Chapter 4: Candace Answers the Challenge
The next morning Phineas showed Doofenshmirtz the blueprint for his
SETI device and the doctor had to admit Phineas's device was much better
(Phineas hadn't even built the SETI device the day before. He'd ended up
making a contraption that had instantly healed Isabella's broken leg, which
she'd greatly appreciated.) Phineas then gave the blueprint (for a SETI
device, not a leg healer) to Doofenshmirtz and told him to build it. He
explained that he had wind that they might soon be discovered and that he
(Phineas) would need to build defenses for the island. The doctor agreed and
the two set to work, Doofenshmirtz on the SETI device, and Phineas on island
defenses. As Isabella watched the two work, she couldn't help but wonder what
Phineas was up to. She couldn't tell if he was the good guy or the bad guy.
It just kind of seemed like he was doing his own thing.
"So, uh, Phineas, watchya doin'?" Isabella asked.
"Building an Automatic Radar Blaster. It'll track anything that comes
near this island and blast it to smithereens. I'm also fitting it with anti-
jamming technology in case they try to scramble the radar."
"Gosh," Isabella replied, "why don't you want anyone coming here? Do
you not want to escape?"
"I want Candace to come here, no one else."
"Why?"
"I've got a score to settle with her."
"Didn't you kind of already settle it?"
"A little yelling is no where near as bad as what she did to me,"
Phineas explained, "I've got a plan for Candace."
"What's that?"
"If she ever gets here, you'll find out. I'll tell you this though,
if Mom and Dad and Ferb and Perry ever want out of here, they'll either need
to join me and Doofenshmirtz, or Candace will need to come save them. I won't
have it any other way."
"Is there a reason you can't tell me what your plan is?" Isabella
asked.
"It'd spoil the surprise... and the test."
"The test?"
"Just wait. It'll all make sense when she gets here."
"IF she gets here..."
"She will. Trust me."
"If you say so..."
Candace was back at her house. She stood over the wreckage, trying to
decide what to do. The good news was that she had a purpose in existence again.
The bad news was that she had no idea how to fulfill it.
Monogram and Carl had called Candace back that morning. They'd told her
that they had gotten her message and the number and that they were tracking
the number's source. They said that they would probably find Doofenshmirtz
and her family before long with the information. Candace asked them if they
would tell her where Doofenshmirtz was when they found him, but they refused,
saying that they didn't want her to go looking for him and get herself hurt.
So that's where she was. She had to find Doofenshmirtz without any
help. She'd "borrowed" Stacy's laptop and looked up the phone number on the
internet, but she couldn't find anything on it. Now she stood over the ruins
of her house, trying to figure out how on Earth she could find her family.
"Argh, Phineas, why can't you just let it go?" Candace grumbled,
"Technically your misery's not even my fault," What did he want her to come
there for, anyway? She figured he was probably playing some game to get back
at her for something she hadn't actually done... though she'd wanted to. She
started digging around in the rubble.
"Maybe if I randomly pull up bits of sheetrock I'll get an idea."
Candace said sarcastically. What could she use? Phone... maybe she could go
to the phone company... but their information should have been on the
internet... GPS, maybe? That wasn't a bad idea... maybe she could call
Isabella and get the- no, Isabella didn't know where she was any better than
Candace did. Uh... what else could you use to communicate? Radio? No. TV?
That only went one way. Screaming really, really loud? Candace didn't think
even she could scream that loud.
Candace growled. This was ridiculous. Maybe she just needed to wait
on Major Monogram and Carl and hope THEY were able to rescue her family. Hey,
maybe the feds had something she could use... in a top secret computer or
something... that she could break into and hope she didn't get caught and
thrown in the slammer for the rest of her life.
The really annoying thing was, the thing she really needed to find
Phineas and Ferb was, well, Phineas and Ferb. They'd just whip up some insane
contraption to find themselves and-
Candace stopped. Of course! That's what Phineas wanted! He was
challenging her to do something incredible like he and Ferb always did. SHE
was supposed to whip up some insane contraption to find them!
