Chapter 12
Garrus stared at the ceiling of the main battery from the uncomfortable bedding of his human-sized cot. It had been hours since he'd talked to… her. He didn't want to think the name. A tumultuous blend of anger and self-loathing, torment and even relief plagued his thoughts as he sighed for what felt like the millionth time
After everything they'd accomplished together, every fight they'd won side by side, how could she feel nothing toward him - if only friendship? He'd always thought of himself as a lousy turian, but wouldn't he have been at least a decent human?
It doesn't matter, he argued with himself. She deserves more than decent, and she knows it.
But why Nihlus? What made the closed-off Spectre so extraordinary that he could entice a woman as self-reliant as the commander?
He should never have gone up there, or he should have fled at the sight of her tears. Was he really fooling himself into thinking she cared about him, or was it just a longing produced by his subconscious? The illusion had helped him come to terms with his mixed emotions for her, so he supposed he was blind to the obvious clues.
She'd told him before that she didn't like him. She'd stolen the Nihlus case, tried to keep him off her ship, called him a bigoted name, threatened him on multiple occasions, and never once sought out his presence with the exception of work-related matters. It should have been obvious.
"Fuck this, fuck her," he growled out loud. "Stop thinking about it. Go to sleep."
But he couldn't.
After a fitful night of torturing himself, the weary turian dragged himself from bed. He was still in his armor, but it wasn't as if he'd never fallen straight into bed without changing before. With the sort of missions he'd gotten used to on the Normandy, more often than not, he came back too exhausted to do more than take off his visor - which was only a priority because he didn't want to damage it.
He knew his clan markings looked like shit; a blue splotch on his pillow indicated they'd smudged badly. Why Miranda insisted on buying him new pillow cases so often when she knew they'd always turn up covered in the paint, he didn't understand. Thinking about his paint reminded him of the small blue smudge he'd left on the end of Shepard's nose last night, but he immediately repressed that thought.
He opened the doors to the main battery, and of course, there she was. Down the long corridor she sat, eating breakfast in silence with Thane. Seeing her there right in front of him after trying not to think about her for the last several hours aggravated him. It steeled some sort of resolve in him, and he straightened up, replaced the look of fatigue on his face with calmness, and walked casually down the long corridor. As he turned into the kitchen, from his peripheral vision he saw her freeze mid-bite at the sight of him, but he didn't spare her a glance.
Last night, he decided as he rummaged through the cabinets for anything edible, was a weakness. While he hadn't explicitly told her how he felt about her (and how could he when he wasn't even sure himself?), he'd made it obvious that he cared for her to some extent, and she'd shot him down mercilessly. But at least he knew now, and he would never make the mistake of showing her that weakness again.
He glared at the dry rations, but settled nonetheless, grabbing a handful of the packs and turning heel back to the main battery. He'd made it half way down the corridor when, of course, she stopped him.
"Hey," he heard her call, and he tried not to let his shoulders stiffen. Why couldn't she leave him alone? Was it too much to ask for her to just let it go and not make a spectacle of his embarrassment?
Slowly, he turned. "Yes?" He tried to sound impartial, but there was a cold edge to the word.
She looked confused. "Aren't we still going to the Citadel? Or… has something changed?"
Oh. Sidonis. He hadn't even spared the bastard a thought since last night. Putting a bullet in Lantar's brain was exactly what he needed to blow off some steam right about now. The traitor gave him something to hate. As much as Garrus wanted to hate Shepard right now, the real source of his agitation, he couldn't help but feel gratitude toward her for keeping her word to him about Sidonis, and for not referencing what had happened between them outright.
"I'm ready whenever you are, Commander."
He was relieved to hear himself sound so professional.
Being alone with her was uncomfortable, if only in his own mind. He'd tracked down Fade, who turned out to be Harkin, an old C-Sec acquaintance. Harkin was, somehow, even more deplorable now than the last time they'd met. Garrus threatened the corrupt ex-cop, who grudgingly set him up with an immediate meeting with Sidonis under false pretense. As Harkin turned to leave, rage consumed Garrus, and he pulled his pistol and shot Harkin in the leg. It had been hard letting go of his Archangel persona now that he wasn't on Omega anymore, and shooting Harkin felt good. Shepard had watched the interrogation impassively, but a smirk crossed her face as Harkin collapsed, shrieking and clutching his wounded leg.
They were silent during the cab ride, and when they got out, Garrus prepared himself for orders. Shepard simply stared back at him, raising an eyebrow.
"Well? This is your mission," she pointed out.
He nodded and looked around at the nearby buildings, considering. "I'll be up there," he pointed. "I'll comm you when I'm in position. You'll draw him out and keep him talking until my shot is lined up. Whatever you do, just don't mention my name. You'll send him running."
"Got it," she replied, leaning against the cab to wait for the order.
He headed to his chosen location, his eagerness belayed only by swift strides. This was the moment he'd been waiting for. He'd finally get to avenge his team mates.
He settled for a balcony overlooking the small café where one of Harkin's agents was supposed to meet Sidonis and propped the barrel of his rifle over the railing for stability as he positioned himself.
"Go ahead," he said plainly into the comm.
He waited, but almost immediately, Shepard appeared. He locked onto her, and followed her steady pace, his scope lingering over the back of her head. For a brief moment he almost considered it. No, that was Archangel's logic. Blowing Shepard's brains out wouldn't make him feel any better. With his luck, Cerberus would just bring her back again anyway, and she'd return the favor.
She was waving now, and a very familiar looking turian strode out of the shop to meet her. Garrus bit back a snarl at the sight of him, grip tightening on the rifle as the faces of his old team flashed before his eyes. They were talking now, but Garrus wasn't listening.
"Shepard, you're in my shot. Move to the side."
She did, slowly, but it wasn't enough. He still didn't have a clear shot.
"Keep going."
Finally, the shot was lined up, and Garrus' finger tightened over the trigger as he stared at the man who had betrayed him. Sidonis looked thin and worn, and Garrus hoped that his actions on Omega weighed heavily against his conscious.
Unfortunately, Shepard's strange movement had tipped the man off, and he looked around in fright before yelling, "This is a setup!"
He started to turn, but the pistol Shepard held to his side convinced him that was a bad idea.
"Do it and I'll kill you myself," she threatened, and he seemed to believe it.
Garrus believed it too.
"Is…" Sidonis swallowed. "Can Garrus hear me?"
She nodded.
"Please, I want you to know why I did it. I had no other options, they were going to kill me!"
"Then you should have died," Garrus sneered, though only Shepard could hear him. Still, he didn't shoot.
"I know I let you down… All of you. I wish I could do it over again. It should have been me. None of you deserved what you got." He ducked his head in shame. "I understand that you have to kill me, and it's probably better that way. I'm haunted every day by their ghosts. This isn't living."
His scope wavered as his hand tightened even more, a silent growl twisting his mouth.
"Damn," he murmured quietly.
"Bird?" Shepard asked warily through the comm.
"Let the traitor live."
For a moment, he watched through the scope as Shepard's eyes widened in silent awe, then anger consumed him and he cursed himself loudly, throwing his gun down with force.
"If you say so, Garrus."
Her whispered reply was lost to the volume of his profanity.
(A/N): Please let me know if there are any future Mass Effect events that you think should be included this story (other than Collector Base). As always, I appreciate the feedback. You guys are awesome, and thanks for reading.