Despite Usopp's enthusiasm for becoming a brave warrior of the sea, he's so homesick during their first night out to sea that he rests fitfully, tossing and turning to nightmares that he can't quite remember when they jolt him awake, trembling and feeling his heart racing in his chest.
It's early morning and still mostly dark when he's jostled from sleep by someone climbing down past his hammock, rocking him dangerously enough that he grabs at the netting so he's not dumped out of it.
He looks down to see a shadowy form picking its way across the room and doing a poor job of avoiding the unfamiliar furniture, and it takes him a moment to realize that the figure's head looks funny because it's wearing a hat.
Luffy stifles a yelp as he barks his shin on the lowest peg of the mast's ladder and promptly trips. He's about two seconds from crashing into the table and sending empty mugs clattering to the floor when a familiar arm catches him around the waist.
"You'd make a really shitty assassin," Zoro grumbles softly. He's been watching the captain's haphazard path from his spot on the couch, which he claimed for the night after seeing the two other men falling on their asses trying to climb in and out of the hammocks.
"Couldn't sleep."
Usopp's convinced that the grumpy swordsman's going to the clobber Luffy, captain or not, for waking him, so he's surprised when Zoro just settles back down on the couch and stares expectantly up at the smaller pirate. "Well?"
Luffy tosses his straw hat on the table and scrambles to join him. There's soft cursing and some scuffling as he tramples Zoro in the process, but they eventually get situated, the captain tucked neatly against the swordsman's chest, head tucked under his chin.
Usopp blinks, confused by the scene that's unfolding, because Zoro doesn't strike him as a particularly comforting or cuddly sort of guy. Even though the swordsman helped defend his village and insisted that he join the crew, the younger man's still rather afraid of him. In fact, Roronoa might possibly be the scariest person he's ever met.
Now, as he hangs silently in his hammock, watching Zoro ruffle Luffy's hair, he re-evaluates his earlier impressions. Maybe the swordsman's really more like a badass older brother, one that will beat up anybody fucking with you but that you shouldn't piss off unless you want your name added to his list.
"So why couldn't you sleep?"
"Zoro's too careless," Luffy pouts, tracing a shallow cut on the swordsman's ribcage.
"Like you're one to talk! Taking on that stupid butler when-"
He flinches as probing fingers encounter the still-healing knife wound in his side. "Stop poking, idiot!"
The captain ignores him, frowning as he feels tackiness under his fingertips. "Zoro's bleeding again."
Usopp's not particularly surprised; it was only last night that Nami demanded he and Luffy restrain the infuriated swordsman so she could assault him with an armload of medical supplies, and he learned that Zoro had already been injured when the fight on the slope began. Of course, the grumbling man had torn off all the bandages as soon as the navigator disappeared into her own quarters, insisting that he just needed some sleep and fresh air for his wounds to heal.
His thoughts are interrupted by an odd choking sound, and it takes him a few seconds to realize that Luffy has scooted down Zoro's body and is licking the reopened wound, resisting the swordsman's efforts to push him away as he fastens his mouth over the bruised, raw skin.
"Oi, stop it, Luffy, that hurts!"
The captain relents and sits up, licking his fingers. "Zoro got hurt saving me."
"So I should've left you in that cage for that stupid clown to blow up?" Zoro smirks up at him, realizing that this is the first time Luffy's actually addressed the injuries he received during their fight with Buggy, and Usopp hopes fervently that he will go into more detail, because that scenario - swordsmen and cages and clowns - sounds like the makings of a great story.
He's disappointed but equally intrigued when Luffy makes a huffing noise and pokes the swordsman's chest. "Zoro's lucky his guts didn't pop out!"
"They didn't, so it doesn't matter."
"But they could've!"
"They didn't." The swordsman states firmly, pulling the smaller pirate back down against his chest and burying his nose in Luffy's hair, glad it's still too dim for the captain to see the flush on his face because he's thinking that if his intestines had actually herniated, he would've stuffed them back in and carried Luffy to safety anyway.
Luffy's silent for a moment, long enough for both Zoro - and the eavesdropping Usopp - to wonder what he's thinking. Then he flings his arms around the swordsman's neck. "We got a ship!"
Amused at his captain's abrupt change of subject, Zoro chuckles, "Yeah, we did."
"Bet Nami's happy she got her own room."
"I'm sure," the swordsman snorts. "I think she wanted to kill us both after the other night."
"Mmm, I told Zoro he was loud too," Luffy hums, wriggling to make himself more comfortable.
"Still not as loud as you laughing your ass off."
The conversation is taking a strange turn, and Usopp's brow furrows as he tries to make heads or tails of their comfortable banter. It almost sounds lewd - as though they're talking dirty to each other - but that can't possibly be right.
"Zoro's comfy."
"Luffy-"
There's rustling and a sharp intake of breath, and Usopp's eyes start out of his skull because Zoro's kissing their captain as though he's trying to inhale him and Luffy's responding just as ardently, melting against the swordsman's chest as he buries his fingers in the short spiky hair.
Now lying rigid in his hammock, terrified that they're going to kill him if they realize he's awake and knows their secret - because no matter what he's heard, there's no way Nami knows about this - Usopp squeezes his eyes tightly shut and tries to ignore the faint sounds coming from the couch.
"Here, lemme-"
There's a muffled groan, unmistakably sexual in nature, and Usopp squeaks loudly.
He freezes, biting the inside of his cheek, and praying that nobody heard him. For a moment he thinks they were too distracted to notice, and then Zoro speaks up, sounding very annoyed and out of breath. "I know you're awake, Usopp."
"I didn't hear anything," the panic-stricken liar wails, wrapping both arms protectively around his head. "And I didn't see you kissing Luffy either! Don't kill me, I'm still a virgin!"
The captain starts giggling uncontrollably, and Zoro gives an exasperated sigh and flops an arm over his eyes. Usopp bolts upright in his hammock, swaying dangerously as he struggles to get out of the room before he finds a sword run through his skull.
"I won't tell Nami, I swear!"
"She already knows," the swordsman grumbles, raising his forearm so he can glare up at Luffy, who grins sheepishly.
"I'll just-" He yips as he loses his balance and crashes to the floor, smashing nose first against the planks, but he's up in a flash and scaling the mast posts before he has time to feel the pain. "-be going! Excuse me, goodbye, have fun!"
"Oi, don't forget to open the-"
Zoro's warning comes too late, and he slams his head into the hatch. The swordsman tenses, expecting him to fall, but Usopp's terror galvanizes him and he somehow gets it open and scrambles out of sight, wailing "don't forget to use a rubber!" as he goes.
"Rubber?" Luffy asks, confused. "I'm rubber!"
Taking in the comical bewilderment on his captain's face, Zoro snickers and laces his fingers behind his head, a grin spreading across his own face. "You certainly are, and we finally have a room to ourselves…"
xxx
Usopp bursts into the kitchen, determined to find a stiff drink even though it's still first thing in the morning, and freezes as he realizes that Nami's sitting at the table with a glass of water, looking very surprised at his abrupt entrance.
"Usopp, what-"
Her brow wrinkles as she stares at him. "Why is your nose bleeding?"
"I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING!" he shrieks back, scrubbing frantically at the red trickle emerging from his left nostril.
"I don't believe that perverted bastard," Nami growls, slamming her glass down hard enough to slosh water onto the table. "He claimed he didn't want an audience, and now those idiots are corrupting our innocent young-"
"Oi, aren't you only one year older than me…?"