Chapter 138
All I know for certain is love is all there is

As her alarm softly bleated, rousing her from her sleep Robin blindly reached for it and flicked it off. Reluctantly opening her eyes, she could not help but smile as she saw the way she and Patrick had wound themselves around each other; limbs were tangled together and his face was pressed near to hers, his mouth hovering just abover hers leaving their breath to mingle together. She gazed lovingly at his face, so peaceful in sleep. His long, thick lashes lay swept against his cheeks and his brow, which at one point seemed perpetually furrowed, was relaxed. Hints of gray were streaking through his hair and lifting her hand she touched her fingertips to it. With the sheets pooled around his torso she had a perfect view of his chest and the claddagh emblazoned over his heart.

Everything had changed or changed back, she wasn't yet sure but she was confident they had turned yet another corner. Memories can be easily taken for granted until you don't have them and though Patrick would rarely admit it she knew the struggle to piece the last months together took a toll on him. He had told her once it was as though walking in to the middle of a conversation and knowing only part of what was being discussed but being expected to contribute. It was a gift that his memory returned but she knew well that all gifts came with a price and he would be sorting through his feelings and his decisions from those missing months for a while. But she believed that he would be fine - better than fine.

The alarm bleated a second time and she quickly shut it off. Stealing a quick kiss from him she quietly pushed back the covers and swung her feet to the floor. She ran her hand over her neck where she could still feel the light burn from his stubble and smiled. There was no greater cure for anything than being in his arms and having him wrapped around her. She tucked the covers around him and tiptoed to the bathroom.

She stood unmoving under the jet spray of water, letting the warmth soothe her muscles. The corners of her mouth twitched upwards into a smile as she thought of the patience he had shown her last night. Other men, dealing with their own issues, might not have been as sensitive to her fears - in fact she knew a few who hadn't been - but Patrick had put her needs ahead of his own and in that moment made it possible for her to let go and be in the moment with him. Closing her eyes, she turned her face to the water and whispered silent words of thanks for having Patrick in her life.

Toweled off and dressed, she took one last long look at him and headed to the kitchen. As she swallowed down her protocol she reached for the pad of paper perched on the edge of counter. She was tempted to call in sick and crawl back in to bed with him but knew she was needed at the hospital. Finding a pen, she wrote a quick note and folded the paper, leaving it by the coffee machine. Pulling on her coat, she cast a quick glance around the apartment and smiled. It finally felt like home again.

*****
Inhaling sharply, Patrick groaned as he reached for Robin and was met with empty space. His eyes pried open and lifting his head from the pillow he looked around the room. As his eyes fell on the clock and saw that it was after nine, he realized Robin had gone to work. Rolling on to his back, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and stretched out his lean frame.

His mind was quieter than it had been in a while but he knew it was just a temporary reprieve, that before the morning was out his head would be swimming in an ocean of questions. But in this moment he was grateful just to feel like himself again. Kicking back the covers he sprang from the bed and pulled on his sweatpants that hung haphazardly over the arm of the chair. Padding out to the kitchen he headed straight for the coffemaker, stopping and smiling as he saw Robin's familiar crisp handwriting on a folded paper. He moved it to the side as he flicked the on switch on the coffee maker. As the heady aroma of coffee filled the kitchen, he retreived a mug from the cupboard and filled it.

Leaning against the counter, he cradled is mug in one hand and reached for the note with his other. Giving it a small shake to unfold it, he started to read.

Good morning my love -

I watched you sleep for a little while this morning and I remain in awe at how beautiful and sexy you are. I want you to know just how much I love you - last night was amazing on so many levels. I know that there are still some difficult moments ahead but know that you are not alone, I will be with you through it all. I felt so connected to you and loved by you last night and I want to thank you for continuing to be in my life. And while I am beyond thrilled that your memories have returned, I want you to know that I love - with or without your memories.

Can't wait to come home to you tonight.
R
xoxo

Taking a long sip of his coffee he read the note a second time before laying it on the counter. He let out a long, slow breath and shook his head. It was a mystery to him as to how he got so lucky as to have Robin in his life. How he had considered his life before her to be full was now beyond him. He would not go back to the life he had before meeting Robin, before falling in love with her, for anything.

Setting his mug down on the counter he walked to where his jacket hung on the coat rack and fishing around the inside pocket, pulled out the slightly crinkled will. Sinking on to the arm of the couch he smoothed out the wrinkles and started to read it again. In reading it with his memory intact, without struggling to fill in the blanks, he saw it with new eyes - or old eyes as it were. He had left instructions for his family - for Robin and Eric were as much his family as Noah was - on what he wanted them to do after he was gone, how he wanted them to remember him. And it occurred to him that they shouldn't wait until he's dead to create those memories; he realized in re-reading the will that he wanted to share those moments - all of them - with his family.

