Chapter 189

Lucky is the man who learns from his mistakes

Shifting in his bed Eric gingerly touched his cheek, wincing as he did so. Patrick had given him the rundown on his injuries and reassured him more than a few times that the accident had not been his fault. The police had asked to speak to him but Alexis, in full lawyer mode, waved them off telling her client was still not in any shape to provide a statement. As Patrick started to sway on his feet, enveloped in exhaustion and worry, Robin had taken him back to the hotel to rest. He had tried to get Alexis to go with them but she refused; the only concession she agreed to was to get something to eat.

Alone and free of most of the fog that had surrounded his brain he felt almost sick at the realization of what an ass he had been. His grief at losing Josh had swallowed him whole and pulled the bandaid off a number of wounds that had not entirely healed. Because of his stupidity he nearly lost his life and very well could have taken his friend's life in the process; he may not have caused the accident but he sure as hell had put them on that road. But even before he got into the car that night, his selfishness might very well have cost him the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Sighing heavily, he sank back against the pillows.

"That's a big sigh," Alexis remarked as she came through the door.

His attempt at at grin melted into a grimace. "Apparently facial expressions are going to be a while in coming," he said quietly. He watched her as she pulled the chair and it did not escape his notice how utterly drained she looked. Extending his hand to her he noticed her hesitation before she took it. "I'm sorry" he told her earnestly.

She smiled sadly. "Eric...if you don't want to be with me then I need you to tell me. I'll be sad because I am deeply in love with you but I want you to be happy and if it's not with me then we shouldn't be together."

"I do want to be with you" he said hoarsely. "More than anything."

"It's been kind of hard to tell" she replied softly.

"I know and I'm really sorry for that."

The question burned hotly in the tip of her tongue; she wanted to ask so she could get the answer but there was a little voice in the back of her head reminding her that the truth did not always set you free. "Are you....are you in love with her?" She braced herself, waiting for the inevitable body blow.

"No" he said as emphatically as he could. "I'm in love with you."

"Then why were driving to here late at night without even so much as a phone call to tell me where you were? What were you coming for?"

His gaze dropped to the bed and he slowly let go of her hand. "For my old life" he whispered.

Alexis moved back in the chair and pulled her legs up underneath her. "Your life before me?"

The shake of his head was almost imperceptible. "Before cancer." He swallowed thickly. "My....my life then was really uncomplicated. I knew what I was doing, I knew who I was and where I was going. I....losing Josh....I feel lost. I'm not sure who I am and," he turned his head to met her eyes. "And I don't know how to be a good boyfriend to you when I don't know who I am."

She let go of a breath and moved towards him, reaching for his hand. "Oh Eric." He tried vainly to keep the tears that had pooled in his eyes from falling, swiping angrily at them. "I know who you are"

"Really?"

Nodding, she got up from the chair and perched herself on the edge of the bed. "You are strong - quiet but strong - and smart. You have an enormous capacity for love and you are the most amazing man I know."

"I don't know how you can say that," he said.

"I can say that because I love you. Because my heart has never been as full as it is with you. We can get through this Eric - I love Josh too and losing him has been really hard - losing you in the process has been harder." Several tears streaked down her cheeks and he wiped them away.

"I thought I was drowning and I didn't know what to do."

"You reach out for me and hold on. I'll keep you afloat for as long as you need."

They stared wordlessly at each other for several minutes. Forgivness could only happen when truth was spoken and having revealed their feelings to each other, they both took a moment as the dust settled.

"I'm...I've asked to be released tomorrow" he said, breaking the silence.

Alexis looked at him in surprise. "Is that wise?"

"There's nothing in my injuries that requires hospitalization. And I'd like to go home."

"Home where?" she asked tentatively.

"Home to you and the girls."

Leaning in Alexis kissed him softly. "Then home we will go" she whispered against his lips.

****
Looking up over the screen of her laptop, Robin furrowed her brow as Patrick tossed and turned in bed. They had walked from the hospital to the hotel with Patrick chattering the entire way about how relieved he was that Eric was no longer confused and how he would be happy to return to Port Charles tomorrow. By the time they got to the hotel, he was exhausted and had changed into a pair of shorts and a t-shirt and climbed into bed for a nap. She had offered to cuddle up with him but he had demurred, saying he was just wanted to sleep.

That was nearly half an hour ago and not only was he not asleep but he seemed unable to stay in one position for longer than 30 seconds. "Am I keeping you up?" she asked.

