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Chapter 10
Rachel's POV
If I could give you the world
On a silver platter
Would it even matter
You'd still be mad at me
If I can find in this
A dozen roses
Which I'd give to you
You'd still be miserable
In reality
I'm gon be who I be
And I don't feel no faults
For all the lies that you bought
You can try as you may
Break me down when I say
So, the last couple of months haven't been especially easy. Blaine walked out on me one night after an argument and I haven't heard from him since. I mean, we work together at Andrew Lloyd Webber Productions, of course, but there was nothing there. Rumor had it he was spending all kinds of time with Jesse St. James, who'd recently come out of the closet. Looking back, I kind of knew he was a closeted homosexual, but it didn't dawn on me until then. I'd been auditioning a lot more lately, and getting every role that I'd tried out for, because everyone knew my name. I was getting ready to start rehearsals for 'Cabaret' and I couldn't wait. Of course, I was dating a nice guy now, and I couldn't wait to see him. I was getting ready to finish up for the day, when Blaine swept into my office. I looked at him as he was dressed in red slacks and a black t-shirt and wingtips. I smiled my best professional smile for him and signed some papers I had on my desk.
"Hello Blaine."
"Hey Rachel."
"What brings you by my office?"
He was staring at me. And then it pained me just how much I'd missed him. It didn't matter just how angry we were at each other, all I knew at that point in time was just how much I'd missed him. I couldn't bear losing him again, so I wouldn't open my heart.
"The director of Cabaret called. Said that he needed you, early. Something about a costume fitting."
I nodded. Something strange had been going on with me over the last month, and I had been putting on weight. I hadn't realized that I was getting bigger, and I didn't think anyone had noticed. Blaine was still looking at me like something was going on. He just kept staring at me.
"What?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Just a little…excuse me!"
I said, getting up and running to the bathroom. This was the third time in two hours I'd gotten sick. Blaine followed me and I looked at him. He looked back at me and I knew that things were different. It was like he knows what was going on with me, even if I didn't.
"Rachel, is there a possibility that you might be pregnant?"
I gasped. I hadn't even thought of it. I'd been so wrapped up with doing different things that I hadn't realized how late my period was. I walked back to my office and looked at my calendar. I counted backwards and started to cry. I was quite possibly pregnant. And I didn't know how I'd handle that. Blaine walked around the other side of the desk towards me, and pulled me into a hug. I was so screwed.
That ain't up to you
Gon on and do what you do
Hate on me hater
Now or later
Cause I'm gonna do me
You'll be mad baby
Blaine and I cancelled our appointments and he escorted me to my gynecologists office. He held my hand, and I knew that things were going to be okay. I'd hoped. Blaine had his head on my shoulder. This closeness between us was going to be the death of me. I figured I'd throw something out there to him, and see what he did. It was now or never, Rachel. So I did it.
"I miss you, Blaine."
"I miss you too, Rachel."
And with that, the doctor found her way into the waiting room. She called me into the room, and I couldn't believe that this was happening to me. I may be pregnant. Sure, I wanted to have a baby, I just wanted to be a little bit more settled first. But this baby was going to be good for Blaine and I.
"Hello, Rachel. How are we feeling today?"
"Good Doctor Watson, thank you. How are you?"
"Great thank you. Who's this strapping young fellow?"
"Blaine Anderson. I'm Rachel's boyfriend."
I nodded, and knew everything was okay. I could feel it. The doctor ran all the necessary tests and we went back to the waiting room. We were going back to the waiting room to talk. He'd confused me when he'd told the doctor that he was my boyfriend. I turned and looked at him.
"You're my boyfriend?"
"Well…I'd hope so. I mean, I want to be. Rachel, you might be pregnant. And the baby's mine. Everything I said to you two months ago, I didn't mean. You know that. It was a stressful time for me. Things weren't going the way I'd wanted it to. And losing you was the worst thing for me. I can't date Jesse. I haven't dated Jesse since two weeks after I walked out. And Dax and you aren't happy. This I know. Dax can't do with you, what I can. I can give you a steady home, and a wonderful apartment, and an even better dog. Babs misses you. I miss you."
I was sold. I needed to move back in with him. And I needed to be with him everyday. Sure, I was still mad that he'd left, and we'd figure that out. Doctor Watson walked back into the office and smiled at me. Right away, somehow or other, Blaine and I instinctively knew that our whole life was going to change.
(Go ahead and hate)
Go ahead and hate on me hater
I'm not afraid of
What I bought I paid for
You can hate on me…
Once Doctor Watson had officially confirmed that I was almost two months pregnant, Blaine and I had reconciled and we were headed to our Starbucks. We had just come around the corner when we saw Finn step in front of us. He looked like he was three hours behind a five o'clock shadow. He looked miserable, and I couldn't believe it. He'd been with Santana for a couple months now, so I could understand just how bad he'd look.
"Hey Finn."
Blaine said. Finn looked up at Blaine, and then looked at me. He had some longing in his eyes. Blaine noticed it and I felt his arm slide tighter around my back. He was being possessive and I smiled warmly.
"Hey guys. You two look happy. Where are you headed to?"
"Starbucks. To celebrate."
"Celebrate? Ahh, yes. Congratulations on Cabaret. The role that got away."
"Well yes, and something bigger too."
I said to him. Then he started looking at me. He noticed something was different and then he started getting irritated. He looked at Blaine, and looked at me. Then he looked back at Blaine again.
"Is it mine?"
"No. The timing's off for you. I'm due in May. The timing for you and me wouldn't be right. It's most definitely Blaine's. Now please, just be happy for us."
"Happy for you? Happy for you? You cheated on me, with someone I trusted! With someone Kurt trusted! And now, you want me to be happy for you? No, fuck that shit, Rachel! I hope you and Blaine are happy together."
And he walked away. I sat down on the bench and sighed. He was right. But I couldn't believe just how much pain I was putting him in. I started to cry, and Blaine sat down next to me.
"Don't let him get the better of you, Rach. You're stronger than he is. You're so much better than him. He's trying to bring you down because Santana's miserable. You've got me, and Kurt. And you don't need anyone else. Okay?"
And Blaine was right, because once again, he was brilliant. He was smart, and sassy and funny, and everything I wanted. What I didn't realize, was that Finn was going to ruin my life. And I didn't realize just how much power he truly wielded.
Ooh, if I gave you peaches
Out of my own garden
And made you a peach cobbler
Would you slap me out?
Wonder if I gave you diamonds
Out of my own womb
Would you feel the love in that
Or ask why not the moon
If I gave you sanity
For the good of humanity
Had all the solutions for pain and pollution
No matter where I live
Despite the things I give
You'll always be this way
So go ahead and…
Hate on me hater
Now or later
Cause I'm gonna do me
You'll be mad baby…
"I'm ruined! I'm so fucking ruined!"
I yelled, as I threw the paper out my office door. I watched as Blaine ducked it. And then he leaned down to pick it up. He read it and his eyes widened. It was technically a Broadway newsletter, but it was a newsletter that everyone read. It was the end all, be all of Broadway newsletters. He sat down across from me at my desk and shook his head.
"How could he do this to us?"
"It's not us, Blaine. It's me. I haven't told Timothy about this yet, because we're having lunch later today. I'm fucked. I'll never work in theater again."
"No, no. There's still damage control we can do. We can get on the phone and still work it out. It's all damage control. All of it. I'm getting Sophia on it now. This won't ruin you."
Blaine kept telling me. I didn't care. I wanted Finn to hurt. Hurt just as bad as he'd hurt me. Even worse. And I'd make damn sure that he would.