Chapter 6

Burdens

Mikey was known as a go happy guy. And he was told more then one time that he had the energy of ten squirrels hyped up on dango. It was why all the mothers and grandmothers thought he was so adorable. When he was younger he had used that energy to explore the area around the village (or at least the area that Miyamoto and Leo had marked as 'safe'). Even with the rule that he couldn't climb the trees, he was able to find a few good places to sneak to. They were fun to hide in when he was playing hide and seek with the other village kids.

Course now he hadn't spoken to them in weeks. They had come , to see if he was ok. But Mikey had hid from them. But they weren't the only ones, He had been hiding from Usagi too. HE was harder to hide from. That's why he was at his last resort. The last place he could hide from Usagi and Splinter. Which was under the bridge over the Raisuhowaito River, hidden under the small narrow shore with his bare feet soaking in the cold crisp water. You'd think such a spot would be obvious but the fact was the underside of the bridge had a wall that hid the small shore that you could only see if you swung around the wall. it was his home away from home. He tried not to think about all the summers he and his older brother had spent swimming in the river, and about how said brother was now off on a quest to find the very same brothers who were carried away by said river.

But what after that? Leo made it sound like he was going to make them come home with him. But what if they didn't want that? What if they weren't innocent children?

What if Leo didn't want to come back?

That thought alone sent the rock in his fist skipping across the river and sank below the surface. At least he had this moment to himself-

"I wondered when you would resort to your favorite spot."

Oh Spirits. He'd know Usagi's voice anywhere. So he didn't look over when he heard the scraping of Usagi sliding under the bridge and sitting by his side. He simply turned away and crossed his arms. Hoping that Usagi would get the message.

"Ah yes, the age old 'silent treatment' used for centuries by angry housewife's and disgruntled children. Unfortunately for the user in this case, the victim has had many encounters with the technique."

Was Usagi trying to be funny? Man that was scary, "How'd you even find me?" he asked without glancing

"Leonardo and I already knew of this place before you did, but we never claimed it as you had. Leonardo thought it'd be best if you felt you had a place to yourself. After all, we couldn't' take it from you after you wrote "Michelangelo's Super Secret Lair."

Mikey didn't respond this time, despite the numerous quips coming to mind. He didn't want to give Usagi the satisfaction. He drew his knees out of the water and rested his arms on them.

"I know that you haven't been seeing Splinter-dono."

"So? Do I have to spend every waking moment with him?" he could barely keep the anger out of his voice, and the guilt out of his heart.

"that is true, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to speak to him once."

Mikey wrapped his arms tighter around his legs, burying his face in them trying to get the message out he wasn't to be deferred from silence he was officially taking NOW

"That is quite obvious. So then I guess all you can do is listen, correct?"

Dam, this was why Usagi and Leo were tied for highest marks in their class. Dam Dam dam. With no logical argument he sighed heavily and turned to look at Usagi.

At first his adoptive older brother said nothing and picked up a few stones from the sandy shore. He pulled Mikey's 'arm off his leg and pressed them gently into his palm. Mikey blinked for a moment till Usagi nodded towards the river.

Mikey wondered if Usagi was serious. But he supposed it wouldn't hurt, so used his thumb to tuck the stone flat and with a twist of his wrist flicked it across the river. IT was mildly satisfying to watch the stone skip over the river before sinking below the surface. Fighting the smile that wanted to form on his face he tossed another one, this one flew 10 skips (almost the width of the river). When he ran out of stones Usagi handed him a new bunch (he made sure to mumble his thanks) this time he was consistent.

"Very good Orenji-chan. I remember when you couldn't even get the stone into the river, do you?"

Mikey allowed a small to form on his face, which he tried to hide by leaning his lips against his arm. But nodded in response. Usagi was never big on nicknames, infact Mikey almost got the feeling he despised them. But the fact he was the exception always felt nice. Even if it was just being called Orange.

"You were very small, and you would follow Leonardo and myself everywhere. When you couldn't get it to skip you got upset. But Leonardo was very patient with you, and helped you till you were able to skip a stone on your own. Of course, it was the middle of the night and he had to carry you home."

Mikey nodded again, watching Usagi peer at him out of the corner of his eye

"Leonardo has always done that for you though, hasn't he? He has always been patient, self sacrificing. Even with the presence of my father he took on raising you almost entirely himself when he was old enough. " he took up a stone he hadn't given to Mikey and tossed it lightly, "All he wanted to do was make sure you grew up happy and healthy. And it always hurt him that he couldn't tell you about your family. That's why he left. To give you that knowledge."

