A/N: This is so late. I know and I'm sorry it took so long to update. Unfortunately, it's the end of the semester so I can't promise when I'll have time to update again, but I'll try to get a new one out soon. Thanks for all the reviews and support! Song is Out of the Shadows by Matthew Perryman Jones.
I can't sleep in this room
Still so far from finding you
I can't seem to dig beneath
This pile of dirt that covers me
Fall 2014
"Sarah."
All Chuck could do was breathe her name. He knew he would see her soon, but he wasn't prepared for the actual moment. He felt paralyzed standing there staring at her.
"Hey, Chuck," she replied like it was five years ago and he was coming in to meet her for lunch. It was amazing how just hearing her voice could bring so much rushing back. At first glance she was the same Sarah, with the exception of the new brown hair. He instantly missed the blonde.
They stood there awkwardly. What do you say to someone after being apart for five years? Nothing seemed to carry enough weight of the moment so he said the first thing that came into his mind. "I'm sorry I shot you. Twice."
She gave him a small smile. "You had to, remember. No need to apologize. Actually, I thought we agreed on shooting me once. What was up with the second one?"
Chuck was taken aback. "You told me I'd have to shoot you again if I didn't shoot you in the correct part of the leg the first time. You knew how bad my aim was."
"Relax, Chuck. I'm only kidding."
A monitor beeped behind them and Sarah turned to look at her computer. "The last of the data is uploaded. I added the latest intel I have on Fulcrum and put it in a new file. We shouldn't waste any time."
Chuck nodded and walked toward the computer. That was the Sarah he knew. Always ready to work. Maybe it was just because she wanted this whole thing done as much as he did. He took a seat next to her and opened the first file. It was full of pictures of the various Fulcrum bases, he scanned them all, but there was no flash. He tried looking harder for any symbol or stray face – anything that would trigger a flash. It took him an hour to go through the first folder with little results. A small symbol on a file folder made him flash, but it only implicated someone they already knew was a Fulcrum agent. Sarah made a soft noise beside him which made him jump. Chuck had gotten so used to being alone that he forgot she was even there. It was so strange because five years ago he would have been immensely aware of her presence, almost to the point where he couldn't function.
"You okay? You seem jumpy."
"Yeah, sorry. Just not used to other people being around."
Sarah made a face that he couldn't quite read and he quickly looked away when he felt his attention made her uncomfortable. After she failed to stifle another yawn, he turned back to her.
"I've got this if you want to get some sleep."
"I'm fine."
"Sarah it's obvious you need sleep. We have to be at our best the next few days if this is going to work."
It looked like she was going to fight him some more, but to his surprise she just sighed and left without another word. To be honest, he was thankful to be alone again. He thought he would welcome the company after being by himself for so long, but it felt strange to have another body next to him, especially when that body belonged to Sarah Walker. There were many nights when he dreamt of their reunion. Most of the time they involved some declaration of love or a dramatic hug or make out session, but as time went on the more he imagined that their reunion would be exactly what it was. No "I love you". No "I've missed you". Not even an "It's nice to see you". Just a pitiful apology that didn't measure up to what he should be sorry for and her sad attempt at levity. At least he could take comfort in the fact that some things never did change: he still made a fool of himself and she still saved him.
Don't let go, don't let go
We can crawl out
Out of the shadows
Don't let go, don't let go
We can find our way back home
Sarah collapsed on the small cot in the back of Castle, not even bothering to take her shoes off. She would have thought that with her level of exhaustion she would've passed out as soon as her head hit the pillow, the pillow that smelled like Chuck, but she wasn't that lucky. Instead, her mind was on overdrive processing her meeting with Chuck, the next step of the plan, the various ways someone could sneak into Castle and kill them both. The last one wasn't even possible, but still she worried about it. Being close to Chuck made her worry more. She knew why, but she wasn't going to delve into it. There would be time for that later. Maybe.
For some reason her mind drifted to the night when Longshore had come to take Chuck away. "I'll save you later", she had told him. Could she still save him from all this? Was it even her responsibility anymore? It was her job to keep the intersect safe now that they were reunited, but what about keeping the man safe? What they were dealing with was so much bigger than terrorists and drug smugglers. If losing Chuck meant keeping the nation, the world, safe would she be able to do it? Five years ago, four years ago, maybe even three years ago she would have said no. No way in hell. Now she wasn't so sure. When did that happen? Did absence loosen Chuck's hold on her or did something happen to make her care about nothing? God there were so many instances she could point out where her heart and soul had been chipped away piece by piece and there was a chance that it was gone forever. The only hope she had left was the man who had started to chip away at her in the first place.
