Chapter 15

She was in possibly the most brutal firefight she'd ever seen. Bullets rained on the computer terminal she's taken refuge behind, and sparks were flying over her from the ruined electronics. The rest of her crew had fallen already, and Kaidan's lifeless form lay at her side. She wiped a bit of sweat from her brow, and her hand came away red. She didn't know if it was hers, or just from the blood pooling next to her. She knew this was her last stand. She wouldn't walk away from this, but she could make sure her enemy didn't either. She tried not to look at Nihlus' corpse as she choked back tears.

She hadn't seen their attacker yet, but she knew it was Saren. It always was. Shepard took the chance to reload her assault rifle, but she was on her last thermal clip. Ignoring the burning pain from the wound on her side, she rose from cover and aimed. It was now or never.

The fire ceased just long enough for her to pinpoint his new location, and she locked eyes with him. For a second, the cold stare of Archangel passed over her before he put a bullet between her eyes, finally releasing her from the hell she was trapped in.

As usual, Shepard woke before her alarm went off, covered in a light sheen of sweat from thrashing through her nightmares. She went about her daily routines, brushing her teeth and taking a cool shower, and headed down to the third floor for breakfast. Once again, Thane was waiting for her in the mess hall with a hot cup of coffee. She smiled wearily, accepting the gift with a murmur of gratitude before preparing her oatmeal. Military rations sucked, but at least she always had morning coffee with Thane to look forward to.

She sat directly across from him, and they drank in comfortable silence. She'd always liked Thane. He was intelligent and complicated, two qualities she admired, yet he never questioned her decisions.

"More nightmares, Siha?" he asked calmly over his own steaming cup.

She nodded. "Yeah."

"In time, Siha, they will pass."

She stared into her coffee, absorbing his words. Thane knew what it was like to lose a loved one. He was one of the few she'd been able to open up to about Nihlus, because she knew he would never pity her or ask her if she was alright. She was Commander Shepard. She had to be okay. Even if sometimes she wasn't.

"Maybe," she murmured, and he didn't press the subject.

But today, she felt more vulnerable than usual. She wasn't sure if it was because the nightmares had morphed into a different type of horror, or because she'd been confronted last night by Garrus. Somehow, his words had actually managed to dig into her mind, aching like a splinter in her thoughts. Insignificant, but painful.

"Thane, am I a bad person?"

She wouldn't have dared ask anyone else on the ship. Anyone else would have lied to her.

He looked surprised at the question. "You are fighting to save our galaxy," he said plainly. "Sacrifice is in your nature. You may seem abrasive at times to those who disagree with you, but that does not undo the good you've accomplished."

She sighed. Abrasive had a much nicer ring than bitch, but the implication was the same. He did have a point, though. If this was how she coped with abandoning her life and any potential relationships in favor of the good of the galaxy, wasn't it justifiable? Somehow, she still wasn't satisfied.

"I told you why I call you Siha," he reminded her. "You know already that I see the good in you."

"Yeah. I know. Thank you."

She made a point not to look up as Garrus walked into the kitchen, and she saw Thane's mouth tighten. Damn. Was the tension that obvious?

"Siha, do you recall what we discussed the other night in your quarters?"

What? He's never been in her cabin. Then, in her peripheral vision, she saw Garrus freeze. Thane, turned away from him, winked at her, and she repressed a grin.

"I'd like to have that conversation again," he said quietly, just loud enough for Garrus to be able to listen in. "I found it very... Stimulating."

"Thane, I have to admit, I'm impressed," she drawled. "I thought you'd be exhausted from all the talking we did before."

"Yes, Siha, but I have something new I'd like to discus with you today. Something I think you'll particularly enjoy."

"I can't wait," she purred.

The sound of something breaking caused both of their heads to snap toward Garrus, who was now holding the ceramic shards of what had once been a coffee mug.

"You should be more careful, Garrus," Thane remarked calmly. "You don't want to injure yourself just as we're preparing to attack the Collectors."

Shepard had to cover her mouth with her hands to stifle her laughter.

"I'll keep that in mind," Garrus said stiffly, picking up the pieces of ceramic and throwing them into the trash with unnecessary force.

Seeming unsure what to do with himself, the turian looked around the kitchen for a minute before giving a low, dissatisfied grumble and stalking back to the main battery.

"Damn, Thane," Shepard grinned as soon as Garrus was out of earshot. "Where did that come from?"

"Don't let anyone else tell you how to live your life," he replied, his eyes burning into hers. "Anyone who wants you to change is not worth your time."

Her smile faded a bit, and she looked back at her coffee. She was glad she knew Thane, but sometimes he read her a little too well.

"I should go," she said awkwardly, rising and dumping her dishes in the sink. She'd come back and wash them later, but right now she wanted some space.

"As you will, Siha."

After spending the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon going through the stack of paperwork Miranda had left her, Shepard decided she deserved a night off. They were going through the Omega Four Relay the next morning, and she felt she deserved a few hours to herself before hurling herself and her crew into certain death. She took the elevator down to the third floor and opened the lounge door.

Kasumi looked up from her book. "Shepard, I was just thinking about you."

Her eyes looked mischievous, but Shepard couldn't tell if they were any more so than normal. She walked to the bar and poured herself a strong drink.

"Nothing too horrible, I hope."

"Quite the opposite, actually." Shepard was close enough now to see a smile beneath the shadows of her hood. "I heard that Garrus really likes you. I think you should go for it."

Shepard almost spat out her drink. "You what?"

"Oh, please, as if you didn't know. He's always watching you. And you're just as obvious."

She stared at Kasumi. "I'm not… I don't… That wouldn't work out."

"Aw, why not?"

"We're not compatible," Shepard responded firmly. "It's never going to happen."

"Come on, I'm sure you can work it out If you just talk to each other."

"Thanks but no thanks."

She turned heel and left, followed by the soft chime of Kasumi's laughter. Nope, she wasn't interested in starting a relationship with Garrus. However, the thief was right; she needed to talk with him and work things out. Especially considering what would be waiting for them if they even survived the relay.