Chapter 21

She poured two glasses of the wine and sat back, swirling her glass. Shepard didn't know much about wine, but she knew she was supposed to swirl it.

"So, I heard Kaidan is awake," Garrus remarked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them. "It must have been weird seeing him again after, ah… Anyway, you can tell me if the whole mech thing was really just a cover so you could kick his ass."

She was startled. Was he really accusing her of sending Kaidan to the hospital? She noticed a gleam in his eye and her muscles relaxed. Oh, just a joke.

"You know, Kaidan is a good man," she replied, carefully keeping a straight face. "You could learn a lot from him."

The turian snorted. "Like how to gel my fringe back?"

Shepard, despite her best efforts, cracked a grin. "He does use a lot of hair product…"

"A lot? He constantly looks like he's just stepping out from the shower."

She smirked into her glass as she savored her drink. "Remember back on the first Normandy, when you guys tried to wake me up and I caught you in a lift field?"

"I've been trying to forget, actually. Please tell me you got rid of that video."

"I think I still have it some - oh." Her voice softened. "Nevermind, it was on my omni-tool when the wreck happened."

He nodded slowly. For a moment she thought he would press the subject, but to her relief, he let it pass.

"So Miranda is the one who brought you back? You two never did like each other, so that must have been an awkward conversation."

"You could say that." She paused to take another drink. "You know, she was practically in love with you."

Garrus coughed, almost spitting out his drink. "She what?"

"You really didn't know?" she laughed. "Why did you think she was always calling you into her office? She had you in there asking for more specifics on mission reports than she asked of the rest of the crew, combined."

"I always just thought she assumed you were into me, and wanted to use me to hurt you."

She thought about it, and shrugged. "That's possible. Who's to say it's not both?"

He made a face. "That was never going to happen. I'm not into humans."

She stared at him dubiously. "Right, like I'm not into turians."

She watched chagrin fill his face. "You know what I mean. And you were never like other humans; there's something different about you." He looked away. "Anyway, with all those cybernetics, you're probably more AI than human at this point. Do you know if your brain is composed of organics or synthetics?"

The humor was an obvious attempt to cover his embarrassment, but she let it slide. "Half and half," she joked. "I'm told the rational half is organic, but the creative half is synthetic. Which basically makes the whole thing useless."

She wasn't sure if turians and humans shared enough biology for that to mean anything to him, but he chuckled. They lapsed into silence again, and she watched his face carefully. What was he thinking about? She could never read him anymore.

"So, why are we here?" she finally asked him, pointedly.

He sighed. "Well, mostly I wanted to apologize for telling the Council what you did. I knew they were stupid enough not to understand. I also wanted to tell you that I didn't do it because I was jealous or angry. I was – jealous, that is – because even if you didn't have a romantic relationship with Thane, you opened up to him, when you never gave me a chance. But that had nothing to do with why I went to the Council."

Shepard was impressed. She knew it must have taken a lot of courage for him to say that, and she owed him the truth.

"You're right." He looked up from his wine, clearly not expecting a rational conversation from her. "I shut you out. From the moment I met you, I guarded myself in your presence."

"Why?"

She set down her empty glass on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. "I guess because you reminded me of myself. Young and determined, thought you were always right. I wasn't always like this, you know."

"A bitch?" he offered.

"Don't push it," she glared. "But – well, yeah. I wanted to be stronger, so I didn't let anyone get too close to me."

"Why was Thane different?"

She shook her head, smiling. "He respected me. Not because I outranked him, but because he knew what I've gone through. He accepted that I've made bad choices, but he knew that didn't mean I was a bad leader. He was very insightful. I never had to open up to him, he just sort of… knew."

He let it go. "Shepard, there was something else, another reason I wanted to talk to you."

Her mouth went dry. She wasn't sure what to expect: for him to confess his feelings, to tell her to go to hell, or maybe even to ask her about Nihlus? She didn't like being unable to predict him.

"We have a lot of history between us, a lot of bad blood. Now that we're going to be seeing a lot more of each other again, I was really hoping we could put it behind us and start over."

She certainly hadn't seen that coming.

"That sounds… good, Garrus. I'd really like that."

Wait, was she actually starting to forgive him?

"Great." He flashed her that crooked smile, and stood. "Oh, and uh… I think it's best for both of us, since we're going for a fresh start, if we don't sleep together again. Don't you agree?"

"Absolutely."

"Okay, good. I'm glad we had this talk, Shepard." He smiled again before leaving.

She watched the door close, before grabbing the bottle of wine and emptying it into her glass. She took a long drink and shut her eyes, taking a deep breath.

"Stupid, stupid human," she cursed herself quietly.

It was so typical of her to want him right now.