Chapter 135

You've got to count your blessings,
Count your lucky days

A small appeared across Patrick's face as he felt Robin's lips peppering soft kisses on his chest. Lazily drawing her closer to him he kissed the top of her head. "M-m-morning," he mumbled sleepily.

"Morning" she repeated.

Patrick caught his breath as she lifted her head from his chest and a curtain of long, rich brown hair framed her faced and draped casually over her shoulders. A smattering of freckles appeared on her shoulders where the sun had kissed her. He gently tucked the hair away from her face and bussed her lips.

She swept a hand across his chest as her skin flushed under his gaze. He had a way of looking at her, of drinking her in, that made her stomach drop. "How are you feeling this morning? Any nausea, chills?"

He good naturedly rolled his eyes. "You h-have to st-st-stop." With a light groan he grabbed the board and pen from the nightstand. Robin, you need to stop acting like you are somehow responsible for this.

"But I am" she replied softly.

He shook his head. "No" The condom broke. It happens and we deal with it.

Rolling away from him she flopped against the pillows and let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't understand how you are so calm about this. Every time I think I've reached a point where I'm okay with it, it all comes rushing back."

I'm calm because what else can I do? You taught me that after the Gilbert surgery - that I had to keep it all in perspective and not let my mind race to all the worst case scenarios.

Chuckling softly she shook her head. "I taught you that, huh? Can we file it under the 'do as I say, not as I do' category?"

Rolling on to his side he softly stroked his hand across her belly. "It's g-g-going to be okay," he told her.

"I don't know what I'd do if you ever became sick because of me" she whispered as she slipped her hand inside of his.

With his one hand free, he scribbled awkwardly on the board. Even if the worst happened I would not be sick because of you.

"I'm trying to have faith Patrick but it's just feeling a little hard to come by."

Dropping a kiss over her heart, he raised his head and smiled lovingly at her. He had drawn so much strength from her when he needed it; he remembered clearly standing on the rooftop of the hospital after his first exposure and being absolutely inert with fear, unsure of how he could keep going. She had called his name and he had tugged her to his body, wrapping his arms around her and holding her tightly. The warmth of her body against his, the feel of her heartbeat was all he needed in that moment to know he would get through it and he wanted to do the same for her.

Robin ran her hands over his shoulders, tracing small patterns against his skin. He was careful, patient and kind with her - as she had been with him when he was struggling with his tumour - and not for the first time she thanked the universe for putting him in her path and for getting her out of her own way and letting things unfold as they were meant to.

"We need some fun!" she said suddenly and laughed as Patrick waggled his eyebrows. "Not that kind of fun - not yet" she addeed softly. "Why don't we challenge Alexis and Eric to a couple of games of pool over beer and wings?"

Patrick smiled and kissed her shoulder. "G-good idea. Seeing Sm-smitty this aft, will ask."

He blew out his cheeks as he finished his sentence. Despite reassurances from his speech therapist that he was making substantial improvement, he had yet to see it. In his mind he felt no further along than he did when he woke up in the hospital speaking gibberish. There was a part of him that felt ungrateful for his frustrations over his speech; having read his chart more times than he could count he was well aware, clinically at least, that his outcome exceeded all expectations. But there were days he felt less than whole as he had to resort to writing his thoughts rather than speaking. And the banter - the banter rife with double entendres and innuendo - that he so enjoyed with Robin was almost impossible.

Sliding her fingers under his chin and tipping his face towards her, Robin closed her mouth over his in a languid, passionate kiss. "We're going to kick their asses" she teased as they broke away, "and have them crying for their mamas!"

"I l-like f-f-fiesty" Patrick teased. "You sh-shower, I'll coffee."

"Deal" she grinned, stealing another kiss before kicking the covers back and heading to the bathroom.

****
Seated bedside, Eric watched Joshua's chest rise and fall in time with the ventilator. He had been horrified to discover from one of the nurses that there had been no visitors save for an officer from Child and Protetctive Services. With both of his parents in jail on charges of abuse and endangering the welfare of a minor, there was no one to sit vigil with him and he found himself wondering how he would ever wake up if he didn't think there were people who wanted him to? He had a sweet face framed by a mess of dark black curls; his skin was a light olive and there was a light dusting of freckles scattered across his nose.

"So what do you think Joshua - or is it Josh?" he asked out loud. "Would you like me to read to you? Being a big guy of six you're probably in to Harry Pottery or Lemony Snicket but unfortunately I only have Dr. Seuss - I hope that's not too uncool for you."

