Sanji grumbles, stepping back to glare at the wine rack. He's been scouring the kitchen for the almost empty bottle of cooking oil that he's almost positive was there this morning.

Vivi glances over from where she sits next to Nami, the most recent newspaper spread on the table before them as they search futilely for any information about the island they're approaching. Apparently there's nothing news-worthy enough about Little Garden to be reported, so the princess is starting to believe that Miss All-Sunday was teasing them about never reaching Arabasta.

"What's wrong, Sanji-san?"

The cook flashes her a bright smile. "Ah, nothing, Vivi-chan. I must have been mistaken."

Usopp, also seated at the table while he tinkers with an array of gears, screws, bolts and other unidentifiable junk, cringes as he accidentally fires a small spring across the room and watches it whiz past Sanji's ear.

"Oi, when's lunch?" The sniper blurts when the confused cook glances around. "I'm hungry!"

"I'll get started as soon as I grab another bottle of cooking oil from the storage room." Sanji assures him, frowning slightly at the nervous I-didn't-do-it grin on Usopp's face. "Just get all that shit off the table so everyone can sit down and eat."

Eager to offer her assistance in any way possible to the people who've promised to help her reach home safely, Vivi bounces up from her seat. "I can find it for you, Sanji-san! Go ahead and get started; I'll be right back."

She's out the door and heading across the deck before he's able to protest that princesses shouldn't be performing menial errands.

"Sanji-kun?" Nami asks casually, refolding her paper. "Where are Luffy and Zoro?"

The horrified expression on his face is priceless, as a theory regarding his missing cooking oil suddenly clicks into place in his head, completing a puzzle he does not want to see. Almost simultaneously, there's an ear-piercing shriek from below, immediately followed by angry shouting.

"Well," Usopp says slowly, staring at Sanji and wondering if the cook's face will freeze like that if he doesn't change expressions soon. "She was going to find out sooner or later anyway."

They hear Vivi's boots pounding back across the deck before she bursts through the doorway, twin spots of color burning high on her cheeks. "N-Nami-san, it's terrible! Luffy and M-Mr. Bushido are f-f-f-f-f-"

"Fucking?" Usopp offers helpfully, earning a punch in the back of the head from Sanji, just as Vivi stops stumbling over her words. "Fighting!"

Nami waves a dismissing hand. "It's all the same to those guys."

There's a commotion outside, and the wide-eyed princess darts out of the doorway as Zoro bursts in, red-faced and disheveled. "Don't any of you people fucking knock?"

"I had to take a piss!" Sanji roars back. "And stop stealing my goddamn cooking supplies and buy some lube already, shitty marimo!"

"Shut u-" He stops short as he dodges the mixing spoon Sanji's just hurled at him. "Asshole cook!"

Nami fixes Zoro with a cold stare, her eyes narrowing when she notices that he's forgotten to button his trousers and tuck his shirt completely back into his haramaki. "He can't buy any because he still owes me money."

"YOU SAID WE WERE EVEN!"

Vivi's looking from one face to another, mouth gaping, as the navigator rises and leans forward across the table, drumming her fingers irritably on the wood. "I did, but now you owe me for emotional distress. I was going upstairs to double-check my log pose readings."

"!"

"I knocked," Usopp grumbles to no one in particular, "But nobody answered, so I thought the room was empty..."

"M-Mr. Bushido?" Vivi asks cautiously from where she stands at Nami's side, and everyone turns to look at her. "Why are you wearing your bandana?"

Zoro makes a strangled noise and rakes the offending piece of cloth off his head, his fingers twitching as he hastily re-ties it back in its customary spot on his bicep. "None of your-"

"'Cause it's sexy!" Luffy cheers, his head popping into view around the swordsman's shoulder as he plows into his back and nearly knocks him into the steering post. Zoro punches the captain in the temple, face absolutely blazing, but the smaller pirate just laughs and wraps both arms and legs around his waist.

"Don't tell them shit like that!"

"But I said it's just like when we fought," Luffy whines, frowning, and Sanji and Usopp exchange confused looks because they slept through that particular event at Whiskey Peak and were never really told all the details, "-but even better cause Zoro was wearing a lot less clothes… at least 'til Vivi started yelling…"

The swordsman rubs his face with both hands, glowering menacingly at their speechless crew mates as though daring them to say anything, before spinning and stalking away with Luffy clinging to his back. The captain beams back cheerfully and waves at them before he disappears from sight.

Sanji flops into an occupied chair, jarring the table, and watches with disinterest as screws roll off the edge and bounce across the floor. "That effectively killed my appetite."

"Oi, watch it!" Usopp exclaims, diving to catch his escaping hardware.

"Vivi," Nami sighs, slumping back into her seat and leaning her cheek against her palm as she looks up at the confused, blushing princess, "I may have neglected to mention some of the, ah, eccentricities of our captain."