Chapter 152

You'll be all right, I'm on your side

Pulling open the door to his apartment and seeing his son standing on the other side Noah could not help but smile. Regardless of his reason for being there, he was just pleased that he continued to stop by and that they continued to forge a relationship.

"Hey sport," he greeted him casually.

Patrick gave a half smile. "Hey. Do you have some time?"

"Of course" he told him, stepping out of the way to allow him in. Closing the door, he turned to his son and looked at him with surprise. "Your speech….it's…it's more fluid."

Patrick nodded as he nervously jammed his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. It just kind of came back. I still stutter a little, especially as I get tired but for all intents and purposes, it's back."

Noah rubbed his hands on his jeans. "That's wonderful Patrick. I'm so pleased for you!"

"Thanks." He let out a breath as he flopped on to his father's couch. "I have news," he told him quietly. The look of panic that swept across his father's face did not escape his notice and he was reminded yet again of the toll his illness had taken on everyone. "It's good news," he amended.

Sitting down, Noah smiled uneasily. "What is it?"

"Robin is pregnant."

His mouth dropped open in shock. It was several moments before he was able to speak. "You're going to be a father" he observed quietly. "Welcome to the club."

He nodded. "Thanks. It's a little complicated right now but I'm happy – I didn't think I would be but I am."

Raising an eyebrow, Noah gave him a questioning look. "What do you mean complicated? Is everything okay with Robin's health?" He paused, feeling his heart rate rise. "With yours?" he added nervously.

"We're both healthy" he reassured him. "It's just being pregnant has stirred up a lot of feelings in Robin and she's having some trouble sorting through them. I've moved into Eric's place to give her some space."

"You broke up?"

Patrick violently shook his head. "No. No we didn't. She loves me and she knows I love her. She just…she needs room to breathe and so I'm giving it to her."

Noah felt a sense of fatherly pride as he listened to his son. He had matured into an amazing young man and though he took little credit for that maturity it did not diminish his appreciation of it.

"You are a good man, sport."

Shrugging non-chalantly, he picked at the invisible lint on his jeans. "I don't know about that. I just know that I love her and I want to be a family with her so if she needs time and space, that's what I'll give her."

"And how do you feel about fatherhood? Are you scared yet?"

Patrick smirked. "Not a single panic attack yet. I'm actually k-k-kind of zen about it. I don't know if it's because it hasn't hit me yet or because I really am okay with it."

"Don't worry," Noah teased, "you have decades of panic attacks ahead of you."

"Thanks so much" he grinned. "Jerk."

"Hey, who knows – maybe your child won't want to continually blow things up. Or knock them down. Or climb on to rooftops and pretend they're Tarzan."

Chuckling, Patrick shook his head. "You consider this some kind of karmic payback, don't you?"

Noah's head bobbed up and down. "Yup, pretty much." Pulling his glasses from his face, he looked seriously at his son. "Are you sure you're okay?"

Patrick ran his hands over his face and exhaled. "I really am," he confirmed. "It's not happening exactly as I would like it to but I'm okay. And when Robin is ready, then I'll be back to collect her ring from you."

Noah smiled lovingly at his son. "I look forward to giving it to you." Noah paused and a sudden realization dawned. Scrambling quickly to his feet, he headed for the bedroom.

"Dad?"

"I'll be right back," he called.

Patrick scrunched his face up in confusion and glanced sceptically at his father as he returned holding a shoe box. Crossing the room, Noah sat down beside him on the couch, placing the box on his lap. Easing the lid off, he rifled through a small collection of papers and clippings until he pulled out three envelopes.

Immediately recognizing his mother's distinctive and precise handwriting, Patrick gasped. "Wh-wh-what is that?" he asked, feeling a lump form in his throat.

"I, uh….I found this in the basement at the Hamptons. I had completely forgotten about it."

"When you found the bottle?"

He had not forgotten that night when he had come in to the kitchen to see his father staring at an unopened bottle of bourbon. It had been a watershed moment in many ways but also a reminder of how tenuous things could be.

"Yes," Noah whispered. "I found three letters from your mother. Two of them are for you for milestone moments."

Patrick kept his gaze on the envelopes with their slightly yellowed corners. "Is the third one for you?"

"No," Noah smiled. "It's for Robin."

Snapping his head up, Patrick made a face. "What do you mean it's for Robin?"

"Look at them" he said, gently placing them in his hands.

Patrick looked down and sucked in a breath as he read the front of all three envelopes.

For my son on his wedding day

For my son on becoming a parent

For my daughter-in-law

Noah took two of the envelopes back, leaving him the one about becoming a parent. "You probably aren't getting these in the order she intended," he teased lightly, but that will be our little secret."

"I had no idea" His voice was quiet as he continued to stare almost wondrously at the letter.

"Neither did I" he admitted. "I'll hold on to the other two and hand them over when it's time." Noah carefully placed them back in the box.

"I…uh…I'm n-not sure I'm ready to read it" he said, his heart thumping loudly against his ribs.

Noah put a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to read it just yet. You'll know when you're ready."

With damp eyes, he tilted his head to the side and smiled at his father. "Thanks Dad."

****
"Sweetheart!" Mac enveloped Robin in a warm hug as she came through the door. Pulling back he studied her face carefully and was disquieted to see dark circles under her eyes. "What's wrong?"

Robin smiled weakly. "Can't a niece just swing by for a little quality time with her favourite uncle?"

Leading her to the couch, he nodded. "Of course a niece can. I just don't happen to think that's why you're here. Is it Patrick? Is something wrong? Is it your health?"

