Chapter 154

Waiting on the world to change

Taking a swig of his beer, Patrick leaned on his cue as his friend lined up a shot. "One of these days I am going to beat you, you know" he told him, rattling Eric's cue as he took his shot.

Growling at the miss, the young doctor turned around and frowned at his friend. "Only if you cheat Pantsy."

Setting his beer bottle on the table, he stepped to the table and looked at the placement of the balls. "Just trying to keep you on your toes, Smitty."

"So, how do you feel being back at work?"

Patrick shrugged as he leaned over the table. "Good. No major epiphanies as to my higher purpose and I'm itching to get back in the OR but it's nice just to be productive again."

"Don't overdo it"

Quirking his eyebrow, Patrick looked over his shoulder and smirked at his friend. "Yes nanny, thank you."

Eric rolled his eyes and watched as his friend pulled back his cue to shoot, seizing the opportunity, he banged the end of the stick and smiled as the ball went far off target.

"Whoopsies" he grinned.

"Your ego just can't cope with me beating you" Patrick remarked as he ceded the table to Eric.

"If you're going to run with the big dogs you're going to need a stronger bite." He examined the table before choosing his angle.

"Whatever" he sniffed. "My girlfriend can still beat you with one hand tied behind her back."

"So brave" Eric teased, "sending his five foot girlfriend to beat me at pool." Smiling as the ball clanged into the pocket, he lined up his next shot. "And how is it going with your girlfriend?"

Patrick was quiet for a moment as he took a drink from his beer. How it was going was all relative. He wished there was more he could do for her, that there was some way he could help ease her burden but Robin had been very clear that there wasn't. Over the course of a year he had gone from not wanting to get involved in other people's issues to being frustrated at not being able to help. A small smile crossed his lips and he shook his head at how much had changed.

"We're going to be okay" he stated confidently when he finally spoke. "We're going to be a family together."

Eric gave him a curious look. "Okay but that's the future. What about now? It can't be easy to have your relationship on hold."

He shook his head. "It isn't. I hate it. As much as I like reliving our glory days as roommates, I would rather be living with her. But if we're going to m-m-make it long term then I need to let her do this her way."

"And that's what you want? To make it long term?"

He narrowed his eyes and frowned. "You doubt me?"

"No, not at all" he told him quietly. "I guess I was just wondering if things were different for you since regaining your memory and speech."

Patrick nodded. "They are. They're clearer. I…I know I said I didn't really want to be a father but the minute I found out she was pregnant it was like doors to a whole other room opened up and I realized that I did want it – but with her. And that's why I'll wait for as long as she needs me to."

"That's awesome Pantsy. I'm happy for you."

He smiled somewhat shyly. "Th-thanks. I've also decided not to put everything on hold."

As Eric took another shot, he straightened up and raised his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I…uh….I'm going to buy a house."

Choking on his beer, Eric swiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Pardon?"

"A house. I'm going to buy one."

His friend blinked several times in disbelief. "Dude. That's rather sudden."

Patrick shook his head. "No, it isn't."

He thought back to his will and the phone calls he had made trying to secure the house Robin had loved. Their discussions about buying a house had been derailed by her pregnancy but he had still held firm to the idea.

"What about Robin?"

Patrick stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Robin is going to be ready one day soon – ready for us to have a life together so while she's working on what she needs, I'm going to work on getting things in place."

"Have you…have you found a place?"

He nodded. "Yup. I'm putting on offer on it this week and we'll go from there."

"Does she know?"

"Not yet."

Eric let out a low whistle. "You're a brave soul."

Patrick made a face. "Not really. Look I need a place to live and there isn't any reason why I shouldn't buy this place."

"Wow. It's like a whole new Pantsy," he teased. "Your shot" he nodded towards the table.

"Not new" he corrected, "Just better." Bending down, he cast a quick glance at his friend. "So I hear Josh is improving every day."

Eric looked at him warily. "Yeah. Vitals are stronger, his physio is going well and cognitive function seems to be good. He'll be good to be released in another week or two."

The white ball smacked with perfect precision against the red ball and Patrick smiled at his shot as he stood up. "To foster care?"

"Yeah."

"Have you…did you ever think about fostering him?"

"Single men don't get to be foster parents."

"What about you and Alexis? You could foster him togeth-"

"No we couldn't" he interjected tightly. "She has a family of her own already and doesn't need a high maintenance kid thrown into the mix. Besides which, we're just dating, it's not like we have a long term commitment with each other."

Furrowing his brow, Patrick leaned against the pool table. "So you haven't even raised it with her?"

Eric drained his beer. "Why would I?"

"Because I think this is something you might actually want," he observed. "I think you want to take Josh in and I think you want a l-l-long term commitment with Alexis and for some reason you're acting like neither is possible."

"I think I liked the less improved Pantsy" Eric snarked.