"Great..." Candace groaned. She was not an engineer like her brothers
were. She was more of a wannabe singer/useless teenage girl.
"I guess I can learn... maybe..." she said. What could she make? A
phone tracker? Not bad... Maybe a DNA locator thing? Or a giant megaphone?
Maybe an airplane? But she wouldn't be able to see them from an airplane...
unless... what if it had a radar? A Phineas and Ferb tracking radar? How
would she even do that?
She found the last idea strangely appealing, but decided that a phone
tracker was the most practical choice. She could probably get one at a store
or at the police station... wait... maybe the police could track the number!
Candace leapt to her feet and ran from the yard, heading for the
police station. She'd gone three houses down before she realized that she
could just call them. She pulled out her phone and related the situation to
the receptionist, forwarded her to another officer, who called the number and
tried to track it. His tracker brought up the words, "PRIVATE NUMBER", with
no information. He got Doofenshmirtz's answering machine, ("I'm not here
right now, or am I?") but nothing more. Doofenshmirtz was good, this time, at
least. Candace thanked the officer and dragged her feet back to the house-
back to the drawing board.
Once at the house, she laid down in the grass and stared boredly into
the sky. She was REALLY wishing everything would go back to normal, though
she figured the only way to do that was to find everyone and drag them back...
which she still didn't know how to do.
Candace stared up at the clouds. One of them looked like Ducky Momo
(don't ask). Another one looked like Ferb's head. Another looked like the
log flume he and Phineas had built-wait, that was the log flume.
Candace sat up and looked at the humungous ride. It should've been
strange for a log flume to be in her backyard, but for Candace that was the
only thing left about the world that was still normal. Funny, it looked
bigger than it had before... and it was swaying. Candace suddenly noticed
that it was kind of windy. She looked at the tree, watching it sway.
RRRRRNNNNKKK!
Candace perked up. That didn't sound good. She turned toward the
noise and discovered the mighty bulwark of Phineas and Ferb's (apparently,
shoddily crafted) log flume falling toward her. Candace leapt to her feet and
started to run, only to have the supports come crashing down around-but not
on top of-her with a resounding BOOM.
Candace tried to stop but tripped over the newly-fallen supports and
flipped head-over-heels over them, smacking her head wonderfully on the next
support and knocking herself unconscious.
"Barrel... magazine..."
Isabella handed Phineas a heavy clip of bullets. He was assembling
the last of a network of computer operated heavy machine guns set around
Doofenshmirtz's island hideout. Building weapons capable of blowing someone's
head off at 100 rounds per minute was simultaneously disturbing and really
really cool.
"You realize you could realistically kill people with this stuff?"
Isabella asked him for the thousandth time.
"Yep."
"Phineas, I know you're mad, but it really isn't right to take it out
on everyone else."
"I'm not taking it out on EVERYONE else, just Candace and anyone who
tries to help her."
"And technically she wasn't the on that busted you either."
"Well, what better way to get back at Mom than through her daughter?"
"Why can't you just forgive them?"
"They've ruined me, Isabella."
"I can see that, but it seems to me that the great Phineas Flynn
should be able to move on."
Phineas turned and looked Isabella dead in the eye. "That's just it,
Isabella, think! What would happen if I built a plane, flew us all home,
fixed the house and forgave Candace and Mom?"
"Well... I guess things would go back to normal... wait..."
"They wouldn't, would they?"
"No, they wouldn't... you've been busted, your mom wouldn't let you-"
"Exactly. No more roller coasters, no more log flumes, no more
rockets, no more tree house fights..."
"Just a normal, boring old life."
"All I ever hoped for and dreamed of will be crushed and I, during my
teenage years, will probably be shaped by force of peer influence and mass
society into a dull, mindless slog without a creative thought in his head."
"I see."