Mikey sniffed angrily and turned his head back away from Usagi, he didn't like where this headed. But he knew there was no avoiding it, especially he spoke in such soft tone.

"So isn't it important you at least attempt at the task he gave you?"

He didn't want to listen to Usagi, or his clever words of wisdom. If there was anything he wanted to do less then that it was to go see the rat that was the very reason his big brother left. But the thought of disappointing Leo was hard enough. Mikey said and nodded. Relenting . He was about to stand up when he felt a soft hand fall on his shoulder, and he turned to look at Usagi who had a uncharacteristically sad look in his eyes even if he was smiling, "And even if you were to obtain 25 older brothers, I hope that you will always consider my father as yours and me as your older brother."

Mikey eyes widen, throwing his arms around Usagi's chest and hugging him tightly, "Of course Usagi! You'll always be my big brother too! You and Dorinbo will always be part of my family!" they probably would of fallen over if Usagi's fast reflexes hadn't grabbed the ground in time. But after regaining balance Mikey felt Usagi rub his shell slightly,

"That makes me happy to hear, Orenji-chan."

(#)(#)(#)(#)

OK, this wasn't a big deal, nothing had change. Mikey was just alongside the Miyamoto house. Even though he hadn't been talking to Splinter, it didn't mean he hadn't been border-linen stalking him.

Not that it was that hard, as far as he could tell, as his 'father' used his limited strength to move from his room to the walkway that connected to his room. All he seemed to do was watch the River with barely any breath. It was almost peaceful. Creepy, but peaceful. Mikey slowly peered around the house again, yup just like this morning. He's just sitting there like a frog. Almost a statue till the corners of Splinters twitched, "Back again already Michelangelo?"

With a yelp Mikey spun around and plastered his back against the house. Till he realized that Splinter already spotted him. But he wasn't ready for this! Maybe if he pretended to sneak away-

"If you're really that curious, you might have a better view from my side then from your hiding spot."

What was with everyone trying to be funny today?! That wasn't fair! That was HIS job! But he swallowed his anger and poked out from his hiding spot. Splinter was smiling at him like Dorinbo did when he tried to sneak up on him (and failed horribly). No point in hiding now. Mikey walked on over and hopped up onto the walkway. Splinter scoots over on his cushion to make room for him. But Mikey couldn't bring himself to sit so close to him and simply sat on the edge of the walkway. At least this was he didn't have to look at him if he didn't want to. It might stop his left toe from twitching.

"I have not seen you for a while, Michelangelo. I was beginning to worry you would hide forever. "

OH great, so Splinter knew he was there the whole time? Stupid grandmaster of ninjutsu. Oh crap, he shouldn't think the word 'stupid.' for all he knew his father could read minds. Not only that but if Leo ever found out, Oh the spirits that was a horrifying thought. The lecture would never end, but what to say? "Sorry." he mumbled slightly, watching his feet

"It is nothing, it must still be strange for you. Leonardo at least has a few memories of our life before, you were so young at the time I didn't think anything would remain. I am a stranger to you."

At least he acknowledged that. He wasn't completely oblivious to the growing ball of awkwardness in his stomach. But it was bad enough that Splinter mentioned Leo, seriously he knew Leo for 6 years. Did that give them a unbreakable bond!? Silence fell on them, something Mikey wasn't used to. Silence was his biggest enemy. And right now all he could think about was the fact his big brother was out there on the road by himself. What if he got lonely? What if he got scared? And all he could think about was the fact was it was this rats fault. He hated the fact that the mere presence of Splinter had caused his big brother to go off on some stupid quests for brothers they might not even want.

"I understand that you have been practicing with the nun chucks, if you wouldn't mind, I would like to show you-"

"I hate you."

The words escaped before his mind could register they were there. Words that had been burning in his mind ever since Leo said he wanted to search for their brothers. Terrible words that he hated, spirits he didn't even like the word. But now they were out, and he could feel his eyes burning with emotion. He had just told his father he hated him

"I know."

That hurt even more, that was such a noble answer. With such kind words, understanding. Was Splinter always like this? If so, ,then he could understand why Leo trusted him so quickly. He was the kind of father he knew Leo had wished for. Someone like Dorinbo. But theirs, truly there's. But it couldn't' stop the emotion, and he knew his voice was shaking but he refused to look anywhere but the balled up fists in his lap, "I-I don't want to, I'm trying to understand, I really am. I know Leo needs to do this, but-but that doesn't change the fact he's not here." he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand, dang it why wouldn't it be farming season? At least then he' could come up with a reason why he was choking on tears. But he refused to let it show

"Has Leonardo ever left the village before this month?"

