Chapter 3: A Brave New World
Everything was different now. The truth about everything was out, and
a formerly fun-filled Summer Vacation world had been annihilated by it. In
it's place stood a miserable, angry, and lonely one.
Phineas was even angrier than before he'd yelled at Candace. His mom
had tried to talk to him about the event and he'd responded with, "You're on
my list too! Summer couldn't have been destroyed without your help!" Needless
to say, she shut up. His Dad had risen angrily to his wife's defense and got
himself shouted down as well. Ferb didn't even try. He was angry at Candace
and their mom too, so there really was no point, however, he wasn't nearly as
mad as Phineas seemed to be. He'd probably forgive his mom and Candace
eventually, but Phineas seemed to think the offense was inexcusable, and a
cause for war between them.
That's what he was telling Isabella anyway. The injured girl had been
fixed up a bit, and she was healing. Over the days Phineas had talked mostly
to her. She enjoyed getting so much attention from her favorite crush, but
she was getting more than a little disturbed at what he was telling her. He
went to her to talk about how angry he was at Candace, how she'd messed up
what should've been the greatest Summer of his life (haven't heard that before
have we?) and how glad he was that she'd felt some of his pain. He'd rant on
and on about how much he hated his sister and pretty much broke his
overhearing mom's heart.
But what really scared Isabella was that his circle of hate began to
expand. It first jumped to his mom, the logical next target, she was kind of
more to blame than Candace was, after all, then he was mad at his dad for
defending her. He even began to question why Ferb hadn't gotten out to help
him beat up Candace. Pretty soon, Isabella was the only friend Phineas had in
that little box.
They weren't sure how many days had passed. Phineas was talking with
Isabella again. While everyone else was growing more distant from him,
Phineas and Isabella were growing very close.
"And that was another thing I'd wanted to do but can't now, thanks to
Candace, Mom and apparently Perry," Phineas grumbled.
Perry growled, he was nearby.
Isabella and Phineas were silent for a moment.
Finally, Phineas spoke again.
"Isabella?" he asked.
"What?" she replied.
"Why do you listen to me? Day after day after day you just listen to
me rant on and on and on about how much I hate everything. Aren't you tired
of it? Why don't you tell me to go jump off a cliff or something?"
Isabella thought a moment. She should've been dead sick of listening
to him, but she honestly wasn't. For some reason listening to him rage on and
on didn't bother her, aside from making her worry about him.
"Well?" Phineas asked again.
"I'm your friend Phineas," she said simply, "I would never leave you."
"That's what I thought about some other people. Now I know that
nobody really cares. They're all selfish and they only care about themselves."
"You think I'm that way?"
Phineas looked at her. He sighed. "Isabella, how do I know that you
won't let me down too?"
Isabella just stared at him, unsure of what to say.
"Yeah, that's what I thought," Phineas said dejectedly. He hung his
head in despair.
"Give me your hands."
Phineas perked up, "What?"
"Give me your hands," Isabella repeated.
"Okay... why?" Phineas asked.
"Just do it."
Phineas turned to face her and held up his hands. She reached forward
and held them in her own. The effect was electric for Isabella. They were
holding hands! But she held back her lovesick nerves. She had something more
important to do. She looked Phineas dead in the eyes. He felt a little
uncomfortable under her intense stare.
"Isabella..." he said uncertainly, "what are you doing?"
"Phineas Flynn," she began.
"What?" he replied worriedly.
"I, Isabella Garcia Shapiro, swear to you, by my name as a Fireside
Girl, by my life and by my sacred honor, that I will NEVER desert you."
Phineas swallowed. He didn't know how to respond.
"I will never abandon you, or leave you friendless. I will stand by
your side no matter what, through thick and thin, for better or for worse,
even if you're a jerk to me and decide that you hate my guts, I, will yet be
with you," Isabella finished.
Phineas stared, mouth agape.
"Does that help?" Isabella asked. She'd gotten a kick out of the
whole thing. She felt like she was taking her wedding vows. Gosh... maybe
she WAS.
"Do you mean it?" Phineas asked.
"What do you think?" she retorted.
Phineas smiled at her. "Thanks, Isabella. Maybe I found at least one
real friend."
Isabella punched him in the arm. "What do you mean maybe? I'm
for real and you know it!"
"Yeah, I do," Phineas said, grinning slightly.
"Norm, go pull out the orange-haired midget."
Phineas and Isabella looked over to see Doofenshmirtz ordering his
giant robot to go pick up Phineas. Norm stomped over to the glass box to get him.
As Norm reached into the cage, Phineas sidestepped the massive hand and called
to Doofenshmirtz.
"What do you want, Doofenshmirtz?" he asked.
"I just want to talk to you."
"What for?"
"Come over here and I will tell you."
"All right, but I'll only come if Isabella can come with me."
"Uhh..." Isabella grunted. She didn't know if that was a good idea.