"That's what I was looking forward to the day I got busted, but now,
because of Doofenshmirtz, I have hope."
"Doofenshmirtz gave you hope?"
"Because of Doofenshmirtz, I've been given a chance to escape."
"What do you mean?"
"I won't tell you everything right now. It'd still ruin the surprise.
But know this, Doofenshmirtz is working for me, not the other way around.
Over the past couple days I've formed a plan, and with it, I will be able to
continue doing what I love, Mom will have no power to stop it and I will get
serious revenge on Candace. Mom too."
"Isn't there a better way?"
"Can you think of one?"
Isabella thought for a moment. She thought really hard. This might
be her only chance to change Phineas's mind. Instead, all the thinking did
was convince her that Phineas was right. He DID only have two real choices.
He could save them, which would benefit everyone except him and be a long-term
loss in creativity and technology to society at large, or he could do whatever
he was planning, which, at least in the short-term seemed to be bad for
everyone but him, and which was almost definitely bad for Candace and his mom,
but would somehow allow him to continue creating awesome stuff and might end
up being a general (and possibly very great) boon to the human race.
"No," she finally replied.
"Neither can I. Just trust me. This'll turn out well for you, one
way or another. The only one who'll really get burned by this is Candace...
and maybe Dr. Doofenshmirtz, but mostly Candace."
"What're you going to do to her?"
"Don't worry, I won't, PHYSICALLY hurt her... much."
"Is it necessary for you to hurt her for everything else to work?"
"Oh yes, oh so necessary... if I want vengeance, that is."
"So it's not, you just want to get back at her?"
"Yeah."
"You've changed, Phineas, you used to love Candace."
"That was before she busted me."
"She didn't!"
"She certainly tried."
Isabella groaned in frustration.
"So... are you a bad guy now or a good guy?"
Phineas thought a moment... "I'm more of... a rebel with a cause."
"What's your cause?"
"I fight for what I've always fought for-"
"Coolness?"
"Yes, if I don't do what I plan, coolness will be destroyed."
"Okay... what about the revenge part, how does that help coolness?"
"That's my new cause, justice."
Isabella stifled a derisive laugh. "Phineas, getting back at Candace
is wrong and you know it."
Phineas didn't seem to have a comeback for that one.
Isabella continued, "You're angry and you can't let go."
Phineas was silent.
"Just let it go, Phineas, do what you're planning but don't hurt
Candace, you're better than that!"
"No, no I'm not." Phineas said flatly.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I'm going to get back at Candace anyway."
"Even though it's bad?"
"It's totally worth it."
This time Isabella didn't have a comeback. She stared at Phineas for
a moment, then just looked sadly at the ground. The love of her life had
turned into a big jerk. Oh well... hopefully once he got back at Candace he
would be satisfied and chill out... or maybe not.
"Candace? Candace? Are you all right? Candace!"
"Head hurts... log flume... crash go boom..."
"Snap out of it, Candace! What happened?"
"Snap... outta what?"
"Open your eyes!"
"Wuuhhhaat?"
"Open your eyes."
"Don't wanna... make headache worse..."
Someone grabbed Candace and shook her really hard.
"C'mon lazy bones, you can do it."
Candace finally opened her eyes. "StOoOoOoOoOoP IT!"
"You look terrible, what've you been cleaning up with, a hose?"
Candace's eyes focused slowly, "Why yes, yes I-"
The image finally came clear. Candace nearly burst with joy.
"Stacy!" she exclaimed.
Stacy's expression betrayed a mixture of confusion, concern and a
hint of, "Oh brother, what'd you do now you dummy?" boredness.
"Yep. It's me."
"I'm saved!"
"From yourself I suppose..."
"You don't know how long-wait, what's that supposed to mean?"
"You've been using a hose to get clean?"
"Well, yeah! I don't have anything else! It's not like my house
isn't trashed and I have a hot shower and-"
"You haven't been working hard busting your brothers?"