Silence keeps our story straight
Fighting for a perfect state
Wave your flag
Oh I believe
Hope is comfort if not relief
A lot had changed in three hours. Chuck had flashed on virtually everything in the second and third file. An hour and a half ago he had almost woken Sarah to tell her what he learned, but he couldn't bring himself to tear her away from the bliss of sleep. Unless something urgent happened he would let her sleep for awhile longer.
Nothing he flashed on made sense. The notes he wrote were just scrambled words on a piece of paper. There was something major missing, something that would make all of this fit together. He used to be better at this. There was something under the surface, he just had to look harder. Rubbing his eyes, Chuck opened the last file and looked at the first picture. It was of Sarah and Bryce. They were inside what looked to be a Fulcrum meeting. Director Anders was sitting at the head of the table with Sarah at his right hand. There were other people in the photo, but none of their faces were pointed toward to hidden camera. Sarah just sat there in black and white staring into a distance that he couldn't see. She didn't look happy. In fact, she didn't look anything. Her face was blank, completely void of any emotion. Bryce was staring directly at her, which ignited a flame of jealousy deep within him. The Bryce thing would never go away. It wasn't just that, he knew, he would always be jealous of any man that got to be with Sarah. In some strange way he still thought she was his, even though she never fully had been. There was no doubt that he was still hers though. Deep in his heart he knew that Sarah had a hold on him forever.
A gut retching scream erupted from behind and Chuck jumped out of his chair in surprise. His hand went to the gun on the table and he ran toward the back room. No one was there, save for a sleeping Sarah. In sleep her face had been twisted into pain, maybe even fear. By her slight thrashing, he could tell she was having a nightmare. Badass super agents had nightmares. It wasn't something he considered before. People like Sarah were what people like him had nightmares about.
He kneeled down beside the bed, set his gun down, and gently placed a hand on her shoulder. She awoke instantly at his touch and swiftly brought her hand to his neck tightly. His eyes grew wide, but he stayed quiet until she realized who he was. Chuck tried to hide the coughing fit that rose in his throat, but he failed.
"Don't you know by now not to sneak up on people like that?" she asked sitting up and pushing her hair back.
"You screamed. I thought you were in trouble."
"What?"
"Yeah, I now know what a 'blood curdling' scream sounds like. I think you were having a bad dream."
He watched as the memory came rushing to her and she turned as white as the sheet she lay on. For the first time he really studied her. The brown hair made her face and demeanor seem colder. Gone was the air of the warm Sarah he used to know. She was still beautiful, but there were small creases on her forehead and around her mouth, like her face was in a constant frown. What really caught his eye though was a scar that traveled from above her right eye to her cheek. It was faint and he could tell she had tried to cover it up, probably for his benefit.
"Sarah what happened?"
Her hand flew up to her face immediately, trying to cover the scar with her hair. "Did you flash on anything?"
"Yeah. A lot of stuff actually. You can go over my notes and see if any of it makes sense to you." He let her ignore the question. She didn't owe him an explanation, but he felt like he owed her another apology.
Don't let go, don't let go
We can crawl out
Out of the shadows
Don't let go, don't let go
We can find our way back home
Chuck handed her the notepad and she watched as he sat back down in front of the computer. Sarah shivered. It took a few minutes, but her dream had come rushing back to her. She was ordered by the General to kill Chuck, but she couldn't do it. They had escaped together, running from the NSA, CIA, and Fulcrum. They had made it all the way to Rio when Fulcrum caught up with them. Bryce had saved her by grabbing her from behind and dragging her into the cover of the trees. It was already too late to save Chuck and all she could do was scream as Director Anders shot him. She had tried to run to him, but Bryce kept a full hold on her. That's when the real Chuck woke her up. The nightmare scared the hell out of her and it also clarified a few things. There was no way she'd be able to let Chuck die. Not even to save the world. He was still the one person she would do anything for. Even when she doubted it, part of her knew it would always be true.
"Chuck I don't understand what most of this means. I recognize a bunch of the names because their names of our . . . I mean of Fulcrum bases, but it doesn't make sense that you'd flash on a bunch of them."
"Have you been to all of them? Maybe there's some that were left out that are important."
"Well The Pearl isn't on the list and neither is The Swan, but they're just minor bases in Russia. The only base I've never been to is called The Looking Glass. I don't . . . Chuck!? Did you just flash?"
"Yeah," he said as he looked to her. His eyes were filled with horror. "It's a weapons base. A nuclear weapons base. Before Anders became director for Fulcrum he worked as a weapons specialist with the government."
