Chapter 142

I'm still tripping over echoes left lying in the hall

After a day of sightseeing with Patrick, Robin and Brenda had stolen off for some quiet girl time as Patrick had returned home to rest. Sitting on the Spanish Steps watching the tourists and locals mill about the water fountain in front, she swirled her spoon through the lemon gelato.

Brenda watched her in amusement as her friend made quick work of her second large ball of gelato.

"You're going to have a gelato baby in your belly if you keep that up" she remarked, teasingly.

Robin smiled. "I know but I'm starving! Must be all the walking around we did today."

"Or you have hollow legs"

She stuck her tongue out at her friend as they both leaned back against the steps, letting the late afternoon sun beat down on them. "So you're really not going to tell me what you and Patrick talked about yesterday?"

She shook her head. "Nope. But I will tell you this – you're boyfriend is pretty special."

Robin sighed happily. "I know he is Bren. Don't get me wrong, there are days where he frustrates the hell out of me and I feel like smacking him but that's just silly day to day stuff. Falling in love with him was completely unexpected and better than I ever could have imagined."

"So he's the one?" she asked, polishing off her last spoonful of hazelnut gelato.

Robin tilted her head to the side. "I'm not sure I believe in 'the one'. I've been in love twice before in my life so I don't think there is just one person out there for us. But I do know that he's the person I want in my life – that my life is just….it's just wider with him in it."

"Does that mean you see a future with him?" Her tone was both measured and curious and the small shadow that crossed Robin's face did not go unnoticed.

"Yes and no" she admitted softly.

Sitting up straight, Brenda turned to face her. "What does that mean? Is this about your HIV?"

Setting her now empty cup down on the ground Robin sat up and mirrored her friend's position. "No – though it's always a consideration. Patrick has been amazing about that – he doesn't view it as a limit at all."

"Good because it isn't" she snapped.

Robin grinned. "Yes Mama Bear." Tucking her hair behind her ears she exhaled slowly. "But I think we have other limits."

Brenda's brown eyes went wide. "What do you mean?" she asked trying to quell the nervousness in her voice. Her thoughts went immediately to the sapphire ring currently hidden inside Patrick's luggage.

"Patrick doesn't want children. And I do – not now but someday and I don't know how we come to an agreement on that."

"Has he said he doesn't want children?"

She shrugged. "When he talked about it in the abstract he was open-ish about it but he has said he doesn't see himself as a father. And I'm….I'm not sure I'm willing to give up being a mother." Rolling her eyes, she shook her head. "How crazy is it that I may have to choose between the man I love or the child I've dreamed of having?"

Brenda exhaled and moved closer to her friend. "Have you had this conversation recently with him?" Robin shook her head. "Maybe you should. Robin if any of this happened while he was sick or just after his surgery, his opinions may not be the same now. How many times on the phone did you tell me that some of the words coming from Patrick's mouth were because of the tumour?"

"Bren, I hardly think the tumour was making him say he didn't want to be a father."

"No probably not. But maybe he couldn't conceive of being a father because he had a ticking time bomb in his head. Or because he woke up and couldn't remember anything of the last six months."

Robin gave her friend a quizzical look. "Is there a reason you're my boyfriend's new number one fan?"

Brenda draped her arm around her friend and rested her head against hers. "Yes. I think he's good for you – really good for you. And I know how crazy in love you are with him and I don't like hearing you talk about having to give up one thing to have another. You've had to give up too much already. I think it's worth another conversation with him. Or ten other conversations with him."

Robin sighed. "You're right. And it makes me feel weird having to say that but you are. I love him so much Bren."

"Well you said falling in love with him was a surprise, maybe he has a few more surprises in store for you."

****
"Did you bring a book?" Josh asked hoarsely.

Eric smiled as he lowered himself into the chair at his bedside. "Did I bring a book? What kind of question is that? I brought two books! Have you read any of the Harry Potter books yet?"

"No."

"Well I have the first one with me. Would you like me to start that one?"

The young boy gave a small smile in response. "Okay."

Reaching into his bag, Eric pulled out the book and cracked it open to the first page. It had been almost a month since Josh had wound up on Eric's table and he had been to visit him every single day without fail. Josh was slowly regaining his strength but the road ahead for him was a long one and Eric knew there was little guarantee he would get there.

"Eric?" Josh interrupted.

"Yeah buddy?"

"You'll come tomorrow, right?" It was the same question every day, him seeking assurances that Eric would return.

He had spoken to Lainey Winters about it and she explained that based on Josh's case file, he had been in and out of foster care so often due to his parents, that he was almost permanently nervous about being alone. She too had warned him about creating an attachment to him that he could not follow through on. She told him that Josh already viewed him as someone who rescued him and if he suddenly disappeared from his life the impact could be devastating to the young boy.

"I'll be here" he reassured him. "Because you're going to be dying to know what happens next in this book. Now close your eyes, okay?"

With a smile on his face, Josh closed his eyes and waited for Eric to start. It didn't take long for the sound of Eric's voice to lull him to sleep. Hearing the soft ruffle of his breath, he quietly closed the book and placed it on the bedside table.

Rising to his feet he turned towards the door and stopped suddenly as he saw Alexis looking at him. Quietly exiting the room, he pulled the door shut and bit his lower lip.

"How late am I?" he asked apologetically.

Smiling ruefully, she responded, "I'm pretty sure they've given away our reservation."

"I am so sorry" he told her, snaking his around her waist and drawing her to him. "I lost track of time."

"That's been happening a lot lately" she reminded him.

He dropped his head guiltily. "I'll make it up to you."

"I don't need you to make it up to me" she told him softly, "but I would like to talk about Josh and what he means to you."