"You want her to come with you? AHAHAHA! You must like her I mean
you saved her life and you sit and talk to her all-"
"Are you going to let her go or not?" Phineas growled.
"Sure, why not? Norm, bring them both here!"
"Babysitting these prisoners all day is really boring!" Norm said
happily as he grabbed Isabella and Phineas and brought them over to
Doofenshmirtz.
"Put them down Norm, but stand next to us, I don't want them trying
anything funny!" Doofenshmirtz grated.
Norm set them down in front of Doofenshmirtz. Isabella glanced around
nervously. Phineas stared coldly at Doofenshmirtz.
"Now, what was your name again, Finn? Fido?" Doofenshmirtz asked.
"Phineas you idiot," Phineas said flatly.
"Phineas, right. I've been watching you ever since you shouted off
your sister the other day and I've noticed that you seem to have a lot of EVIL
potential," Doofenshmirtz began.
"So?" Phineas replied.
"Every time I look at you I can feel this evil, hateful glow about
you, and I just thought that-"
"You want an alliance, is that it?"
"Well, yes, I thought that together, we could rule the Tri-State Area!
What do you say? You wouldn't have to stay in that cage anymore!"
"Phineas would never join you!" Isabella shouted, then looked
uncertainly at Phineas, "Would you?"
"Maybe, what are the terms?" Phineas replied.
"Phineas!" Isabella cried.
"What? I don't have anything better to do."
"This guy is evil! You want to be evil too?"
"I don't know, I don't really care anymore."
"Phineas you-!"
"Hey, hey, wait, we weren't finished!" Doofenshmirtz interjected.
"What are your terms Doofenshmirtz?" Phineas asked.
"We'll be partners! You'll be free and together we'll concoct evil
plans to conquer the Tri-State Area!"
"Sounds good, but I want better. Here's a counter-proposal. We
conquer the WORLD, not just the Tri-State Area!" Phineas began.
"Oh! I like that! Yes, yes, that's good!" Doofenshmirtz replied.
"No, that's bad," Phineas replied, "also, Isabella gets her freedom,
too!"
"She has to stay here though, and if she tries to thwart us she goes
back in the Disintegratinator Chamber!" Doofenshmirtz responded.
"Fair enough," Phineas said, "Let's see, hm..." he looked at the glass
box his family was in, "Ferb, you want out, too? We could use your help!"
"I will not use my talents for evil," Ferb stated simply.
"All right then, your loss!" Phineas said. He turned back to
Doofenshmirtz, "So we take over the world and Isabella gets her freedom. Do
we have a deal?"
"Yes, we have an alliance!" Doofenshmirtz shouted as he shook hands
with Phineas. The two of them cackled maniacally.
"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" they laughed.
"Oh, brother," Isabella groaned.
Candace opened her eyes. She stared at the ceiling for a minute, then
she finally yawned and sat up. Day seven. After the failed rescue, Candace
had gone back to her wrecked house. She knew the police were looking for her
and would probably put her in a foster home until they found her parents (IF
they found her parents), but she didn't really want to go with them. The
house seemed like too obvious a hiding place, so the cops never looked for her
there. They'd only come by once, and she'd hidden under some junk in her old
tree house, where she was staying now and evaded them. Now she was awake
again, facing another long day of... nothing.
Candace had really almost done nothing for the past week. There was
nothing for her to do. If she left the house the cops would get her, and she
couldn't hide out at Stacy's because she and her family were still in Japan.
Speaking of which, everyone seemed to have left right when she needed them.
Jeremy was at Summer camp and Jenny (her friend) had joined a Hippie commune.
Even Buford and Baljeet, two of Phineas and Ferb's friends were off at a nerd-
bully rehabilitation center for a few weeks. The only people that were around
were the random Fireside girls that Isabella used to lead, as well as
Isabella's mother, who could be seen scouring the neighborhood for her lost
daughter during the day. Candace had found a pen and paper in the wreckage of
her house and left the panicked mother a note explaining what had happened,
though she probably didn't believe it.
Candace's stomach growled. Time for breakfast. Candace climbed down
from her tree house, careful not to look down (she was afraid of heights), and
walked over to the destroyed kitchen. She pulled a box of cereal from the
remains of their cabinet and popped it open. She reached in and pulled out a
handful of cereal. She stuck it in her mouth and chewed. She looked through
what used to be a wall and out at the street. It was a nice morning. The air
was cool and the sun was casting gold and orange light into the sky. The
street was quiet and no one seemed to be passing.
Candace wondered what she would do after breakfast... the only thing
of note she'd done in the past week was go on Phineas and Ferb's log flume.
Yes, since they'd been caught, there was no reason for it to disappear and so
it didn't. That made Candace mad, but it didn't really matter anymore. She
had fun on the ride until the car she was in flew out of one of the corkscrews
and almost killed her. She didn't ride again after that.