Under almost any other circumstance he would have felt ridiculous talking out loud to a patient he did not know but in this room with the soft hiss of the ventilator it seemed like the most natural thing to do. Reaching into the small plastic bag he retreived a book.

"How do you feel about 'Oh, the places you'll go?' Actually I have a great story about this book," he pattered on. "I have this amazing cousin and when I graduated high school she gave me a copy of it as a gift. I know what you're thinking - you're thinking if Dr. Seuss isn't cool at six then it definitely isn't cool at 18 but you know what Josh? It's the best gift I ever got. To have someone to encourage your spirit of adventure and discovery is a generosity that cannot be matched."

Cracking open the book, he began to read. Every once in a while he would look up from the page and see the young boy's eyes fluttering and for a moment - just a moment - his heart would race thinking he was responding. But the surgeon in him knew it was far too early for him to respond to any kind of stimuli like that. Having finished the story, he closed the book and slipped it back in his bag. He took his little hand in his own and rubbed it.

"Okay buddy, I have to get going but I'll be back later on to check on you. Take it easy Josh."

Pushing back his chair and rising to his feet, he froze in his spot when he saw Patrick standing on the other side of the door. Smiling weakly, he gave a small wave and headed out to meet him.

"Hey Pantsy - how's it going?"

"G-good" he answered quietly. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm good" he answered quickly. "Want to have a cup of awful coffee with me?"

Patrick nodded and the two friends headed in silence to the cafeteria. As they slid into their seats in the far corner away from prying eyes, Patrick pulled out the board.

Is that the patient Robin assisted on?

Eric nodded. "She was brilliant" he gushed. "Your girlfriend is one talented doctor."

Patrick smiled knowingly. Damn straight. And while you are welcome to borrow her brilliance in my absence, when I get back to work I'm not sharing.

"Meanie" he teased.

Smitty - I want you to promise me that you're going to be careful.

Reading his note, Eric scrunched up his face. "What are you talking about?"

All the nurses knew I could find you in his room - they tell me you've been spending all your free time in there.

"And?" he asked tightly. "I wasn't aware it was a crime to check in on my patients."

Patrick shook his head. That's not what I mean and you know it. You can't get attached to him - it will only end badly for you.

"I'm NOT attached" he answered a little more loudly than he had intended."I read him a story for christ's sake - he's six and alone. Unlike you, I'm actually not terrified of kids or afraid I'll catch cooties if I spend time with them."

No, you're the opposite of terrified of them - you run towards them. There is a reason you don't regularly do peds cases, remember? This is why. I'm asking you to be careful.

His blue eyes clouded over and he fixed his friend with a steely look. "Is there a point to your visit today other than to annoy the shit out of me?"

Knowing he had pushed his friend as far as he could, Patrick dropped the subject. Robin wants to kick your ass at pool and I figured it would be good for Alexis to watch you cry. You game?

His mouth curled up into a half smile and blowing out his cheeks, he nodded. "Sure. Of course, I'll refrain from commenting on what it means about your manhood that you send your girlfriend to beat me at pool - at least I'll refrain from commenting until she's within earshot."

"Such a p-p-prince" he teased, getting to his feet. "We c-c-cool?"

Eric nodded. "Always."

Patrick smiled as he scribbled one last note. Jakes' 8pm - tell Alexis to bring extra tissues, you'll need it.

As the door to Jake's swung open Robin looked up from the table and clapped giddily as Eric and Alexis walked in. "Let the ass kicking begin!"

Grinning as she approached the table, Alexis shook her head. "Please be gentle with him Robin, the last time you beat him he cried for a week."

Eric dropped her hand and stepped to the side. "Es-tu Alexis? You're supposed to be on my side."

"I am?" she asked with faux innocence. "But I was told this would be great entertainment - and you know how I like to be entertained."

"Yes I do" he replied smugly, "and if you aren't careful you may find yourself without entertainment for a long, long time."

"Lalalalalalalalalala" Patrick plugged his fingers in his ears.

"Meh" Alexis replied, sliding into the chair beside Robin. "I'm not worried. You like entertainment as much as I do and I'm quite convinced you can't actually go without for a long, long time."

"I hate you" he told her as he sat down beside Patrick. Reaching for the pitcher of beer, he filled the four glasses and passed them around. "And would someone please tell me how I became Robin's whipping boy?"

"The position was vacant" she answered, smiling. "And you fit the bill - you have a pulse."

