"Son of the Joker"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters are the property of J.K. Rowling.
Chapter 4
"Now that we have Pettigrew shoveling dragon shite for the rest of his natural existence," said Ragnok with a grin, "let me continue to examine this document. Hmm ... Bonded to Hermione Jean Granger ... how fortunate for you, Master Black, to have the blessing of finding Love at this age. My deepest congratulations would be in order once the Bond matures."
"My thanks to Your Majesty."
"No thanks necessary, young Master ... I do admit, even though I have not had the pleasure of meeting her, I have heard her name in connection to your exploits at Hogwarts for the past couple years. She is the smartest witch of your generation, so reports claim. If her beauty matches her intelligence, you have yourself the makings of a fine Bondmate."
"Hermione, did you hear that?" thought Harry. "Ragnok, King of the Goblin Nation, says that I have the makings of a fine Bondmate if your beauty matches your intelligence."
"You are meeting with the Goblin King, Harry?" she thought back to him, shocked.
"Yes ... taking care of some banking business. He is looking over the outcome of my Inheritance Test."
The shock on her end did not abate. "Harry ... only the most privileged clients get to meet Ragnok face to face. It does not matter to me, but how wealthy are you?"
"Judging from Dad's expensive tuxedo ... and my godfather's sense of style ... do you remember how rich and snobbish the Malfoys were?"
"Of course I do ... how can I forget their snobbish attitude? They seemed to think that the sun shone out of their arses."
"Language, Miss Granger. Well, the Family is rich enough to make the Malfoys look like peasants by comparison. The wonderful thing is, I'm not being a snob about it."
"Good ... or else I would have to pop that overinflated head of yours."
"MY HEAD IS NOT OVERINFLATED! Besides, dear, if I ever turned out as a snob, I would have to kick my own arse."
She chuckled. "Watch the language, Harry ... and my thanks to His Majesty for the compliment."
"Your Majesty, she sends her thanks for Your Majesty's compliment."
Ragnok nodded with a smile. "It would be a great pleasure to meet her in person. I'm sure you can arrange that."
"No problem, Your Majesty. I will make sure to put it on the agenda."
"I will look forward to it. Now ... hmm ..."
Continuing his examination of the Inheritance Test document, Ragnok's face darkened in anger – never a good sign to see in a Goblin.
"Your Majesty, is there a problem?"
"How long has that scar given you trouble, Master Black?"
"As long as I could remember, Your Majesty."
"Under what circumstances?"
"In my first year, I would receive a blinding headache whenever I was around Professor Quirrell ... who turned out to have Voldemort in the back of his head."
Ragnok nodded. "This news would be troubling indeed. I hate being the bearer of bad news, but ... that scar holds a Horcrux."
"It holds a WHAT?!" said Sirius and James, rising from their seats.
"Lord Black ... Lord Potter ... please, sit back down. I can understand your shock and anger ... I'm as angry as the two of you."
"What's a Horcrux?" said Harry.
"Lord Black, if you would care to explain?"
"Thank you, Your Majesty," said Sirius as he took deep breaths, trying to calm down. "Son ... a Horcrux is an abominable application of a Dark magic called Necromancy, or magic that deals with death. The normal rule says that a person who dies goes on to the Afterlife, right?"
"You mean Heaven or Hell."
"Yes. A Horcrux is a piece of a wizard's soul hidden within an object. As long as the object exists, the wizard's soul stays here and does not go on its appointed passage."
"The wizard would not be able to die," said Harry, his face blanched. "You would have to destroy the object, wouldn't you?"
"Yes ... did you find one already?"
Harry nodded. "During my second year, I faced off against Voldemort. He was trying to use Ginny Weasley as a source to bring himself back to life. If he succeeded, Ginny would have died. I defeated him when I stabbed a Basilisk fang into his diary."
"A Basilisk? Kid, you never cease to impress me," said James. "How big was it?"
"Huge ... sixty feet, at least. It had petrified Hermione, just as she managed to discover its identity. Thanks to Fawkes – Dumbledore's phoenix – and the sword of Godric Gryffindor, I managed to kill the bloody beast!"
"That would explain why you are the Heir of Slytherin by conquest," said Ragnok. "You defeated Voldemort not once, not twice, but thrice. The first time was enough to cement your claim - the three times just made it clearer."
"So I was the Heir of Slytherin after all."
"Yes, you were, so you have inherited all the abilities that go along with it, such as the Parseltongue ability, among others. The Horcrux is a troubling situation, though, but don't worry - We of the Goblin Nation can extract it from you and banish it to the Abyss, where it belongs. In theory, a personal host for a Horcrux would need to die, but we have found another solution. It will be painful, but given the alternative, it will be worth it."
"Let's get it out of me, then."
"It may take a few hours to recover from the procedure, but I'm sure we can find something to do in the meantime. Come with me, and we shall banish it."
Ragnok took the three of them down to an underground chamber. Within was an altar shaped like a cross.
"We shall take care of the Horcrux extraction and removal of the magical Block in one fell swoop. To spare your Bondmate any pain from this, you will need to put up your Occlumency barriers."
"Hermione?" he thought.
"Yes, Harry?"