"Not really, we go camping with Dorinbo sometimes. One time he went on a hunting trip with Dorinbo and Usagi and I had to stay behind because I was freaking grounded," *he added with slightly resentment*, "but bandits attacked while they were gone. They broke into the house, I was only 10 at the time so all I could do was hide." the memory was still fresh, and to this day he still had nightmares of watching bandits feet run in front of him from his hiding spot. Not sure what to do, he had known he couldn't fight them off and that it was only a matter of time before they found his hiding spot. When all of a sudden the sound of fighting filled the air and the bandits were running for their lives, tripping over each other. Mikey had been confused till he heard his brothers frantic voice calling his name. After that he had clung to his older brother like no other, squeezing the life out of him and bawling his eyes out. After that Leo promised that he'd always be around, "I asked him later why he came back and he said he had a feeling I needed him." he hugged his knees tighter to his chest and buried his face in them. If Leo could really tell when he needed him then why wasn't he here now? The truth was ever since that he left Mikey hadn't slept. He had been laying on his futon and watching the door, expecting Leo to come back any second. And every second he didn't show up hurt even more. Those were selfish feelings, feelings he wasn't used to and he hated it. He knew very well that those two brothers out there probably needed Leo more then he did at the moment. But no matter how much he tried, the selfish feelings kept coming back.

Mikey didn't know when he stared crying, but it became obvious when Splinter wrapped his arms around him and hugged him close. All he could do was lean his head against his fathers chest and bawl his eyes out as Splinter stroked the back of his head with his other arm wrapped around him. Even though Mikey couldn't remember Splinter, he couldn't deny that being in his arms was familiar. It took a bit, but his hard sobs quieted down and he was only left with streaming eyes. But he couldn't bring himself to pull away from those comforting arms.

"I understand, my son, and you mustn't put yourself through this emotional turmoil for natural feelings. As terrible as those emotions might seem. You can not blame yourself for missing your brother."

"L-Leo wouldn't-"

"you are not Leonardo, even then he abandoned a journey just to go home to check on you. A instinct of selfishness. But lead to saving your life."

Leo? Selfish? That was a weird thought. Leo was never selfish. But for some reason, maybe Mikey agreed with him. he buried his face deeper into his fathers chest. He didn't know why he was so reluctant to pull away. He didn't remember Splinter from when he was a child (he probably never would) but he couldn't deny the familiarity of those arms. And when Splinter hugged him tighter, he knew that he was just averse to let go.

"I know what it is like to struggle with feelings of selfishness. But I can not regret them, because they lead me to find my Sueo and my Chonan. What I can regret, is the pain this is putting you through. I hope you can come to forgive me someday."

Mikey nodded against his chest. Before this moment, he wasn't sure he could. But now ,as he began to relax further, that he could forgive Splinter, his father.

Someday

(#)(#)(#)(#)

Usagi set the yunomi on the tea tray he had set up. He didn't know how it happened, but Mikey had spent the last 6 hours in Master Splinters room. It was a good thing though, it meant Mikey was at least trying. That was all Leo had asked from him. He didn't' know what was going on, but he did know that both father and son needed food and drink. Usagi lifted the tray and was about to head to Splinters room when he glanced out the open front door (it was a unusually hot day). Even though he could see Leo's (and Mikey's) house , since Leonardo left Some of the villagers had gotten into their heads to add onto the kame's house. To make room for the new brothers arriving. It was a kind thing to do, one that he knew his father was involved in the project.

Usagi had been raised to be modest and humble, even though there were very little differences in the definitions he had been raised to know them. And to know them in others. So to say he was very adaptable to change was a understatement and a gift he knew would carry him as a samurai he was destined to be. When Leonardo had accidentally set his home on fire, he didn't hesitate to bring the much needed water, and when Michelangelo accidentally (or he claims was accidental) set off several smoke bombs under the Neko-clans' house, he was there to help the large family out of the house (although, it could be argued that they deserved it for being so unpleasant). And o say that his father was one of the noblest men in all of the world was a understatement. The thought made him smile but he turned back and made his way to Splinters room, knocking gently before opening it. Splinter sat up from the wall slightly, apparently having fallen asleep and looked over at him. Usagi gave him a apologetic smile before noticing Mikey sitting in a cross-legged position at his side, head lolled back in sleep and snoring loudly. Usagi smiled softly, setting down the tray by Splinters side and made his way to Mikey's' side.

