Beauty and the Beast ch 6

An undisclosed amount of time later I was eating with the beast, who has horrid table manners, and I stared at him (the beast) as he wolfed down his porridge.

"What?"

"Who did you learn eating habits from," I asked curiously, "Naruto?"

"As a matter of fact yes."

"Wait aren't you supposed to be a prince? Shouldn't a prince know to use a spoon?"

"Shh, don't point out the plot holes." Neji interrupted me.

"What's wrong with my eating habits?" Naruto asked loudly.

"They suck." I said losing my appetite. Okay that's a lie, I just don't like porridge I am more of a cereal or pancakes person.

Later we were outside feeding birds. Feed the birds tuppence a bag, tuppence tuppence tuppence a bag. Oh wait that's Mary Poppins. When a whole bunch of birds decided to attack Grimmjow, so I did what every caring person would do I laughed. Then I threw a snowball at him. He tried to make an ultra-large-mega-snowball but he failed so I laughed. Then we went and sat by the fire and I read a book to him, because I am nice like that. I even used cool voices and he tried not to laugh but failed.

So some other night we had a dance and Grimmjow and I got dressed in fancy clothes and well danced.

"Yeah like that actually happened." Grimmjow argued with the plot and the narrator.

"True I probably would fall or something."

"So what are we going to do?"

"Let's pretend we did it and skip to you showing me the stalker mirror."

"Fine by me. This is my magic mirror." Grimmjow said preparing to slip back into the plot and making the mirror appear out off nowhere. Wow it is magic.

"What does it do?"

"It shows you whoever you want to see." Grimmjow informed me.

"So it is a magic stalking mirror."

"Yes, I thought we already established that."

"I want to see a short person." I told the mirror hoping it would show Hitsugaya and it did. "Oh no he passed out in the forest because of his denial of being short!"

"That's oddly specific."

"And he did not wear his hat! I have to go yell at him." I told Grimmjow.

"Fine go, just come back." Grimmjow let me go knowing that I would leave anyway.

"I will come back, do you have a hat?" I asked noticing that I had no hat. What a hypocrite.

"You have a cloak, it has a hood." He pointed out.

"You're right. So I do not need at hat because I have a cloak which has a hood."

"Did you really need to repeat that?"

"Not at all." I answered skipping out of the room suddenly happy. How could I not be happy I have a cloak. A cloak! "Wait, I still have your girly stalker mirror."

"Take it with you. It's too girly." Grimmjow said glaring at the mirror.

"Okay, see ya!"

"Grimmjow, you seem to be getting along with her well. Do you think she will break the curse?" Sakura the clock asked.

"I let her go." Grimmjow said just realizing exactly what he has done.

"But...why?" Sakura asked dragging out the why. (I love it when he says that in the movie)

"I can't believe I let her go, I am so stupid. Why would she come back?" Grimmjow said uncharacteristically sad (for Grimmjow in character for the beast though).

"He did what?" Neji, Hinata, Naruto and Sasuke shouted at Sakura.

"Yes."

"Now we will never regain our bodies." Sasuke the feather duster complained.

"Yes, I suppose it is fate that you remain a oddly feminine feather duster." Neji taunted.

"Says the tea pot." Sasuke countered.

"Actually I kind of like being a candlestick." Naruto mused.

"W-why?" Hinata managed to ask.

"I can set things on fire!" Naruto said happily.

"Stupid dobe." Sasuke muttered.

"You're just jealous because all you can do is dust things." Naruto countered.

"At least I don't have such a useless head that could melt away if you think too hard."

"Teme."

"Dobe."

"Not to interrupt the lover's spat but Sakura and Hinata have left and I don't think Grimmjow will appreciate the three of us arguing in front of his room." Neji interrupted them.

"Hey Teme let's have a rematch!" Naruto shouted excitedly.

"Sure Dobe, but I am still going to win. Let's fight behind the curtain again." Sasuke proposed.

"Why do you like fighting back there so much?" Naruto asked.

"No reason." Sasuke the feather duster said smirking (the come hither smirk).

"Poor Naruto never saw it coming." the wardrobe Linda remarked scarign the crap out of Neji.

"How did you get here?" Neji asked.

"Um," Linda said not knowing how she got somewhere once again, "Fate."

"Ah." Neji responded.

"Shorty! Shorty!" I called out desperately trying to find my father in the forest. At least I don't have to worry about wolves this time. I probably should have stuck to the trail though. Oh look there's a dead body over there. "Bya why are we going towards the dead body."

Bya rolled his eyes at me and continued taking me towards the body on the ground.

"Man that dead body is short." I noticed. "Oh no, short...Hitsugaya is dead." I shouted getting off the horse to poke the body with a stick. Several minutes of poking the body with a stick I noticed it was breathing.

