Chapter Six
Lights were flashing and the music was pounding in her ears. She knew she'd seen her brothers come into this place. She pulled her leather jacket closer to her and looked around frantically for her brothers. It had been so long since she'd been in one place with all her siblings, and she was tired of taking care of her sister by herself and taking the brut of her fathers anger when he got home. Someone crashed into her and she almost jumped out of her skin. The guy looked at her with pure lust in his eyes and the blond girl tried to scramble away from him as quickly as possible.
"Hey little girl," he purred. "Where you going?"
The music was loud and it was a wonder that she could hear a world he was saying, but he was so close to her she just wanted to-
"Hey, back of Rick," a loud voice said from somewhere behind the blond girl. She was to afraid to look behind her, she also didn't want to take her eyes off of the creepy man in front of her.
The man's attention was quickly turned to the guy standing behind the girl. "What do you want? I saw her first!"
"So what," the other man yelled. "She looks to be a little to young for you. Besides, she looks terrified." The man's hand came to rest on the blonds' shoulder and it took all of her not to flinch underneath his touch. The two saw her reaction and the man called Rick schooled as the other man glared down at him. "See," he said referring to the girls' reaction. "Back off."
Rick huffed. "Whatever, she's not worth all of this." He stormed off into the packed crowd and the girl let out a breath that she hadn't realized that she had been holding in.
"Hey," the other guy said softly. The blond finally let herself turn around and look at he man who had just chased off the creep that could have done god knows what to her. "What's your name?"he asked in a silky sweet voice.
The blond looked up into his dark green eyes and shook her head roughly. He grabbed onto her shoulders but to her surprise it wasn't rough like she suspected it would be. "I won't hurt you," he whispered. His voice made her shiver and she looked up into his eyes once more. They held no lies .She let herself fall into his hold and relax for the first time that night.
"M- my name is Buffy," she said shakily.
He smiled down at her and Buffy felt the warmth that was radiating from his smile. "Well Buffy, my names Jeremy. Nice to meet you."
Buffy woke with a loud scream. Before she even opened her eyes she felt hands on her shoulders, pulling her into a solid chest. She fought it at first but when she opened her eyes she met the cool blue eyes of her brother. She clutched at Deans chest and closed her eyes trying to block out the faces of Dawn and Jer standing over his shoulder, their eyes filled with worry.
"I couldn't find you," Buffy sobbed out. "You and Jer. You were gone and he was there. Oh God, her was there!"
"He's not here now Buffy. It was just a dream. Jer and I are right here, Dawn's here too."
"No! Don't let him get Dawn! Not Dawnie!" Buffy thrashed in her brothers arms and Dean tried to calm her down without hurting her.
"Buffy, he can't get me, I'm right here."
The blond opened her eyes slowly and looked at her little sister. She took a couple of breaths and remembered that she was safe in her room, way from the monster in her dreams, away from the nightmare…
Dean let go of her and she stared off into the darkness, the light that pored in from the hallway shone on half her face showing just enough to let them see the tears that had slipped down her cheeks, nothing more. Buffy held open her arms and Dawn quickly ran into them. Buffy embraced her and Dawn returned the hug with as much eagerness.
That sat their in stillness for a while until Dean spoke. "You ok?" Buffy jumped at his voice, she'd forgotten that he was there. She looked up and looked into his worried eyes then looked over at Jer who looked like he was trying to get his temper under control. She looked back at Dean and nodded slowly.
"Yeah, I'm so-"
"Don't say it," Jer said roughly. "Don't you dare say it." She looked over at him and he stared her down until all thoughts of what she was about too say were out of her head completely.
"Ok," she said whit a nod. He gave her a small forced smile that let her know that he was worried about her and that he just wanted what was best for her.
"Let's all just go back to sleep," Dean said. They all nodded and he looked at Buffy. "Where are you staying?" He knew she hated to go back to sleep in the same place after one of those dreams. It was routine for them, she would sleep with one of them until the next day.
"Dawn," she said meekly. She hadn't let go of the younger girl since she'd entered her arms, she didn't really want to let go at all.
