Chapter 124

You were meant for me

Mac's house was his first stop and as the taxi pulled up to the driveway, unspeakable relief washed over him when he saw Robin's car. Standing on the doorstep, his hand shook slightly as he raised it to knock on the door. He had little idea what was waiting for him on the other side but the one thing he did know was that his father was right. He had to get her. He needed her to come home. They could fight, scream, stop talking to each other, whatever but they needed to do it at home, together.

The knowledge that he ran out on her, regardless of his reasons for doing it, was like a kick to the gut. He could be cocky and arrogant but underneath that veneer of indifference what mattered to him most was taking care of the people who mattered to him. For a long time there had been few names on that list of people that mattered but when he added Robin's name to it everything changed and he was not ready to give that up.

He had barely knocked when the door pulled open and Mac greeted him with a glare.

"Is there something you want?" he asked, blocking his path.

Patrick nodded. "R-robin."

The police commissioner scoffed. "What did you do to her?" He had had his fill of people hurting his niece and he would be damned if he was going to let it continue. "Got a look at what life with an HIV+ person is like and decided it was too much? After everything she did for you?"

Patrick shook his head. "Wh-what? N-no." Mac folded his arm across his chest and gave him an incredulous look.

The muscle in Patrick's jaw flinched in frustration as he tried to speak but his tongue was uncooperative. Reaching into his jacket he pulled out a small pad and a pen. It was humiliating to have to converse in notes. It was hard enough with the people who loved him but having to plead his case in writing to others outside his tight knit circle was mortifying.

She never told me her protocol failed. I found out by accident this afternoon and we fought and she ran out. I need to see her – and she needs to see me whether you believe it or not.

Mac twisted his mouth to the side and exhaled slowly. When he came home and saw Robin's car in the driveway he had assumed that she was just stopping by as she had taken to doing in the last week. He had started to panic when he didn't find her on the couch or in the kitchen. When he found her in her old room, clutching a teddy bear, eyes swollen and puffy he believed the worst; that she had finally found a way to tell Patrick about her change in protocol and he had rejected her. He had been bitterly disappointed as he had come to like the young doctor quite a bit and felt he was a good match for his niece.

He was somewhat relieved to know his assumptions were wrong but that did little to quell the concern he had for Robin and the toll everything was taking on her.

"Do you love her?"

It was a monumental effort on his part not to roll his eyes at being asked that question for a second time. Had he really done such a terrible job of letting her and others know that he loved her – loved her beyond reason?

"A th-thousand times yes" he stated as confidently as he could.

Mac looked him up and down and stepped out the way to let him through. As Patrick crossed over the threshold, Mac put his hand on his shoulder. "She's upstairs sleeping."

He nodded his thanks and started to move in the direction of the staircase but Mac pulled him back a second time. "If you hurt her in any way I will completely abuse my authority as Police Commissioner and have you arrested and locked up for a week on trumped up charges. Capiche?"

"Yes" he answered quietly, trying to hold back from sprinting up the stairs to Robin. The delay was probably a good thing because beyond "getting her" he had yet to figure out what he would say or how he would make her understand how much he loved her and needed her in his life.

Slowly and a little unsteadily he climbed the stairs to her room. He quietly pushed open the door and a small gasp escaped from the back of his throat as he spied her curled into a ball underneath the bedcovers. Her eyes were rimmed bright pink and they were swollen with the remnants of a river of tears that had been shed. She seemed small and despite her stature he had never thought of her as small. His heart was threatening to leap from his chest and all he wanted to do was crawl into bed with her, take her in his arms and love her senselessly.

But would he be welcome?

Not wanting to hazard a guess at that particular answer, he padded across the floor, installing himself in the chair by the desk and waited. He had waited a lifetime for a love like hers – waited for it without knowing it – a few minutes more was worth it.

He liked the way her long, brown hair fanned out around against the peach pillow case. Blondes had always been his thing with the occasional redhead thrown in for fiery fun. Brunettes had never really captured his attention until she threw open the doors to that OR and burst into his life.

It had not taken him long, after meeting her, to figure out that it would be a losing cause to play poker with her. She had a way of keeping her face and her eyes neutral in almost any situation. He had, at first, assumed that she was largely indifferent to the world around her which was why he set out to aggravate her and annoy her as much as possible. He was desperate to provoke a reaction from her. But after they started to spend time together and she slowly peeled away the layers to reveal the amazing person she was, he understood that rather than being indifferent, she felt things very deeply but trusted few with that knowledge.

She had trusted him once and he would do everything he could to make sure she did so again.

Her long lashes fluttered against her cheeks and she inhaled sharply as she pried open her eyes. She gave a small stretch and rubbed the back of her neck before looking around the room. Her heart thundered against her ribs as her eyes landed on Patrick. Blinking rapidly, she pulled herself to a sitting position but kept the covers tightly around her.

