Chapter 158

Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you

The older woman dropped the keys into his hands and smiled broadly. "Congratulations Doctor Drake, the house is all yours."

Standing on the porch with the midday sun beating down, he stared at the front door in bewilderment. In the space of two weeks he had placed an offer on the house and was now taking possession and had yet to actually tell anyone about it other than his best friend.

He wanted to tell Robin about it – wanted to show it to her and daydream out loud about how they would decorate it when they were ready to move in together but things had been tenuous at best between them since their disagreement at Eric's apartment. He just didn't feel he could put this on her right now.

Thanking the agent, he accepted the keys and opened the front door to his new home – the one he hoped to live in with his family. The hardwood floors gleamed with a dark cherry shine and the large archways into each room whispered invitations to come and explore. His shoes thumped quietly against the floor as he walked down the long stretch of hallway to the back of the house.

Standing in the middle of the kitchen, he shaded his eyes against the bright sun beaming through the large picture window over the sink. It was a dream kitchen with new stainless steel appliances, an island in the middle and a small breakfast nook. He cast a glance into the sunken family room just off of the kitchen and in an instant had visions of their child – their children – playing and watching Dora the Explorer videos. It amazed even him that the thought of a full family life made him happy, not terrified.

He wandered back down the hallway and headed up the wide staircase. There were five bedrooms on the second floor including a large master suite overlooking the backyard. He peeked his head in the master bathroom and grinned as he caught a look at the large roman tub – it had been a definite selling feature for him and he couldn't wait to get Robin in it.

And while he was under no illusions that the other four bedrooms would be filled with children, he was not opposed to filling most of them. As his mother had become sick he had come to hate being an only child. There was no one with whom he could share his worries or even share memories with and as his family disintegrated it only further drove the point home. He wanted their child to have siblings. He wanted loud, raucous family dinners on Sunday nights. He even wanted doors to be slammed and tempers to flare. For the first time as an adult he wanted everything he had always said he didn't.

A family meant belonging. A family meant company. A family meant that no one would be left behind. And while he gave little thought to the future awaiting Robin – because every time he did he felt his knees tremble and his heart crack – he knew if he was going to survive it then he would need a family – his family. Falling in love with Robin was the most amazing thing to have happened to him and he wanted that legacy to survive. He wanted there to be evidence of a golden time in his life that lived on after both of them were gone. Their love was too special and too sustaining not to.

Walking down half of the stairs, he reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope before sitting down. He had been carrying it with him for a few weeks now waiting for the moment to come when he would be ready to read it. In many ways he was not sure one could ever be ready to read such a letter but as he sat on the steps at the gateway to his future he figured now was as good a time as any.

Sliding his finger underneath the old gummy seal, he flipped open the envelope and retrieved the letter from inside. The once crisp white paper hinted a little at its age with yellowing corners. As he unfolded the letter he caught his breath at the first sight of his mother's handwriting. His grief at her loss was an ache that only ever seemed to scab over, not heal.

Blowing out his cheeks, he began to read.

My precious Patrick,

What an amazing journey you are about to begin! Being a parent can be, as Dickens said, the best of times and the worst of times but no one really tells you is that even the worst of times can be pretty good.

I'm sure you are nervous but telling everyone you are fine – you always did do that, never wanting to talk about your feelings until you had figured them out for yourself. But know that being nervous is okay and probably a good thing. You've created a life that is going to depend on you for a very long time and that should terrify you just a little. But I know you will be fine.

You have been mesmerized by magic since you were a toddler and let me just say, parenthood is as magical as it gets. Believe me when I tell you the moment your child grabs hold of your finger they will also be grabbing hold of your heart and you will never, ever want to let go.

I remember the moment they placed you on my chest. I was sure that my own heart was simply going to explode at the pure joy of it all. You weren't a big baby – just under 7 pounds – but you were truly a bundle of love and the first moment I touched you my life was complete.

You have been such a source of joy and wonderment to me and to your father and I have cherished every moment watching you grow up. I am terribly disappointed that I won't be present for this moment with you but I am ridiculously proud of you!

I don't have a lot of advice to give you because much of the joy in being a parent is the discovery about yourself along the way. You will find that you are capable of goodness you never realized you had. Trust that everything you need to be a good father – and a good man – is already inside you. The most important things you can give to your child, after love, is roots and wings. Let them know where they come from and that there is always a home for them but give them both the courage and the confidence to discover the world around them.

Be patient with your wife. Okay, I suppose I should allow for the possibility that the baby carriage may be coming before the wedding (you always did do things your own way). Regardless, be patient with her. Being pregnant is amazing and scary and joyful and terrifying. We women have a lot to sort through after we find out we're pregnant and there is a reason we're given nine months to get ready! I have no doubt she is a remarkable woman – any woman would have to be, to be with you. Remind her that you love her, that she's beautiful and spend time, just the two of you, revelling in the miracle that you've both created.

This is an incredibly wonderful time in your life. It will mark the end of the selfish life we all lead and the beginning of the selfless one that parenthood requires. It will tough, challenging, rewarding, mystifying and astonishing. It will be worth every sacrifice. And if you're having a moment where you are unsure, where you doubt that you can do this, close your eyes, take a deep breath and know that while love may not solve every problem, every worthwhile solution begins with it.

I love you Patty and I am so very excited that you are becoming a father. What a blessed child you will have.

Be good. Be kind. Have faith.

Love,

Mom.

Patrick was not even aware of the tears streaming down his face until they splattered on the step. He inhaled sharply and wistfully traced his finger over his mother's signature.

Getting to his feet, he descended the rest of the stairs and stood in the entrance hall. He carefully folded the letter and pocketed it. Giving a final glance around the house, he smiled to himself. He was on the brink of the most perfect time in his life; all he needed was Robin to share it with him.

Opening the door he headed out into the sunshine.