"That's fine," Dawn said. That was the first time she'd spoken. "My bed's not at big as yours but we'll both fit. Come on." She pulled back and went to fix up her bed while Buffy got herself together. Buffy got to her feet and stared to follow Dawn out the door but was stopped by a hand on her wrist.
"Yeah?" she asked turning around to face Jer. He pulled her into a tight hug and kissed the top of her head. "Sleep tight," he said. Buffy smiled at him and gave Dean a small hug and a kiss on the cheek as she headed out of her room and into Dawns.
The two brothers stood there for a moment and stared at each other. Jer was the first to break the silence.
"Do you ever think about what would have happened if she had of found one of us instead?" His voice held so much pain and regret. He sounded noting like the strong and arrogant Jeraud Summers that they all knew.
"Every time she has one of these nightmares, every time her eyes fill with pain at an old memory, every time…"
He clutched the edge of the door and cursed under his breath. Dean shook his head and walked off leaving Jer standing there in the wake of old memories.
Buffy sat up slowly but laid back down quickly when sunlight hit her eyes. That's when she remembered that she was in Dawns room. The previous night's events came flooding back to her and hit her like a wave. She sighed. School would provide a good distraction from her dreams- no! They weren't dreams, could never be dreams, nightmares' was what they were. But school held something more than nightmares', reality and the fact that she had to spend another day looking at Spike look at her like she had ripped out his heart.
It had been three weeks since Dean had delivered the news to Spike that Buffy didn't want to seen him anymore. It wasn't like they had been dating but she just couldn't stop thinking about what Faith had said to her. She said they looked good together and that she would be good for him. Buffy had to admit that she and Spike did make quite the pair but the fact that Faith thought that she would be good for Spike scared the shit out of her. How was she supposed to be good for anybody when she didn't have a hold over herself, her life? Last night proved that she could never be good for anyone; she had way too much baggage and pain with her to be in a good stable relationship. She just hated that Jeremy had taken that away from her.
She looked over at her sleeping sister and smiled faintly. This was one thing that Jeremy hadn't taken away from her. Even though she'd put her little sister though so much pain, leaving her alone, neglecting her, Dawn still loved her. She didn't know the whole story about what Buffy had gone through but the blond preferred that it stay that way. When it happened Dawn had been young and she didn't need to know the horrors that her sister had gone thorough. Back then the hardest thing that Dawn had to deal with was Alyson. They had all had to deal with that and it still hurt to think about even now. Thinking of Alyson made her think of their mother. She missed her so much. Her smiling face, her golden blond hair, Joyce had always known just what to sat or do when one of them was feeling down. Her father always told her how much like their mother she looked like, more than the rest of her siblings. Things had been so nice.
She pushed back some strands of hair that had fallen into Dawn's eyes. She made no move to remove her hand once she had pushed them back. Dawn was her little sister and here she was drawing comfort form her after she had royally screwed up their lives. She needed to do something to make it up to her. She knew that there was nothing she could do that would make up for the past but she could start small. Something like breakfast. She smiled. They had always helped their mother in the kitchen when they were younger. Dawn always enjoyed it most of all. Seeing the youngest Summers so happy and at ease the kitchen always brought a smile to their mothers face. Buffy would make her smile again today. None of them eve bothered to try and fix breakfast anymore. They would always grab a piece of fruit or something, or if Dawn wanted something they would fix it for her, but it had been a while since they had all sat down and had a nice meal together. That would be a nice change of behavior at their house. Most of all Dawn would love it.
Dawn stared to stir and Buffy quickly removed her hand from its place on her head. Dawn's eyes fluttered open and focused in on her.
"Hey," Dawn said. She yawned and wiped the sleep from her eyes and gave Buffy a bright sunshine smile.
"Hey yourself." She ruffled her sister's hair and Dawn let out a small relp of protest. She really loved her little sister. "I'm gonna go take a shower, as long as Holly or Morgan haven't used up all the hat water, then what do you say me and you make breakfast?"
Dawn's eyes lit up. "Like old times?" Buffy nodded. Dawn squealed and hugged her sister tightly. "Hurry and get your shower so I can get one after you." She looked at the clock which read 6:50 and let out a breath of relief. "It's still early so no one should be up yet. We'll surprise them."
