"Ah, there she is! Vivi-sama, we've been looking everywhere for you!"

Vivi utters a high-pitched squeak of surprise, dropping the wooden puzzle game that Usopp pressed into her hands on his way out twenty minutes earlier, at the sudden approach of Igaram and her father as they round the corner beside her. She flattens herself back against the door, a breathless word of thanks escaping her lips as Igaram stoops to retrieve the toy.

"I believe your friends are waiting in the dining hall. Why don't you go join them?" Nefertari Cobra asks, missing the way his daughter's eyes dart towards the room behind her because he's peering at the carved pieces in her hands. "Ah, that's very clever."

"I believe that long-nosed fellow made it. Usopp, isn't it?"

"Y-yes," the princess stammers, smiling weakly as she realizes that they're not moving on. "Usopp-san's very skilled. He's invented a wide variety of-"

A low groan escapes the door behind her, and the smile freezes on her face.

Her father's brow furrows. "What-"

"Mr. Bushido! Wasn't feeling very well!" Vivi yelps, narrowly avoiding jamming the puzzle up her own nose as she claps both hands to her mouth. "H-He wanted to take a nap, so I offered to make sure no one disturbed him!"

"What a shame - shall I call for the royal phys-" Cobra pauses, considering. "Or perhaps he'd prefer that young man that resembles a tanuki."

"Ah, Father, Chopper's a reindeer..."

"Of course, dear. Shall I send Igaram to fetch him?"

"Yeee-no." Because this will remove only one obstacle, temporarily, and when the captain of the guard returns with a puzzled Chopper, the plot hole in her fabrication will become embarrassingly evident.

Vivi debates banging her head repeatedly against the wall but refrains, because she's sure they both already think she's certifiable for traipsing off to play spy in an evil underground organization led by a megalomaniac who kept giant banana-crowned crocodiles as pets. Just because Igaram tagged along to keep you safe doesn't mean he doesn't think you're crazy, she reminds herself. "Er, I mean, no."

Forget yes or no, just please go away already! How, she frets internally, how the hell do I get myself into these fixes?

She smiles diplomatically, mentally cursing Nami-san's ingenuity. "I'm sure Mr. Bushido just needs some peace and-"

All three of them jump as there's a loud crash that shakes the door in its frame, accompanied by cursing and laughter.

"-quiet." Vivi finishes awkwardly. "Err-"

"Ow, leggo! No, Luffy, don't you da- aah~!"

"Ooh, so that's how I make Zoro noisy..."

Brief silence, followed with a low whine from the swordsman that rises and wavers and breaks into several throaty, gasping cries. Luffy's voice murmurs non-stop alongside it, sounding husky and highly amused as he periodically drops comments that leave no doubt as to what's occurring directly on the other side of the door.

The princess takes in the shocked expressions of the two men facing her, closes her eyes, and says a very bad and unladylike word that they both know she certainly didn't learn here in the palace. Igaram winces, his gaze sliding sideways to gauge his sovereign's reaction.

The king's eyebrow twitches. "You've certainly made some interesting and... enthusiastic new friends."

"You have no idea," his daughter mutters unthinkingly. Igaram makes a strangled questioning sound, and the princess's hands again fly to cover her mouth as she realizes she's spoken aloud, her face flushing in mortification.

"Vivi, if you would, please inform the captain and his, ah-" Cobra coughs delicately, his lips quirking slightly in amusement. "-paramour that they're both welcome to join us in the dining hall at their convenience."

He turns and strolls nonchalantly down the hallway, hoping she doesn't see the laughter that he's struggling to contain, because that young man and his companions - truly the driving force behind the struggle to save his kingdom, if he understands everything that Vivi has told him over the past few days - are definitely some of the most unique and intriguing characters he's ever met.

Igaram follows reluctantly, shooting Vivi a stern look that says she's got a lot of explaining to do later, even if her father seems determined to take this in stride.

The princess sighs and sags against the door, snorting when there's an answering thump on the other side. She listens to Zoro's breathless grumbling and Luffy's gleeful snickering and hopes that Nami-san will keep her promise, because she'd like to get something positive out of this bizarre agreement, which has turned out entirely too awkward for words.

xxx

Earlier that afternoon:

"Ah, I think-"

"You assholes don't seriously intend to make Vivi-chan-"

"She drew the short straw!" Usopp argues, pointing at the twig clutched anxiously in the princess's hand.

"I don't care! I refuse to allow-"

"Vivi," Nami smiles, employing that sweet-natured voice that makes Sanji forget what he's saying in favor of noodling delightedly while everyone else cringes. "-if you make sure those two stay out of trouble, I'll conveniently forget that one million beli you owe me."

"O-Okay," the younger woman agrees, because - as she already explained to the navigator - she definitely doesn't have that much in savings, and how hard could it possibly be to play door sentry for an hour or so?