Chapter 147

I woke up this morning to an empty sky

Robin sat cross-legged on the bed and watched as Patrick very carefully and very precisely folded his clothes and placed them in the suitcase. What a difference from the frantic, urgent packing he had done when he ran to New York. She had begged him to stay then and wished she could do that now but it was all proving to be too much and she needed some time alone.

They had sat, tangled together on the floor of the studio, for a few hours. She had cried and held on to him; they had kissed both passionately and comfortingly. As the sun had started to set Patrick had, reluctantly, suggested it was time to head back to Port Charles. As she had driven home, his car following just behind, she had tried to talk herself out of letting him leave. She had cajoled, reprimanded and pushed herself to ask him to stay but every time she had got close to it, her heart would pound, her hands would shake and a cold sweat would shiver down her spine. She was at a loss to explain why he needed to leave, she just believed he did.

As he placed another sweater into the suitcase, he looked over and smiled wistfully. "You have to stop crying," he told her quietly.

She exhaled and wiped her eyes. "I feel like I'm ruining everything"

Sighing heavily, he closed over the suitcase and sat down beside her on the bed. He took her hand in his and ran his thumb in small, soothing circles against her palm. "You aren't. Look, I don't pretend to truly understand what's going on in your headspace right now but I do know that me being here as you try to sort through it is pushing you over the edge. I love you and I love our baby," he gently placed his hand against her stomach. "I owe it to both of you to make sure you're healthy."

"I wish you'd stop being so nice about this"

"Robin," he sighed. "What do you want me to do - yell at you?"

She folded her legs against her chest and brought her cheek down on the top of her knees. "No" she whispered. "But I'd understand if you're mad."

He stroked her hair, his hand trembling slightly. "I'm not, I'm confused. You didn't yell at me when I left for New York and you've been incredibly supportive and understanding through everything. It's my time to return the favour. Do I wish it didn't mean me moving out? Yeah, I do. But at the end of the day you mean too much to me for me to do anything to hurt you."

Unfolding her body she launched herself into his arms and hugged him tightly. Her heart was breaking and yet she felt powerless to stop it. She loved him and yet was pushing him away. She had truly become her own worst enemy. It would be so much easier if he yelled her, told her she was wrong, ended things with her - she understood that. But his kindness and unconditional support was only making her more confused.

"I love you" she told him, her lips pressed to his neck.

"I know" he reassured her.

Gently extracting himself from her embrace, he got to his feet. It was taking all the strength he had not to throw his suitcase on the floor, pull her into his arms and declare that there was no way in hell he was leaving. But he knew that wasn't what she needed and he needed to find it within himself to be as selfless as possible, no matter how much it hurt. He closed the lid of his suitcase and zipped it shut.

"I'm going to call Kelly tomorrow" she said suddenly. "And make an appointment"

Pursing his lips together, he nodded. "I'd like to be there" he told her. "For the appointment."

Sniffling, Robin ran the back of her hand over her mouth. "Of course. Of course - I'm not trying to cut you out." She shook her head. "I'm sorry I'm making this so hard."

"I should go" he said sadly.

"I'm sorry" she whispered.

Unable to help himself, he cupped her face with his hands and tenderly kissed her lips. "I need you to promise me two things" he asked, searching her eyes.

"Okay"

"I want you to promise that you're going to talk to someone - Brenda, Alexis, Mac, your support group - whoever - but you need to talk to someone Robin, someone else if it can't be me."

She nodded. "I will. What's the other thing?"

"Don't forget how much you matter to me." Reaching out, he touched the claddagh necklace she never took off. "No matter what."

As tears streamed down her face, she kneeled up on the bed and kissed him. He slowly let go of her lips, grasped the handle of his suitcase and headed out of the bedroom. Robin stayed where she was, unable to get up from the bed. She knew if she did, if she walked him to the door she would beg and plead with him to stay. She curled into a ball and lay down on the bed. A sob esacped from her throat as she heard the front door close behind him.

*****
"Our dinner is going to get cold" Alexis remarked breathlessly as she lay streched out on the couch, Eric on top of her.

He nuzzled her neck, nipping at the soft skin. "It can be reheated" he murmured. "I can't"

Laughing, she swept her hands over his bare shoulders and pulled him closer to her. "Oh you can be reheated, a couple of times if I recall correctly"

Lifting his head, his blue eyes dancing with desire, he nibbled on her bottom lip. "You're a bad girl" he told her huskily.

Hooking a leg over his hip and pushing him against her she waggled her eyebrows. "You have yet to begin to see bad."

"I can't wa-" Hearing a loud, persistent knock at the door, Eric sighed and slid off the couch. "I swear to god if it's girl scout cookies I'm buying their whole case so they leave us alone."