Usagi gently put his hands under Mikey's' arms and pulled him back, laying him flat on his back. He reached over and grabbed a discarded blanket and pulled it over Mikey. He reached around again but was confused when his hand fell on nothing, where was-

"Are you looking for this, Usagi-san?"

Usagi blinked and turned to see Splinter holding out a pillow. He took it with a nod of thanks and placed it under Mikey's snoring head. When he was sure Mikey was comfortable he stepped back over and away to let him sleep. Giving Splinter a short bow, "Enjoy your tea-"

"Would you like to join me?"

He turned to see Splinter gesturing to the tea he had just brought in. he thought about rejecting but he had better manners then that and nodded, kneeling down. Pouring out a cup for Splinter then for himself, "Thank you."

"No, I believe I should be thanking you. I know that you went to see Michelangelo before he came to me."

So it did have a difference. That was a good thing. He took a sip of the tea, "I am honored, but Michelangelo would of gone to you eventually. He is too curious for his own good."

Splinter smiled, as though finding truth in this. He reached over and stroked Mikey's scalp, "When I last saw my sons, Michelangelo was just a boy, three years old. He had just started his training but he had a wealth of energy, just like Raphael The moment he stared talking he never stopped, he just said whatever word he heard. It was hard to keep up with them both, so I was grateful for Leonardo. He took on a lot of responsibility when his mother passed. He took her place in their lives. Even as he was dealing with her loss." he looked over to Usagi, "I'm sure this is something you can understand."

Indeed, Usagi had lost his mother to the Red-River-Virus just a day before Leo arrived. And Leo had been, even younger then that. To take on so much at such a young age had to be hard but that was Leo in general. Willing to take on the weight of the world for little to no reward ,"what of his brothers? The ones he is searching for now?"

"Donatello and Raphael. "Splinter leaned back against the wall again to look up at the ceiling, "Raphael had a lot of spirit. Even though he was only a little bit younger then Leonardo, a little more then a year, he always acted like that meant he didn't have to listen to him. But he had a lot of love for Michelangelo. And Donatello, " he sighed sadly, "Donatello was born too early, and became sick too easily. But he was very gentle and sweet. It seemed like every other day Leo would have him in his bed because Donatello was ill. He always worried about him and holding his hand. It was hard for Raphael to understand him, so he avoided him. It was hard for him to understand someone that couldn't talk."

"Donatello was mute?"

"We always suspected so, he never spoke no matter what Leonardo did. But he was convinced that Donatello was very bright, that was something I saw too. But you can not blame Raphael for the way he was, he was very young and Donatello was barely older then Michelangelo."

Without realizing it, Usagi realized he was. And he felt bad about that, "My apologies, Master Splinter."

"Do not blame yourself either, I am their father so it is in my natural instinct to protect them. But perhaps there is something you can do for me."

Usagi raised his head away from finishing off his tea, he didn't expect that but he was about to defer him either.

"You have been there for my sons the moment they arrived in the village."

"yes, they are like brothers to me."

"then please enlighten me, on what you see in them. The kind of people they are."

"you have spent time with them, do you not know?"

"Yes, but I would like to hear if from you."

Usagi paused, he was used to people seeking his opinion. Mostly people younger then him or Leonardo. His father did when he needed a outsiders opinion. But this was different. Yet he could see why Splinter was asking him rather then anyone else, "Michelangelo is bright, but distracted with all his energy. He has very little skill in school work but he tries, it seems most of his talents go towards his drawings, his kata's and pranks. He tends to be a little rebellious if bored but he would do anything if Leonardo asked him."

"So Leonardo has been teaching him the katas," Splinter said with a thoughtful face, "I highly doubt he would have had he known they were ninja kata. Please continue"

"Leonardo is my best friend, he is dedicated to those he calls his family and has taken his role as Michelangelo's caregiver very seriously. If the sun were to threaten to burn Michelangelo alive, he would turn the earth to protect him. He feels he owes a debt of gratitude to my father, even though my father claims none, and has put a stake on his honor. "

'But?"

How did Splinter know there was a but?," he is very hard on himself , far more then he should be. Every mistake he makes he harbors in his heart 10 times the actual crime. No matter how menial, I fear for his constant search of self perfection sometimes."

"how so?"

