Author's Note: Restored to unedited version 5/4/11. Warnings for explicit sex and toy use.
xxx
Scowling broadly at the ceiling as he listens to Pagaya's apologetic attempt to explain the process of manufacturing cloud-based materials to his nakama in the other room, Zoro wiggles his bandaged toes experimentally and curses his bad luck, because no amount of grumbling and snarled threats has convinced Chopper to rescind his stern orders for the older pirate to lay down and stay put until told otherwise.
In the process of fishing Luffy out of the White-White Sea, the swordsman somehow managed to step on some sort of weird urchin, although he honestly hadn't noticed until Usopp started shrieking rather hysterically about the broken spines sticking out of his foot. When their doctor finally calmed down, aided by a casual but distracted smack from Sanji, who'd been busy admiring Nami's newfound waver-riding skills, it'd been all Zoro could do to talk Chopper out of carrying him up the stairs using Heavy Point.
As it was, he'd had to endure a flood of apologies and worried inquiries from the Skypiea residents, as well as the cook's relentless bitching about his leaving a trail of bloody footprints up the poor angel's front steps.
Conis, looking so distressed that it nearly prompted a fistfight when Sanji felt inclined to stomp on Zoro's injured foot after the swordsman muttered at her to stop looking like she'd been the one to step on the fucking thing, had insisted on giving them the use of her room.
She'd hovered anxiously nearby until Chopper produced a pair of pliers from his medical bag and then promptly fled the room, returning only briefly to peek through the doorway and to timidly offer to fetch the older pirate a glass of water after the doctor departed with a heap of soiled towels, but she'd immediately retreated again under the weight of Zoro's silent glare.
Too damn flighty, the swordsman muses, tucking both arms behind the pillow resting under his head. He really doesn't understand the cook's taste in women; it's like the stupid curly-brow bastard doesn't even realize each one's got a totally different personality - probably because he's too busy oogling their-
There's something hard digging into his forearm and he frowns, groping blindly under the pillow until his fingers encounter an elongated object.
He pulls the thing out and holds it up, brow furrowing more intently, because although he's not exactly sure what he's found, he sure as hell knows what it looks like. "No way..."
Zoro sits up and starts turning the device over in his hand, trying to convince himself that he's just imagining the resemblance because Conis doesn't look like the type of angel - girl, whatever - to keep such things hidden under her pillow, so surely it's something else and he's badly mistaken. This is all Luffy's fault; thanks to his captain's enthusiastic overtures, he's apparently now obsessed enough with sex to see perverted uses for even perfectly innocent-
There's a faint click, and he jumps and nearly drops the damn thing in his lap when it starts buzzing and jittering in his hand, cursing softly as he eyes the empty doorway. He swears again, slightly louder this time, when his frantic poking and prodding produces no effect and he abruptly realizes he doesn't know how the hell to turn it off.
Conis scares him half to death when she appears suddenly at the bedside, plucking the phallic object from the startled swordsman's fingers. She hurls it into a nearby drawer, slams it shut, and freezes with her hands still grasping the dresser's edge, blushing furiously, and that confirms his suspicions quite effectively.
Zoro bites his tongue, overcome with the urge to start snickering madly, because he can still hear faint humming from the bed, and they stare at each other in awkward silence, the angel's wings trembling uncontrollably.
"P-Please don't-"
"Where can I find one of those?" He blurts without thinking, his brain preoccupied with thoughts of getting his captain alone in the anchor room for a few hours, and Conis blinks.
The swordsman makes a horrid choking noise as he realizes what he's just said. "N-Not that I want one or anything-"
It's his turn to escape for the safety of the living room, and to his immense relief, Chopper just points a hoof at the nearby couch and beams happily when the older pirate drops into it without argument as Conis trails in behind him. He slouches into the cloud cushions, trying to ignore the way their new friend keeps stealing speculative glances at him from across the room as she starts searching for something to entertain Luffy and Usopp while her father leads Sanji to the kitchen.
xxx
Later, much later, when they're loading their hard-earned treasure into Merry's hold under Nami's intense scrutiny, Zoro slips out of sight for a much-needed break - fed up with the navigator's insistence on pelting him with her fists every time he accidentally scuffs gold statues that he knows damn well she can't lift herself - and nearly collides with Conis as he looks over his shoulder to see if that bitchy woman's noticed he's disappeared.
"Oi, what're you doing here?"
The angel smiles up at him, eyes wandering over the gauze wrapped snugly around his chest and arms. She knows his nakama bear similar bandages, covering wounds gained in their valiant efforts to defend her island. "My father and I agreed to guide you to Cloud's End."
"Ah," Zoro grunts, relieved because this means he'll be able to sneak back onboard without Nami noticing; she'll be too busy discussing their upcoming descent with Pagaya.
As he turns away, Conis's fingers catch his elbow and he glances back, raising an eyebrow.
"He's your lover, isn't he? Your captain?"
The swordsman shuffles a bit, unable to prevent the heat rising in his face because no one, not even Robin - who he swears sometimes makes it her purpose in life to embarrass the hell out of him - has ever referred to their relationship this way. He's used to himself and Luffy being addressed as 'you guys' and sometimes 'you shitty perverted guys' but none of the other Straw Hats have ever called the younger pirate his lover before.
But he supposes she's right, considering what he and Luffy just did last night in the city ruins after running off that suicidal Shandian guy whose name Zoro can't remember. He isn't quite sure how he feels about his captain - he's been reevaluating his own thoughts and beliefs regarding companionship and loyalty and sex ever since the rubberman cut him loose from that splintered post - but they've kept their fucking mutually exclusive to each other and when he thinks about anyone else touching Luffy that way, it makes him want to break things.