Rolling on to his other side so he was facing her, he gave a small shake of his head. "No. I just....I'm fucking tired and I can't fall asleep" he gritted out in frustration.

Shutting down her laptop, Robin came from around the desk and crawled to him on the bed. Touching his shoulder she was shocked to find it knotted and tense. "You're a wreck" she observed softly.

Exhaling, he looked up at her and shook his head. "I can't seem to relax" he grunted.

"Why don't I help?" she offered, sliding around behind him and pulling him to her.

Grabbing hold of the hem of his shirt, she peeled it from his body and tossed it off the side of the bed. Rubbing her hands together to warm them she then set about kneading his twisted and tight muscles. He grunted and groaned as her fingers worked expertly to untie the knots; his breathing lengthened and the headache that had been threatening at the margins seemed to recede further. Robin said nothing, only smiling to herself as he pushed back further against her, letting his head drop to her shoulder. She carefully rubbed his neck, loosening what she could before returning to his shoulders.

She loved the feel of his smooth skin underneath her hands and the way they seemed to know exactly where to go to bring him relief. It was most likely the hormones and perhaps the length of time since they last had sex but the more she touched him, drawing her fingers along his sinewy muscles that were so defined from pounding on the heavy bag, the hotter she got. Shifting her hips she tried to send a message to her body to behave itself but like a rebellious teenager, it had a mind of its own. Feeling the heat from his body she was unable to resist any longer and without thinking she whispered a line of kisses along his shoulder. Patrick shivered underneath her. Turning his head to the side and his mouth went in search of hers.

Both groaned as their mouths fastened on each other's, their tongues tangling together. Wanting to touch more of him, taste more of him, Robin crawled from behind him and straddled his lap. Her hands swept across his broad chest tracing the muscular outline. His hands burrowed under her shirt, trailing along her back before he dragged them to the front and cupped her breasts. Robin pushed herself further into his hands as their mouths remained fused in passionate, needy kiss. She rotated her hips in a slow circle over his, grinding against him swallowing down his moan. Her hands swept downwards and began to fumble with the elastic waistband of his shorts. Patrick dropped his hands and closed them over hers.

"R-robin" he said breathlessly. "I...I have to stop."

She looked up in surprise, stilling her hands but not removing them. "Pardon?"

"I...I can't" he said apologetically, his cheeks burning brightly under his admission.

Robin slid from lap but curled in beside him. "You mean you can't or....you don't want to?"

He pressed his lips to her forehead as he draped an arm around her. "A bit of both"

Evidence of strain etched on to his face and Robin took a deep breath, bringing her hand to rest over his heart. "Talk to me."

Turning on his side, facing her, he laid his arm across her waist. "Every time I close my eyes I see the headlights swerving for us and I can hear the windshield shatter and the sound of Eric's head smashing against the steering wheel. And I'm haunted by the thoughts that I nearly died without seeing my baby - our baby. That I nearly lost it all. And as much as I want you, I'm having a hard time getting those images out of my head."

Dipping in, Robin brushed her mouth over hers. "I'm so sorry" she whispered.

"And when I think of how close I came to losing everything and all that we've been through I don't....I don't want to just give in to impulse. I want...I want it to mean something." He sucked in his lower lip as he looked at her. "Does that sound as stupid as I think it does?"

She snuggled closer to him, her hand snaking around his waist. "No" she told him kindly. "It makes a lot of sense. I think it's two separate but related issues - the first being that you're not quite in the right frame of mind for sex and the second being after our time apart you want the reunion to be complete."

Patrick nodded and in that Robin had an insight into how far back she had pushed him in her effort to come to terms with her own demons. She knew that on some level he still wasn't sure of her forgiveness or that her desire to be back together was motivated out of more than fear from his car accident. It was as she had told Alexis that night at the house - she needed to show him through deeds and words.

"I do want to make love to you" he reassured her. "For hours" he said with a sly smile. "I want us to spend a weekend in bed and never stop touching."

Taking his hand Robin brought it to her mouth and slowly kissed each finger. "We will. And in the meantime we're just going to stay like this, okay?"

He gave a small smile and stole a quick kiss. "I love you" he state quietly.

"And I love you." She dragged her thumb along his lower lip. "Do you think you're ready to try and nap now?"

Inahling sharply and tugging her so close to him that there was no space, he nodded. His eyes grew heavy and closed. Robin brought her head to rest on his chest and listened to his heart beat steadily. As long as they were together, everything was possible.