Chapter 155

My life with you means everything
So I won't give up that easily

Nervously rubbing his hands on his jeans before pulling open the door Patrick greeted Robin with a lazy smile, his dimple in full evidence.

"You're late" he told her amusedly. "I hope you have a good excuse – I've been slaving over a hot stove for hours!"

Grinning as she rolled her eyes, Robin brushed past him and dropped her purse on a chair. "Slaving, huh? Or did you order take out?"

Closing the door behind her, he stuck his bottom lip out in a mock pout. "Don't be scoffing at the skill level required to order take out – choosing just the right main courses and side dishes – and then keeping it all warm enough when Princess doesn't quite get here on time."

Laughing, Robin covered her mouth with her hand. "Princess? If I were really a princess, I would make you carry me everywhere-"

She let out a small yelp as Patrick scooped her up in his arms. "Where do you want to go?" he asked throatily.

"Wherever you want to take me" she replied hoarsely, staring into his eyes.

Patrick gently closed his mouth over hers, sweeping his tongue inside the velvety softness of her mouth; she moaned as their tongues tangled together. He carried her to the couch and gently laid her underneath him, his mouth still fastened to hers. Her hands flew to his hair and threaded through as she drew him closer to her. She loved the feel of his body on top of hers, the security of being practically enveloped by him. As his lips moved to her neck, she sighed happily and ghosted a kiss across his cheek. She could feel the beginnings of his arousal press against her and she gave a small, regretful smile as he reluctantly pulled away.

"I'm sorry" she told him.

Rolling off of her but laying by her side, Patrick stroked her cheek with the back of his fingers. "Don't apologize"

"I just… I don't want you to think I don't want to," she told him earnestly, rolling her body towards him. "Because I do. Patrick, you are incredibly sexy to me and you make me feel amazing-"

"But you're just not there right now. It's okay Robin – I do get it."

"I wish you didn't have to" she sighed. "I hate…I hate that I'm suddenly swimming in issues that are getting in the way of us being together."

He shrugged lightly. "I was swimming in issues not so long ago and you waited for me – hell, you came and got me. I can and I will wait."

She smiled warmly at him, draping her hand over his hip. "Have I mentioned I love you?"

"Yes," he grinned. "But it's always n-nice to hear."

"I do, very much. I don't want you to doubt that."

"I don't" he told her quietly. "Robin, do I wish that were living together right now and I was going to sleep with you in my arms every night, I do. But this is a small sacrifice to make for us to be in a place where….where we can plan for a f-f-future."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "You're still thinking like that?"

Patrick did a small double take at her answer. "Of course I am. My feelings for you haven't changed."

"I just wish I wasn't so messed up."

"Hey" he rebuked her gently, "that's the mother of my child you're talking about."

"Why are you not freaking out?" she asked as she shimmied closer to him.

As they lay side by side on the couch, Patrick's arm went around her waist and he softly stroked her back.

"Who says I'm not?" he asked.

"But…but we never talk about it."

"How can we?" he queried with a sly grin on his face, "Your freakout is bigger and as you keep telling me, size matters."

Robin screamed with laughter and playfully slapped his arm. "You're bad."

Patrick waggled his eyebrows. "Yes. Yes I am." Dipping his head, he kissed her again, running his tongue along the seam of her lips.

Breaking the kiss, Robin snuggled in close to him, sweeping her hand across his chest. "We could talk about it, you know."

"We could" he agreed, "and we will. But right now I don't want to w-w-worry about issues or f-f-freakouts. I j-just want to b-be with you."

He hand moved to her flat, taut stomach and he wondrously rubbed it. He was almost overwhelmed at the idea that their child was nestled inside and growing every day.

She trailed her fingertips along his brow and pressed a kiss to his lips. "You were stuttering quite a lot there," she observed quietly.