"Is it a zombie?" I asked Bya who was ignoring me. "Do zombies breath? Maybe he is just alive." I said deciding the take the body-zombie-shorty back with me to my house which I randomly found.

"That snowman looks bald." I muttered to myself, I am not crazy enough to talk to snowmen thank you very much, as I walked past a snowman by my house. I got the body into the house somehow. A few minutes later I began to wonder who made the snowman since I was not here to make it. I went outside to see if the snowman was still there but it was gone.

"Okay I hallucinated and saw a snowman. That's oddly uneventful. If I am going to hallucinate at least I should see something really cool like flying monkey or bananas in pajamas.

"Hey shorty you're awake!" I said as Hitsugaya wake up in bed.

"I am not short."

"Do you want to randomly pass out in the forest again?"

"No, so I will avoid going into the forest, it shouldn't be that hard."

"Um, we live right outside the forest, we kind of have to go in it to leave town."

"Then I will never leave."

"I would think it would be simpler just to admit you are short."

"I am not short."

"Fine, fine." I agreed then noticed my bag, which I never realized I had until this precise moment, was moving. I opened it to fin Hinata stowed away inside.

"H-Hello."

"Okay, now we have a tea cup!" I said sputtering nonsense about the happiness of finally owning a tea cup. Please ignore the fact that I have owned numerous tea cups but have broken them all over Kenpachi's head. I was interrupted from my babbling by a knock at the door.

I swiftly walked over to the door and stupidly didn't check to see who it was first.

"Hello." Aizen said moving his fingers in the evil 'excellent' type motion.

"Holy Crap! Aizen!" I shouted going to close the door on him.

"I have come to collect your father." Aizen said creepily.

"My father? Okay, what did he do now?"

"Don't worry we will take good care of him." Aizen said showing the crappy looking cart that says something about an insane asylum on it.

"Really, somehow I don't believe you. Plus you do realize that my father is not crazy."

"He denies his short-ness."

"Well in that case you should take Kenpachi also since he denies that I do not like him."

"You do like me you are just in denial." Kenpachi said from the crowd.

"He was also raving about a beast." Ikkaku offered.

"Well there is a beast. I can prove it." I said going back inside to get the mirror.

"What are you going to prove with that girly mirror?"

"Show me the beast." I told the mirror revealing a picture of the beast in the forest completely slaughtering some bears. Apparently he was bored so he decided to fight them. Probably not the best time to show them him. Oh well too late now.

"Look at him kill those bears, what proof do we have that he will not attack us too?" Random fat villager asked.

"Actually he probably will try to kill you. He really likes fighting too." I mused.

"We won't be safe until his head is mounted on my wall I say we kill the beast!" Kenpachi declared taking the girly mirror. It looks really silly in his hands. Then Kenpachi started to sing and get everyone to form an angry mob.

"If you're not with us you're against us." Kenpachi said throwing me, rudely, into the cart with Hitsugaya.

"When did you get put in here?"

"A while ago." Hitsugaya answered.

"Let us out." I said in perfect time with the music.

"You planned to say that at the perfect time didn't you?" Hitsugaya asked.

"Or course."

The mob scene that I am not in....

More singing and then Kenpachi set a hey stack on fire. Was that really necessary? He's going to accidentally burn down the village. Stupid pyros. Then there was a line about grabbing your horse and your torch. No one else had a horse but Kenpachi. Where did his horse come from? Why does he get a horse but everyone else has to walk? Plus they walked through the village, I thought the castle was in the woods which were behind the house? I am so confused I will just skip to the next part.

Back in the castle where I am not at either

Kiba was barking at the window and everyone was hoping it was me so they all went to the window to look at me. Unfortunately it was not me but an angry mob of villagers.

"'Word I can't spell nor feel like looking up' invaders!" Naruto said.

"Intruders!" Sakura said.

"They have the oddly girly mirror!" Neji announced.

"If it's a fight they want it is a fight they will get!" Sakura announced not noticing that everyone was already gone.

Mob time again

"Take any booty you can find but the beast is mine!" Kenpachi declared.

"Did he say booty? Are we stealing their stuff?"

"I think he said anybody. Stupid author writing the wrong stuff."

"Did he say boobie?"

"Definately not."

"I was hoping..."

"Pervert."

In the castle

"This isn't working!" Sasuke said from on top of a pile of objects that are animate.

"Wait I have an idea!" Naruto announced excitedly. We will all ignore the fact that Neji isn't helping but just standing by the door and saying that they are under attack.

"Stupid unpredictable ninja-candlestick." Sasuke muttered angry that Naruto thought of something when he couldn't.

"What should we do master? Stupid main branch." Neji asked Grimmjow after Neji realized that he was not helping downstairs at all. The fact that everyone was already doing stuff is besides the point.

