A/N: I am so sorry about the delay in updating this, but my muse thought it would be fun to take a vacation without telling me. But its back now, so hopefully updates will become more regular.

Tonks starred at the mirror across the room.

Her blank eyes reflected her face over and over, their pale grey hue blending into her unhealthily tinged skin. Her hair, lank and brown, hung to her shoulders, reminding her of Snape's oily locks. She shuddered, turning her face to the window, where the full moon hung in the sky, ominous and foreshadowing among the stars. She felt her heart plunge in her chest. No Remus for her to hold this month, no pattering of claws following her around, no waking up to his exhausted form clutching her… she looked down at her lap, her hands curling round each other as her heart rate increased, and she started to hyper-ventilate. She turned her eyes to the door as they filled with tears. There were two white coats standing on either side, and had been ever since she'd met Kingsley and left her counseling session early. She'd only left her room for meals and to use the bathroom, and even then she was escorted like a five year old.

Concentrating on slowing her breathing, she sat at the desk, and picked up the pencil, remembering how many times she'd had to ask for parchment and quills, and then they'd given her a muggle pencil, on the preface it wasn't as dangerous. Sighing, she put the pencil to paper, writing Dear Remus.

She starred at his name. Proof that he really had existed- in her own mind, anyway. Life just felt so dull and pointless without him.

I Hope you're ok. It's a full moon tonight… do they have full moons where you are? Should that still happen after you…? I hope it doesn't.

I love you. Always and forever.

Your Dora.

Smiling weakly, she screwed the letter up, clutching it tightly in her fist. It helped, she thought to herself. Maybe that psychiatrist did know a thing or two… but no more than that.

There was a knock on the door. Her head whipped around. A white coat was opening her door, and Kingsley was walking through the doorway. Her smile became genuine as he pulled her into a tight bear hug.

"I hope you realize I had to give up my Rec room time for a week to come have a sleepover with you tonight. You're lucky I'm good enough for both of us." He grinned, pulling her out of the chair and over to the bed, here he kicked off his shoes.

"Sleep over, huh?"

"Yup. Had to pull almost every string in the house to get one."

Tonks sat next to him. "So are we going to stay up all night, swapping gossip and telling spooky stories with our wands?"

Kingsley raised an eyebrow. "You have yours?"

"Oh no. I'm much to unstable to get my wand back. You might wake up to find I've killed the entire facility if you gave me my wand back. I'd probably try and raise all my friends from the dead." Tonks scowled, remembering the conversation she'd over heard between the two white coats outside her door earlier in the day.

"They're not very subtle, are they?" Kingsley asked, guessing what she was on about. She shook her head.

"Nope. Yesterday they were talking about how I was likely to die in a few months if I didn't improve, and all the drugs and procedures they were going to shove down my throat right in front of me, right after I'd told them exactly where they could shove their sleeping potions." She gave a small grin at the memory. Kingsley sighed.

"Those nightmares are a killer, huh?"

She nodded, looking away. Killer was exactly how she would describe them. They never stopped-ever, ever, ever. A constant, vicious cycle of pain and redemption and feeling and fear- a never-ending circle of memories, bombarding the brain until it felt like it would overflow. It never stopped.

"I…I hate it." She finally said, breaking the growing silence.

"Hate what?" Kingsley asked kindly.

"The fact that I remember. I cant block any of it out. Every night… his death…" she broke off, unable to continue. Kingsley pulled her closer. "I know. I know. Its horrible… but you have to be thankful for what you still have, Dora. I know life seems pointless without Remus… but you have a family, and friends, who want you to get better. You have to think of them. It helps, trust me."

"But how can I think of them when I don't even know who's alive and who's dead? How can I do it when they're just dying every night anyway-" she started crying, hugging Kingsley tight. He held her, stroking her hair, and pulled her down onto the bed.

"Sleep, Dora." He murmured. "It'll all turn out ok in the end."

Sighing, she nodded, closing her heavy lids. Even the moonlight streaming in from the window didn't disturb her…

She opened her eyes. She was laying in bed at home, Remus' strong arms wrapped tightly around her, his breath flicking a loose strand of her hair back over the pillow. Smiling, she kissed him, nuzzling his chest.