"Hi" he greeted her softly, with a weak smile.

She sucked on her bottom lip before answering. "Hi."

"I…I…I'm s-s-sorry."

She shook her head and closed her eyes. She didn't want his kindness - it was too much to take after what she had said to him. She had always been taught to guard her anger carefully as things said in the heat of the moment were not excused because of it. And she had said terrible things to him in anger.

"Don't apologize, please" she pleaded. "Just go."

"No."

Her eyes snapped open and she stared at him; she could see the resolution and determination in his eyes but she dared not hope that it was more than him doing what he felt he should do in light of everything. With her legs pressed to her chest she tucked her hair behind her ears and dropped her gaze.

"Patrick – we can't….I was wrong in what I said to you but I don't think we should be together. You can have the apartment and I'll stay here with Mac until I sort something out."

"Do…you….love….me?" he asked haltingly. If he had been asked the question twice in one day, perhaps it bared being asked again.
Robin looked off to the side and tiredly ran her hand over her face. Loving him was the not the problem. She was the problem.

"It's not-"

He cut her off. "Do….you……l-l-love me?" he repeated with great effort.

"Yes" she whispered, still not looking at him.

He blew out his cheeks in relief. For a brief moment he thought it was possible she didn't love him, that she had stayed with him because she had to but now had her 'get out of jail' free card. Hearing her reaffirm that she did made everything possible once again. Pushing himself out of the chair, he moved to the bed and sat on the far end of it. He could reach out and touch her but he held back.

"I…l-l-love you."

"You can't" she whispered tearfully.

He furrowed his brow in confusion and reached for his pad of paper. Why not?

Robin read the note and exhaled shakily. "Because. Because I told you it was your fault that my protocol failed which is impossible. Because you feel obligated to stay with me after everything. Because you can't….you just can't love me."

A bitter lump formed in his throat as he stared at her. It was reminiscent of how she was after April Gilbert's death and a torrent of emotions enveloped her. She was flailing about in distress then as she was now and much like that period he wanted to be the one she held on to.

YOU ARE NOT MY OBLIGATION! He wrote. I love you because you are kind and generous and strong and giving. I love you because you stood by me when I fell apart and you help me pick up the pieces. I love you because you're Robin Scorpio and you were meant for me.

Fresh tears streamed from her puffy eyes as she read the paper and she pressed her forehead to her knees. "You just can't."

"Y-yes. I….can." He moved closer to her on the bed and hastily scribbled another note.

I know we have so much to work through and we will. I was wrong to leave you when I was sick and I don't understand how I could have done that but I did and I'm sorry. We will work through all of it – together – at home.

She shook her head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"Why?"

He had to get through to her. He needed to find a way past her defenses and he worried that if he didn't, if he couldn't convince her now that he would never be able to and this great, wondrous love they had would whimper away into the night.

Her head shot up and narrowing her eyes, she glared at him. "You CAN'T love me like this" she shouted. Lifting up her sweater she revealed the small clusters of purple marking her torso. "You CANNOT LOVE ME, like this" she cried.

Patrick said nothing for several long, torturous seconds. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it open. He thumped the tattoo over his heart while looking at her. "Yes…I….c-c-can. And I do."

"No" she told him hoarsely, with little conviction in her voice. She wanted to dive in to his arms but couldn't bring herself to let go. Letting go meant trusting that he would be there, trusting that she was going to be strong and she was low on trust at the moment.

I had a seizure, in a hotel room, and you were there. You took care of me and weren't scared off. We're a team and I'm not scared of spots on your body. I am scared of losing you.

Robin looked up in surprise. "Do you…do you remember the seizure or did someone tell you?"

"Remember" he told her proudly. The memory had come to him in the taxi ride over and while he could not quite place the hotel room, everything else was incredibly vivid to him.

She smiled tearfully. "That's great news."

"C-c-come home" he told her, moving closer again.

Robin shook her head. "Patrick-"

He tapped his tattoo again. "Come h-h-home."

She looked up at him, eyes swimming in tears unspent and she was at a loss as to what to do next. Her heart and her head were warring with each other and she could not move with all the noise they were making.

Making one more move forward, he cupped her face with his hands, his thumbs swiping at the trail of tears. Dipping his head he softly, tenderly closed his mouth over hers and kissed her with every fibre of his being.

She was stunned at first but his kiss was lovingly insistent and she was unable to resist her feelings for him. Hooking her hands around his neck, she returned his kiss, pressing her body against his.

Breathlessly they broke apart and he rested his forehead against hers, his lips hovering over hers.

"H-home…with…m-me."

Too overcome to speak she simply nodded and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.