Candace was almost done. She still didn't know what she was going to
do next. She needed a new life. She needed a new purpose. She needed... she
sniffed the air and scrunched up her face. She needed a shower.
After she finished, Candace put the box back and walked over to the
hose. She turned it on and sprayed herself in the face with it. It didn't
work very well, but she'd been doing it that way the past few days, and it was
starting to feel good. She then sprayed the rest of herself down (her clothes
were still on) and then walked into the sunlight and laid down on the grass to
dry out.
Normally the hours it took for her to dry would be a nuisance, but it
didn't really matter to her. She had nothing to do anyway. Candace just
stared into the sky and watched the clouds sail across it. She saw one she
thought looked like Jeremy.
Around noon Candace was dry. She got up, went and pulled some more
food out of her wrecked kitchen for lunch and then went and sat up in her
tree house door. She looked out across the neighborhood, toward the downtown
part of Danville, remembering the terrible events that had happened in the
previous week. She looked down at her house and sighed.
"I'm sorry Phineas and Ferb," she whispered, "I miss you. I didn't
know it would hurt you so much if I busted you. I mean, technically I didn't,
but still, I'm sorry. I miss you both. I miss you and Mom and Dad and
Perry..."
"You mean Agent P."
Candace nearly fell out of the tree house. She looked down at the base
of the tree and saw a large army-looking guy in an olive green uniform with a
dorky looking kid with thick glasses and curly red hair.
Major Monogram and Carl, Perry's superiors.
"Oh, no! You've come to take me away! I'm not going anywhere,
coppers!" Candace yelled.
"We're not here to place you in a foster home, if that's what you're
worried about," Major Monogram said curtly.
"May we come up?" Carl asked.
"I guess, if you're not going to drag me away, it's fine." Candace
replied.
Carl and Major Monogram climbed the ladder to Candace's tree house.
The two sat down on either side of her.
"Major Monogram," Monogram said, offering Candace his hand.
"Carl," Carl added, offering his hand as well.
"Candace," Candace said miserably, shaking both their hands, "what do
you need?"
"We fear that something terrible has happened to your pet platypus.
He was last heard from seven days ago, not long before this house was
destroyed. We think he may have been captured in a fight with the evil Dr.
Doofenshmirtz," Monogram began.
"The guy with the lab coat?" Candace asked glumly.
"You know him?" Monogram asked in surprise, "How?"
Candace related the story of her rescue attempt. Both Monogram and
Carl listened intently, eyes growing wider and wider and jaws dropping further
and further. By the end, Candace wasn't quite crying, but one could hear the
emotion in her voice.
"And I stood there, and I watched Mom and Dad and Phineas and Ferb and
Perry and Isabella and Norm and Dr. Doofenshmirtz flying away over the ocean
and I'll never see them again because they're gone and I have no idea where
they went!" she sniffed, "But they're out in the ocean somewhere, so I guess
that's where you can find Perry..." Candace finished.
"Carl! This is terrible!" Major Monogram barked, "We need to send
search teams out over the ocean immediately!"
"I'm on it sir," Carl said, pulling out a two-way radio.
"What am I supposed to do?" Candace asked sadly.
"Well, because you are a member of Agent P's host family, and because
he's gone missing in action, you're entitled to a lot of federal benefits.
Your house for example, is federally insured. We could send in a team to
rebuild it.
Candace perked up a little, "Really?" she asked.
"Yes. You are now eligible for a lot of government aid, you know,
food stamps, medical insurance, bottom line, you're covered and the government
will take care of you until we can find your parents and Agent P," Monogram
said.
"Wow... how do I get all this stuff?" Candace asked.
"We'll take care of it. Would you like a better place to stay until
your house is rebuilt?"
Candace thought a bit, "No thanks," she said, "this wreck is all I've
got left."
"I can respect that," Monogram said, a faint note of sympathy in his
voice.
"Hey, what do I do about all the police looking for me?" Candace
wondered.
"We'll talk to them," Monogram replied, "lay low for today, and by
tomorrow you should be able to walk freely through the streets without them
bothering you."
Candace smiled. "Wow, thanks. At least someone's looking out for
Me," she said.
"No problem. Your country is ready and willing to assist you in your
hour of need," Monogram responded, "Carl! Is that search party out yet?"
"They're on the case," Carl replied.
"Good."
Major Monogram and Carl said goodbye to Candace, and left their
numbers with her in case she needed them. Candace waved to them from her
tree house as they marched off across the lawn. She couldn't say that things
were right, or that she was happy, but she definitely felt better knowing that
someone was on her side. Their help would make things much easier for her,
and could probably help her get back on her feet. She sighed and looked out
over the neighborhood again.
"I wish everything could just go back to the way it was," she
murmured.
"Now see, this should have been working the day I captured you, but
the flight seems to have damaged some of the parts, and I can't remember how I
put them together in first place!"
Doofenshmirtz was showing Phineas his SETI device. As he explained,
it had been damaged when they'd flown out to his island fortress. He'd been
trying to fix it for the whole week since, but had made little headway.
