Author's note: Finally. Sorry if this one's not up to my usual standards. Unfortunately it hasn't been beta-read either.

xxx

"Figures YOU'd be immune to this shit," Zoro grumbles, casting an ominous glower towards the infirmary bed on the edge of which his captain's perched, casually swinging his sandal-clad feet beneath him.

"Sorry."

"Yeah, you sound sorry, you-"

"Stop scratching!" Chopper orders, lightly slapping the back of the swordsman's neck before he resumes dabbing the older pirate's left shoulder blade with ointment. "You're only making it worse!"

"It fucking ITCHES," he snarls in retort, teeth clenching as he struggles to restrain himself by gripping the edges of the stool.

"I KNOW, but the more you irritate the blisters, the longer they'll take to heal, and if you scratch them open, they're going to get infect- STOP SCRATCHING."

Watching the ensuing scuffle, Luffy winces. Despite his shy and often childish demeanor and his tendency to exhibit panic at the prospect of injury, their doctor becomes an entirely different person when he's actually treating a patient.

Zoro eventually relents and resigns himself to suffering in silence while he's plastered with more of the thick goop that Chopper mixed up following his diagnosis.

"I'll tell Usopp," the reindeer mumbles to himself. "He'll need to treat that corner of the lawn. Maybe even replace the sod- that stuff's really hard to destroy if you don't get the-"

He's interrupted by the bushy black hair and bony shoulders that suddenly pop through the doorway at what must surely be an impossible angle.

"Brook!" Luffy calls cheerfully, offering the skeleton a little wave.

"Hello, Luffy-san," their newest crew member replies politely. "Chopper-san, Zoro-sa-" He hesitates, his eye sockets somehow taking on a perplexed, curious cast despite his lack of flesh. "Zoro-san? Is everything alright?"

"Just fucking peachy," the green-haired man mumbles, wincing as he's slapped again for surrepitiously digging at his chest with his thumb.

"These idiots-" Chopper huffs, "-managed to find the ONLY square foot of lawn deck with POISON IVY growing on it. I still don't know where it came from. Probably seeds that blew onboard while we were docked somewhere. At least Luffy didn't have a reaction; one uncooperative patient's enough without-" He continues muttering to himself as he returns to his work.

Brook's staring at Zoro, studying him intently, and the swordsman shifts uncomfortably, returning his gaze with a glower that challenges him to dare say one thing about what's distressingly obvious given the distinct patterns of the rashes marking his skin.

"Zoro-san..." The musician tilts his head.

Zoro doesn't budge from his seat on the stool, but his jaw tenses and he shoots a fleeting glance in their captain's direction. "Oi, if you got a problem with-"

"Red complements you quite well," Brook says placidly before excusing himself to continue exploring his new home.

The swordsman blinks, surprised.

"I TOLD you he wouldn't care," Luffy teases.

"Wasn't sure," Zoro admits, staring after the retreating skeleton until the infirmary door clicks closed behind him, absentmindedly scratching the side of his neck. "Seems kinda old-fashioned, but I guess- OW. CHOPPER."

"Anywhere else?" The doctor demands, giving his nakama's torso a little shove forward as he cranes his neck to make sure he's covered every inch of the affected area.

"... yeah."

"What did you do, roll in the stuff?" Chopper demands. "Where's-" He falters at the sight of the older pirate's hands fumbling hesitantly with the button of his trousers. "Err-"

"Shishishi."

"Shut up, Sencho," Zoro growls as he shoves his waistband down to reveal the vivid hand-shaped blotches splayed across his now-exposed buttocks.

Chopper utters an exasperated sigh and retrieves his bowl of ointment, but Luffy snickers again, unable to contain the smug grin creeping across his face. "Brook's right. Red does look really good on Zoro."