Chapter 203

Holding you, I held everything

Holding up his son, Noah guided him back up the aisle and out of the chapel. In his grief, Patrick paid no attention to where they were going he simply held on to his father and let himself be led away. It wasn't until Noah gently pushed him onto the bench that he even realized he was in the locker room. His father swiftly removed the blood stained t-shirt, bagging it and tossing it into the hazardous waste bin. Retrieving a face cloth from the stand, he ran it under the tap and handed it to him.

Patrick gave him a quizzical look and only when his father nodded to his torso did he look down and realize the blood had seeped through his shirt.

"Mac is in the waiting room," Noah said quietly as Patrick wiped away the stain. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to show up in that shirt."

"She lost a lot of blood" he said flatly, "a lot."

Nodding, Noah took the facecloth back and disposed of it before handing him a fresh scrub top. "I checked with Epiphany before I came to find you and she said she's holding her own. They've got the bleeding under control and they've transfused her."

Exhaling, Patrick tiredly rubbed his hands over his face. "She is at risk for so many complications" he said quietly, "she could be a long time until she's out of the woods."

"True. But Kelly is very good at her job and Robin is very strong with a lot to live for. You just have to believe-"

"I told God to go fuck himself," he interjected.

"So I heard," he replied, a smile ghosting across his lips. "It's alright though, he can take it. Patrick it's okay to be angry and furious or sad or whatever – you just can't give up."

"I'm not." Looking up at his father, he looked very much as he did when he was a young boy, unsure of his next step. "I just….I shouldn't have left her."

Taking a seat beside him on the bench he placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "Son, this was going to happen whether you were there or not. All that matters is you found her in time."

He shook his head in disbelief. "I don't…..I don't know what to do."

"You take Mac and I to meet your daughter and by the time we've finished cooing and aahing over her, Robin will be out of surgery and back in her room." Patting his shoulder, he got to his feet. "Come on, let's go."

****
The worry lines were etched deep in to Mac's face when they found him in the waiting room. He gave Patrick a sympathetic smile and welcomed him to the world of parenthood, telling him he had little doubt Kathleen would be putting lines on his face in no time flat. The comment had teased out a smile from Patrick and after checking in with Epiphany for another update, the three men headed to the NICU.

Gowned and gloved, they followed Patrick to her bassinette. He beamed proudly as he stuck his hand inside and she grabbed hold of his finger, squeezing tightly.

"Grandpa Noah, Grandpa Mac – meet Kathleen" he said hoarsely, his voice thick with emotion. "Kathleen, these are the two crazy kooks I was telling you about."

Stepping forward, Mac placed a gloved hand on her tiny chest and much to his surprise, giant tears rolled down his cheeks. It had seemed so long ago that his niece was told her life was over and yet here, squirming and kicking her tiny legs was living proof that her life hadn't ended, that there had been so much in store for her even in those dark days in 1995. And from that he drew strength and knowledge that she would overcome the hurdle in front of her now. This moment had only existed in her dreams for so long but dreams, when pursued with passion and determination, had a way of coming true. Bending down, he placed a warm kiss on her forehead.

"So nice to finally meet you Kathleen," he whispered. "What a miracle you are."

Coming around the other side, Noah touched her cheek with the back of his finger. "What a beauty you are Kathleen," he told her softly, "and when you're old enough, I'll tell you just how to drive your father crazy."

Chuckling, Patrick shook his head. "I don't know little one," he said to his daughter, "you may change your mind about this family before the day is through"

"Doctor Drake?"

All three men looked up at the nurse who had approached them.

"Yes?" Patrick replied, his nervousness evident in his voice.

"Doctor Scorpio is in recovery and Doctor Lee said she will meet with you in Doctor Scorpio's room."

Blowing out his cheeks, he nodded wordlessly and then looked at the two men. "You…you guys are coming, right?"

"I'd like to see you try and stop us," Mac replied.

Kathleen received several goodbye kisses and promises of many more visits before they left the ward and headed back to Robin's room. Walking through the door, Patrick gave a small sigh of relief to see the floor had been cleaned and the bed replaced; there was no evidence of the trauma that had happened there.

With slightly shaky legs, he sank into the chair and waited for Kelly. Mac paced the length of the room and Noah, standing in the corner, kept an eye on his son. The silence hung heavily in the room and all three jumped when the door swung open.

Kelly looked tired but had a warm, reassuring smile for Patrick. "She's stable" were her first words.

"Thank god" Mac sighed in total relief.

"What happened?" Patrick asked, not quite willing to give thanks to anyone or anything just yet.

"Placenta accreta" she replied. "The placenta had attached too firmly to the uterine wall and when she delivered it, she tore, causing her to haemorrhage."

"How is it this was missed?" he asked directly. The accusation in his tone did not go unnoticed by anyone in the room.

Kelly took a breath to steady herself before answering. That was her friend who had nearly bled to death on the table and she was not in the mood for recriminations and accusations.

"It is almost impossible to diagnose prior to it happening and the resident didn't check the placenta carefully enough for any tears or abnormalities. Once we got the bleeding under control, we did a hysteroscopic resection in order to preserve fertility. Robin is going to be several weeks recovering from this surgery and we will be monitoring her closely for any signs of infection or complication but barring that, she should be discharged in a week and there is no reason that you two can't go on to have other children, if that's what you want."

Patrick said nothing instead just glaring at the doctor. Noah stepped forward and shook her hand.

"Thank you Kelly, we're grateful for everything you did."

She nodded. "Robin should be up in about an hour."

Leaning back in the chair Patrick stared up at the ceiling. It was almost more than he could take in. How was it possible to ride such a wave of highs and lows in the space of a few hours? He had gone from having everything to almost losing it all and he never wanted to experience that again.

*****
Once Robin was back from recovery, Patrick had asked to have Kathleen brought to the room for a few hours. The need to surround himself with his family was suddenly overwhelming and he wanted everyone where he could see them.

With his hand in the crib, he sighed, rubbing her stomach. Touching her, feeling her soft skin seemed to soothe him as much as it did her. Robin lay in the bed having yet to regain consciousness. Despite being as white as the sheets, she had an almost serene look on her face. Patrick looked at her as he continued to touch their daughter.

"I think she likes me Robin," he said quietly, "but then again few women can resist the Drake charm." His tone was expectant hoping that his weak joke would somehow be enough to rouse her, his face registered his disappointment when nothing happened.

"So here's the thing Robin, I pretty much accused your friend of botching your labour and delivery and then I told God to fuck off." Pausing, he looked at his daughter. "You should probably cover your ears, your Dad has a bit of a potty mouth." Kissing her full cheek, he turned his attention back to his girlfriend. "So I did things and I need you to wake up and tell me how wrong I was. And then I need you to admonish me for setting such a poor example for our daughter."

Still without a reaction, he shook his head. "I don't know Kathleen, I'm beginning to think your mom is ignoring me."

"Do you blame her? You're prattling on like a 13 year old girl who just got kissed."

Looking up in surprise, he found Eric filling the door frame with two cups of coffee in his hands. "Your dad called," he offered by way of explanation as he came through the door.

"It's….it's been a bit of a day" he said, his voice catching. There was something about the presence of his best friend that made it easier for him to breathe and Patrick felt a fresh wave of emotions washing over him.

"So I heard" he said softly. "And who is this gorgeous creature?"

Patrick's smile was unmistakable as he tilted her up to face him. "This is Kathleen Scorpio Drake. Kathleen, this is your uncle Eric and despite some questionable taste in music and clothes, he's a pretty good guy."

Eric smiled as he passed a coffee to him. "Nice work Pantsy. Well I suppose I should say nice work Robin – let's face it your contribution to this whole thing was about two seconds and hardly qualifies as work."

Smirking, Patrick shook his head. "Kicking me when I'm down?"

"Someone has to." Eric studied his friend and could see the tightrope he was walking between fear and joy. "How are you?"

"I'm okay" he replied. "I just….I need Robin to wake up and then I'll be great."

"She will," he said confidently. "You guys are going to be home in no time. Though I think someone needs to alert the Manhattan party circuit – the legendary Doctor Drake is officially done."

Patrick smiled shyly and looked back at his daughter and his girlfriend. "If I had any idea Eric, if I had any idea that it would feel like this I would have given it up long ago."

"I'm pretty proud of you."

"Thanks."

"Can I do anything?"

"You're doing it."

The two friends sat together in easy silence listening the squeaks and sighs from the bassinette. Some times, when enough history had been shared together, there was no need for words, just the reminder that you are never really alone.

Eric stayed for about an hour and confident that his friend was not on the verge of cracking up, left him to continue to bond with his family.

Seeing Kathleen asleep, Patrick gently removed her from the bassinette and placed her on Robin's chest. He kissed Robin's forehead and then his daughter's before sitting back in the chair and revelling in the sight before him.

"She's wet" Robin croaked.

Patrick sprang from his chair. "Robin? Robin, open your eyes" he pleaded.

Forcing them half open she looked over at him and smiled weakly. "Her….diaper….is wet," she struggled, "you….need….to change her."

"You're okay" he remarked, tearfully, kissing her cheek.

"You didn't….really….think…..I was…..going to….leave? After all that….work?"

"I love you" he whispered, draping his arm over both of them. "I love you both so much."

Robin gave a slight nod before closing her eyes again. "Your girls….love you too."