"Are you thinking about not marrying Leah?," my heart begins to pound I hope I didn't sound happy when I said that because that would give me away.
"Yes, help me get it together" I can't scream I want you to marry me so, I look at him with all my emotions and feeling stabbing at my heart I feel like I'm about to break out into a full on sob.
"What will make you happy Juan?" Oh God please let him say me.
"Leah…. I think" damn he didn't say me. He needs reassurance and I can't give it to him not today. I should tell him, shit Alicia was right.
"I want to tell you something Juan."
"What anything." He looks at me and I can see the fear and compassion in his eyes. Can I do this can I tell him I love him?
"I think ….. I have …. Shit I can't do this" I can't be the one to break him and Leah up they are getting married in less than two hours. I can't ruin this day for him. I love him too much to mess up his day.
"You can tell me don't be scared what is it? Your starting to freak me out here" shit okay here goes nothing.
"I don't want to mess up your day and I couldn't just not say it so here it goes I have loved you since the day we met and I …. I'm in love with you."
He eyes bulged in his head. He runs his hands through his hair and starts to open his mouth to speak than closes it, and then open his mouth again. I think he is in shock. He is not sure what to say so he starts speaking in Spanish and points to himself and than me. Holy shit he is beyond pissed, damn I wish I could take it back but it's too late now. He stops his tirade and looks at me with distain.
"You wait to my fucking wedding day to tell me this shit I knew you had a crush on me but nothing like this, honestly it's why I left the company I felt uncomfortable"
"You what? That's why you left why didn't you say something to me?"
"What was I supposed to say? I don't feel that way about you Victoria you're like my sister. I love you as a friend only. Why did you offer to do the wedding this must be killing you" he walks up to and pulls me into an embrace.
For years I have longed to be in his arms, but not like this. "Don't pity me I had to tell you. I know it doesn't mean anything to you, but I had to get it off my chest."
"It means something to me, but I love Leah, I want to marry her but I don't want to lose you as a friend you're my best friend. You will find a man that will love you the way that I love Leah. Thank you for loving me" he kisses my forehead. That did it, the imaginary damn of water burst and I'm in full out sob. He holds me in his arms rocking back and forth. He gently puts a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. I swear he is the kindest hearted man I know.
"If it's too hard for you to be here Tiffany can take over."
"No, I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world. It will be perfect for you and her."
"Victoria, you don't have to be strong you can go."
"No, I will not let my personal feelings affect my business you are my client and this wedding will go on without a hitch."
"You never cease to amaze me."
"I'm sorry I had to tell you, I would have never forgiven myself, Leah is made for you, your world stops and starts with her"
"It does and you're a part of my world you're like Me Familia don't forget it."
There is a knock on the door and Tiffany sticks her head in. "Ms. Mason guest are starting to arrive"
"Are all lights on? If so let them in be sure to light the candles five minutes before the ceremony."
"Yes ma'am."
I look at Juan and he smiles and starts to fix his tuxedo in the mirror. He gives me a heartfelt smile. To my surprise Juan eyes look at me with love. I changed my mode mercurially business is what I do. I give Tiffany a nod and she leaves without a word. This is what I know better than anything else my job. I look over to Juan and he stops his adjusting "you sure you're up for this?"
"Yes this is what I do, I broke rule number one never reveal your feelings to a client this is your day and it will be special."
"Mi amore, this is why we would have never worked you can be so closed off, and I'm glad you told me how you felt."
I close my eyes and wonder if I really can do this, "So I'm forgiven?"
"Yes, you have done nothing for me to forgive" with that I relax and adjust my suit in the mirror my eyes are red from crying but I feel a since of peace. I have finally put this to rest.
"Okay show time its 11:00, you have thirty minutes before everything begins I'll leave you to finish dressing do you need anything?"
"Yeah I could use a drink my nerves are bad."
I pull a small silver flask from my belt and he smiles "you think of everything"
"It's my job" I hand him the flask and he shoots me a 40 watt smile, I feel relieved. He opens it quick then looks at me in a quizzical manner. "Would you have ever told me if I didn't call you in here?"
"To be honest I would have taken this to my grave I would have never told you" he hands me the flask and I take a big sip. He shakes his head "you're too much, shall we drink to our friendship may it last forever sis." Oh God he called me sis. He pours some of the Cognac that was in my flask into a small glass and we toasted. I know in my heart that our friendship will suffer because of my confession. I look up and smile trying hard not to cry, "to our friendship may it last a life time." With this toast I know I'm forgiven, but our friendship will never be the same. I look down at my watch and time seems to be flying because we have ten minutes left before the ceremony begins. "Well, I better go and make sure your guests are happy here take this." I hand him a breath mint. "You don't want your new bride to know you had to have a drink to settle your nerves." I give him a reluctant smile and he kisses my cheek while handing me back the flask. "You really do think of everything, love you Tori." Wow I have waited years to hear him say that too bad it's not the type of love I want. I take my flask and exit the room. I hadn't realized I have been holding my breath. I exhale and decided from that moment that I've left my feeling for Juan in the room with him and they no longer exist in my heart or at least that's what I try to convince myself. I repeat the mantra in my head I'm Victoria fucking Mason I don't have time for love. I make money. Business is my first love and this is business…. game on. The church is filling up quite quickly. I make my way to the restroom and look myself in the mirror. My eyes look like hell, my face is drawn. I quickly apply some make up and blush. This will make me look like I'm happy to be here, thank God for makeup. I turn on my headset and call to Tiffany " It's show time, everyone in place." I hear the orchestra start to play Pachebel's Canon in D and I exit the restroom. The ceremony goes smoothly I silently die a thousand deaths when the priest says "I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss your bride". I see Juan give me a grateful smile then lift Leah's veil and kiss her. I shed one single tear as their lips touch. Keep it together, keep together I repeat in my head as the crowd erupts in applause and everyone all at once scream "Happy New Year".