"Okay, now I hate you too" he teased. "Are we playing for something - I mean other than the glorification of Robin's ego?"

Patrick nodded. "Weekend aw-w-way at Hamptons. L-losing team cooks for w-w-winning team"

"Hmm" Eric mused, "those are indeed interesting terms. I think I'm quite happy to lose. Alexis can cook for you both and the food poisoning will take your bragging down a few notches." He laughed as he dodged the pretzel she threw at him.

"You ready to put your cooking where your mouth is Smitherman?" Robin asked, pushing back her chair.

Eric got to his feet. "Smug is ugly in one so little."

"Keep talking giant boy - the fall from way up there will just be that much sweeter."

Reaching for Robin's hand, Patrick pulled her to him and brushed his lips against her cheek. "You're h-h-hot when you trash t-t-talk" he whispered.

Cupping his face, Robin kissed him full on the mouth, sweeping her tongue ever so briefly inside his mouth. "You're just hot"

Smiling, Patrick slapped her ass as she sashayed to the pool table.

*****
"So nice of you to let me break" Eric mused as he lined up his shot.

Leaning against her cue she shrugged her shoulders. "Well I figured it was only sporting to let you get at least one turn at the table."

As the green ball sank in the far pocket he shook his head. "One of these days Scorpio I am going to make you eat your words."

"But not today, right?"

"Likely not" he chuckled.

"How are you doing Eric?" she asked casually as he looked for his next shot.

Looking at her over his shoulder, he narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?" he asked suspiciously, thinking back to his conversation with Patrick in the cafeteria.

Not noticing the tone in his voice, Robin absently chalked her cue. "I'm just thinking it's been a while since you've moved here, you've started at a new hospital -how are you feeling about all that? 'Cause I don't think it was in your plans."

Letting out a long slow breath, he smiled. "You're right. It wasn't in my plans at all but sometimes the universe takes you off the path you're on and the payoff is pretty huge. I'm a lucky guy Robin - I get to be in the same city as my best friend, I've fallen in love with a most amazing woman and that makes the trade off of putting up with you worth it," he joked.

Robin tossed the chalk at him. "You're a jerk," she retorted with a grin. "But I'm glad you're around and in case I haven't said it, I'm glad Patrick has you."

"Right back at ya. Now, are you trying to distract me with your kindness or are you going to let me shoot?"

"I suppose" she sighed heavily. "Might as well get your final shots in before I clear the table."

As Eric leaned his lanky frame over the table, Robin cast a glance over to the table where Alexis and Patrick appeared to be laughing at some kind of joke and in that moment felt much of the heaviness of the last few days lift from her shoulders. There was no way to truly lighten the burden that exposing Patrick to HIV was for her but these touchstones of normalcy and the subtle reminders that life goes on without fail helped.

****
Patrick poured Alexis another beer and passed the glass to her. "Never knew you d-d-drank b-beer."

She grinned. "If my artistocratic family could see me now they'd be spinning in their graves and that cheers me to no end." Leaning forward, she clinked glasses with him. "Your speech is really coming along."

He shook his head. "T-t-two year olds sp-speak better."

"Only the really smart ones." Patrick stuck his tongue out at her.

Running her finger along the rim of her glass, she chewed on her bottom lip as she worked her way to what she really wanted to tell him. She had gone back and forth on the subject wondering about whether she should or not but in the end decided that if it were her, she would want someone to do the same thing. "Patrick do you remember that you engaged me as your lawyer prior to your surgery?"

Furrowing his brow, he searched his mind for some memory of it and while he could not find it, the news rang true with him. "Don't remem-m-mber"

"You dictated a will to me, the week before your scheduled surgery. Neither your father nor Robin know about the will - though they know I was acting as your lawyer as I gave them your letters. And I'm wondering - it's up to you - but I'm wondering if you would like to read your will and see what your frame of mind was prior to surgery? I was thinking maybe it would be helpful?"

Exhaling, he sank back against the chair and stared into his beer. He wrote a will. He was so concerned about the outcome of the surgery he dictated a will; it seemed there were aspects of the person he was prior to surgery that he did not recognize now. While it made sense that he did so it just seemed like such a foreign idea in many ways. What were his thoughts just prior to surgery? He had some idea from the letters he wrote but a will was a much different beast - it was a final word on his life, or what he meant to be the final word on his life. And in there could lie a key to more memories.

He nodded "I would l-l-l-like that"