"Alright, I'm getting up. Didn't know you wanted to get rid of me so badly," Buffy teased. Dawn grinned and threw a pillow at the other girl as she made her way across the room and out the door. Just like old times Dawn thought.
When Dawn got out of the shower and headed off to her room to dress, she found Dean standing by the door with a sleepy gaze in his eyes. He raised an eye brow at her cheery smile and made a hand gesture for her to get out of the way. She moved and with out a word stared back to her room.
"Hurry up," she called over her shoulder. "Breakfast will be ready soon." Her only reply was the door slamming and a loud grunt.
She reached her room in record time and quickly picked out her outfit and dressed. She headed down the stairs running into Holly in the halls on her way down. The other girl gave a raised eyebrow at her dressed appearance and headed down to the bathroom in the same zombie like way that she suspected that Dean had. When she made it down stairs to the kitchen Buffy stood their, hands on her hips, looking irritably up at the open cabinets.
"Lose something?" she asked. Buffy turned to face her but she didn't loose her heated look that she had been giving to the cabinet.
"I can't find the frying pan," she grumbled.
"It's under the sink." Buffy shook her head.
"I'm looking for the one that mom always used. Her favorite." Dawns eyes gleamed. That was the one that they had always used to make pancakes with, noting else. Their mother had always said that that would make them taste that much better if they had a pan for the soul purpose of just making pancakes. It always made them taste so much better in her mind.
"Maybe we haven't unpacked it yet. I'm sure we brought it with us."
Buffy nodded and walked out of the room to look for the pan. Dawn got the things that they would need out of the fridge and listened to Buffy rummage in the hall closet. She heard her sister give out what she guessed was a triumphed yell and then listened to her footsteps head back into the kitchen.
Sure enough when she entered the kitchen, she stood holding the frying pan like a trophy; a silly grin was stretched across her face. "Found it," she said simply. Dawn returned her grin and the two girls went to work on making breakfast, all the while listening to the morning ritual unfold up stairs.
Dean was the first down stairs. He stared at both his sisters set the table. He'd forgotten how well they worked together in the kitchen. He cleared his throat to key them in on his arrival. "Need some help?" he asked.
Five minutes later the table was set and they were all gathered around it like one dysfunctional family. It brought a smile to Dawns face to see her family all take time out of their morning to eat together. When they lived in New York they had always eaten breakfast. They had busy days ahead of them and their parents were big on them having enough energy to get through the day. They had been so happy then. Just the seven of them.
"Hey, what's up kid?" Sam asked. She scowled at him for the kid remark but shook her head to his question.
"I'm just thinking." She smiled up at him and he returned it with a small one of his own.
"That's all good but you should eat up. We're gonna have to leave soon." She nodded and picked up her fork and took a bite out of the bit of pancake that she still had left on her plate. Umm, still taste perfect.
The ride to school was filled with chatter and all thoughts of last night had been forgotten. Buffy had insisted on driving her own car and Dean had said there was no way he was leaving his baby at home. To solve this problem Dean had taken Jerand Morgan to school while Buffy drove Dawn, Sam, and Holly. At first Sam was going to ride with Morgan but she and Holly had both convinced him to go along with Buffy. That's why they were making out in the back seat.
"It's sickening," Buffy said as she watched Sam and Holly go at it like they hadn't seen each other for days. She smirked. "Hey Sammy, been getting some lately? Cause it sure looks like you're starved for a little kisses."
The two pulled apart and Holly glared at her while Sam flicked her off. Never the less the two pulled apart from each other and stopped trying to clean each others mouths with their tongues.
They pulled up in front of the school and sat there for all of three seconds before Dean pulled up beside them. Buffy just grinned at him. "I beat you," she sing sponged as he opened his door and got out.
"Yeah, that's because you drive like a speed daemon." Buffy just smiled and took her book bag from Holly's outstretched hand.
"Whatever, I'm off to class. See you guys later." She gave Dawn a brief hug and headed off to the main entrance, leaving her family to stare after her.