"It doesn't matter let them come." Grmmjow said grinning at the chance to fight.

Naruto's ingenious plan was to pretend to be inanimate objects and attack people. This worked oddly well. The chest ate someone, Linda made a guy wear an ugly pink tutu, and Neji burned people with hot water...good times. Until someone tried to pluck Sasuke's feathers and Naruto set him on fire. Actually I don't see the problem, oh yeah the Sasuke violation.

"I feel so violated." Sasuke muttered.

"It's okay Sasuke." Naruto said hugging Sasuke to try to make him feel better.

Back to where I am...finally

"I want a smoothie." Hinata said to herself. "What does this button do." (she was apparently possessed by Linda for a second). Hinata then drove the smoothie making contraption into the basement where Hitsugaya and I were hiding, I mean captured. So I got out, sweet freedom.

Back at the castle

Everyone finished fighting except for Kenpachi because he was still looking for the beast. Apparently he got lost. So Kenpachi finally finds Grimmjow and the get locked in a really cool fight. I don't feel like describing it because that would just belittle the awesomeness but I will tell you there was plenty of kicks to the face. In the middle of it I finally made it back to the castle on my trusty horse Bya and wearing my cloak of almighty power. Fine that last part is a lie but I was wearing a cloak though.

"Kenpachi, Grimmjow! You started fighting without me? I didn't even get to shout Mortal Kombat!" I said sadly rushing into the castle to yell at them. In response they quickly resumed their fight so that they would be done before I got up there.

The fight ended with Grimmjow mercilessly beating Kenpachi and then showing, I mean pushing, I mean accidentally making him fall off the roof. Yeah it wasn't on purpose at all. Not buying it. Sadly Kenpachi is no push-over (bad joke-he is a push over because he got pushed over) so he beat the crap out of Grimmjow.

"It seems like you're dieing." I muttered looking at Grimmjow about to pass out, "That can't be in the script."

"It is." Linda remarked since she is the holder of the script.

"Oh, well that's sad because I wanted to stay here and ride ladders with him." I said sadly watching him die.

"I am going to take that as you love him." Tousen's voice said out of nowhere. "If you don't marry him then the curse will be back on."

"Dang it! Oh well at least he has nice abs." I said ignoring Grimmjow's transformation it is unimportant.

"Haha, you have to marry me!" Grimmjow taunted.

"You have to marry me." I pointed out.

"At least you're not weak." Grimmjow said accepting our marriage.

"You know what I just realized?" I asked staring at Grimmjow.

"What?" Grimmjow asked curiously.

"You have the same color hair as my father, Siegmund Freud was right!" (1)

Meanwhile with the candlestick and feather duster

Naruto and Sasuke changed back into their human forms. Naruto wearing a butler's uniform and Sasuke wearing a Maid's.

"Why am I in a maids uniform which is a dress?" Sasuke asked the powers that be but they ignored him because they were too busy laughing at their own joke.

"Haha, Teme!" Naruto laughed at him.

"Come here dobe." Sasuke said evilly making Naruto go into an empty room with him.

"Why Teme?" Naruto asked going into the room. Stuff happened...umm think what you will and then Sasuke emerged with a huge smirk on his face. The odd thing about that was that he was now wearing a butler's uniform.

A few minuted later Neji came by, wearing some really cool manly clothes, and heard a noise from the empty room. Neji went in to check on it. Neji entered the room but it seemed empty. It wasn't until he heard the door lock that he realized that it was not. He turned around to reveal Naruto wearing a maid's outfit.

"Hello Neji." Naruto said evilly before stuff happened...again think what you will. A few minutes later Naruto emerged wearing the oddly cool manly clothes and went to go find Sasuke.

Neji emerged moments later. He was planning on heading strait to his room, since he was wearing the maid uniform, but another maid saw him and put him to work. Neji did not dare correcting her since that would reveal the fact that he was a male wearing a dress. It wasn't until a random butler hit on him that he snapped and everyone discovered that he was in drag. Good times were had by all, except for Neji.

The End.

(1)Just in case some of you didn't know Siegmund Freud is the Psychologist that says that all men secretly desire their mothers and hate their fathers. He also says that all females unconsciously view their father as the perfect man and will seek men like their father.

I would give you a preview for Sleeping Beauty but I don't have any of it written, I can however tell you some of the characters and who they will be replacing.

As usual I will replace the princess-Aurora because I can (it's easier that way-lazy)

Linda is the evil fairy queen thing

Sasuke is the blue fairy

Naruto is the orange fairy (he's replacing the green one)

Itachi is the fairy that is obsessed with pink (I guess the red one)

Kenpachi is the prince

and Shikamaru is my father