Sarah walked over to the computer and opened a file of blueprints and a list of cities. "I found these on his desk four months ago and didn't think anything of them, but now . . ."
"Now you think he's going to bomb all the major cities in the world."
"It's the best way for Fulcrum to become more powerful and take over . . . everything."
Chuck got out of his chair and started pacing. He was muttering something, but she was too stunned to make out what it was. This whole thing just got a whole lot more complicated.
"Sarah, what are we going to do? This whole plan was designed to just take down Fulcrum, now we have to save the world? I don't know how to save the world."
"Chuck --"
"It's over Sarah. There is no way we can come up with a way to pull this off."
He was losing it, she could tell. He kept stammering on and on. A few more minutes of this and would freak himself out too horribly to function. What was she supposed to do? She always knew how to calm him down. The old Sarah would take his hand and say something encouraging. The new Sarah could only do what she did best: get physical. So she stepped up to him and slapped him across the face. Hard. The sound reverberated around the empty room and he was silent.
And there's a heart that still can beat
With every breath that's inside me
And find the spark that's buried deep
And won't go out so please
He closed his eyes for a moment and titled his head to the side.
"Thanks. I uh . . . needed that."
"We need to call Beckman," Sarah said wasting no time. This was something he desperately needed from her; the ability to stay calm in any situation. She would find a way to get them out of this. Even after all this time he was still that guy who would laugh in the face of danger then run and hide until it went away.
"Agent Walker," came a voice from the screen.
"General Chuck flashed on something really important. I mentioned a base called The Looking Glass and it's a Fulcrum nuclear weapons base. I found a list of cities and maps on Ander's desk a few weeks ago. We believe Fulcrum is going to launch a nuclear attack in attempt to take control . . . of everything."
"Do you have any indication of when the first attack will take place?"
"No ma'am."
"Take the assest and infiltrate the nearest Fulcrum safe house. See if you can gather more information."
"General, we don't have to infiltrate, I can walk right in."
Beckman just nodded and he wondered if she even heard what Sarah said. Chuck was barely listening himself. He was rummaging through all the folders trying to flash on more pictures. They needed more to go on.
"Let me know the moment you have more information."
The screen was silent again and Sarah went straight to the weapons cabinet and started packing. She threw a bulletproof vest at him and he silently put it on.
"When we get there I'm going to need to do exactly what I tell you. Understand?"
"I always do."
She stopped packing and gave him an "are you serious look". Despite himself he grinned. "Okay, maybe not always, but I promise I will now." Sarah just shook her head and smiled back.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Are we in over our heads with this? Not we . . . this is exactly what you're trained to do, so I guess I just mean me. Am I in over my head?"
She zipped up the weapons bag, put her gun in her waistband, and walked over to him. She stood close to him, closer than they had been in awhile, and he prayed that she would touch him. All he needed was for her to put her hand in his; she didn't even have to say anything. He just needed to feel that connection.
"You can do this Chuck. I believe in you."
He'd have to settle for her words after all, but they did the trick. If anything, the stakes were bigger now and he had more to fight for.
"I talked to Bryce. He's on his way to the safe house right now. He'll be our eyes on the inside and help us get through without too much attention."
"Ok. So let me get this straight, I'm pretending to be Fulcrum, right?"
"Yes, we just had recruitment so they'll just think you're new. Plus, if you're with me no one will bother you."
"Why are you some badass people are afraid of?"
Sarah shot him a look and there was a look in her eye that told him he'd hit the nail on the head. The pain in her eyes was too much for him to take so he reached out to place a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she moved away quickly and his hand fell back to his side.
Don't let go, don't let go
We can crawl out
Out of the shadows
Don't let go, don't let go
We can find our way back home
She had hurt him. She knew it, recognized that face, but if he touched her he'd break her façade and she desperately needed it right now.
"You ready?" she asked harsher than she intended.
"Yes," he said leading the way out and not meeting her eyes. He was upset and she knew that he couldn't focus when he was upset. She had to do something to calm him down. They loaded the weapons into the trunk and she stopped him before he crawled into the passenger's seat.
"Look Chuck, I know this is hard. I know you've been through a lot these past five years, we both have. But this is it. We do this and it's all over."
"I know. Being back here just shows me how much I want my old life back, even if I can never have it."
"You will get it back. I promise. I will do anything I can to get you back because I want to get it back too." She lightly brushed his arm as she crossed to get in the driver's seat. It wasn't much, but she hoped it was enough.
Don't let go
We can find our way back