Chapter 20

Menae looked like hell, but Palaven was a giant orange smear in the sky. Damn. How were the turians going to help when they were losing their own planet?

It was six months since she'd been on the Collector Base, fought off the human-Reaper. And how did command repay her? By taking her ship. Of course, the second the Reapers entered the atmosphere, she had her job back. Alliance had scorned her, but they knew she wouldn't turn her back on humanity.

Shepard stared up at the blazing planet, wondering if Earth was starting to look the same. Hardly a day had passed since she left it. Since being reinstated she'd been to Mars and recruited Liara, and taken Kaidan to the hospital on the Citadel after he'd been seriously injured by 'Dr. Eva,' the mech. She was going on almost forty hours without sleep now. She had tried to sleep, but every time her eyes closed, she was watching her planet burn.

Her gaze lowered to the turian in front of her once again. He'd been speaking to her, something about Primach Fedorian being dead, but she'd hardly listened. This was a hopeless cause. They weren't even holding their own on Palaven; why would they send support to Earth?

"I'm sorry to hear about that," she replied as sympathetically as she could. "But if I don't get those reinforcements, Earth is lost. We need the support of the turian fleet."

He eyed her, sighing, and typed a few commands into the terminal before him. "Looks like General Victus is next in line."

She nodded. "Great. Can you help me find him?"

"I'm on it, Shepard."

The familiar voice froze her. Not now, she pleaded with the universe, squeezing her eyes closed. Please don't let it be him. She opened her eyes to face Garrus, whose expression was wary. He knew what he did. That motherfucker. But these turians deserved better than to watch as she killed one of their commanding officers. She would give them the respect they deserved.

She did her best to squash her rage, a feat she'd nearly mastered after years of practice, and forced a smile. "Garrus. Good to see you. Let's go find this Victus."

His mandibles flared as confusion etched his face. He knew she should be angry. Regardless, he followed her until they were out of ear shot of the troops. Then she whirled on him, livid.

"Six… fucking… months!"

He actually looked a bit surprised. "So, you do know?"

"You goddamn traitor," she spat. "Why are you here fighting the Reapers? Or do they not know you're really sided with the enemy?"

"Look, Shepard, what the hell was I supposed to think? You armed Cerberus by giving them that base. The Collectors were as good as dead. You had no reason to be working with Cerberus anymore."

"I did what I thought was best at the time!" she shouted, her face reddening with her increasing volume. "The Illusive Man said he wanted to stop the Reapers. I still don't know what possible motive they had to turn against us, but I assure you, I bleed Alliance red."

"No, you bleed red because you're a human." He sounded disgusted. "Regardless of your loyalty, you're just a fucking human, and I don't see why Anderson puts so much faith in you." He gestured to the N7 badge on her armor. "I can't imagine how you possibly regained his trust after a stupid move like that."

"After you told them I was a threat to the galaxy? After you told them I was sided with Cerberus? After you told them that I was a terrorist who was working with the fucking Collectors? You cost me my job. My ship. I had to sit around, grounded, because they thought I was working with the same enemy I was trying to warn people about! Do you know how many reinforcements I could have gotten in six fucking months? Your lies got so many people killed. We could have been ready when the Reapers came for us. Do you even care about that? Or do you hate my people so much that you'd watch them die?"

"I only told them the truth, which is that you handed over advanced technology to an organization that opposes the Alliance," he replied coldly. "Whether or not you humans would have been prepared… I doubt it, but it's impossible to know now."

"I trusted you." Damn it, why did she sound so hurt? She didn't give a shit about him. "I thought we were…" No, don't you dare call him your friend! She swallowed and left it unsaid, which was even worse.

His words were like ice. "You made it perfectly clear that 'we' are nothing."

She glared up at him in silence, refusing to let herself consider his words. "Fine. Just find me Victus so I can get the hell off this rock."

The newly-appointed Primarch had temporarily joined her crew as she prepared to have him meet with Wrex and the Salarian Dalatrass. When Garrus had insisted on coming with her, she'd merely told him to do whatever the fuck he wanted. She was desperately trying not to care, but she couldn't convince herself that his betrayal hadn't stung.

Now that he was back on the ship, she avoided the third floor like the plague. Of course, she still had to get her meals there, but now she took her food back to her cabin instead of eating with her crew. It was a shame; now that her crew was all Alliance, she trusted them more.

As angry as she was with Garrus, she couldn't deny that he'd vastly improved the Normandy's weapon systems. He was an asset to the ship, but that didn't mean she had to talk to him. Until he knocked on her cabin door for what felt like the hundredth time. She sighed, and buried her face in her hands. Maybe she should just ignore him? No, that would be the easy way out. A good commander would answer her door and try to be mature, if only for the sake of appearances.

She opened it. He looked surprised that she'd actually answered, and there was a bottle in his hand.

"What?" she demanded, sounding more irritated than she'd intended to.

"Hey," he said, sounding nervous. "Shepard, look – I had my reasons for what I did." She opened her mouth to yell something at him, but he continued. "That doesn't mean it was right, though. I should have known better, you were just doing whatever you could to fight the Reapers."

She stared at him. He was actually admitting he was wrong?

"Anyway, I brought this," he lifted the bottle, "as sort of an apology. For not trusting you, when you trusted me. It was hard to find, but it's dextro and levo friendly, so we can share –"

"Don't apologize to me; apologize to everyone who died because of your stupidity."

She snatched the bottle from his hand and slammed the door in his face. She could practically hear Nihlus scolding her, telling her it was a leader's job to be the better person. You wouldn't be in this situation to begin with if Nihlus was still alive, she reminded herself, but she opened the door again anyway. Garrus was still standing there, looking unsure about what had just happened.

"Alright," she said grudgingly. "You can come in."