"-I haven't been working hard busting Phineas and Ferb and Mom-hey,
did they build this log flume thing? I gotta tell-what?"
Stacy was trying hard to stifle a laugh. Sometimes her best friend
was totally clueless... which made her both annoying and endearing at the same
time.
"Hee, hee, Candace, you're so predictable..."
"What?"
"Don't you see this log flume? You gotta tell your mom!"
"Oh, right! Man, I'm really-" she started reaching for her phone and
suddenly stopped. Stacy burst out laughing.
"That is so not funny," Candace griped. Stacy laughed harder, "Did
you come all the way from Japan just to make fun of me?"
"It might have been worth it. What were you doing on the ground?"
"Phineas and Ferb's stupid log flume fell on top of me!"
"Ouch."
"'Ouch!' All you can say is 'Ouch'?'"
"Yeah," Stacy was clearly enjoying herself.
"I could've died!"
"That might've been easier."
"Did you take an obnoxious pill on the plane or something?"
"Maybe, by the way, did you have fun walking on those stilts? Or,
more importantly, did you pee yourself this time? I don't think I ever got my
underwear back from the last few times you used them..."
"I'll have you know that-okay I did, but only because one of the
stilts fell out from under me and I almost died."
"You better not have used my underwear. I wonder if I dug around in
this wreck that used to be your house I'd find them..."
"I didn't use your stupid underwear! What does that even have to do
with anything?"
"I don't know, what were we talking about?"
"What were YOU talking about?"
"Jeremy, what's he up to?"
"Oh, Jeremy... I haven't seen him since he-"
Stacy had had enough. She grabbed Candace again and shook her
harder.
"Candace, get ahold of yourself! You're letting me talk you in
circles!"
"Circles? Like the moon? Or a cheese wheel?"
"It must be that bump on your head. Your brain's scrambled."
"Maybe that's why my head hurts, it got bumped by Phineas and Ferb's
log flume that fell and go boom..."
"Stay here for a second, I think I can help you."
"Help what?" Candace blubbered stupidly.
A few moments later Stacy blasted Candace in the face with the hose.
"GYAH! Blululuublub... O-blub-kay! I'm-blublulubl-STOP! *Glub* I'm
awake! I'm snapped out of it, okay!" Candace glubbed through mouthfuls of
water.
"Finally."
"Oh... what happened?"
"I think the log flume fell on top of you."
"Yeah, I was trying to figure out how to track down Phineas and the
wind blew it over... yeah, that's right..."
"You were trying to track down Phineas? What about everyone else?"
"He and Isabella called me last night."
"They did? Where were they?"
Candace rattled off a short explaination of the call, Phineas's
challenge and the events that had transpired since she'd called Stacy,
referring to Major Monogram and Carl only as "the authorities".
"So, it basically sounds like if anyone tries to rescue your family
besides you, Phineas is going to annihilate them."
"Yes."
"Your brother's gone off the deep end. What'd you have to bust him
for?"
"I didn't bust him, MOM busted him."
"You were trying all Summer."
"My head hurts."
"The bad thing is, Phineas is probably totally capable of doing what
he said."
"I know."
"You have to find some way to get there, or you might never see your
family again."
"Thanks for reacknowledging that for me."
"You think Phineas wants you to make some crazy device to track him
down?"
"Yeah, but I don't know how."
"You built that giant dinosaur slide once."
"Yeah, but that had instructions."
"Why were you building it, anyway? Aren't you usually trying to
PREVENT stuff like that?"
"Well, Phineas and Ferb decided not to do anything that day, so I had
no one to bust-"
"Oh, no, are you kidding me? That's so pathetic. Hang on..." Stacy
sat down on a cross beam, "It's story time Candace. I gotta hear this whole
thing. Start from the very beginning, I want every detail."
"Okay, so I get up, normal old day, right?"
"Yeah."
"Mom leaves and I go out to see what Phineas and Ferb are up to."
"And?"
