Chapter 114

Without a noise, without my pride
I reach out from the inside

Standing on the small wooden steps leading to the studio door, Robin nervously smoothed down her hair. The text message had been a surprise but she had little idea if it was a good one or a bad one. She had not planned on giving him the list until his memory came back and even when he asked for it she had been reticent to hand it over. She wasn't sure why she wanted to hold on to it - perhaps it was something that belonged to pre-surgery Patrick - the one who danced with her on Valentine's Day, who kissed her senselessly in the shadow of Edinburgh Castle, it was the one who loved her long into the night. It wasn't that she was ungrateful that he was recovering and given all the possible complications he could have suffered, she knew he got off easy. But every once in a while, she missed that Patrick.

Sucking in a sharp breath she curled her hand around the door handle and pulled it open.

Standing at the window with his hands jammed in his pockets, Patrick slowly turned around and smiled at her. "H-hi"

Having stepped just inside the door, Robin shifted anxiously from one foot to the other. "Hi" she answered in a small voice.

Sensing her nervousness he crossed the room and stood in front of her. He pulled her jacket from her shoulders and laid it on the chair.
Cupping her face with both hands, he closed his mouth of hers in a languid, loving kiss. He swept his tongue inside her mouth and dragged it along her own before slowly pulling away. Robin grabbed hold of his belt loops to keep herself steady.

"You..." she smiled shyly, "are the best kisser I know."

He playfully raised his eyebrows. "B-better be only k-kisser"

"You are" she replied softly.

Patrick slid his fingers through hers engulfing her tiny hand with his and led her to the rocking chair. Sitting down and leaning against the soft blanket draped over the back he pulled her onto his lap, resting his hands on her hips.

"L-like the list" he told her haltingly. "I...I...would like to d-do everything on the list."

"Patrick, you don't have to say that" she told him quietly. "You don't have to try and-"

He held a finger against her lips. "I am okay" he reassured her. "And I...w-w-want to do it with you. M-maybe you don't want....to...be with me?"

Robin's eyes filled with tears as she inhaled sharply. Never in a million years had she considered that he might think she would not want to be with him. It was not an option for her to walk away from him - she loved him completely. She opened her mouth to speak but a small strangled sob was the only noise she could make.

Slowly rocking the chair back and forth, he reached up with his hands and stroked her cheek. "We don't-"

She shook her head. "I love you" she told him tearfully. "Of course I want to be with you."

"Wh-what's wrong?" he asked her softly.

"Nothing" she whispered with a small shake of her head.

Patrick swallowed thickly and prayed for his words not to fail him, not yet. "I ...I talk slow" he began, grimacing as he struggled for the words. "I t-t-talk slowly but I th-think fast" he told her pointedly.
Tapping his own chest he continued. "I n-not a patient. I....am....your boyfriend."

Several stray tears slipped from her eyes and Patrick gently brushed them aside. He could feel the tension coiled tightly in her body and he tugged her closer to him as he continued to gently rock the chair. Their eyes remained locked on each other as he patiently waited for her to speak. She needed to find her way back to trusting him and seeing him as more than a sick person and he was prepared to wait as long as needed for that to happen.

The tears continued to trickle down her cheeks and he continued to bat them away. Inhaling sharply she blurted, "Your heart stopped. Your heart stopped and I had to revive you."

His eyes widened, his face softened and he sighed. "Oh" He closed his arms around her and hugged her tightly to his body.

She buried her face in his neck and cried softly. "Your heart stopped" she repeated as he soothingly stroked her hair. "You scared the shit out of me." Robin took one shuddering breath after another. At night, just as she was drifting off to sleep, the scene of him collapsing would replay in her mind and she would relive it all – the fear, the panic – and some nights, the bad nights, he wouldn't revive and she would force herself to wake up and touch him so that she could know it was all a bad dream.

Sitting up, she ran her hand over his heart and stared at him. Leaning in, Patrick kissed the tears under one eye and then the other. His hands trailed over her shoulders as he softly kissed her neck. Robin closed her eyes and lost herself in the comforting feel of his lips on her skin. As he moved across the hollow of her neck and sucked softly at the skin there she felt the confidence in his kiss. There was no tentativeness and no hesitation in him. His fingers worked quickly on the buttons of her blouse and he pushed the soft cotton from her shoulders as he continued to leave a trail of small, wet kisses against her skin.

As he buried his face in the dip between her breasts she threaded her fingers through her hair and inhaled sharply. He worked his tongue in small, precise circles sending shivers through her.

