A/N: Told you guys the next update would be fast :) Kudos to Diana for the speedy beta.

Disclaimer: Not mine.

When Alexis realized her father wasn't going to come out of the bedroom, she rounded on Kate. He may no longer be interested, but she was!

And what was this about her dad proposing to Kate? How was it possible that this was the first time she was hearing about it? Both Ryan and Esposito seemed equally as shocked though, so it must have been news to them as well.

"Dad proposed to you?"

Kate lifted her head slowly. Alexis Castle stood in front of her, with Ryan and Esposito flanking her. If she didn't have the beginnings of a migraine developing, Kate would've laughed at the sight of their matching expressions.

"Yes," she dragged out, dropping her head once more as she began massaging her temples.

"This doesn't make sense!"

"But you left anyway?"

"What about the offer?"

The three of them were all speaking at the same time. Kate wondered, 'Was this what dealing with squabbling children felt like?'

"Shush!" she told them loudly, curbing their chattering. Kate looked at the three of them and they looked back at her with pinched faces and pursed lips. It must be costing them an effort to hold their tongues and questions.

She really wanted Castle to be present to listen to her explanation; the real reason she left for DC. Kate had no desire to repeat it all for yet another time. However, with the way things looked, Castle might not ever want to even find out her reasons.

"All right, one at a time," she told them, thinking, 'Might as well get it all out in a day. Maybe they could be more forgiving than Castle.'

All three of them opened their mouths at the same time, and Kate was quick to curb that as well. "Ah! No. No, no, if you guys want me to continue, you're going to ask the questions one at a time. The three of you – sit. Go sit on the couch," she ordered.

They filed into a line and sat on the couch. 'Just like little duckies in a row!' her brain supplied, completely unhelpful at a time like this. Kate might just be starting to lose her mind.

"I can't deal with this," she muttered under her breath.

On the bright side, they remained silent. Kate stood up and paced in front of them, burning off the nervous energy that was positively radiating off of her skinny frame.

"Here's what we're going to do," she told them, distractedly waving a hand in the air. "You're going to ask me what you want, one at a time, and I'll try my best to answer, okay? Let's see, why don't you go in turns. Ryan, then Alexis, then Espo, and then back to Ryan again. If you don't have a question, you can pass and the next person will continue. Okay? Okay, let's do this. Ryan, go."

Beckett had been pacing throughout her monologue, talking to herself more than anything. Hence, it threw Ryan off his game. His original question was forgotten as he asked her, "Beckett, you all right there?"

She stopped her pacing and looked at him blankly.

"That's your question? Yeah, yeah, I'm all right. Just- I don't want to stop, okay, let's keep the ball rolling, it'll be easier that way."

She snapped her fingers twice, and shifted her gaze to Alexis.

"Your turn," she told her.

"Erm, err, okay," Alexis stammered, caught slightly off guard that it was her turn already. Clearing her throat, she tried again. "Well, erm, so you turned down dad's proposal? We're talking about a wedding proposal, right?"

"Yeah, wedding proposal," Kate answered rapidly. She paused for only a second, not wanting to lose momentum before she addressed the first question. "I- I had to turn down his proposal."

She needed to elaborate on that, but Kate was feeling semi-uncomfortable talking about it, so she started pacing. It was easier to talk when she could look at the floor and distract her brain with the walking part.

"What he said- before the proposal," Kate clarified, "your dad said he wanted more, that we both deserved more, and he was right. He deserved better. He should be with someone better – he deserved happiness and the possibility to- to love freely, and to chase his dreams. He- he didn't need someone with baggage or a job that had dangers tied to it."

She expelled a breath through her nose. Her pacing unconsciously slowed as did her words. "He shouldn't have to settle for someone damaged. And even if he were to come along with me to DC, we'd be going from state to state, chasing after shadows. He deserved more than that. So yeah, I told him no."

"So you got scared and took the job?" Esposito asked, seeing as it was his turn.

"No," Kate denied, shaking her head as she began pacing again. "I wasn't running because I was scared."

"Really?" he asked her.

Kate stopped. Did she face insecurities about her relationship before Castle's proposal? Yes. Things had been rocky the weeks leading up to that, but she hadn't been running like they said, right?

But if that was the case, why did Esposito, Castle and Lanie all seem to think that going to DC was running away? Was there some truth to their words after all?

Kate didn't know how to answer that, so she evaded that part.

"The AG office had reason to believe that 3XK was alive and popping up in various states. It was only a matter of time before he came back for a second go at Castle. So I thought I could lead the team there and go after him first. Make sure Castle could get a peace of mind. That's why I took the job."

"That's weak," Esposito stated, giving her a look.

Kate shrugged. "It was my driving force at the time."

Ryan asked, "So you've been chasing 3XK for the past 3 years?"

"Erm, on and off. After my training, we tracked him all over the place, but then the trail ran cold, so the Attorney General put us on different cases. And if there were leads on 3XK, we'd chase after that again."

"So-"

"Ah, no. You've had your question. Wait for the next time. Alexis, your turn."

Alexis was silent for a while. She didn't know if the question she wanted to ask was too personal; if she would be overstepping. She asked softly, "If you didn't have the job offer, would you have said yes to my dad?"