"I fear the day, "he paused, unsure how to put it, " I fear the day he makes a mistake he can=not fix. Perhaps a mistake that shouldn't be fixed, but I fear he will take it to heart, and allow it to destroy him from the inside out." Usagi glanced up and noticed Splinter was now looking out the window, a obvious worried look on his face and realized what he had done. He reached forward and put his hands on Splinters, "I assure you though, if that day were to ever come he will not be alone. He had a family that will pull him through it."

"Thank you, Usagi-san."

(#)(#)(#)(#)

Leo wasn't' sure how long he had been riding, or even when he started, all he knew was that he was on Kaze's back and his legs were numb, his mind aching from dehydration. Through blurry eyes he could hear the Raisuhowaito River at his side. But as he reached into his mind for a answer, it came back with almost punishing blows

He had killed someone.

He had thrown a knife to defer the assassin from killing his newly discovered grandfather.

"Ninja sukamu" the dying words echoed through his mind. Causing him to shiver heavily, his shoulder ached reminding him of his stab wound. He looked over to it and saw that , rather quickly, someone had bandaged it up. But who? And what happened to Lorenzo? His grandfather? Why didn't he remember anything after killing Kojima?

Killer.

That's what he was now.

Nausea overtook him, gripping his stomach and blurring his eyes. The combination was so dizzying and caused the world to shift around him. He slid off the horse and fell in rock him on the hard ground the tall grass surrounding him. Despite the fact his shoulder exploded in agony from the sudden impact, he didn't curse anyone. He didn't curse the assassin who dealt him the blow. He cursed himself, because how he was just as bad as him.

A killer

A murderer

A ninja.

This time Leo could express his utmost grief by gripping the grass under his hands. Was this supposed to be some cruel irony? Had some higher power thought that he deserved to suffer utmost self-loathing only after killing a heartless assassin? Slowly he began to remember what had happened, he had collapsed under the weight of his deed. Lorenzo went to his side, but he could see Lorenzo had been scared, why? Then he remembered hearing people approaching from the distance. Drawn in by the sounds of Lorenzo's barn collapsing. Lorenzo had picked him up and whistled, caused Kaze to run over (somehow escaping the barn collapsing). Leo could remember being vaguely surprised at the sudden strength Lorenzo had, but why was he putting him on his horse? Then it occurred to him, He had just killed someone and the villagers might not understand. Lorenzo was protecting him, through bleary eyes he remembered Lorenzo taking his hand into both of his one more time, "Mio nipote, la ricerca di un fratelli. And may you find your way back here one day." and before he knew it, Lorenzo had slapped his horses rump and sent the horse flying back into the night. Somehow Kaze had gotten on path himself. Smart horse.

But he couldn't revel in his slight pride for long, he had been forced to flee. Away so his grandfather could take care of HIS mistake. A mistake for a grandson that he didn't' even know up until 10 hours ago. Was his grandfather alright? He didn't know what to think, his gratitude over run by the two terrible words that kept coming back to him

Ninja sukamu

His fist slammed against the ground again, fighting the cry of anger that burned in his throat. He remembered the swords at his waist and sat up onto his knees and yanked them out and threw them to his side. Wanting to get them as far away from himself as possible. But what he didn't expect to hear them collide with something wooden and fall right back by his legs. What? He glanced around, but his eyes could barely see. Relenting to the dehydration he cupped his hands into the water. Taking a few minutes to drink till his cloudy eyes cleared up and he turned again, feeling around for what had stopped his swords till his hands came across something wooden, wooden and shaped. He parted the tall grass till he saw a low boat in the mud, twisted with weeds and cracked from years of misuse. Even though he hadn't laid eyes on it in years, he could recognize it from any where. But how could he be sure? He leaned into the boat running his hands in the inside of the boat, running across a familiar symbol that had been carved into the boat himself so many years ago (that he just now remembered, dam memory loss).

The five leaved lotus

This was his fathers boat.

The very boat his brothers had escaped on.

At this revelation, Leo reached over and grabbed Kaze's reins and pulled himself up on jelly legs. But he ignored it. He looked over the tall grass. If he had been a child where would he of gone? His eyes fell on the forest, and he remembered how his father taught them how to survive in the wilderness. It had been a impromptu lesson, but today he was grateful for it.

He was close. Spirits he was so close. That feeling alone, the feeling of hope pushed out his self hatred. There was time for that later. Right now he needed to find his brothers. Leo was about to pull himself into his kura when he glanced back at the swords on the ground. He leaned over and grabbed the hilts on his hand and sheathed them back onto his waist, swinging onto the saddle and setting off again

Translations

"Mio nipote, la ricerca di un fratelli" Is Italian for" Fly my grandson, find your brothers"