"Hmmm..." Phineas said, looking at the machine's mechanical guts, "I'm
not even familiar with this thing and I can see that things are wrong."
"I know, it got banged up really bad!"
"Not even that, everything's just messed up! There's no way that this
could transmit a signal powerful enough to reach the alien empire... at least
not one they could still pick up... and it would take years to reach them!"
"Are you saying that my engineering stinks?" Doofenshmirtz growled.
"Yes, yes I am."
"Oh! Norm, put him back-!"
"Not so fast, it's all constructive criticism! Let's rebuild this
thing and I'll show you a better way to make it!"
"Yeah, right, I'm so insulted! I let you out and this is how-!"
"The problem is, I'm a better engineer than you are! I can't stand to
look at this! I've got to fix it!"
"What! You, a better engineer than me? Ehehehe... don't get cocky,
silly child!"
"Well hey, if you think I don't know what I'm talking about, prove it!
We'll both build a SETI device, and we'll see who's is better!"
"Is that a challenge?"
"Yes, yes it is."
"All right, good! I'll show you, little twerp!"
"Good luck, I can't wait to see your face when you lose!"
"Shut up!"
Isabella watched as the two both began working on their different SETI
devices. Phineas was at a major disadvantage because Doofenshmirtz's gadget
had already been built. He might not even finish before the doctor buried
him. He seemed confident though. At any rate, Isabella was rather
uninterested in global domination, so she went and plopped down in front of
Doofenshmirtz's ruined TV set. A great show was on. It had to do with
shattered glass and a Candace-head-shaped hole in the screen.
Candace.
Isabella suddenly realized what was happening. She was out! She
could try to escape! Or get help! She could call Candace! She looked warily
at Phineas and Doofenshmirtz. She had to try not to get caught. She stood up
and wandered casually about the room. She slowly moved toward Perry. Perry
was dusting some of Doofenshmirtz's evil trophies. As she got close, she
stopped and pretended to be looking at them.
"Perry..." she whispered.
Perry looked up at her.
"Is there something in here I could use to make a phone call?"
Perry pointed his duster at a large control panel and monitor across
the room.
"Good. Do you know Candace's phone number?"
Perry thought a moment, making sure to keep dusting so they wouldn't
be noticed. He then began discreetly raising his claws like fingers, showing
her each number. Isabella repeated them over and over in her mind.
"I think I've got it. Thanks, Perry," Isabella whispered.
Perry growled.
"Perry the Platypus, what do you think you are doing?"
Both Perry and Isabella nearly jumped out of their skins at
Doofenshmirtz's voice. Oh, no! He must have seen them!
"Why are you still dusting? You were supposed to bring me my lunch
like five minutes ago!"
Perry ran off to do his evil master's bidding. Isabella sighed in
relief. She began limping (her leg was still broken) to the control panel at
the other side of the room. She moved quickly this time. She needed to go
input that number before she forgot it.
"Isabella, could you come help me for a second?" Phineas called. His
nose was deep in the emerging SETI device.
"Uhh... I want... to... but..." Isabella replied.
"But?" Phineas asked.
"I... have to go to the bathroom, really bad!" Isabella bumbled.
"Hmm... you don't sound too sure about that, but go ahead, it's not
urgent."
"Thanks."
Isabella walked quickly toward the control panel. She looked back to
make sure no one was watching. She looked at it. It seemed to be a large
videophone. She punched a key, the first number of Candace's number.
BLEEP!
Isabella squealed and fell on her butt. Why was it so loud?
Phineas looked up. "What was that?" he asked.
Doofenshmirtz started to look up, but whacked his head on his device.
He yelled and started cursing.
"I... slipped and fell into this thing..."
Phineas got up and walked over to Isabella. She got up and brushed
herself off. She started to move away, when Phineas grabbed her arm.
"The bathroom's over there," Phineas said, motioning clear across the
room.
Isabella giggled. "Oops..."
"Isabella."
"What?"
"You don't have to go to the bathroom."
"How can you tell?"
Phineas looked over at Doofenshmirtz. He was still cursing and
totally oblivious to the world around him.
"I saw you talking to Perry," he whispered, "You're trying to call for
help."
Isabella's heart dropped like a lead weight.
"Well..." she sighed, "yeah, I was."
"And you lied to me about it?"
"Um..."
"See, you let me down too! You went behind my back!" Phineas yelled.
Isabella started shaking. No! She'd blown it!
Then Phineas started laughing. Not an evil laugh, a good-natured,
friendly kind of laugh.
"I'm just messing with you, Isabella," he chuckled, "who're you trying
to call?"
"Candace."
"Hm... seems like you could have made a better choice... I don't even
know if she has her cell phone."
"Do you have someone else we can call?"
"I don't want to call anyone, I've got to beat out this mad scientist.
I don't mind if you do though."
"You don't?"