His head snapped up. "He's just-"

"I swear to god Eric if you tell me 'he's just a patient' one more time, I am going to scream so loudly dogs will lose their hearing."

Looking at the woman who had come to mean so much to him, he sighed quietly and curled his fingers through hers. "Since I blew our dinner plans would you come back to my place for takeout?"

"Are we going to talk about Josh?" Eric nodded. "And can the takeout be bacon cheeseburgers from Kelly's?"

Smiling, he dipped his head and stole a kiss. "I love you and I've done a lousy job of showing you in the last few weeks."

Having made a pit stop at Kelly's for food, they walked back to his apartment. Alexis settled into the couch as he retrieved plates, napkins and two beers from the kitchen. He unpacked the large brown paper bag and placed the food on the plates, carrying it into the living room and joining Alexis on the couch.

She picked at a French fry and chewed thoughtfully on it. Not the most secure of women when it came to relationships, the mounting number of missed dates had shaken her already fluid confidence. And while she tried to tell herself it was ridiculous for her to get worked up about a little boy, she could not help but feel some pangs of jealousy that her boyfriend preferred the company of a sick six year old boy to her.

"You love Josh. He's not just a patient to you and I don't think he ever has been," she said quietly.

Eric took a long swig from his beer. "I see we're getting right into it"

Alexis nodded. "I don't like to beat around the bush."

He sighed heavily. "I do" he admitted. "He's….I've tried to stay away but I can't. The idea of him being all alone makes me crazy Alexis. He has no one to visit him."

"I don't know why you've not said that before" she told him. "Were you under the impression I would be angry with you? Eric, it's a wonderful thing to see you caring for a child. I feel the same way when I see you with Molly and Kristina. But spending time with Josh has made you secretive – you cancel plans or forget to show up and even though you tell me it's because of work I know it's not."

"I'm sorry" he whispered.

"I just wish you'd be honest with me. I love you and I will support you."

"You didn't want me spending time with him at first" he reminded her.

"No" she shook her head. "It wasn't about spending time with him, it was about you getting your heart stomped on. Eric, he's going to go to foster care when he's well enough and that's going to be really, really hard for you. I would give anything – anything – for you not to have your heart broken."

Taking another long drink from his beer he rubbed his hand over his face. "Karen was pregnant" he told her softly – so softly she had to strain to hear him. "Back when we were together."

"Oh"

"She miscarried at 10 weeks. We hadn't told anyone because we were waiting for that magic three month mark. We said all the right things about trying again when we were ready but three months after the miscarriage I was diagnosed with cancer and two months after that, we broke up."

Alexis moved closer to him, her leg pressing against his. "And your child would be about six if the pregnancy had taken?"

Eric nodded as he felt the sharp prick of tears in his eyes. "Yeah" he answered hoarsely. "I had no idea then that would be my only chance at being a father."

"Oh Eric" she sighed, pressing her lips to his cheek.

"I know – I know I'm too attached and I didn't want to admit to it because it would mean that I should walk away. I've tried Alexis – I've tried to see him as a patient and walk away but I can't. I know what it's like to feel alone and I don't want him to feel that" He swiped at his eyes. "And you're right; I'm going to be heart broken when he gets sucked up by foster care but I can't stop it – I don't know how."

"You're not alone" she reminded him, "you have me."

"I know." He kissed her slowly, dragging his tongue along the seam of her lips. "There's a rich irony here; I've wanted to be a parent for – well forever and I can't see it happening for me. But Patrick has never wanted it – he jokes the best children are the ones who are sedated and I have no doubt he will end up a father."

She was quiet for several minutes, stroking his arm and resting her head on his shoulder. "I know…I know I'm no substitute for dreams denied but….we never would have met if your life had taken a different turn."

His eyes welled with tears and he brushed his lips against hers. "I know" he replied hoarsely. "I thank god every day for you."

"So….we might not always get what we want but I guess in not getting what we want, we sometimes get what we need."

****
Pushing open the French doors to the terrace, Robin smiled happily as she saw Patrick reclining on the chaise longue and staring up at the sky blanketed in stars. Quietly padding across the patio stones, she slipped beside him in the chair and snuggled in close. His arm closed around her and he closed his mouth over hers in a languid, passionate kiss.

"G-g-gelato?" he asked, curling his fingers through her long silky hair.

Robin jokingly rubbed her belly. "So so so much gelato – I have a gelato baby" she replied. "Brenda thinks I might have hollow legs."

Chuckling he placed his hand over hers and rubbed her stomach. "G-gelato baby, g-g-gone in morning. Th-thankfully."

"Yeah" she replied quietly, resting her head on his chest. "So…what are you thinking about here lying under the stars?"

"Th-three things"

"Three things? Wow – you sure you can handle all that at once?" she teased. Patrick rolled his eyes in mock frustration. "So what's the first thing?"

"You. N-naked" He waggled his eyebrows and dipping his head, nuzzled her neck.

Robin shivered as his lips made contact with her skin. It mattered little where he kissed her, the resulting electricity coursing through her was guaranteed. "And the second thing?" she asked trying to ignore the rising heat in her body as his fingers slid under her top and trailed lightly against her torso.

"F-first time ever – I h-have everything I n-need. Could n-not ask for m-m-more"

Robin dropped a lingering kiss in the centre of his chest. "I'm almost afraid to ask what the third thing is"

"H-house on H-hunter street is for s-s-sale. We sh-should buy it." Even under the cover of darkness, he could still see her eyes go wide in shock and he felt his stomach drop.

She raised her head from his chest and scrambled to her feet. "Patrick, that's….that's…that's a huge step."

Sitting up, he swung his legs to the floor. "Th-think we're ready."

Taking a step away from him, she shook her head. "I don't."