Chapter 137

When the day is long and the night is coming down on you
All I can do is love you to pieces

He quietly slipped his key in the lock and turned it. Tiptoeing inside, he gently closed the door behind him. If it had not been for the cold biting at his skin he likely would have sat by the water all night long. It wasn't until he was chilled to the bone that he had even looked at his watch and he had been shocked to discover it was almost eleven o'clock. He had been sitting on that bench for nearly 12 hours. A cursory look at his phone had revealed five missed calls and as many text messages from Robin. At that point he had figured it was better to head straight home rather than call.

"I'm not sleeping" came Robin's voice from the dark.

Patrick reached for the table lamp and flicked it on. He offered a small apologetic smile as she came into view, wrapped in the afghan on the couch.

"Are you okay?" she asked, searching his face for any clue as to what had him out of reach for the better part of a day.

He shrugged as he slid beside her on the couch. "M-m-memory is b-back" he stammered.

Her brown eyes widened in surprise. "All of it?"

He nodded. "I rem-m-member Nurses' B-ball, your sp-peech, Christmas p-party, Scotland, the w-w-waffle maker"

Her eyes misted over as she stared at him in wonder. "How? How did this happen?"

Looking around the room he spotted the dry erase board perched on the breakfast bar. Scrambling from the couch he retrieved it before settling back beside her.

I wrote a will and Alexis asked me if I wanted to read it, thinking it might help fill in some blanks.

She could feel the tension in his body, the vulnerability bubbling just underneath the surface. The muscle in his jaw was twitching and his breathing was shallow. Threading her fingers through the fine hairs at the nape of his neck she pressed a soft kiss to his cheek.

"And it filled in all the blanks?"

He nodded. I wasn't expecting it to. I thought I might get a memory here or there but it all came rushing back.

"That must be hard" she observed quietly as she trailed her fingers along the back of his neck - touching him, reminding him that she was with him.

Sucking in a breath, he picked up a pen and started to write.

I didn't know how scared I was. It's like I'm feeling it all over again. I felt like I was broken before surgery and I missed you so much. I thought of you every night as I fell asleep so I could dream of you and every day when I was awake. You were always with me but I still missed you. Everything hurt so much – the pain in my head was blinding – the seizures left me wasted – I wanted it to end.

Passing the board to her to read, he swiped at his tear filled eyes. Leaning forward, he brought his elbows to rest on his knees. Every memory, every emotion was being relived one right after the other and he was overwhelmed and breathless from it all.

As Robin read his words she had the strange sensation of feeling her heart burst and break at the same time. The small slivers of information he was telling her was letting her fill in her own blanks and while she was reassured by how much he had missed her, the knowledge that he had been on the edge or even over the edge and been alone, gutted her.

"How do you feel?" she inquired quietly.

Turning his head to the side, his eyes wet with tears unshed, his tongue darted from his mouth and swept across his dry lips. "Cr-cr-crushed" he stammered, dropping his gaze to his lap. "Like d-drowning."

Tugging on his shoulder, she turned him towards her and caught his eye. "Hold on to me," she told him, "I won't let you drown."

Sucking in a breath he wrapped his arms around her and held on tightly, burying his face in the soft crook of her neck and breathing in her warm, familiar scent. Robin closed her arms around him, soothingly rubbing his back.

"I love you" she whispered by his ear, her breath on his skin sent shivers through his body.

With his eyes clenched shut, he continued to breath her in. Being able to recall the past was a positive, it was something he had been desperate for but he had not counted on experiencing it all over again. It felt as though he was standing on shaky ground.

He pressed his lips to her neck and then to her shoulder. Lifting his head he went in search of her mouth, closing his lips over hers in a hungry, needful kiss. He cupped her face as he continued to kiss her passionately. His tongue sought out hers in the warm, velvety confines of her mouth and he swallowed down her moan as they tangled together.

Her hands threaded through his fast growing hair as she reclined against the arm of the couch and she cradled him with her hips as he stretched out his long, lean frame against her. Her heart was hammering inside her chest with the loving familiarity of his kiss. It wasn't as though she had been kissing a stranger for the past few months but there had been something different – slight and almost unnoticeable – almost. But now it was as though Patrick having the full picture awakened something in him and everything felt as it once did; his hands that burrowed under her shirt brushing up against her turgid nipples, his hips undulating lightly against hers, even the feel of his lips on hers all felt …they felt complete.

Patrick buried his face on the other side of her neck, suckling on the soft skin. His stubble brushed over her cheek and shoulder leaving a light pink mark trailing behind. He palmed her breasts, kneading them under her sweater as he pressed further against her. Trailing his fingers along her torso, he slipped one hand inside her cotton pyjama pants and brushed against her sex.

Feeling a cold sweat trickle down her back, Robin shifted underneath and away from him, carefully pushing him off. Her chest heaved as she swallowed thickly and her eyes were heavy lidded with desire.