"I will have to be incommunicado for a while ... I have a serious problem that will be a pain to remove, and I want to spare you any pain."
"I will be waiting to hear your sweet voice again, Harry. I love you, so don't you die on me."
"I love you too."
"Lord Black? Lord Potter? If ye wish, ye may stay here to give Master Black your support."
"Don't worry, son. We will be here for you."
"Thanks, Dad. Your Majesty ... I hope this does not kill me."
"There may be a slim chance that it does, but We shall do our best to ensure you come out of this alive. Are you ready, young Harry?"
"As ready as I will ever be."
"Good ... you can change into the white robe we have provided, then you will lie down on the cross. We will take care of the rest."
Harry did so. Ragnok fastened the clamps on his wrists and ankles. The Goblin King dipped his finger in some sweet-smelling chrism (a Holy oil), then traced the Sign of the Cross onto the lightning bolt scar.
"Oremus. In Nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spritu Sancti, Amen. Cum auxilio Domini Dei Sanctissimi, et Angelorum Sanctorum, et Sanctorum, quod petimus, tibi praecipiamus, spirite maligne: A hunc puero, Harrio Pottero, exi! Nunquam eum turbabis!" (Let us pray. In the Name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Amen. With the help of the Most Holy Lord God, the Holy Angels and Saints, for which we ask, we command you, evil spirit: Begone from this boy, Harry Potter! Never will you trouble him again!)
Harry opened his eyes. They were slits of a fiery red, and a dark voice came out of his mouth, saying, "A hunc puero exire nolo. Totas personas quas amat necabo, tum magnum gaudium capiam videns mortem suam." (I do not want to leave this boy. I will kill everyone whom he loves, then I will take great joy seeing his death.)
Ragnok unveiled a shining crucifix and shoved it in Harry's face, making the evil spirit cower and scream in pain. "EUM NON NOCEBIS, DAEMONIA! EXI AD FLAMMAS ABYSSI, QUAS OMNIPOTENS PRO POENIA TUA FECIT!" (YOU WILL NOT HARM HIM, DEMON! BEGONE TO THE FLAMES OF THE ABYSS WHICH THE ALMIGHTY MADE FOR YOUR PUNISHMENT!)
With one final, heart-wrenching wail, the spirit fragment of Voldemort left Harry's body. Ragnok made quick work of ripping the Block off of Harry's magic while the young wizard slept.
As for Sirius and James, the power radiating through the room was too much for them to handle, and they passed out ...
~SON OF THE JOKER~
Harry opened up his eyes, which were their normal color once again. "Urghhh ... did anybody get the license plate number of the truck that ran me down?"
Sirius smiled. "Welcome back to the land of the living, son. You were out for several hours."
"We woke up a few minutes before you did, kid," said James. "That Horcrux removal took a lot out of you, but it's gone. So is the Block on your magic."
"While we wait for you to nourish yourself, son, James and I have a brief piece of business that requires our attention ... considering our next destination is Muggle London. We will be back in a jiffy."
"Take your time, Dad. I'm feeling famished anyway."
Sirius ruffled his hair. "Don't worry. Ragnok has his best Medigoblins here to make sure you recover as quick as you can."
~SON OF THE JOKER~
"Does Your Majesty have a Floo network we may use?"
"Of course. Has Harry awoken yet?"
"Yes, he has ... quite famished too. James and I have to make a brief pit stop out by Madam Bones."
~SON OF THE JOKER~
"Ah, gentlemen," said Madam Bones. "I'm glad to see you both. Have a seat."
"Thank you, Madam," they both said.
"Well, Sirius ... if you want your old post back as an Auror, I would be happy to arrange it."
"You are too kind, Madam, but I'm afraid my methods of dealing with any criminals would see me drummed out of the Aurors ... not to mention the time in Azkaban has cracked my sanity. Who wants an Auror with a cracked mind?"
"You mean more cracked than usual?" said James with an impish grin.
Sirius stuck out his tongue. "Bite me, Two Face. You don't seem the same as I remember since the day the Ministry tossed me in Camp Hell on Earth."
"Well, while I am happy to have sacrificed myself for Queen and Country, Madam Bones, with all due respect I will admit to you: I'm getting too old for this shit."
Madam Bones nodded. "I understand. Next to Mad-Eye Moody, you two are the best Aurors the Ministry could ever have. I will be sad to see you go."
"Madam Bones, don't worry. This won't be the last you will see of us: my son has a war to win. Please feel free to keep in touch."
"I will. May I get a look at your Animagus forms, so I may register them? The registration will be For My Eyes Only."
The next second, she was looking upon a large black dog and a stag.
"Thank you, gentlemen. You may change back now."
They did.
"Madam Bones," said Sirius, "I have one last question before we go. Has the Ministry passed word to the Muggle media about my exoneration? I don't want the Muggle cops to be after me."
"Yes, the Minister saw to it right after he wrote up your exoneration form."
"Thank you, Madam. Have a nice evening."
The two of them left through the Floo ...
Author's Note: Another fun chapter done. The meeting of our favorite couple should be happening soon (next chapter, maybe?) I'm wondering what would be a good love song for this story? Something that will go well with the theme. Anyway, read and review!
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer