My heartbeat was pounding through my ears, causing my head to vibrate. My throat was raw and I really didn't want to open my eyes. I was afraid of who and what I might see. I couldn't move my hands; I couldn't move at all. I began to panic and struggled to release myself. The noise of something dropping to the floor caused me to open my eyes to see who was there. I saw Lucifer sitting in the side of the bed as I had once seen him before. I realised that my arms were bound the headboard. A strange man was leaning over me and I didn't like it at all. I began to struggle and use everything I could to get out. Lucifer turned to me.
"Ssshh" he said whilst his fingers glided around the side of my face.
His touch calmed me and relaxed me. I could no longer remember why I was so panicked. The man picked up a tube of gel and put it upon my partially covered stomach. The gel was freezing and for a second it woke me up again and I couldn't keep still. Lucifer cupped my face in his hands. I looked into his eyes; they were the grey of clouds before a storm and within them lay the colours of the sunset. I barely registered as the man probed my stomach. There were images within his eyes; of light and darkness, of the sunrise and sunset. I simply forgot all that had happened before and they were insignificant. They ceased to matter. Nothing else mattered as long as I was staring into his eyes. Troubles just melted away and I never wanted to stop looking. Now I knew why you should never look into someone's eyes especially if they are powerful; it can be extremely intoxicating.
"She is a healthy three months along; the child is fine".
The man's voice broke the spell and Lucifer turned to gaze upon the screen. I could not, would not look upon the screen and see the child. I couldn't let it become real to me otherwise I wouldn't be able to let go. I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing and my lonely thoughts. I heard the shuffle of movement and opened my eyes. I saw the look upon his face; pure joy at first but with a deeper meaning behind it, the look of a child finally getting its heart's desire; only that it didn't look so innocent. That look caused me to shiver. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts I didn't noticed the stranger leave the room. I was alone with Lucifer.
A wave of extreme nausea hit me hard and fast. I looked around for a bin to be sick in and found one on the side.
"Release my hands, I am going to be sick", I said
He unbound one of my wrists and I leaned over the side of the bed and got sick in the bin. The foul liquid revolted my tongue causing me to gag. The cold touch of a glass was upon my skin. I turned to see him holding a glass of water for me. I took it with my free wrist and gulped it down quickly. The cool liquid soothed my burning raw throat. He leaned over me and unbound my other wrist. I rubbed them to relieve them of their stiffness. I pulled my legs up to my chest and hugged them close. I closed my eyes and thought about how the situation I was in couldn't have gotten any worse than it was.
I could hear him edging closer but I would not look up. The gel on my stomach was rubbing off on my jeans and causing some discomfort but I didn't care. I could hear my heart within my chest and I could swear I could hear a faint second heart beat. I couldn't listen to it so I recited, in my head, a Spanish lullaby my mother had taught me. It distracted me for a moment; it made me forget. He removed my hands from around my legs. I looked up and saw that my hands were shaking uncontrollably. Before I knew it a blanket was being wrapped around me.
I pushed it off and got off the bed and moved as far back as possible, near the window. The window was my lifeline towards the outside world. The world spun as I walked but I kept my eyes focused on the window. I stepped out closer to the window and found myself surrounding by trees. I was free if only in spirit. I could touch but could barely feel my surroundings. I breathed in the air and let the cold fill my lungs. My hand hovered above the bark of the tree. I put all my energy to allow me to feel the rough bark. I let go and my hand fell through; I was a spirit, hidden from the world. I felt a burden lift from me and I felt free even if it was only for a short while, I could forget earthly worries.
******