If this means he actually loves his captain in the romantic here-I-picked-these-flowers-for-you sense, he's got no clue; he's never bothered with stuff like this before.
"Uh, yeah, I guess so..."
"I could tell," Conis breathes, looking away as she starts rummaging through the bag hanging at her side. "I've seen how you look at him."
"I don't-"
The angel pushes a small wrapped package into his hands before he can finish his protest. "Please consider this a personal thank-you for all you've done. I-It's for your captain too, so-"
"Wha-"
"DON'T open it around your friends," she cautions, color rising in her face, and before Zoro can ask her what the hell she's talking about, she's sprinting away in the direction of the ship. "We'll be leaving soon, so please don't wander off."
"It's not like I'm gonna get lost," the swordsman grumbles to himself as he frowns down at the parcel in his hand. He peels back the paper and utters a loud GAH of surprise, immediately looking around wildly to make sure he's alone, because it's all bullshit - that girl's no angel.
He stuffs the whole thing, packaging and all, into his haramaki and yanks his shirt hem down to hide the bulge before strolling off after Conis, a smile slowly spreading across his face as he finds himself excitedly considering the possibilities.
xxx
When they eventually send Sanji to fetch him, because he's gotten hopelessly turned around even though he's positive he knows where the ship's docked - they must've frickin' moved it while he was gone - he's already formulated a plan to talk Luffy into kicking the other guys out of the men's quarters tonight.
Stopping with his arms crossed a few feet away, the cook takes a long drag off his cigarette and glares at him. "Why the hell are you grinning like that, Marimo? It's fucking creepy."
xxx
"Why-" Luffy asks suspiciously, "-does Zoro wanna stick that in my butt?"
Curled sideways in the older pirate's lap with his back pressed against the sofa's arm, he's already damp with sweat and squirming each time the hand grasping his erection strokes him firmly from root to tip, but he isn't sure he likes the blunt-ended spiral seashell that his swordsman's running teasingly along his inner thigh.
"C'mon, it'll feel good, I promise," Zoro coaxes, teeth raking the side of his captain's neck as he rolls his thumb, smearing the slippery moisture beaded at the tip of Luffy's cock.
The younger pirate shudders, wrapping one arm around his neck and wriggling higher, struggling to escape the shell's tip, which has just resumed tracing slow circles around the puckered entrance between his ass cheeks. "I don't want it, I want Zoro, 'cause that thing's too-"
Too hard, he's about to say, but then the swordsman's fingers shift, producing a faint click, and he yelps, flailing, as powerful vibrations start rippling through the shell as it's pushed carefully into him.
Zoro grunts, surprised at how violently the thing's buzzing in his hand; the other one must have been worn out or something, because it wasn't this strong. Or loud. He's suddenly very glad that their other crew members have plenty to keep them occupied, because the damn shell's probably whirring loud enough to be heard outside the men's quarters door.
But Nami's busy admiring her gold, and Usopp and Chopper are sorting through the sniper's new dial collection - which, the swordsman's quite confident, doesn't include one like this - and the eyebrow cook's pampering the women. Robin, even if she's indulging his ridiculous pirouetting, could still have eyes and ears anywhere, but Zoro can't quite bring himself to care, too entranced with the effects caused by what he's doing.
Luffy's floundering helplessly in his arms, gasps and moans interspersed with hysterical-sounding giggles, because the pulsations feel good but they also tickle. Until the older pirate twists his wrist, and the captain squeals, eyes widening enormously as the shell presses directly on that spot, which normally feels really good but is now devastatingly pleasurable.
"Mmm, you're leaking all over my hand even though you didn't come yet," Zoro murmurs in his ear, barely noticing when clutching fingers rake his back and shoulders forcefully enough to tear the bandages he's still wearing. "And you're so hard..."
"I'm g-gonna, I'm gonna come," his captain pants, shuddering as he arches, head pressing back against the cushions, and a quiver of excitement grips the swordsman's belly because Luffy's so incoherent he's actually drooling, saliva trickling from one corner of his mouth.
"Gonna come, Zoro, please-"
The older pirate's hand speeds up, pumping harder, and the rubberman wails as his body seizes and spills heavily over the fingers squeezing him. Zoro groans, squeezing his eyes shut as he buries his face against Luffy's neck, breathing heavily because he's just ejaculated all over his captain's lower back, too overwhelmed by his desperate noises and warm skin rubbing firmly against him to hold back.
"Off!" Luffy gasps finally, writhing and whimpering as vibrations continue assaulting his hyper-stimulated body. "Turn it off, turn it off!"
The swordsman fumbles for the button he can't see, accidentally nudging the shell a little deeper, and the younger pirate cries out and claws his shoulders until Zoro finally gives up and just slides the whole thing out, dropping it on the floor beside the sofa.
Luffy sighs in relief, sagging bonelessly in his lap, although the swordsman can still feel him trembling all over, like a wind-blown leaf.
"I can't move, I think I might be dead..." He leans his head wearily against the older pirate's chest and snuggles closer, a puzzled look crossing his face when he realizes that his skin's slick with more than just his own release. "Oi, my butt's all wet - did Zoro-?"
"Eh, yeah," Zoro confesses hesitantly, his embarrassment fading when his admission earns him a delighted hug, and he watches his captain scoop up the still-whirring shell for a closer look. With a bit of searching, Luffy finally locates the indentation on the base and clicks it off, and they both stare at it in silence before turning to look at each other.
"I changed my mind," the captain declares, brandishing the vibrator resolutely. "I like this thing."
"Told you," the swordsman mutters, raising an eyebrow and hoping their nakama will be sufficiently busy for a little while longer when the younger pirate eyes him thoughtfully, slowly spinning the dial in his hand end over end. "Skypiea's fucking awesome. We need to go back there someday and thank Conis."