"And they're literally just standing there in the yard, doing
nothing."
"Nothing?"
"Nothing. I ask them what they're doing, and they say-"
"You mean PHINEAS says..."
"-yeah, Phineas says they're doing nothing, and I say, 'Standing is
something', so they both fall and float down peacefully on their backs and
lay there like a couple of useless rocks."
"I didn't know they could do that."
"Neither did I. So, I go and call Mom, and tell her Phineas and Ferb
are doing NOTHING, and she tells me I'm overreacting and that I should let
Phineas and Ferb enjoy their do-nothing day and I'm like, 'Yeah, you're right'
and so I decided to do something besides busting them."
"You DO something besides bust your brothers?"
"That was the problem. Pretty soon I'm setting up a camera to bust
them and then I remember they're not doing anything, so I get out my phone to
call Mom again, then I remember-"
"That's messed up."
"And after that I decide I'm gonna look great when I bust them, so I
go in front of the mirror, then I remember and growl and then start talking
to myself in the mirror-"
"I worry about you sometimes."
"And I'm like, 'Face it, you can't do ANYTHING unless you're busting
your brothers, and if they're not doing anything then-'"
"Oh, no."
"Oh, yes. I stopped for a second. I almost couldn't bear to say it."
"What'd you say?"
"Who...is...Candace?" Candace said sadly.
"So you finally realized that your whole identity was wrapped up in
busting your brothers?"
"Yes," Candace replied tearfully. It was a sad memory.
"Oh, you poor thing... did you cry?"
"I cried."
"Aww..."
"Yeah, I know."
"So what'd you do after that?"
"I had to get Phineas and Ferb to do something, so I got out their
blueprint book and I- I-"
"You what?"
"The blueprint book."
"What about it?"
"Stacy that's it!"
"What's it?"
"Phineas and Ferb's blueprint book! It's under the house! I'm not an
engineer, but I can read instructions!"
"What're you talking about?"
"Their blueprint book! The one they have all their designs in! I
could use it!"
"We're not talking about Phineas and Ferb's do-nothing day anymore,
are we?"
Candace groaned. Sometimes her best friend was totally clueless...
which made her both annoying and endearing at the same time.
"If I find Phineas and Ferb's design book I can use one of their
designs to whip up some stupid contraption to track down Phineas!" Candace
said plainly.
"Oh."
"C'mon, help me dig!"
"You do realize it's night and that it would be hard to see it?"
"It's night? What the?" Candace looked up and at last realized it was
dark.
"You were out for a long time, I think," Stacy muttered.
Candace growled in frustration. "Oh, great! I finally figure out
what to do and now I have to wait until morning?"
"Patience is a virtue, Candace. My mom always tells me that... except
she doesn't call me Candace."
"What're we gonna do until morning?"
"I kind of want to sleep. Sixteen hours across the Pacific is a LONG
flight."
"I've been asleep all day! What am I supposed to do?"
"You weren't really asleep. You were unconscious."
"Well I'm still not tired."
"Whatever. Can I sleep in your tree house?"
"I don't care."
"Okay. Goodnight." Stacy walked over to the tree and climbed into
the tree house, leaving Candace alone.
"Fine, go sleep. I'm gonna find Phineas," Candace dashed toward the
house, completely forgetting she was still standing in the middle of the log
flume wreck. She hit the crossbar, flipped head over heels, slammed her
head in the exact same spot she had last time, collapsed to the ground and
blacked out.
"Perry the Platypus, it's almost done!"
Dr. Doofenshmirtz had nearly completed his SETI device (or, more
appropriately, PHINEAS'S SETI device). He couldn't wait to bring down his
alien army and rule the world.
Perry ignored Doofenshmirtz. He didn't care.
"I gotta say, this is a marvelous contraption! So much better than
that old garbage pile I made before! I should pay you!" Doofenshmirtz
continued, talking to Phineas now.
"Told you I was a better engineer," Phineas smirked.