"It doesn't matter much, I just want to see the look on his face when
I beat him. Even if someone came, they'd get him, not me! I could go right
on ahead with this SETI thing... except..."
"Are you really going to call down an alien army?"
"Don't know yet, I'll cross that bridge when I come to it."
"I see..."
Phineas looked over his shoulder. Doofenshmirtz was starting to
recover, though he was still grumbling under his breath. His head was still
inside his creation.
"Type in the next number, Isabella," Phineas said.
She did. The "BLEEP!" made Doofenshmirtz jump and hit his head again,
drawing a horrible stream of cartoon obscenities and re-distracting him.
"Well, go on, finish the message!" Phineas said.
Isabella typed in the number and a short message. She was about to
send it when Phineas stopped her.
"Hang on, this is hopefully going to Candace, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Let me add something."
Phineas wrote a message under Isabella's, then sent it. Doofenshmirtz
was still busy cursing and had missed the whole thing.
"Well, you ready to come help me?" Phineas asked.
"Uhh... sure," Isabella replied.
"Cool! Let's go!"
As they walked back to Phineas's SETI device, Phineas spoke to her.
"You don't have to hide things from me, Isabella. You can trust me."
"Yeah... I'm sorry..."
"It's all right, I haven't been acting very trustworthy lately."
Suddenly, a mighty growling rumbled from Isabella's stomach. She
stopped and cringed.
Phineas looked at her up and down. "It's for real this time, isn't
it?"
Isabella nodded painfully.
"The bathroom's over there," he said.
Suddenly, his stomach growled, and he felt an agonizing twist in his
intestines. He cringed.
They both looked at each other. Then they looked at the bathroom.
Then they looked at each other again.
"I'm first!" they both yelled at the same time. They both dashed for
the bathroom, Isabella keeping pace in spite of her leg.
Candace stared at herself. She stared and stared and stared. She
clenched her jaw and swallowed. Come on...
Her eyes burned. They started to water.
"Don't give up, Candace..." she muttered, "you can win... just ignore
the pain... just... ignore... it..."
Tears rolled down her cheeks. Her eyes twitched violently.
Candace gritted her teeth. The stinging was becoming unbearable...
"She's got an alien heart!" something sang.
Her reflection jolted. It blinked as it did.
"Ha! You blinked!" Candace shouted triumphantly. She smiled. Then
she frowned.
"Hey, wait... if that was my reflection, and it blinked, that means
that I blinked, which means..."
If you haven't figured it out, Candace was having a staring
contest with a piece of a mirror.
"I think that my girlfriend is an a-li-en!"
"Where's that coming from?" Candace wondered aloud, "Isn't that the
tune I put on my..."
"She treats my love like a science exper-i-ment!"
"That's the song I put on my cell phone for text messages!" Candace
looked toward the music. All she saw was a pile of splintered wood and
sheetrock, but the song was belting from beneath it.
"Does she love me for who I am?"
"No way!" Candace cried in delight. She charged to the wreckage and
dug furiously.
"Or does she wanna put my brain in a can?"
Candace threw off a broken table leg and saw it.
"My phone! It survived!" Candace cried with glee. She lifted it out
of the mess and held it up to the sky.
"I can't believe it still has a charge!" she said ecstatically. She
flipped it open. She had one new message. It was from an unknown address.
She opened up the text.
Candace read aloud. "Stuck on island with mad scientist, help...
Isabella. This is from Isabella! Hey there's more. Candace, come and face
me... Phineas. 'Come and face me?' What's that supposed to mean?"
Candace stared at the phone. Its battery sign started flashing.
"Oh, no! I'd better call her back before-no, wait, if they're with
Doofusface, then it prob-"
The phone went dead.
Candace stared at it. She let out a pathetic sigh.
"Oh, well. I don't even know if I could help them... or if they even
want me to. Phineas seemed to just think I got in the way... still,
Isabella texted my phone, so she must want my help."
Candace groaned. She didn't even know where they were or how to
get there or...
Major Monogram.
Candace perked up. That was it! Major Monogram could help her! But
first... she had to charge her phone or find another one to put her chip in so
she could call him and give him the number that had called her.
She started digging frantically through the wreck, looking for her
charger. The sun was setting, so she had to find it fast.
"Oh, c'mon... please be there..." Candace muttered.
She dug and dug and dug. She tore up the remains of three different
rooms before it got too dark to see. She finally sat on the ground and moaned
in despair.
"Why?" she whined, "Why is this happening to me? Why has my house
been destroyed and my family taken from me and my life ruined? Why? Why?"
She turned her head up toward the sky. Stars were beginning to come
out.
"Is anyone up there? Do you hate me? Are you punishing me for trying
to wreck Phineas and Ferb's fun?"
The sky was silent.
"Well I'm sorry, okay! I'm a bad, bad girl! I didn't mean to hurt
anyone, I just wanted Mom to know!" she screamed.