The apples of his cheeks flushed in slight embarrassment. He hated stuttering; he loathed not being able to get his words out seamlessly and effortlessly. And while he was the first to recognize that he had come a long way from needing to write down almost every thing he said, he would not be satisfied until he no longer tripped over the words trapped in his mouth.

"It was a long day," he told her. "I saw six patients today and I find that as my fatigue increases so does my incoherence."

Robin sat up and fixed him with a look. "The father of my baby is not incoherent," she stated, smiling. "He is brave and courageous and patient."

"I like you feisty." He nipped her lips.

"Listen, Patrick if you're tired and you need to rest we can do this another night. We don't have to-"

Pressing a finger to her lips, he silenced her. "Yes w-we do. I'm n-not giving up a chance to spend a night with y-you. Besides," he added, "I rented three of the s-s-scariest movies I could find. I plan to have you in m-my arms before the first one is done."

Cupping the back of his head, she drew Patrick to her and softly but passionately kissed him. "I'm already in your arms" she said quietly, "and I have no plans of leaving."

****
Propped up in bed reading, Alexis looked up in surprise and found Eric filling her door frame. Dressed in scrubs, he kept his eyes on her as he came through and closed the door behind him. He pulled his top from his body and tossed it to the side.

"Hi" He greeted her with a smile as he pulled on the drawstring of his scrubs pants and let them fall to the floor.

Alexis closed her book and placed it on the nightstand. They had exchanged keys early on and while it was not unusual for him to use his, he had not done so in almost two weeks.

"Hi," she replied tentatively.

Clad only in his boxers, he pulled the covers back and climbed on top of her. He seized her mouth in a long, passionate kiss. She cupped his face, returning his kiss with equal alacrity. She wanted to get lost in him but knew at the same time that she could no longer delay the conversation they needed to have any longer.

Letting go of her lips, he placed a trail of small, wet kisses along her collar bone.

"Eric,"

"Mmm" he moaned, as he worked his tongue in the hollow of her throat. "I have been thinking about you all day."

"Eric, we need to talk" she persisted.

"What I have in mind" he told her between kisses, "is so much better than talking."

"Eric, I'm serious."

The tone in her voice gave him pause and he raised his head, searching her face. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I'm fine."

"The girls? Are the girls okay?"

"We're all fine" she reassured him, touched at his concern. "I want to talk about you."

"Me?"

She bit her bottom lip. "Well you and Josh."

With a groan, Eric rolled away from her and sat up in bed. "You know, it would be easier if you would just record your lecture and upload it to my ipod, then I could listen at will."

"Hey!" she snapped. "That's unnecessary."

With a heavy sigh, he looked at her unapologetically. "Then what do you want to discuss?"

"How is he doing?" she began carefully.

"Getting stronger every day" he replied tightly.

"So he'll be put into foster care soon then?" He nodded. "Eric, do you….do you want to foster him?"

Eric shrugged. "It's a moot point, it's not an option for me."

"That isn't what I asked you" she corrected. "I asked you if you wanted to."

His blue eyes froze over in coldness. "Why does it matter?"

Taken aback by his response, Alexis sat up straighter. "It matters because I think this is something that matters to you. I say I think it is because I have no way of really knowing. You keep shutting off parts of yourself from me and I have no idea what's going on in your head."

Eric said nothing but simply stared at her. Alexis caught sight of his four leaf clover tattoo on his shoulder and wished changing the future was as simple as rubbing a talisman.

"I heard him ask you if he could go home with you."

He glared incredulously at her. "What – are you spying on me now?"

"No," Taking a breath she tried to keep her temper in check. "I showed up to surprise you and when you didn't answer your page, I figured out where you were."

"Then you also heard me tell him no."

She shook her head. "No. I heard you tell him one step at a time which is not the same thing as no. Eric, that little boy thinks you hung the moon and the stars and I guess I'm asking what you want to do about it."

"There is nothing for me TO DO" he bit out. "I can't foster him – there is nothing I can do for him so why can't you leave it alone?"

