Chapter 201

Lightning crashes

"What do you mean?" Patrick asked

Looking down at the puddle and then up at him, she scrunched her face up. "What do you mean 'what do I mean'? My water broke. I'm in labour."

"No, no, no" he shook his head. "You just peed or something. It's....it's too soon."

His heart was racing and the laundry room suddenly seemed very hazy. She was five weeks from her due date and he had been counting on every one of those 37 days to help him get ready for the massive change coming. He was anxious to meet their child but at the same time he wanted to be ready. And standing there, in the laundry room, with his girlfriend telling him her water had broken just after having sex really, really didn't feel like he was ready.

"Patrick, I didn't pee" she protested, pulling her dress over her head. "I'm in labour. We need to go to the hospital."

"It's too soon," he repeated.

She nodded, slightly freaked. When she first felt her water go she really thought that perhaps she had just had an accident but as small cramps started to stir in her belly she was completely sure that labour had started. "It's a little soon" she agreed, "but I don't think our baby is very good at telling time."

"But....but we just had sex" he repeated in disbelief.

"Yeah and it was great but uh...but now we're having a baby."

Exhaling, Patrick nodded. "Okay." His eyes darted around the room trying to focus on something, anything. "So....uh....we should go to the hospital"

Robin smiled nervously. "I think that's a good idea. I....I don't have a bag packed."

Blowing out his cheeks, he shrugged. "I think...I think we can sort that out later."

"Okay" she agreed.

Realizing one of them had to get them moving, Patrick held out his hand to her. "Okay - let's go."

They climbed the stairs together in stunned silence. Patrick gathered his wall and cell phone and they headed down the hallway to the door. As Patrick opened the door, Robin pulled on his hand.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm freaked," she admitted. Her rich, brown eyes were wide with worry as she sucked in a ragged breath.

"Good" he said quietly. "I mean, because I am" he amended as he noticed the withering look on her face. Turning back to the door, he started to move foward only to feel another tug on his arm.

"Patrick?"

"Yeah?"

A slow smile spread across her face. "I'm pretty excited too" she said.

The tension was suddenly lifted from his face and smiling, he cupped her face and placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips. "Me too. I love you so much Robin."

Her eyes suddenly welled with tears as reality washed over her. "We're going to have a baby" she whispered.

"Yeah" he answered excitedly. "But we really need to get to the hospital or we're going to have a baby right here. Let's go - we'll call Kelly from the car."

*******
Kelly met them at the entrance of the hospital with a wheelchair. Patrick gently guided Robin into the chair as she tried to breathe through the rising contractions.

"Your baby just isn't interested in following the rules," Kelly joked. "Good luck when they're a teenager."

Robin nodded. "I'm blaming the Drake genes on this."

"Hey!" Patrick protested as they moved quickly down the hallway.

"Though I will say," Robin added as she blew out her cheeks. "I am glad Patrick has that race car driving background - he got us here in record time and I only thought I was going to throw up once."

The doctor helped her out of the chair and up on to the bed. Robin had barely settled down when another contraction hit. She squeezed hard on Patrick's hand, trying hard to ride out the pain with her breathing. Patrick lovingly stroked her head, murmuring encouraging words against her ear until the contraction passed and she flopped against the pillows.

"Now that we have a few minutes," Kelly said sliding a stool, "I'm going to take a peek and see where we're at."

"Kelly, isn't it too soon?" Patrick asked nervously.

She shook her head. "It's early but not too early." Robin flinched slightly as Kelly examined her. "Robin, you're 8 cm dilated and almost fully effaced. Unfortunately we are way past the point for an epidural so it's going to be natural all the way. You'll be pushing soon."

Robin groaned. The pain wasn't unbearable but she had been hoping for a little pharmaceutical aid to help her through. She took a deep breath before letting go of it slowly. Raising her head from the pillow, she asked breathlessly, "Kelly, do you have the AZT ready to go?"

Smiling reassuringly, she nodded. "We do. Robin, we're going to take excellent care of you and the baby. We have the protocol down pat - you're not our first HIV pregnancy."

"I know - I know. I'm just nervous."

"We both are" Patrick added, unable to take his eyes from his girlfriend.

"Nerves are good" she assured them. "But the three of you are going to be fine." Getting to her feet she patted Robin's leg. "I think you're probably about another hour before full dilation and effacement. I'm going to check on another patient and then be back to check on you. Sheila and Maura will be in to check on you in a couple of minutes."

"Okay" she nodded. "Thanks Kel" Looking at Patrick, she shrugged. "I guess we're having a baby"

"Looks that way" he grinned.

"Could you....could you sit behind me like we did in class?"

"Of course" He toed off his shoes and climbed into the bed, positioning himself behind her. His hands went to her belly, rubbing it soothingly as he pressed a kiss to her cheek.

Robin melted against him only to fall into the grips of another contraction. Grabbing hold of his hands, she squeezed tightly as he coached her through her breathing. There was something about the feel of his breath on the back of her neck that helped calm her. Rising fears were pushed back down as she felt his arms around her.

"We haven't told anyone we're here" she said after the contraction had passed.

"There will be time later" he answered, gently stroking her hair. "We don't need an audience for this - we made this baby together and we'll have it together -everyone else can visit when it's over."

"I'm probably....." she exhaled slowly, "I'm probably going to say some mean things to you as this gets harder"

"That's okay," he grinned. "I can take it."

