am.' I wanted the voice to keep talking to me. The need to keep listening felt so desperate. Every second it was silent was torturous.
'Will you obey me?' It sounded certain of my response, yet the very idea that it could question me was painful.
'Yes, yes!' I begged it to keep talking, petrified it would be silent and I would never hear it again. This thought seemed like the most devastating possibility I had ever conceived of.
'Will your obedience be loyal, and pure?'
'Yes, please direct me. I need to follow you.' I could feel tears welling in my eyes.
'Will you obey to the best of your capabilities, without fail?'
'I will, I will. I will do anything you ask. Don't doubt me!' Tears ran down my cheeks, with the effort of ordering my thoughts, and the fear that I would disappoint. I felt sure that this voice would care for me, protect me, and it asked so little. Such a precious little. Only that I obey its commands. Which was nothing, a pleasure, not a chore. I begged my brain to respond faster, communicate better, show me in the best possible light.
'Will you obey me to the death? To your dying breath?'
'I will! Please believe me, don't doubt me! I will be the best servant I can. I won't fail! I will never fail you! I love you. I will obey…' My head span, lights flashed behind my eyes, dazzling me. I shivered, my vision swirled and I blacked out.
"Fuck! Fuck it. He's out. Come here."
I could feel myself being carried. The voice was gone. I couldn't remember what it had said, which worried me a little. I drifted off.
Click. Click. I opened my eyes, blearily. Traum was leaning over me, smirking. He clicked his fingers one more time.
"Too much for your little brain to handle, I gather." His false, breezy voice irked me.
"What happened? Does that always happen?" I felt cold and my head throbbed.
"No." He didn't sound like he was in an up front sort of mood.
"What did they do… to me?" I struggled to get the words out. My tongue felt heavy and uncooperative.
Traum snickered. "Oh what horrors did those dastardly humans inflict?" He said in a falsetto voice. "Scanning you brain appears to apply pressure than it can take."
"But I heard…" I couldn't finish. I couldn't quite recall what I had wanted to say, it just felt important. I could hear the humans arguing, Kaoru's voice among them. I smiled dopily.
"Your lover was most annoyed. You should have heard the shit she was saying about it." He shifted back into falsetto "That poor thing, barely recovered from its injuries…"
"She did?" I could barely string two words together.
"I imagine she'll want to comfort your hurt a bit, tonight. You better hang around."
"I can't understand…"
"Goodness, what a shock!" He laughed nastily. "You know my first time was so much better."
"Is this what the humans do to us?"
"Slap a few receptors on your head and sit you on a stool? Yes, that is more or less the full extent of the violation."
"I don't want to do it again." My head spun as I tried to sit up. I groaned and curled up.
"How unfortunate, since that is essentially your job description."
"Do they do that to Dormi?"
"My, how chivalrous. Yes, she is cruelly used for research as well."
I managed to steel myself enough to sit up. Traum was sitting on the table in the research room, and I was, once again, on the floor.
"Please, go away." I said, the words coming out as a pathetic whimper. My head spun again and I rested it on the floor once more.
Traum smirked, but seemed to pity me, and climbed off the table and slipped silently from the room. I lay there for a long time. Inhaling and exhaling, until my breathing felt normal again.