"What do you want, Eric – what is it that matters to you?"

"What I want is for this ridiculous conversation to end. What I want is for us to talk about something other than my patient-"

She slapped her hands on the bed in frustration. "That's the problem! We never talk about him but he is on your mind all the time"

"So you're a mind reader now? Is that it?" Kicking back the covers, he got to his feet. "You know, I had a stupidly long day and I should be at home in my own bed but all I could think about was spending time with you. Instead I get to be cross-examined by you."

He angrily snapped up his scrubs pants and pulled them on.

"You're leaving?" she asked, swallowing down the disappointment and nervousness.

"Is there a reason to stay?" he snarked, pulling on his top.

"Fine," she told him calmly. "But don't bother coming back until you're willing to have an honest conversation with me."

He stood frozen in his tracks and stared at her. "Pardon?"

"I've already been alone in a relationship Eric and I have no intention of doing it again. I love you – completely. But I will not take your scraps because you are too scared to tell me the truth or too afraid to ask for what you want."

Furious, he spun on his heel and stormed out of the bedroom. It wasn't until Alexis heard the front door slam that the first tears fell.

****
Curled up together under the blanket, legs and arms tangled together and Robin's face half buried in Patrick's neck as they worked their way through the second movie, both jumped as the apartment door slammed shut.

Looking over his shoulder, Patrick saw Eric with a thunderous look on his face. "Smitty?"

"Fuck off" he spat, heading for the kitchen.

Robin and Patrick exchanged concerned looks and Robin reached for the remote control, pausing the movie. Eric emerged from the kitchen, beer in hand and headed for the stairs.

"Dude," Patrick called to him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Eric," Robin started, "you might feel better if you talk about it."

Spinning on his heel, he walked towards the couch. "Is there anything on my face that gives either of you the slightest impression that I want to talk about it?"

Patrick narrowed his gaze. "She was just suggesting-"

"Oh I know. Robin is full of suggestions, great suggestions. She had a ton of suggestions for me when you were fighting for your life. Where the hell would I be without Robin's suggestions?"

Robin grimaced at his outburst. It was clear to her that Alexis had finally spoken to him and that the conversation had not gone well. She was also reminded of the residual pain they all carried from Patrick's illness.

Patrick rose to his feet. "Shut up Smitty" he warned. "You can be as much of an asshole as you want but you don't get to speak to Robin like that. For god's sake, she's pregnant."

"Yes, yes I know" he said flatly. "A hundred thousand apologies. Just go back to being cuddled and coddled, okay?"

Patrick's brown eyes blazed angrily. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"My problem? My problem is that I didn't ask for any of this, okay? I didn't ask to have any of this shit but you were too goddamn scared to tell your father or your girlfriend the truth so you called me and pulled me into your life and I didn't ask for it. And then when you were too scared to face reality you hid out in my apartment and I got to stickhandle your family and your girlfriend and your lawyer and they all have fucking opinions, don't they? You pulled me into this and I don't want it, okay? That's what my problem is."

Patrick's mouth fell open in shock as he stared in disbelief at his friend.

"Eric, what happened with Alexis?" Robin asked carefully.

"None of your fucking business" he snapped. The words had no sooner left his mouth than Patrick's fist had made contact with his jaw sending him reeling across the room.

"I told you not to speak to her like that, okay?"

Scrambling to his feet, he rubbed his jaw and smirked at his friend. "Nice to see your strength is back." He brushed past him and gathered up his keys.

"Where are you going?"

"Out. The place is yours."

Patrick moved to speak to him again but the door closed before he had the opportunity. He looked back at Robin, bewildered. "I…I think my friend is coming apart."

Robin got to her feet and crossing the room, wrapped her arms around his waist. "How can I help?" she asked.

Closing his arms around her, he pulled her to him. "Don't leave."

"I wouldn't dream of it."