Tonks couldn't sleep. She wouldn't close her eyes. No matter how many potions they gave her, she always had nightmares. So she didn't see the point in even trying to sleep, because she knew that dreamless sleep would never come. The nightmares were never quite the same, but every single night, at some point, Remus died. But he wasn't the only one. Sirius, Kingsley, Harry, Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Bill, Charlie, Mad-eye, Dumbledore- they all seemed to be taking turns to die, to torture her. She could never save them. Every night she tried, and every night she failed. The most recurring dream was failing, and failing was the one thing she couldn't stand. Not like this. It had reached the point where she was being sent to a "psychiatrist," whatever that was. To her, it was just another man in a white coat, messing with her head.

"How are you today, Nymphadora?"

She shrugged, as usual, not even bothering to wince at her first name. She didn't have the energy to get angry.

Her response seemed to annoy him, but she really couldn't have told him. She didn't feel anything. Just sort of useless, like an empty shell, taking up space on a dusty shelf.

"Any new Nightmares?"

The way he seemed so enthusiastic to talk about her nightmares scared her.

She shrugged again. "I'm not sleeping."

"Would you like me to prescribe you-"

"No." she cut him off. "I don't want to sleep."

He looked up in surprise. "you don't want to sleep? But that's ridiculous! Nymphadora-"

"why would I want to sleep? I can't get through a single night without watching everyone I care about die! I don't want to remember that! I don't want to think about it, I just want to get on with life… or at least try too." she rested her elbows on the desk, rubbing her temples. She was definitely tired.

"have you tried the new potion we got in, for dreamless sleep-"

"I've tried every bloody potion you stock. They're not working."

"So you won't sleep until the nightmares stop? That could take a very long time…"

"I know. Ill live"

"Maybe if we talked about it, we could find the cause and they might-"

"Well, that's the bloody stupidest thing I've heard! You think if we sit and talk for a few hours we might find the cause? Well I've got news for you, I already know what the bloody cause is! My husband is DEAD. don't you think that might account for the nightmares about his death?" she sat back, arms crossed, watching him as he scribbled furiously, muttering to himself. Words like "highly strung" and "unstable" reached her ears. He looked up at her. "I think I may have to refer you to a specialist we have working here-"

"Don't bother." Tonks stood. She wasn't going to go see another "specialist," a white coat, just so they could pull her heart to pieces. Even stopping the nightmares wasn't worth that. "I'm leaving. And I wont be making another appointment." she left before he could say anything, slamming the door behind her. She made her slow way back to her room, careful to avoid any of the wandering white coats- she didn't want to be dragged back. She could see her door, and was starting to walk even slower, when someone came out of an office by the big double swing doors at the end of the corridor. A tall, dark, familiar someone.

"Kingsley!"

She couldn't believe it. He wasn't dead. He was here, the same as her. At least someone else had survived… maybe it wouldn't be so bad here after all.

He turned, even as the white coat he was walking with tried to pull him away, a look of shock on his face.

"Tonks?" he pulled free, and ran towards her. "I don't believe it! I saw them bring you in, but I didn't think you'd be in the same ward!" he pulled her into a tight hug. "Its good to see you kid." he muttered ruffling her hair, which had finally changed from brown to pink. Tonks smiled into his shirt. "I've missed you. Heaps." she mumbled.

"Same." Kingsley dropped his arms from around her, taking her hand and squeezing it, smiling at her. She smiled back weakly, as he led her to the rec room.

The rec room was a large room in the middle of the ward. Like the rest of the building, its walls were the exact same shade of white. There were tables, surrounded by unmatched chairs, which were scattered with year old issues of Witch Weekly, The Quibbler, and even the occasional issue of The Adventures of Martin Miggs, the Mad Muggle. Unfortunately for Tonks, you had to be on good behaviour to use the rec room, and she was hardly ever good, what with the refusing to sleep or take any potions.

Kingsley cleared away some magazines from some chairs in the corner, away from everyone else. They sat, tonks still starring, hardly daring to believe this was real. He couldn't really be here, could he?

"What happened to you? You disappeared…"

"My house was raided my death eaters. Somehow, they managed to break through my wards." He replied. "I was knocked out. When I woke up, I was in here."

"When was that?"

"About a month ago. You have no idea how glad I was to see them bring you in a few weeks later-"

"But I've been in here just over a month." Tonks interrupted.

Kingsley grinned snidely. "Did they tell you that?"

Tonks nodded slowly.

"Well, I can tell you as a fact, I saw them bring you in on a stretcher. You say a month ago?"

She nodded again. "That was two weeks ago." He told her.

Tonks shook her head. "But Savage said…" she trailed off, confused. Kingsley's face darkened. He lowered his voice. "Don't trust any of them, Dora. I know what I saw. They brought you in two weeks ago. I don't know why they'd have reason to lie; but if they are, you can bet its pretty serious. Don't listen to them. Don't listen to anything they tell you."

Tonks starred. "Kingsley, you cant honestly believe-"

"Hey! You're not supposed to be in here!" a white coat marched up to her, grabbing her by the arm and hauling her to her feet.

"Jeez, easy does it." Tonks muttered.