The sky was unmoved.
Candace yanked the dead phone out of her pocket. She held it up to
the sky.
"You see this?" Candace yelled, "Isabella just texted me, and all I
need is my charger so I can recharge my phone and get her number to Major
Monogram!"
The sky didn't respond.
"You don't even care, do you!" Candace roared, shaking her fist at it,
"Nobody cares about crazy, high-strung, selfish Candace Flynn! No one cares
that she's lost and alone and-"
Suddenly, something caught her eye. She looked and saw a cord hanging
from her phone.
Candace was flabbergasted. The charger had been connected to her
phone the whole time. She looked back at the sky.
A star twinkled.
Candace's eyes sparkled. Her expression melted from one of anger to
one of complete gratitude.
"Thank you," she said tearfully.
Candace looked back at her phone. She had a charger now, she needed
to find an outlet to plug it into. She thought a moment. All the outlets in
her house had been destroyed. She could break into Stacy's house and use one
of hers. She wouldn't mind, Candace had broken in there many times before for
various reasons. She had to not get caught by the cops, though. Major
Monogram had told her to wait until tomorrow to hit the streets. Candace
climbed into her tree house and grabbed Major Monogram's and Carl's numbers and
then began her journey down the street to Stacy's house.
Twenty minutes later, Candace was sitting in the waiting room at the
local police station.
Yep, she tried to walk two hundred feet down the road and got herself
caught.
Candace growled. Oh, well, it wasn't like she was going to jail or
anything, she hadn't done anything wrong. They just wanted to stick her in
foster care. Candace figured Major Monogram would eventually figure out what
had happened and bail her out anyway. Everything would be fine, but Candace
was still supremely irritated. She sat back in her chair and let her eyes
wander about the room. As she did, she noticed a white rectangle on the wall
with two little circle things on it, each with three holes, two long and
skinny, and one fat.
A power outlet!
Candace grinned and walked over to it. She plugged her phone in and
sat in the chair next to it. She held her phone in her hand and looked at it,
smiling. It was only a matter of time now...
She waited about ten minutes and let it charge a bit, then she pulled
Major Monogram's number out and dialed it.
It rang... and rang... and rang...
"Hello, you've reached Major Monogram, record your message after the
beep."
Candace sighed. Voicemail. She tried Carl. No luck there. Candace
tried both of them again with the same results. She thought a moment. She
decided to just text the number that had called her to Major Monogram along
with an explanation and a request to call her back. She sent it to Carl too,
just to be safe. After sending her messages, she sat back in her chair and
stared at the wall.
"Now what?" she griped.
She sat there for a while. She was bored out of her mind. She
finally picked her phone up and called Stacy, her best friend. She was still
in Japan, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to.
The phone rang... and rang... and rang... Candace looked at the
floor. Great...
"Hello?" Stacy's voice said.
Candace nearly burst with delight. "Stacy? Is that you?"
"Yeah..." Stacy replied.
"Oh, Stacy it's so good to hear your voice!"
"I've only been gone like a week and a half, Candace, you already miss
me that much?"
"Yes, yes I do!"
"Oh, well I'm flattered. But, seriously, you seem more desperate than
usual. Is everything all right?"
"Well..."
Not really. Candace laid out the whole story to her. The bust, the
robot, the smashed house, the kidnapping, the mad scientist, the fight, the
flying room, the tree house, the text message, the cell phone and so forth.
She didn't tell her about Major Monogram and Carl (Major Monogram made it very
clear before he left that she was not to blow their cover or Perry's.)
"And now, I'm sitting in a police station, waiting to go to a foster
home," Candace blubbered miserably.
"Candace that's awful!" Stacy cried, and yes, Stacy was familiar
with Candace and Phineas and Ferb's outrageous adventures, having been part of
several of them, so she believed the ridiculous story, "Why didn't you call us
sooner?"
"I couldn't find my phone."
"Why didn't you just-? Oh forget it. Hang on. Mom! Mom!"
Candace waited a moment while Stacy went and gave her mom a more
believable and much shorter version of Candace's plight. It wasn't long
before Stacy's mom was on the phone.
"Candace, are you there?"
"Yeah."
"You're at the police station?"
"Yep."
"Let me talk to one of the officers."
"All right."
Candace called to the receptionist and got the phone to the officer
that had taken her in. After much passing around of the phone and some red
tape information gathering, the officer returned and gave the phone back to
Candace. Stacy's mom was still on.
"Okay, Candace, here's what happening. We're your foster family, at
least in the short-term. The officer's going to take you to our house and you
can stay there tonight. You already know how to break in, correct?"
"I've only done it twenty-seven times and counting!" Candace bragged.
"Good. We're not done with our vacation here, but we're sending
Stacy back to keep you company. She's bored out of her skull here anyway."
"Cool!" Candace exclaimed.
"She'll probably arrive late tomorrow, or something. Until then, I
want you to stay out of trouble, all right? Don't leave the house until
Stacy comes, got it?"