"Patrick" Her voice was hoarse and her body humming.

"Ro-robin. Please."

It had been just over a week since that night at the cabin and he was aware of her nervousness, of her reticence in making love again but he wasn't looking just to scratch an itch, it was about anchoring himself – for as long as he had known her, even when all they would do was argue, she had a way of being solid ground for him. And now, more than anything, he needed that foundation. He also wanted to show her that he was that man – the one she had loved before he had left.

She chewed on her bottom lip. It wasn't that she didn't want to make love with him. Oh god, how she wanted to love him long through the night and into morning. But she was scared, the barrier that kept him safe had failed once already and it was proving difficult to let it go. She fingered her cheek where she could still feel his lips ghosted there and she stared at him.

"I n-need you" he admitted. He would not push further – the next move would be hers. He nervously rubbed his hands on his jeans and waited.

Robin rose to her feet and extended her hand to him. She smiled as she felt his long, slender fingers curl around hers. In so many ways it was as though she was feeling some things for the first time after a long absence. Leading him to the bedroom, she pushed him gently to the bed and pulled his sweater from his head. Making quick work of his button and fly, she tugged his jeans and boxers from his legs and tossed them to the side. Standing in front of him she tugged her sweater over her head and threw it to where his jeans lay haphazardly on the floor.

Reaching for her he brought his hands to rest on her hips, his thumbs stroking her bare skin as his eyes locked on hers. She shimmied out of her pyjama pants and stepping out of them, kicked them away. Her hair cascaded over her shoulders as she tilted her head to the side and gazed lovingly at him.

"I have missed you" she stated. "I mean – you've been here but I have missed having all of you. Does that sound stupid?"

Cupping the back of her head, he drew her towards him. "No" he whispered.

They kissed slowly and wantonly as their hands explored each other's warm skin. Shifting back on the bed and taking her with him Patrick sank against the pillows, their mouths still fused together. His fingers trailed up the back of her thighs, grazing her bare behind; she shivered and bit playfully on his bottom lip. Reluctantly letting go of his mouth, Robin covered his jaw and his neck in short soft kisses until she found the secret spot on his throat that made him moan. She worked her tongue in a small circle, smiling against his skin as he dropped his head back in quiet ecstasy. A lingering kiss was left over his tattoo and she raised her eyes and smiled at him.

"You're beautiful" he mouthed.

His hands moved to the swell of her breasts teasing their curves as they were crushed against his chest. With a low groan he dropped his hands to the side as Robin moved deftly down his body covering his torso in kisses, her mouth following where her hands had been. His arousal throbbed almost painfully and taking hold of her, he swept her underneath him. Plunging a mouth over her breast, he smiled as her hips rose from the bed and her hands flew to his head.

Robin was the only woman he had ever been with whose pleasure only intensified his own. It was the difference between sex and making love and though he had always acted as though he knew the latter, until Robin he had only ever experienced the former.

He moved to her other breast, repeating his ministrations as she stroked his shoulders, gasping at the feelings swirling inside her. Her breathing came in pants as Patrick slid his hand between her legs, curling inside her.

"Oh god, Patrick" she gasped.

His hand moved slowly and deliberately as he peppered her stomach with kisses. Gently easing away from her, he rolled on to his side, reached for the nightstand and retrieved a condom from drawer. Kneeling up, he pressed it to her hand.

He wanted her to feel in control, for her to be sure. There was no such thing as past the point of no return and if she wasn't ready, if she couldn't trust that it was going to be okay then they would wait. He was already feeling stronger, more sure of himself. The doubts and recriminations would come again, that was a given, but the ground already felt more stable underneath his feet.

Mirroring his position, Robin kneeled up and smiled shyly at him. She tore open the tiny packet and unrolled the tip of the condom, inspecting it carefully. Inhaling quietly she curled her hand around his erection and rolled the condom along his shaft.

Patrick bit down on his lip to keep from crying out as she touched him. Sheathed completely, he waited again for her to take the lead.

Sinking back against the pillows Robin held her hand out to him and smiled lazily as he crawled towards her. He kissed her forehead, her eyelids and her cheeks before finally settling on her mouth. He nipped and nibbled on her soft lips before plunging his tongue inside her mouth.

Letting go of his mouth, she moved to his ear and whispered, "Make love with me Patrick."

It was all the invitation he needed. He gently entered her and gazed adoringly at her for several beats before moving his hips. They moved in unison, their hips rocking and their bodies tangled together. Their bodies were covered in a sheen of perspiration as they took time with each other, tasting and touching.

Their climaxes approached quickly, one following the other over the edge and they lay breathless and spent on the bed. Rolling out of his arms, Robin pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed and draped it over them before curling up in his arms.

"Okay?" she asked as her hand swept over his chest coming to stop over his heart.

He nodded wordlessly as his fingers tangled in her hair.

"Welcome back" she whispered.