"Patrick," she rasped.

Raising his head he dragged his thumb along her chin and smiled. "You need to kn-kn-know I'm okay and I can make you feel okay."

"We don't have to" she said, "I can wait"

He shook his head. "I can't." Sliding his arm around her back, he flicked open the clasp of her bra and as it fell away from her body, he took hold of it and dropped it on the side. He fastened his mouth over hers in a hot, wanton kiss, as they rocked back in forth in the chair.
Suddenly overcome with the need to feel his skin against hers, she pulled insistently at the hem of the sweater. Patrick broke the kiss long enough to tug the sweater over his head and toss it to the floor.

Her hands swept wondrously over his chest, the warmth of his skin was soothing to her. The chair moved in a languid rhythm as he peppered her skin with tiny kisses. As he closed his lips around her nipple, his tongue laving it, her breath slipped from her in a moan. She could feel his erection pressing up into her and the friction from rocking was pushing her quickly to the edge. Throwing her head back, she clenched her eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath as he moved to the other breast.

Proving that he still knew her body well, he stopped rocking and pulled them both to their feet. He flicked open the button of her jeans and unzipping them, pulled them down. Her legs trembled as she stepped out of them and he circled an arm around her waist to hold her steady. He cupped her sex, slipping a finger inside as she dropped her head to his shoulder, leaning her body into him. Every nerve ending was waking up from a long slumber and her body was reaching for him.

She pressed frantic, urgent kisses against his shoulder and moved to his chest. Her hands found his belt and made quick work of it with his zipper following suit. The jeans slipped from his waist. Bending down, he retrieved his wallet from the back pocket and pulled out the protection they needed.

Stepping backwards he sat down on the rocking chair and tearing open the small packet, quickly sheathed himself. Holding out his hand to her in invitation, he saw her hesitation.

"R-robin" he whispered.

Her eyes filled with tears once again as he finally managed to say her name. And though she stood naked in front of him, hearing her name from his lips made her feel wrapped in tenderness.

"Are you sure?" she asked, her chest heaving.

"V-v-very" he answered with his hand still outstretched.

Robin placed her hand in his and let him guide her to him. Hooking one leg through one side of the chair and then the other, she slowly lowered herself on him both groaning at the contact. It had been more than two months since they had made love and while she had certainly gone longer than that without, she had missed the physical closeness with him acutely.

His hands explored the length of her back as they rocked together in unison with the movement of the chair. He nipped at her bottom lip before thrusting his tongue inside the velvety softness of her mouth. His tongue moved in time with his hips as she sank into the kiss. She dragged her thumbs across his nipples eliciting an excited hiss for her efforts.

"Oh god" she sighed as his mouth continued to assault her neck. She could feel her climax building and there was a part of her that was afraid to let go. She had spent so much energy lately trying to stay in control she worried what would happen if she wasn't.

He felt her tense and slid his hand between them gently stroking the sensitive bundle of nerves at the apex of her sex. Locking eyes with her, he thrust deeply, the chair rocked more quickly, pushing her closer and closer to the edge.

"I l-l-love you" he trembled, "c-come with me"

Her mouth dropped open, gasping for breath as he continued to push her, to take her where he knew she needed to go. His burned brightly with his love for her and finally there was a flash across her face as she cried out his name.

She collapsed against him, shivering and shaking, her face buried against his shoulder. The rocking slowed and he lovingly stroked her back, whispering soft kisses along her skin.

As their breathing returned to normal, they disentangled themselves from each other. Patrick set her gently on the ground as he rose to his feet. He pulled the blanket from the back of the chair and taking her by the hand, let her to rays of bright sunlight beaming through the window. He sank to the ground, pulling her with him and wrapped them both in the blanket.

"Okay?" he asked quietly as he brushed his lips against her ear.

Robin nodded. She felt boneless, as though she could float away if not for his arms keeping her next to him.

"You can t-t-tell me anyth-th-thing" he said.

Tilting her head to the side, she looked up at him. "There is something I need you to know" she told him.

"Wh-what?"

There were a bundle of words on the tip of her tongue, truths that were asking to be released. But as she opened her mouth to speak, they fell away. She was not ready to tell him.

"I love you. I love you and I want to do the list with you too."

Patrick sighed silently. There was more, he knew it but for whatever reason she still would not tell him. He would be patient with her as she had no doubt been with him. But if he had learned anything in the last few weeks, it was the truth always comes out whether you want it to or not.