"Yes, ma'am," Candace replied.
"Good. Stacy, you have anything you want to say to Candace before I
hang up?"
"Hang in there, Candace, I'll be right there!" Stacy yelled.
"Thanks guys," Candace said gratefully.
"Bye, Candace!" Stacy and her mom said.
"Peace!" Candace said back. She hung up the phone.
"Ready?" the officer asked Candace.
"Yeah," Candace said wearily.
The officer took her home to get her remaining things and then they
drove over to Stacy's. Once there, she and the officer got out.
"Okay, kid, they told me you know how to break into this house," the
officer said.
"Yep, just give me about five minutes," Candace replied.
Candace hopped over Stacy's fence and walked up to a toolshed in the
back yard. The officer followed suit. In front of the shed was a small
concrete porch that Stacy's dad worked on. Candace walked to a patch of
unkempt grass in the corner of the yard and pulled out a long iron bar. The
officer watched with interest as Candace walked back to the patio and stood
over it.
"What's this got to do with anything?" he asked.
"Just watch," Candace responded. She shoved the bar under the massive
concrete slab. The officer watched in awe as Candace worked the bar like a
huge lever and lifted the giant block of cement off the ground and shoved it
back into the shed. In the dirt beneath was a small hole and a lot of bugs
and worms.
"Wow, does that hole go to the house?" he asked.
"Nope, it goes into the shed," Candace replied, cringing. This was
the gross part. She had to go through all the worms and spiders and
cockroaches in order to move to the next step. She'd done it twenty-seven
times, but it never got any easier. She gulped.
Candace jumped down the hole, squealing as she went. She slithered
through as fast as she could, finally bursting out inside the shed. It was
pitch black in there. Candace couldn't see a thing.
"Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, eek! Get off me! Ullgh!" Candace cried as she
brushed all the bugs off.
"You all right kid?"
"I'm fine, I'm in the shed. These bugs are just gross. Ow! I think
one of them bit me!"
"Well, now what happens?"
"I climb the shelves, if I can find-"
CRASH! Candace tripped and fell over a pile of random tools and paint
cans.
"OW!" she shouted angrily.
"Are you sure you're all right in there?"
"I'm fine! Grrr..." Candace rubbed her head and got up. She groped
around until she found the shelves, then began climbing. She reached the
ceiling and pushed up one side of the roof.
"Kid, is that you lifting the roof?"
"Yeah, this part's hard..." Candace stepped up onto the wall, lifting
the roof high over her head. She turned around and faced into the shed. She
took a deep breath. If she blew this part it would hurt a lot.
"Kid...?"
Candace bent her knees and jumped. As she did she held on to the roof
and threw her legs up and over it... all as the roof was falling. As she
landed she yanked her fingers out of the way just before they got crushed by
the heavy board.
"Whoa! What the-?" the officer cried.
"Almost there..." Candace panted.
Standing over Stacy's shed was a venerable old tree. A large branch
hung over the shed. Candace jumped and just caught it. She climbed along the
branch, hand over hand until she reached it's trunk. Then she braced her feet
against it and began climbing up branch by branch.
"Kid, what're you doing?" the officer called.
As Candace neared the top, she sat on a branch and grabbed two others.
She pulled them both off and carefully lowered then dropped them to the
ground. They clattered down and stopped against the trunk and a large, lower-
lying branch.
"I don't understand how this is supposed to-" the officer began.
"They're stilts!" Candace called back.
The officer walked to the base of the tree and looked at the branches.
"Hey you're right!" he exclaimed, "I still don't get how this helps,
though."
"You'll see," Candace assured him. She climbed down and stuck her
feet in each stilt.
"Kid, do you know how to-?"
"Yeah, me and Stacy learned to walk on stilts when we were both eight
years old. Still, if I fall... get out of the way 'cause I'll probably kill
us both if you don't."
"I see," the officer said uncertainly.
"Okay..." Candace said, "One, two, three!" she shoved off from the
tree and, after some shaking, stood up straight on the stilts.
Minor note, Candace was now two stories tall.
"Egad!" the officer cried.
"Whoaoh!" Candace said shakily. This was really uncomfortable.
Especially for someone who hates heights. Even though she'd done it twenty-
seven times.
"Are you going to-" the officer began.
"Don't say that word! I'm already scared out of my brains!" Candace
yelled in fear.
She took a careful step forward. Candace was shivering like nobody's
business. She took another step, then another... she was getting close.
"Oh man, I'm totally gonna pee myself!" Candace blabbered. She took
another step...
And slipped in a mud puddle.
The next few seconds seemed to happen in slow motion. Candace
screamed as she, on two-story stilts began falling forward. The officer took
up the chorus as Candace's life flashed before her eyes.
Well, she didn't die. She fell into the house, smacking her head hard
into the wall.
"Ow!" Candace roared.