When she went to her locker Spike was waiting there for her like he had been every other day. He always asked her if she was ready to tell him why she had abruptly pushed him away so suddenly. Buffy's will was strong and a glance at her brothers coming down the hallway only made it stronger. She walked passed him swiftly all the while trying to explain to him that it was for his own good that he stayed away from her. He always tried to talk to her at the start and at the end of the day, never in between. That was somewhat strange to her but at least it gaveher time to prepare her resolve.
First period was uneventful and second period found itself following in its foot steps. Buffy often found herself nodding off or thing about the night's events. Try as she may she just couldn't shake that dream, that memory of when she and Jeremy first met. He was older than she was but at the time she didn't care. It wasn't like her father was around to know what she we doing, and at that time Jer and Dean were so off in their own little world of pain that she could have committed a murder and gotten away with it.
As soon as she thought it guilt rose up in her chest. She couldn't blame Dean and Jer for what happened to her, if anything she blamed herself, mostly Jeremy but she was the one who was stupid and fell for him. She was the one who thought that he loved her, even if he hurt her and talked down about her. Tears fell from her eyes and she swiped at them quickly. She could not let anyone see her like this The bell rung and Buffy was never so grateful in her life. She let the mass of students file out first while she slowly gathered her things.
She headed out the door and was surprised to see Dean waiting on her, a small scowl on his face. She smiled and headed over to him.
"Hey," she said flashing him a smile. "What are you doing here?"
His angry expression fell as soon as he saw her and was replaced with a small smile. "I wanted to have lunch with you. Just the two of us." Her face lit up and it warmed his heart to see her so happy. "I didn't think you'd want to eat the food here so I thought we'd go off campus."
"That's fine," she said with a nod. They stared on their way to the car. "What do I owe the pleasure of obtaining a free lunch from my big bro?"
Dean looked away trying to find the right words. He couldn't tell her that he was worried about her. He knew his sister and if he came straight out like that she would avoid him for weeks to come if she could. She hated pity and he knew that's what she would think it was, no matter how many times he denied it. It had been a while since she'd had one of her dreams and she wanted to talk to her about it. Privately.
"Can't I just take you some place special," he said. They reached his car and he unlocked the door and got inside. He leaned over to open her door and grinned up at her. "Besides, who said I was paying?" Buffy laughed and pushed his face away and got into the car. She loved her brother, so much.
Five minutes later they were sitting in a small diner, both eating burgers and fries. Dean was happily gobbling his down while Buffy enjoyed hers and actually tasted it as it went down.
"So," Dean said taking a sip of his soda, "what made you decide to cook breakfast with Dawn this morning?" he asked. He thought he should star off with something small first then work his way up to the tougher questions.
Buffy eyed him as if she was in on his plan but she answered anyway. "When I woke up this morning I felt really bad about what happened." She didn't need to say what it was he knew she was talking about waking them up with her nightmare. He hated that she felt like she had to apologize. Jer had always demanded that she never say she was sorry when she first started to havethem. Dean wasn't so lucky as to get her to listen to him that way. He was the brother that gave in under his little sisters pleas and demands, Jer could always withstand them more than he could so he become the one to have the hard talks when they needed them.
But right now he was the one sitting in the diner with Buffy about to talk to her about the hard stuff. He briefly wondered how that had happened.
"So that's when you though you'd make breakfast for Dawn, to make it up to her?" he asked. She nodded then took a bite out of her burger. "You do know that you don't have to feel sorry about that, right?" He gave her the most sincere look he could muster up. She glanced at him fro a second then looked back down at her plate.
"I can't help but feel sorry. I put all of you through so much and when we moved it was supposed to be so I could get a fresh start. But what's the first thing I do when I get her? I make a new friend, a guy friend, and we all know my history with guys is not the best. I admit that I didn't mean to but when I met Jeremy I didn't mean to get into that either. I should just give up on guys altogether because their nothing but trouble." She slumped down in her seat and looked everywhere but at him.