There was a part of Robin that would forever regret the anxiety her health status had created in Mac for all these years. He had been unfailing in his support of her and had seen her through some of the most difficult times imaginable; as a result she knew he lived with a permanent worry of when the other shoe was going to drop.

She reassuringly placed her hand over his. "I have some news for you, that I think you will think is good."

"Oh?" he asked cautiously.

She inhaled sharply and wrung her hands together. "I'm pregnant," she said softly, amazed at the tears that suddenly appeared. "I'm going to have a baby."

The realization of a dream that had been long thought to be out of reach for his niece took his breath away. Mac's eyes dampened and he gathered her in his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I love you" he whispered as he kissed her cheek. "And I am so very happy for you."

Robin gently pulled away from his embrace, smiling shyly. "It's kind of hard to get my head around it."

"I'll bet," he agreed. "Is Patrick happy too?"

A small look of regret crossed her face. "He is. He's been great."

Nothing escaped Mac's attention and his eyebrows shot up questioningly. "What is it?"

"I…we….I've asked him to move out for a bit."

"Why? Did he do something to-"

Holding up her hands, Robin interjected. "No. He did nothing to upset me. If anyone upset anyone here it was me upsetting him."

"I don't understand."

With a wry smile, she nodded. "You aren't the only one. I just…it's…" Blowing out her cheeks, she sighed heavily. "I'm just trying to work through some things and it's easier for me if he isn't there."

Mac's heart skipped a few beats as he tried to maintain his composure. The mere thought of his niece struggling in any way pushed him to the edge. He wanted to protect from any kind of hurt or disappointment.

"What kind of things?"

"I'm not quite ready to talk about it just yet. But I…I've started seeing Lainey."

Cupping her cheek, Mac placed a kiss on her forehead. "I'm proud of you Robin. And I'm here to listen whenever you are ready."

"Thank you" she replied hoarsely. "So, do you think you're ready to be a Great Uncle?" she asked more lightly.

Mac grinned broadly. "Damn straight I am. Robin, I have wanted this for you for so long. I have watched you fight gracefully and valiantly and refused to be held back by anything. And I have seen, year after year, new options and more hope become available to you than we ever thought could have been possible a decade a go. You believed – you always believed – that there was a lot of life for you to live and it seems the rest of the world is now catching up to you. And now," he blinked away several surprising tears, "you are going to be a mother. There is no child on earth that will be as blessed as yours."

Her top lip quivered and she inhaled sharply. "I don't know about that Uncle Mac, I'm not sure there is a child on earth as blessed I have been. I've had you to raise me and love me and care for me. I'm not sure there are greater blessings than that."

Throwing her arms around her uncle, she hugged him. "I'm not sure I've said it, but thank you for always being here for me."

"I can't wait to meet the next generation of Scorpios" he told her proudly.

*****
Seeing Eric engrossed in looking at photos, as he came through the door, Patrick snuck up behind him.

"Looking at nudie photos again, Smitty?"

Eric jumped in surprise and quickly turned the photos face down. "Do that again and I'm going to make you wear a bell," he joked.

Intrigued by his friend's sudden desire to hide the photos, Patrick reached over his shoulder and snatched them from his hand.

"Hey!" Eric protested.

Patrick quickly flipped through the photos and with a quizzical look on his face, handed them back. "Who is the baby? Are you an uncle again?"

"No" he answered tightly. Taking the photos, he placed them back in an envelope.

"Then who is the baby?"

"It's just a friend's baby" he demurred, rising up from the couch.

Patrick sank on to the arm of the couch and folded his arms across his chest. "You don't have that many friends and I know them all. Whose baby is that?" Getting no response, Patrick tilted his head to the side, "Smitty?"

"It's Karen's baby" he said quietly. "She had a little girl, Cassandra and thought I might want to see the photos."

"Fucking bitch" he swore.

His blue eyes narrowed angrily and he glared at his friend. "That's enough."

"Jesus. How can you still stick up for her? She didn't think you wanted to see the photos – she wanted to torture you. You're a reminder of how when it really mattered she quit and walked away and it eats at her. And so to make herself feel better she goes for your Achilles heel."

"I don't need you slagging her off," he snapped. "She did what she felt she had to do-"

"Snap out of it Smitty!" Patrick bit out. "Her love for you ran pretty shallow if she left you at the first sign of trouble. That's not what real love is. You don't owe her anything."

"Nice to know that in the 72 hours since discovering you're going to be a father that you've suddenly become some kind of relationship expert"

Patrick exhaled. "Dude – I didn't even think…I'm…"

Eric shook his head. "Look, I'm happy for you okay? And I'm happy for Karen and she wanted to send me some pictures. Don't make a fucking federal case out of it."

"Smitty I'm sorry."

Eric held up his hand. "Pantsy it's fine – I just…I don't need you to fight battles for me, okay? Especially ones that don't actually exist."

"Okay," he agreed quietly. "Want to grab some dinner?"

He shook his head. "No. I'm going back to the hospital. I'll catch you later."

Patrick watched him as he left and felt a tightness in his chest. He and Eric had always just got each other and frank, honest and sometimes brutal conversation had been a cornerstone of their friendship. It was becoming clearer to him though that having spent the last few months wrapped up in himself, he had no idea what was going on in his friend's head.

Sliding on to the couch, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the letter. He traced his finger over his mother's writing and sighed quietly. He hoped his father was right. He hoped it was true that he would know when he was ready to read it because he had little doubt that he was going to need all the guidance he could get in the coming months.