His will was just an extension of the to-do list he had made when he was sick. And he was going to have those moments, all of them. Folding up the will, he headed back to the bedroom to get dressed. He needed a plan.

*****
Humming to herself as she worked steadily in the lab Robin looked up as she heard a knock at the door and smiled.

"Do you have a few minutes for a friend?" Alexis asked.

"I have all the time in the world for you" she beamed as she bounded over to her, hugging her tightly.

Taken by surprise, Alexis looked at her in surprise. "What did I do to deserve such a greeting?"

Letting go of her friend she grinned. "His memory is intact – it's back because of you."

Alexis smiled. "That's amazing news Robin – I know how much you have wanted this – how much you both have wanted this. But uh, I can't take any credit, all I did was give him a document that belonged to him."

"You thought enough to give it back to him in hopes that it would help. And it did. And I am so grateful."

"How is Patrick doing with all of it?" she asked, following Robin to the couch.

Sinking down into the cushions, Robin tucked her legs up underneath her. "He's good" she told her. "He's a little overwhelmed by all of it and it's going to take some time for him to sort through it but it feels – it really feels like he is back to his old self."

"I am so pleased for you" she told her softly. "I know this has been a long, hard road for you-"

"And for him" she interjected.

"Yes and for him. I'm just glad that things are falling back into place. You deserve all the happiness life can give you Robin."

The young doctor smiled shyly. "I just – I finally feel like we can start to make plans – real plans. I know he's still struggling with his speech but that'll come too."

Alexis arched a perfectly groomed eyebrow. "Plans? Like marriage and babies?"

Her cheeks flushed brightly. "Yes to the first, I hope and not really on the second."

Leaning back against the couch, Alexis furrowed her brow. "I thought you always wanted children? Is it your health? Because I thought that it was getting easier and easier for HIV+ women to have safe pregnancies."

"It's not my HIV that's the issue" she replied softly, "though it's always a concern. Patrick – Patrick doesn't want children – not really anyways. We had a discussion about it a long time ago and in theory he wasn't opposed to it but he doesn't see himself as a father."

"Robin it's been my experience that very few men really see themselves as a father until it happens. It is such a different process for men but they do get there."

She shook her head. "I don't want him to have to get there Alexis. But he and I are a long way from crossing that bridge, I just want to enjoy what we have at right now, we've waited a long time for this."

"Fair enough," she smiled, squeezing her hand. "Just don't lose sight of what's important to you."

"I won't." Her eyes widened, "I never even asked you what brought you by? Are you here to see Eric?"

Alexis gave a small shrug. "I was going to surprise him but he's busy."

"I can have him paged" she offered.

She shook her head. "That's not necessary. I know where he is, he just is occupied taking care of a patient."

It was Robin's turn to arch her eyebrow. "Taking care of a patient or spending time in Josh's room?"

Alexis grimaced. She felt silly for being so uneasy about the time her boyfriend was spending with his patient but she couldn't help it. In a short period of time he had become very attached to the little boy, buying books to read to him and talking about him all the time. She loved that his heart was so open but it worried her at the same time. The more wide open the heart, the greater the propensity to be hurt.

"He's quite taken with that little boy."

"And it worries you?"

She nodded. "Patrick may not yet see himself as a father but Eric really wants to be one and I worry about him getting so attached to a child that will be sucked up into foster care as soon as he's healthy enough."

Robin sighed. Patrick had raised his concerns about Eric's attachment to Josh as well and while she knew both her boyfriend and Alexis were working from a place of concern, she also knew that Eric didn't see it that way.

"Have you spoken to him about it?"

"Once" she admitted. "It didn't go well. Do you think….do you think I'm crazy for worrying?"

Tucking her hair behind her ears, she contemplated her answer. "I don't think you're crazy," she began carefully. "I think you love him and you want to protect him."

"I sense a but"

Robin smiled. "If the last six months have taught me anything, it's impossible to protect the people you love – especially from themselves. Sometimes you just have to let things happen and be ready to help pick up the pieces when it's over."

Alexis chuckled. "You're pretty smart, you know that?"

"In fact I do," she grinned.

Alexis gave a quick hug before getting to her feet. "I have to run but thank you for the advice."

She shook her head. "Are you kidding? After all you've done for me – for us? Anytime Alexis."

She gave her a small wave as her friend left the lab. Rising to her feet, she gripped the back of the couch as she swayed, overcome by a sudden bout of dizziness. Giving her head a shake, she pushed away the cobwebs.

"I'm going to need a bigger breakfast" she said to herself, "if we keep having nights like last night." She fingered the claddagh around her neck and sighed happily. She had never felt as healthy - physically and emotionally – as she did right now.