Kate locked eyes with her and then looked away.

Yes.

"I don't know, Alexis. We were going through a rough patch even before this, and-" Kate broke off mid sentence, turning to look back at Alexis. "I try not to spend too much time thinking about the what-ifs."

Esposito sensed that she was done with that line of questioning, so he gave her the next one.

"Why didn't you tell us the reason you left for DC?"

This was easy, and Kate answered him quickly. "Deputy Director Freedman asked me to keep it quiet. 3XK didn't know that we were going after him, and we didn't want to alert him of our investigation. It was strictly need-to-know."

"You mentioned having moments when the trail ran cold," Ryan said, and she nodded, indicating he should continue. "And you said the AG brought you on to their team on a trial basis?" Again Kate nodded.

She could guess where he was going with this, so Kate supplied the question for him. "So why didn't I come back?"

Alexis and Esposito turned to watch Ryan nod at her question before they redirected their attentions back at her.

"After I left- the way I left, actually, I knew that I had burned my bridges back here. Staying on in DC was the easier choice."

"So you were avoiding us."

Kate shrugged. She wasn't proud of it, but it was true. Rather than facing them once more, she chose to stay there because hiding away had been the easier option.

"Why didn't you try to keep in touch with us? Or why did you have to leave on such bad terms? You didn't have to burn your bridges, you know?"

'Oh, if only you knew,' Kate thought. Instead, she told Alexis, "Everyone was pretty much mad at me by the time I left New York. I did try to keep in touch with Lanie for a while, but it was hard. She, along with everyone else, was still mad at me for not explaining why I was leaving. And we couldn't talk about certain things – it made me miss New York and regret my decision, so it was easier for me to not think about those things, and just focus on my career in DC. The both of us were busy as well, and eventually we drifted apart."

"What about the rest of us, huh, Kate? How many years have we been working together? Did you even consider how it would affect us? You abandoned us; ditched Lanie and you didn't even have the decency to explain or let us know what was going on!"

Kate watched Esposito silently, letting him continue his little tirade. It was her turn to do the listening now.

"Three years, Kate!" he emphasized, "Three years and not once did you try to contact the rest of us. You hurt everyone with the callous way you left and your selfish decisions. Then after all this time, you come back and what, just expect things to magically be fine again? You didn't even try to clear things up when you came back!"

"Well I'm trying now," she pleaded.

"Well, it's too little, too late at this point."

Esposito stood to leave and Kate shot out her hand to grab his, stopping him.

"Javi," she called out in earnest, her voice breaking just a little. She couldn't bear it if he gave up on her like Castle did too. That small waver in her voice was enough to make him pause and look at her.

"Javi, I'm so sorry, I really am," she told him, locking gaze with the man that had practically been her brother all those years they'd worked together on the task force. She tried her best to convey her sincerity into that one burning look.

"Were you miserable?" Ryan asked quietly.

She had been drowning in misery and all alone in a new city. Even though she was the one who had left them, she suffered along with the rest of them. The only difference was they had each other and she had to deal with it all on her own.

She'd wanted to return to New York more than anything. In fact, it had been hard trying to stay in DC. Kate thought back to the countless nights she had cried herself to sleep, all alone in her little apartment.

Kate dropped her gaze to the floor.

"More than you can imagine," she whispered.

"Good," Ryan replied evenly.

Kate looked up at him. While Esposito had been like an older brother to her, Ryan was more like a younger brother to her, but a brother nonetheless.

The look he gave her wasn't judgmental or spiteful. In fact, Kate would venture that it was somewhat closer to sympathy.

That small sign of pity from Ryan told her maybe he was beginning to soften towards her. The thawing in his demeanor was all Kate needed to persevere through this dark time. Relief coursed through her as her spirit filled up and lifted once more. It might be premature of her, but she couldn't help it.

Esposito gave her hand a small squeeze.

Kate had almost forgotten that she was still holding on to him.

"It's been a long day. Go and rest, Kate. Ryan and I will take the first shift," he said gruffly.

She gave him a thankful squeeze in return. There were no words needed. Maybe the first step to mending their relationship was simply showing them that she had hurt all along with them.

Kate was lying on her side when the door creaked open. Her back was facing the door, but she could see from the outline of the shadow that it was Alexis.

Castle's daughter shuffled in silently, shutting the door behind her and cloaking the room in shadows of grey once more. The mattress dipped as Alexis climbed into bed.

"Kate?" she asked softly.

Kate opened her eyes but remained facing the wall.

"I'm tired, Alexis. Can we do this another time?"

"Okay. I'll talk to dad," she offered quietly, "Maybe he'll come around. Good night."

A tear silently tracked down her face but Kate's voice was steady when she replied.

"Good night, Alexis."

A myriad of emotions plagued Kate – relief, hope, apprehension, anticipation and acceptance. But under the surface lay pensiveness, remorse, confusion and sadness. Why did she still feel so disheartened and miserable? Wasn't the truth supposed to set you free?

Her last thought before falling asleep was, 'Yeah, but Castle still doesn't know the truth.'

A/N: Thoughts?