Tipping her head to the side, she looked over her shoulder and smiled adoringly at him. "I love you so very much."

Brushing his lips against hers, he let his mouth linger. "Me too. You're going to be great Robin. You're so strong -you're going to be amazing."

Sitting up as another contraction hit, she blew the air from her lungs. "God, I hope so."

******
As Kelly had predicted, it took almost an hour for Robin's labour to progress far enough for her to push. As the pain increased the only sounds that could be heard in the room were Robin's grunts and groans. Patrick stayed behind her, mopping her brow, encouraging her and breathing with her. The nurses and Kelly all offered their encouragement as well but Robin heard none of it. Her entire focus was on pushing, on bringing their child into the world. She could feel Patrick's hands and his arms as he helped her to push. She could feel his muscles rippling as he supported her and she drew on that strength as she bore down and pushed.

The pain wasn't unbearable but it was intense. It left her breathless and gasping for air. Patrick pressed ice chips to her mouth for her to suck on and bring some momentary relief to her parched throat. She had moments, small, fleeting ones, when she thought she was ready to give up, when she didn't think she could go on. But the moment a thought like that appeared in her head she pushed it aside and concentrated on how far she had travelled to get to this point. Being here, pushing through the pain to give birth to her miracle baby, had been an almost epic journey. This was for the times she was told she would die within five years or within three; this was for the times she was rejected and told she was not loveable; this was for the times she was told that having children was impossible; this was for the times she was told she carried a plague or worse, that she deserved it; this was for everyone who ever said that a full life was not an option for a person with HIV; it was also for everyone had not had the same good fortune she did.

With one final, exhausting push, she gave everything she had and was rewarded with a piercing wail cutting through the room. She flopped against Patrick, shaking, but kept her eyes on Kelly. Her sweat mingled with her tears as she waited for what seemed like hours. But then, before she could even process it all, Kelly placed the newborn on her chest.

"She's perfect Robin. Congratulations you two, you have a daughter."

"Wow" Patrick sighed, his voice tremulous as he looked down at the squirming being on Robin's chest.

Tears poured from Robin's eyes as she touched her daughter's head, a thick thatch of hair covering her head. "My little angel" she whispered. "Welcome to the world." She kissed her head and in a moment felt her heart wrap around her daughter's.

Patrick kissed Robin's cheek. "I am so proud of you" he told her, his own tears streaking down his cheeks. "And I love you"

"Patrick?" Kelly asked. "Would you like to come and cut the cord?"

Nodding, he carefully extricated himself from the bed and walked to the end of the bed where he expertly cut the cord. The baby was whisked from Robin to be weighed and measured and she sqwaked immediately in protest at being taken from her mother.

Patrick walked back to the head of the bed and softly kissed her. "How are you?" he asked.

"She's here" she grinned. "And I think our name is perfect."

"Me too" he agreed, kissing her again.

Kelly returned the newborn to them, wrapped in a pink blanket. "She's five pounds, two ounces and is 17 inches long. She's got good breath sounds but we're going to want to take her to the NICU for a few days just to keep an eye on her." Seeing Robin's eyes widen, she reassuringly touched her shoulder. "You'll be able to visit and hold her Robin, this is more precautionary. Take a couple of minutes with her and then we'll get her settled."

Patrick helped her to a sitting position and smiled as Robin ran her pinky along their daughter's full rosebud shaped mouth. "She's beautiful" he whispered. "Just like her mom."

Robin grinned happily. "Do you hear that Kathleen? Your daddy thinks you're beautiful. And he's right." She held her, cooing to her for several more minutes before passing her to Patrick.

Unable to stop the tears, several of them landed squarely on his daughter's forehead. "I'm sorry Kathleen, you've made your old man a mess already" Kissing her full cheek, he inhaled her newborn smell. "I am so happy to meet you" he said quietly. "And I love you very much."

With an apologetic smile, Kelly informed them that it was time to take her to the NICU. Robin asked Patrick to go with them, just to make sure she was settled alright. Though he was reluctant to leave her, he also hated the idea of their daughter being put into a crib without one of them there to hold her tiny, perfect hand. Kissing Robin quickly, he jogged from the room and followed the nurses down the hallway.

Sighing exhaustedly, Robin sank back against the pillows and rubbed her hand over her heart, smiling. A daughter. A most perfect daughter. A peace came over her and she closed her eyes to get some much needed rest.

*****
Almost 45 minutes later, Patrick returned to the room. "Hey, sorry I was gone so long" he said as he came through the door. "But I called Mac and my Dad - they're both over the moon and on their way over here to meet our Kathleen" he said, stopping as he realized she was asleep. Leaning in, he kissed her forehead. "If anyone deserves to sleep, it's you - my warrior."

A cold sweat ran down his back as he noticed a growing, wet, red stain on her sheets. Ripping them away from her, his mouth dropped open as he realized she was hemmoraging. Quickly placing his fingers over her pulse point, he cursed under his breath as he felt how weak it was. Slamming his hand against the call button, he watched in horror as the stain on the bed continued to grow. Unwilling to wait any longer, he scooped her up in his arms, her entire body falling limp, and he sprinted from the room down the hall.

He screamed at the nurses to page Kelly as he ran to the OR. Robin was bleeding out and her life was quickly slipping away.