"Son of the Joker"
By Loki Palmer
Author's Note: Harry Potter and all related characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Now for a few review answers:
DZ2: I'm glad you love the story so far. I don't know if Harry is going to have a nickname ... and yes, that was an MIB reference you saw in Chapter 3. LOL!
To author texan-muggle: I took a year of Latin when I was in high school. I also have a few Latin resources, among them a Latin Missal and an Android Vulgate/Douay Rheims Bible. It's amazing to believe how many people believe all you need is a dictionary ... not so! There are factors like grammar and syntax to take into account. It drives me nuts when people botch a language in written work – Latin is not the same as English ... nor is French, for that matter. I'm a confessed language nerd, you see ...
Well, enough of my blather. On with the story!
Chapter 5
After he ate a hearty meal, Harry said, "Thank you for the excellent meal. I think I will lie down a while."
The Medigoblin smiled. "Take all the rest you need, young Master Black."
With a sigh of contentment, Harry drifted off into sleep ...
~SON OF THE JOKER~
... To find himself in the Hogwarts Library. Examining the collection of books, he found it was not the Hogwarts Library, for there were a number of Muggle authors within. There was William Shakespeare, the playwright and actor who wrote many classical plays. There was Charles Dickens, the British literary giant who wrote about the downtrodden of society. There was Gilbert Keith Chesterton, a British journalist of 300 pounds who wrote a plethora of newspaper articles and books about every topic under the sun. There was C.S. Lewis, Christian apologist, professor, and author of "The Chronicles of Narnia," among other works. There was Lewis's friend, J.R.R. Tolkien, a linguist and professor who could be called the Godfather of Epic Fantasy with his masterpiece, "The Lord of the Rings."
British authors were not the only ones, for there were authors from the United States as well – Mark Twain, Ernest Hemingway, Stephen King – among many others. This was a mere sample of the authors available
"I must be in Hermione's happy place," he said. "With all these books, she would be in Heaven."
"Not quite, Harry," she said behind him. "It's more like our happy place. Do you like it?"
He spun around and froze in wonder. Dressed in a simple blouse and a skirt, her beauty dazzled his eyes.
"Heaven must be missing an angel, Hermione ... and I love this library. How long have you been here?"
"About a few hours ... and if I may return the compliment, Olympus must be missing a god." Her hips started to sway as she walked towards him. "A tall ... powerful ... sexy ... god ..."
"Uh-oh," said Harry's brain, "the Union Jack is rising."
"Ce n'est pas le drapeau brittanique qui se lève, chef – c'est le tricoloré!" (It's not the British flag which is rising, boss – it's the tricolor! [French flag]) said his Southern region.
"Enough of these territorial disputes, Southern region! What's our status?"
"On est prêt pour faire un petit danse, faire un peu d'amour – vous savez, couilles au mur et tout cela." (We're ready to do a little dance, make a little love – you know, balls to the wall and all that.)
"Harry," said Hermione, "hold on. I think I hear singing..."
They stopped and listened. Harry identified two of the three voices as his father and godfather. This was what they heard:
(to the tune of "God Save the Queen")
"Our Harry's Mate To Be,
Make him sweet giggity:
Of Thee we sing!
Make him a happy wife,
Always stay shagged for life,
May ye always live without strife:
God bless both ye!"
It was at this point that Harry woke up.
~SON OF THE JOKER~
"Well, look who's awake ... and I'm not just talking about your Union Jack, son."
"Need a little help there, kid?" said James. "A cold shower seems to do the trick."
"That sounds like a good idea, godfather."
SPLASH! Much to the uproarious laughter of the trio gathered around Harry's bed, Remus tossed a bucket of cold water on him.
"Feeling better there, Harry?" he said.
Harry glowered at him. "Quite better, thank you. How about I have your name, rank, and preferred method of death?"
Seeing the scared look on Remus's face cracked him up in a maniacal cackle. "I'm joking about the death part!"
Remus breathed a sigh of relief. "Harry, my name is Remus Lupin ... also known as Moony. I'm a friend of these two jokers and, with them, I am a member of the famous Hogwarts prankster team called the Marauders."
"Whether you know it or not, son, you have prankster in your blood ... as well as a talent for bucking the rules when the occasion calls for it."
"He has Lily's green eyes, Siri," said James with a tear. "Not a day goes by that I don't miss your mother, kid."
"What kind of person was she? My mother, I mean ..."
"She was kind ... she had a fierce loyalty to her friends ... bloody brilliant ... gorgeous ... she was once ... twice ... three times ... a lady ..." said Sirius as he broke down in tears.
"Dad ... I'm sorry ..."
Sirius wiped the tears out of his eyes. "Sorry for what? Asking about your mother? No, son ... don't feel sorry about that. I needed a good cry ... it's never been the same for us since she died. James and I were livid with rage when we found out about Peter's betrayal of us, and we ran after him. That was where matters went wrong ..."
"Sure, we cornered him, and Peter teased Sirius that he must have become sick of her to betray her like he did," said James. "Before either one of us could fire off a spell, he cut off his finger and blew up the gas line. The fire burned up half of my face, even though I did stop, drop, and roll. It took me a good three months in St. Mungo's to heal, but Sirius was already in Azkaban. When I heard about his imprisonment, I went into a deep depression. Remus's company was one of the few factors that kept me going. Dumbledore told me not to worry, that you were safe ... the lying, goatfucking bastard ..."
A look of realization dawned in Remus's eyes. "Padfoot ... Prongs ... are you two pondering what I'm pondering?"
"We grab the Goatfucker, toss him onto a rotating spit –"
"– And roast him with marshmallows? Goat S'mores, that sounds delicious, doesn't it?"
Remus rolled his eyes. "No, you two knuckleheads. The Defense Professorship post is open again, right?"
"Which one of us should take it, Moony?" said James.
"How about ... all three of us?"
Sirius and James looked at each other. "BRILLIANT!" Then they headbutted each other.
"OW! Loud heavy metal concerts, mosh pits, head banging and headbutts ... Moony, Padfoot. ..."
"Yeah, Prongs?" they said.
"I'm getting too old for this shit ..."
Author's Note: Another great chapter done, and don't worry ... Hermione meeting the new Harry and his "Family" will be coming soon. Read and review!
Smiles and laughter,
Loki Palmer