"Yeah, yeah, I just hope you make island defenses as well as you make
SETI devices."
"You want a demonstration?"
"Yes, yes I would."
"Well you're about to get one. Here comes the FBI!"
"What?"
Phineas had been looking out the window. Over the watery horizon a
navy of slick black boats and force of helicopters was spilling into view.
"Augh! We're doomed! Perry the Platypus did you call them? Oh...
it's on now... your family's gonna be-"
"Dude relax, Perry didn't call them, I DID... indirectly..."
"What! Why I outta -"
"Chill. They're not gonna get us."
"They're not going to get you, their going to get me!"
"Trust me, they won't."
"How? There's like a jillion of them!"
"Just sit back and watch the fireworks."
"Phineas! Is that the police?" Mom yelled desperately from the
disintegration chamber.
"Yep," he responded
"Oh, thank heavens we're saved!" she cried.
"No you're not," Phineas said.
"What?"
As if on cue, a tremendous BOOM shook the island and a wall of water
rose up and engulfed the boats. At the same moment lasers and missiles fired
from the water in all directions and obliterated the whirlybirds. Phineas'
heartbroken mom watched as her and her family's hope sank into the ocean,
decimated by Phineas' defensive grid.
Mom started crying. Dad looked like he might cry too. Ferb, Perry
and Doofenshmirtz looked shocked. Isabella (who was also in the room) had an
"Oh, no what've I done?" look on her face. Only Phineas remained calm and
unruffled.
"Whoa," Doofenshmirtz breathed.
"Phineas... why?" Dad asked.
"Only Candace can save you... unless you want to join me and
Doofenshmirtz... and you don't try anything funny when you do," he responded.
"Candace? You mean that girl you yelled at and made her cry?"
"Yep."
"How's she going to? Wait... did you?"
"Is that SETI thing working?"
"It's a device! You call yourself an engineer and call it a 'thing'?"
"I call it whatever I want," Phineas heaved a mental sigh of relief.
Doofenshmirtz wasn't supposed to know that yet.
He and Doofenshmirtz continued arguing. Isabella turned and looked at
Perry.
"Perry... I helped him build that defensive grid... all those
people... do you think they're?"
Perry growled nervously.
"I hope Candace finds us... and that she gets through alive... I
can't believe I... but I told him I would..."
Perhaps Isabella's "wedding vow" had really been a deal with the
devil.
"I'm Lindanna, and I wanna have fun!"
Candace snapped awake. Her head hurt REALLY bad. Nevertheless, she
had the presence of mind to answer her phone.
"What?" she glurbed into it.
"We've failed Candace! He's too powerful!" it was Carl.
"What?"
"We took an army of agents to Doofenshmirtz's island to get your
family and our force got completely annihilated by his defenses! I don't even
think the military could've gotten past that!"
Candace slowly figured out what was going on. "Phineas..." she
muttered.
"Major Monogram went missing after the explosions! A bunch of us got
hurt! I barely escaped with my life!"
"Phineas..." Candace growled.
"Anyway... they told me to tell you that we can't save your family
Candace, I'm sorry. We just don't have anything that can get past that grid!"
"Phineas... what're you doing?" Candace whispered sharply.
"Okay?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, 'bye," Carl said dismally, and hung up.
Candace put her phone in her pocket. She looked up slowly. She
wasn't scared anymore. She wasn't sad either.
She was angry. She was going to find Phineas, and he was going to
pay.
She marched over to the house (climbing carefully over the wreckage of
the log flume this time) and over to where the garage had been. She dug under
the workbench a bit and found it-Phineas and Ferb's blueprint book. The sun
was up now (she'd been conked out all night), so she could read it. She
flipped through the pages, looking for anything that could help her. She
finally stopped at a page dated the same day the big toilet paper had been
found in the yard.
"This must've been what they made... the thing that got turned into
the tissue paper..." Candace whispered.
The page was titled, "World's Most Powerful Sensor".