Springing to her feet, Alexis placed her hand on his chest and smiled. "Why don't I get it? I'm still clothed" she grinned as she admired his bare chest and the way his battered jeans hung low against his hips.

Eric smirked. "And why is that exactly?" Sinking back down onto the couch, he picked up his beer bottle and took a long drink from it.

Pulling open the door, Alexis did a double take as she saw Patrick standing in the doorway, suitcase in hand, looking forlorn. "Patrick?"

After leaving the apartment he had got into his car and sat in the parking lot for almost half an hour, unsure of where to go. He thought of calling his father but he was not yet ready to have that conversation, not so soon after asking him to hold on to the engagement ring for safekeeping. For a moment he considered a room at the Metrocourt Hotel but having left that cold, impersonal life for the warmth of Robin's apartment, he could not imagine going back. In the end there was only one place for him to go now that the shit had hit the fan.

Seeing her disshevled appearance and untucked shirt he was acutely aware of having interrupted something. "I didn't....I should have called first...I-"

"Don't be silly," Alexis told him. Taking him by the arm, she pulled him inside the loft and closed the door.

Shrugging on his t-shirt, Eric scrambled to his feet. "Pantsy?" There was a haunted look to his friend's face that worried him. Having spied his suitcase he gathered immediately that things were not good. "What's going on?"

"I...I....I need a place to stay" he stammered.

It had taken all of his energy and strength to be understanding and supportive and to leave. Now that he had done all of that, he felt as though he was on the verge of collapse. While he felt it would only be a matter of time before Robin found her way back to him but it did little to dull the ache in his heart. He should be over the moon with happiness but instead it seemed as though everything was crashing around him.

"Of course you can stay here" Eric said as he took his suitcase from his hands. "But what's happened?"

Swallowing thickly, he opened his mouth to speak but found the words hard to come by. Smiling sympathetically Alexis hooked her arm through his and led him to the couch. Patrick sank into the cushions and let out a shuddering breath.

"Robin is pregnant" he said quietly. "We're going to have a baby."

Alexis slipped her hand inside Eric's and gave it a small squeeze. "Wow" Eric said. "Congratulations." As he took a seat beside his friend, he gave him a curious look. "But I guess I don't understand why that means you need a place to stay?"

Patrick smirked wryly. "That makes two of us."

"Patrick, is Robin okay?" Alexis asked quietly.

He shook his head. "She's freaking out. She....she thinks I only want to be with her and the baby now out of obligation. I've tried to convince her otherwise but she doesn't believe me. She....she's supposed to be happy but....." He ran his hands over his face. "It's all gone to shit."

"Why did you leave then?" Eric prodded carefully.

He tipped his head on the back of the couch and blew out his cheeks. "I had to. She's practically having a panic attack and I only seem to make it worse. I've told her I love her, that I love our baby, that I want to be a family but it only seems to make things worse."

"Well speaking as someone who's been pregnant a couple of times, I can tell you it can be overwhelming and terrifying even if you've planned it. But those feelings pass and she will come around."

Patrick shook his head. "I don't know Alexis. I've never seen her quite like this."

"Is she at home?" Patrick nodded. Alexis got to her feet. "I think maybe I'll go and see her."

His head shot up and he gave her a hopeful look. "Would you?"

Getting to her feet, she smiled. "Of course I will. Maybe talking to someone who has been where she is will help." Placing her hand on his shoulder, she kissed his cheek. "Congratulations - you're going to be a great Dad." He clenched his eyes shut to stem the tears that threatened to fall and nodded his thanks.

She gathered her coat and purse and Eric walked her to the door. He kissed her goodbye and after closing the door, headed to the kitchen. He returned with a cold beer and pressed it into his friend's hands before reclaiming his seat on the couch.

"Your speech has returned" he observed.

"Yeah" he scoffed dismissively, twisting the cap from his beer. "It's funny, up until today I thought it was the end of the world that I couldn't speak properly. Now I'd go back to stuttering and that fucking white board if it meant I could be back with my girlfriend."

"You will be back with her - before you know it." Eric reassured him. "How about you? How do you feel about being a father?"

Circling his finger over the top of his beer bottle Patrick shrugged. "When it was just an idea, I wasn't sure that I would want it but now that it's here, all I want is to be a family with Robin. Smitty, I used to think this would be the kiss of death but that's because I didn't know - I didn't know what it meant to be in love. I've spent all those years denying ever wanting a family. Now that I have the chance at one ... I may lose it anyways."

"That's not going to happen," he told him confidently. "There's too much love between the two of you for it to work out any other way."

He took a long drink from his beer and sighed. "I hope you're right. I would hate to think that I survived all that I did only to lose everything that matters to me."