"Whew!" the officer breathed in relief.
Candace pushed herself up with her hands. "I-I'm alive!" she cried,
"and I'm still dry!"
Suddenly, her left stilt fell out from under her and she twisted
around wildly on the right one."
"AAHHH!" Candace screamed.
"Oh my gosh!" the officer shouted.
Candace reached out and caught a windowsill as the other stilt fell
out from under her and left her hanging two stories in the air.
"AAAAHHHH!" Candace screamed some more.
"Kid, don't let go!"
Candace twisted around and caught the windowsill with a second hand.
She stuck her feet against the house and pulled herself up a little.
"Wow..." Candace panted, "I can't believe I'm not dead! And I still
didn't wet myself!"
Then Candace made a huge mistake.
"Kid! Are you all right?" the officer yelled.
Candace looked down at him to reply. That was the mistake.
Getting a good look at how high she was sent Candace into psycho-panic
mode.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
she wailed, "Oh gosh! Oh gosh! HELP!"
"Hang on, kid, I'm gonna go find a ladder!"
"No! Don't leave me! Ah, man, I'm gonna need some new underwear!"
she lifted herself up the rest of the way and pounded the window. The glass
fell in but hit the ground without shattering. Candace climbed frantically
through and collapsed safely in Stacy's room, breathing harder than she had
in a long time.
"Kid? How'd you do that?" the officer called from the back yard.
A shivering Candace dragged herself back to the window and looked out
at him.
"Stacy's window pops out. It's not made of glass, it's made of
plastic!" she replied.
"Well I'll be..." the officer muttered, "why don't we just break the
lock next time? You think?"
"That would be a marvelous idea," Candace blurbed.
The officer grinned. "Why don't you go down and open the front door
for me so we can get your stuff in there?"
"Give me a minute," Candace groaned.
Pretty soon Candace's stuff was in the house and the officer was gone.
Candace found herself alone in Stacy's house. Not knowing what else to do,
she went and plopped down in front of the TV. She turned it on and nearly
dropped the remote. A cartoon show called Phineas and Ferb with her and her
brothers and the roller coaster they'd built earlier that Summer was on.
"What the-?" Candace said, dumbfounded.
As she watched the show, Candace's shock turned to uncontrollable
laughter as she watched everything that she'd seen happen that day in the
third person. Kind of like an out-of-body experience or something. After she
finished watching Phineas and Ferb carve her face into Mount Rushmore, she
turned off the TV and conked out on Stacy's couch, feeling better than she
had in over a week.
She didn't sleep for very long, though. He phone suddenly rang, this
time the tune was, "I'm Lindana and I wanna have fun!" It was a call, not a
text.
Candace rolled off the couch and grabbed her phone off the TV set,
where she'd left it. She hit the answer button and held it to her ear.
"Hello?" Candace asked.
"Candace, is that you?" a high-pitched girl's voice answered.
"Isabella?" Candace exclaimed.
"Yeah, it's me," Isabella replied.
"How are you calling me? I thought you were in that guy's-"
"We are, but he's asleep right now. Listen, he let me and Phineas out
of the disintegration chamber. He made a deal with Phineas and now Phineas is
helping him with his SETI device!"
"Isabella, where are you?"
"I'm not sure, I was just calling to see if you'd gotten my message."
"I did. Help should be coming sooner or later."
"Aw, sis, you're not gonna take my challenge?" a confident voice
asked.
"Phineas?" Candace asked back.
"'Come and face me'? You're not going to? Man, I thought you were
lame before," Phineas said.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Candace growled.
"You won't even come in person to rescue your own family. You're going
to send the authorities instead."
"Listen, twerp, I don't even know where you are, I can't come get you!
And besides that, you hate me and you don't want my help!"
Phineas laughed. "Oh, Candace, you're so pathetic... don't you know
that Mom and Dad and Perry and Ferb and Isabella would love your help? You
abandoned them because I threw a few little insults in your face. Such a
crybaby."
"Phineas, what're you-?" Isabella began.
"What do you want, Phineas?" Candace asked angrily, "Why do you want
me to 'come and face' you?"
"You see, Candace," Phineas said, "if the authorities come here, I'm
with this Doofenshmirtz guy and they'll get obliterated when they come in. I
made all sorts of awesome peaceful stuff and I can make all sorts of weapons
and security systems, too. If you come in person, however, we'll make a deal
and I'll give everyone back if you accept the terms."
"What're the terms?"
Phineas laughed again. "'Come and face me' and I'll tell you."
"How can I if I don't know where you are?"
"You've got the same blood as I do Candace," Phineas replied, "If I
can do awesome things, so can you. Figure it out."
"I will," Candace seethed.
"Good, Isabella, you have anything else to say to her?"
"Umm... good luck? Tell my mom I love her and that I'm okay!"
Isabella pleaded.
"Sure," Candace replied.
"Come and face me, Candace." Phineas said. Then the line went dead.