Buffy had just spoke the words that every older brother only hoped to hear from their little sister, only they just didn't feel right under these circumstances. He wanted Buffy to be happy, it seemed that lately everyone was worried about her happiness, more about her well being. She'd been through a lot and Dean would be the first one to admit that once they moved to L.A he hadn't really been the best big brother to either her or Dawn. Both he and Jer had left Buffy to take care of their little sister while they tried to drink and fuck away the pain. They didn't really have much regard to what the girls needed and at the time they didn't really care. That's how the situation had all stated. He'd told Jer last night that he always though about how he could have done things differently or how things might have been different if they had of been there more. He wanted to share his thoughts with Buffy but he didn't necessarily want to put his troubles onto her shoulders. She had enough to worry about, they all did.
And this Spike guy, why was he so different? After the whole thing with Jeremy Buffy hadn't even thought about looking at another guy the way she looked at him. She hardly wanted to go anywhere without one of them around. He understood that, but somewhere along the line she'd grown out of it and it seemed like she was trying to regain some of her old self back. Dean would love to help her do that.
Buffy felt the seat beside her dip down then soon felt familiar arms wrap around her shoulders. She looked over and saw the concerned look that he was giving her. "Hey," he said softly. "Don't you give up. We're Summers and we don't just quit." She smiled and he felt like he had gotten somewhere. "I can't believe that I'm about to say this but maybe you should give this Spike guy another chance." Her eyes were huge in disbelief. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry. She felt like doing both.
"I don't really see how that would be a good idea." She slipped out of his hold so that she could look at him better. "I've pretty much told him that I didn't want to see him as well as shunned his friends, the only thing that he would do to me know is laugh in my face. That really wouldn't help me much."
Dean had to laugh at that. "You said it yourself, he's persistent. He's been following you around for weeks, not that that's a good thing."Dean frowned and tried to remember his point. "Dawn likes him and I don't particularly hate him. I think that as close to perfect as it's gonna come."
Buffy laughed loudly and shoved her brother for good measure. He was always the romantic. She really wanted to know where all of this was coming from. Thought he had told her that he just wanted to take her to lunch she knew he wanted to talk. She never dreamed Dean wanted to talk to her about her love life, or lack there of. Things had taken a turn way past bizarre. "Why are we talking about this?" she asked. "Why are you suddenly interested in seeing me go out with Spike, why now?"
She sounded angry. He didn't want to upset her but when he first decided to take her to lunch he knew that their conversation could take a tune for the worst. It looked like it just had and Dean dreaded having to talk to her about her dreams. He sighed. He just needed to take one thing at a time.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. It's just-" He let out a frustrated sigh and Buffy let go of her anger. She could tell this was really hard for him. "I just don't want you to end up alone," he finally got out. "I was talking to Dawn not soon after we got here and she said that Jer and I pushed you to do too much, controlled your life too much. I stared to look at how things have played out so far and I realized that she was right." He looked away from her and fiddled with the knife on the table. He was struggling to find the right words. "This thing that you had going with this Spike guy- I just want you to be able to make your own dictions without basing them on what you think I or Jer might want you to do."
"You're telling me that we're having this conversation because a fourteen year old was interested in my lack of love life?" She raised an eyebrow and for a long while nether one of them spoke. They both busted out into a soft fit a laughs.
"To my defense she will be turning fifteen soon." That just made Buffy laugh harder. "She's our soon to be fifteen year old match maker so you should be proud that she knows her sister so well and wants to look out for her well being." Buffy calmed down and nodded at him. He was right. Dawn knew her so well and she was so grateful to have a sister like her.
"I am very proud of her," Buffy said with pure honesty. "I think you should have one of these talks with her sometime in the near future."
Dean smirked. "Don't worry, I will." He looked serious again and he looked her straight in the eyes. "You will think about what I said and maybe talk to Spike- learn his real name by the way." Buffy snickered. She really had been wondering about that. It was nice to learn that she wasn't the only one.
"I'll think about what you've said," she said at last.
Dean gave her a solid nod. They'd gotten a couple of things out of the way; it was time to move on to another topic. "Now, about last night…"
This was going to be a very long lunch.
A/N: Hey! I'm so sorry about the long wait for chapter six! Its been a very busy year for me and I jsut haven't had as much time to write as I'd like. With the return of summer I have a pretty flexible schedule to work with. I hope the long awaited chapter six is to your liking and as always review! See ya soon!