A jet of red light crashing through the window woke him up. Jumping up, they grabbed their wands and ran downstairs and outside, where a large number of black, hooded figures were surrounding the house. Tonks could hear her aunts high pitched laughter ringing through the air as she threw spells at the death eaters. A loud yell made her turn, only to see Remus on the ground, withering in pain. She ran to him, dropping her wand next to her as she held him close. Slender arms pulled her away, a wand pointed at her throat. Screaming, she tried to break free, but Bellatrix just laughed at her, tightening her grip. She cried as Remus was pulled up, and dragged away in the opposite direction. She tried to yell to him, but the night wind drowned out any sound she might have made. All she could hear was Bella's wild laughter in her ear-

"Argh!" Remus collapsed on the ground of his padded room, groaning. Not only was he having the nightmares at night when he was human, but the wolf was using them when he transformed to gain control. Not that it'd been to hard. Remus had been almost willing for it to take over so he wouldn't have to remember who he was, or what was happening. But when the wolf had discovered there was no escape from his padded prison, it had turned to torturing Remus in his head instead. Which it had promised him it had enjoyed much more. Distorted images of Dora from when Sirius was alive, pink haired and laughing, images of her after he broke it off, mousy haired and silent, images of their wedding, of their wedding night… all mixed in with razor sharp images of her being savaged to death. By him. It sickened Remus to realize the wolf was proud of it- it considered ridding Remus' life of her an achievement, making a better way of living for both of them. Remus knew that was because it meant another person to help restrain the beast, to keep it caged. And sometimes when you cage the beast, the beast gets angry. And Remus' inner wolf was no exception.

So he had spent the night in agony, biting and scratching himself as he had not since the invention of wolfs bane, howling and whimpering the whole night long as his internal battle raged. And in the morning he had definitely not come out better off.

Pulling the only thing apart from himself in the room, a thick, torn woolen blanket around him, he closed his eyes, breathing heavily. Every nightmare felt so real- this last one particularly so. It had a quality the others did not posses- it felt more firm, less dream like.

He shook his head. What was he going on about? His transformation was still messing with his mind.

Shivering, he looked at the big, empty room. His transformation had been so much worse than usual- the actual transforming had been more painful than it had in a long time. Because this time, he had been afraid. He had been afraid with out Dora next to him. The fact that she wasn't there was what caused him the most pain, and when her warmth wasn't next to him- that's when the fear invaded.

The door creaked open. A white coat sauntered in, dropping a bowl of porridge at Remus' feet, splattering it all over the floor.

"Oops," he grinned. "Eat up, dog, they want to run some tests on you. Probably to see if you're not over that bitch of yours yet-"

"That will do." A stocky, imposing figure stood in the door way. The other white coat ran past him, spluttering apologies.

"My apologies, Mr. Lupin. It would appear he hasn't learnt to keep his mouth shut."

"Indeed."

The new white coat walked slowly into the room. "You might be wanting this." He stepped forward into the little light there was in the room, holding out a spoon.

"Thank…" Remus trailed off, starring in horror.

"Is something wrong, Mr. Lupin?" Yaxley asked.

Remus stood, still woozy. "Get away!" He warned.

"Mr. Lupin, I assure you I am not her to hurt you-"

"Of course you are! You're a friggin death eater! What else would you do to a member of the order?" Remus cried.

Yaxley smiled. "All wrong im afraid, Lupin. Im not a death eater any more… those days are long gone. I've redeemed my self in the eyes of the ministry, so now im working here. I assure you Lupin, im not about to whip out my wand and hex you."

Remus glared at him. Yaxley shrugged. "Fine. Believe what you will. But im going to be checking your progress regularly, so you better get used to it." With that, he turned on his heel and marched out, locking the door behind him. Remus pushed the food away, feeling sick.

This was wrong. Yaxley had been in too deep to ever be redeemed by the ministry. And even if he had been, there was no way he'd be employed to help war victims. Remus leant back against the soft wall, taking a deep breath. He thought back to the flash of pink he had seen two nights earlier. Had it really been his Dora? Who else could it have been? Or had he imagined it all? Either way…

"There is always hope." He whispered to himself.

A/N: Review, my lovelies! If you do, I promise to update uber fast…