"S-s-smitty-"

The residual stutter was still like a knife to the heart of the young doctor; a lasting reminder that he was not as brilliant as he needed to be when it mattered. "Just leave it alone Patrick," he warned. "Concentrate on your shit and I'll concentrate on mine, okay?"

Patrick shrugged and returned to his shot. He would leave it alone, for now but not forever. His mind drifted to the house he was going to buy and the hope for the future it represented.

****
Robin laughed heartily as Molly gave her a big, wet kiss with chocolate sauce smeared on her lips.

Shaking her head, Alexis reached for a napkin to wipe her daughter's face. "Things to look forward to Robin – never having a clean piece of furniture again."

Her hand resting on her stomach, she smiled. "I'm kind of looking forward to it." Lainey was proving to be right about the sessions paying off. While there was still much for her to work through she was at least, for the most part, able to think about her pregnancy without being thrown in to a full scale panic.

As she finished cleaning up Molly's face, Alexis grinned. "Your Auntie Robin is silly Mols, thinking chocolate smeared faces and cheerio covered couches are where it's at."

Molly's brown eyes danced as she looked between her mother and Robin. "Silly" she parroted. "Very silly."

Scooping the young girl in her arms, Robin hugged her tightly. "You're the silly one, monkey face."

Molly kissed her again before wriggling from her embrace and darting off to the playroom to join her sister. With a wistful look on her face Robin watched her run and wished there was somehow a way to shortcut through the difficult stuff and move straight to the good moments. She could see Patrick and her and their child together – having dinner, playing games, watching movies – and she knew that was what she wanted with every fibre of her being. The difficulty was in getting it.

"How are you feeling?" Alexis asked, tossing the napkin on to the tray.

With Eric going out for the evening with Patrick, she had thought it a great opportunity to invite Robin for dinner and check in with her. Through the course of Patrick's illness, their friendship had become stronger and as someone with not a lot of female friends in her life, Alexis had come to value it very much.

Robin smiled as she answered. "You know, sometimes it's the easiest questions that have the hardest answers."

"I do know," she chuckled. "How's the morning sickness?"

"Not too bad actually. I'm nauseous but I haven't been sick" She knocked on the table. "Though I am exhausted."

"Butt kicking hormones," she told her. "In the first trimester with Kristina, I would be so tired by the time I drove home from the office, I would take a 10 minute nap in my car just to recoup the energy to go inside."

Robin laughed. "Oh thank god it isn't just me. There are some days, after brushing my teeth, where I think I need to go back to bed for an hour."

"It all works out in the second trimester though, I had a ton of energy. Until I got too big to move and feared I would never see my feet again."

"I hope Patrick will still love me when I'm as big as a house," she paused. "Or when I finally get my act together."
"How is it going with Patrick?" she prodded gently.

Robin could not help but smile. "He is being so good Alexis. He is patient beyond belief with me and is trying really hard to give me all the space I need."

Cocking her head to the side, she gave her a curious look. "Why do you sound sad when you say that?"

Robin shrugged. "I don't know….well…I guess I'm just worried it's going to take me so long to get to where I can be with him without…without…without all my baggage, that by the time I do get there he will have given up on me."

"Not possible" she answered.

"Alexis-"

"I'm serious Robin. That boy is so far gone for you and wants to be with you so badly that he would wait a lifetime. And if you doubt that then maybe you need to re-read the letter her wrote you before his surgery."

Letting out a long, slow breath, she nodded in agreement. "You're right. It's just…it's just hard knowing that this is not exactly the typical beginning of a pregnancy."

"Yeah, well you and Patrick have never been typical, so why start now?"

Covering her mouth with her hand, Robin laughed. "That's so true!"

Leaning forward, Alexis put her hand on Robin's arms. "Robin, trust me when I tell you that a love like what the two of you share is made to withstand any test. What's most important is that you are healthy and in a place where you can appreciate it and accept it."

"Thank you." Reaching for the cup of tea on the table, she took a long drink. "How are things with Eric?" Seeing the pained look cross through Alexis' face, Robin grimaced. "Uh-oh, what happened?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. I mean, we still get along great and I love him very much but it feels like he is pulling away from me."

"Do you think he's not in love with you?"

"No, it's not that. It's hard to explain. It just feels like he's shutting down parts of himself and so I'm not getting all of him, just little pieces. I've tried to talk to him about it but he just clams up."

"Alexis, I'm so sorry."

She smiled sadly. "Me too. Because I really think that he and I are a good match and have serious long term potential. The girls adore him and he is really, really good with them but he's struggling and won't tell me with what."

Robin smirked. "He sounds like me a little. Sometimes when you're trying to fight your way through something it's easier to shut out everything else until you find the solution."

"Well I hope he finds the solution soon," she offered. "Because I'm not sure what will happen if he doesn't."

"I am sure he will" she told her.

Alexis raised her eyebrow. "You sound very confident"

Robin touched the claddagh nestled against her throat and nodded. "I am. A change is coming Alexis for all of us, I am sure of it."