"You come with me, and get back to your room!" as she was dragged out, she turned to Kingsley, smiling apologetically. He gave a small wave.

As she went back, ignoring the endless babble about "Breaking protocol" she thought about what Kingsley had said. It didn't make any sense. Why would they lie to her about how long she had been in here? And If Kingsley was right, then why did she only remember one of those two weeks? Where had she been? She was shoved in her room, and heard the door lock behind her. She sat on the bed, chewing a strand of pink hair, trying to puzzle it out. It was impossible. She couldn't understand why they would lie in the first place. Yawning, she looked at the pillow. Surely a little nap wouldn't hurt? She couldn't have a nightmare in half an hour…

She was being pushed by people on all sides, as she fought against the crowd. Finally leaving the people behind her, she ran along the corridor, to where she had last seen his sandy brown hair. She rounded the corner, and there he was, cloak billowing around him in the wind coming from the shattered windows.

"Remus!" she called, running towards him. He turned towards her, lines of worry creasing his forehead. A jet of green light whizzed past her ear. She turned, to see Dolohov leaning over the banister, smirking. Something clattered to the ground behind her. She turned back, her heart racing. Remus' wand lay on the floor, and he fell backwards, the shadow of his last smile still etched on his face. Screaming, she fell next to his still body, crying his name, as her tears fell on his face. Strong hands grasped her from behind, pulling her away. She screamed again, her face contorted in pain. "There's nothing you can do." Arthur whispered. "He's gone."

Remus sat up in bed, shaking. He rested his head against his knees, breathing heavily. Not again. He couldn't stand these nightmares. It was her screams that haunted every night. No one should scream like that. No one should have to.

Still shaking, he got out of bed, and splashed some water from the small sink on his face. Looking up, he could see the nearly full moon out the window. Another constant reminder of what he had done. And with his next transformation just days away… he wasn't sure if he would make it through this one. It wasn't like there was anyone wanting him to. No one to wake up to. No one who cared.

He had been told that he wasn't being given wolfs bane this month- they planned to lock him in a padded room for observation. What fun. Just another thing to talk to them about. Another depressing subject. If he ever got out of this room again.

Even in a hospital for victims, people still held to their prejudices. Not that he wasn't used to that. He was pushed, sworn at, and blamed for everything. But it had gotten worse when someone had found out why he was in there. He had been confined to these four walls, as much for their protection as his own. In the locked walls, with the shouts and jeers, the wolf found it easier to gain control, to fight back, and it frightened him. If Dora was here, he could cope. It would be easier to resist. Hell, if Dora was here… he wouldn't be.

The door creaked open, and another white coat came in, despite the early hour.

"You're awake early, Mr Lupin. Not still having nightmares, I hope?"

Wiping sweat off his brow, Remus nodded. "They're getting worse. Only to be expected, this time of month, but still. I wish…" the words stuck in his throat.

"They would stop." The white coat finished for him, putting his hand on Remus' shoulder sympathetically. There was silence between them for a while, as Remus starred out the window, trying to see past the huge white orb that was hanging in the sky. It had started everything. If it wasn't for the moon…

"They want to move you today." The white coat finally said. "For observation."

"But I wont transform for another two days."

"I know. I tried to explain that it'll only make things worse… especially when you're in this state… but they say its necessary."

Remus nodded. There was no point arguing. Obviously someone higher up made all the decisions.

"Anything you need to take?"

Remus looked around. He considered taking the small photo of himself and Dora, but figured it would get ruined if he did. The same would happen to anything else he took, and he had few enough possessions at it was. "No. nothing."

The door opened again, and another white coat stood in the doorway.

"The rooms ready. Are you?"

Remus stood, nodding.

"Breakfast is over there."

"Right."

"We have to leave this ward, so stay with us, and try not to get lost."

Remus was led through his own ward, (which he was familiar enough with, and preferred when it was empty like it was at this hour) and out through a large set of double doors. They went through three more wards like his, and every single wall was painted white. It sent shivers down his spine. There were doors to patients rooms on either side, with small windows in them. He looked in as they passed, curious to see if anyone he knew was here. He didn't have much luck- most people were in bed, still asleep, although a lot of people seemed to be moaning, or talking in their sleep. They had just reached what he was promised were the last set of double doors when he saw it. A flash of bubblegum pink through one of the windows

"Dora?" He whispered.

"Sorry?" the white coat next to him asked, confused. Remus starred at the window. All he could see was a dark shape huddled in bed.

"Nothing. Its nothing."

He had imagined it. He had to have been. As he was led into a large padded room and handed a bowl of cereal, he thought about that flash of pink. It had looked like Dora's hair. The exact shade he had memorized so well. But it wasn't, he told himself firmly. He was imagining it because he wanted her back. He didn't want to be the one who had ended her life. Dora wasn't really in that room, because she was dead. And the dead couldn't come back, no matter how hard he wished for it.

A/N: I hope things have sort of cleared up, but if you have any questions, just ask! I reply to all signed reviews, so you'll definitely get an answer of some sort.

Note: the white coats are like doctors, except I didn't want to call them that, or healers, cause it didn't really fit in with what they are. If you can think of a better word… id love to hear any suggestions!

Thanks for reading, and please, show the love and REVIEW!!

Tonks xox