Chapter Seven:
Hey guys. So I'm back writing this again. Not sure if anyone is still interested in this story. If this gets reviews then I'll definitely keep going, but I'm thinking about just leaving it here.
I meant to leave. I really did.`
I'd packed my bags. I bought my plane tickets. I was ready.
As much as I hated to admit it what Carlisle said was right. Coming back here was a weak and selfish thing to do. I was only ever going to do more harm to Bella than anything else. If I left now before I could do anymore damage then she might have some chance of getting better.
I just had to see her one more time. Just see her. Not talk to her, not touch her even though I ached to do both of those things. The only thing I would allow myself was to see her. I would memorize her features and the glorious burning feeling I got in the bottom of my stomach whenever she was near. Just to make sure I wouldn't forget. How would I get through eternity if I forgot?
But much like most times I came and looked through the glass screen into Bella's hospital room I was shocked.
Bella was sitting up straight in her bed. Charlie was there he was talking to her. She didn't smile, she didn't laugh, she didn't cry, but she was talking back to him. It was stunning. Charlie would say something and then she would say something back.
She still wasn't quite there. There was still that invisible layer of glass covering her and the sheer agony in her eyes was evident, but she looked miles better than the girl I had come to see the day before. More like the Bella I had known what felt like a long time ago.
I couldn't help it! How could I not go in to talk with her after that!
He waited until Charlie left. God knows he had done enough to Charlie as it was. I took a deep breath before I went in. This would be the last time I ever see him.
I pushed open the door.
She looked up to where I stood just outside the door –it seemed like a lot of effort; as if her head was too heavy for neck. When she saw it was me her eyes widened. Her eyes were the only thing on her body to move, but I could hear her quiet intake of breath.
She sat and stared at me.
I stood and waited for her to do something.
"Hi" she murmured her voice cracking.
I couldn't help but smile at her casual greeting. After all this she simply says "hi."
"Hello" I responded.
There was a silence. I no longer smiled while Bella looked as if she might cry.
"Edward" Bella began. I repressed a shudder at the sound of my name on her lips. "I am so sorry for my behaviour yesterday. There really is no excuse for how I acted."
Her words sounded stiff and forced like she had spent all day practicing them. Knowing Bella this was probably because she hadn't said to words without breaking down for weeks, not because her words were un-genuine. Knowing this left a bitter taste.
"Oh for god's sake don't you apologise!" I exclaimed, walking over to stand by her bedside.
She didn't say anything, but she didn't need to. When she looked at me then her layer of invisible, protective glass completely fell away. I reminded me of not the first moment I saw her or that horrendous first class of biology, but of when I first came back from Alaska and I came to talk to her. When she had looked up at me that day I had been so angry at myself. Angry that I had once wished death on a creature that vulnerable.
In that moment when she looked up and met my eyes she looked just like she had that day. It was all I could do not to sweep her up in my arms.
The weight of her eyes on me was too much to take. I had to move. I backed away from her bed a few steps and collapsed back into the seat. It was only when I was sat down that I looked back up to meet her gaze. When I did look up her glass was back up and the vulnerability from before was gone. I felt a strange mixture of relief and disappointment.
"Look, I know this doesn't mean anything" I said. "I know you have your own new life outside of here and that no doubt would rather be out there than here right now. And you know what? I'm glad. I want you to go and do what makes you happy. But right now I just need one thing from you. Can you do that for me? Can you please just do this one thing?"
She was not begging me. There was a strange dignity to her voice that filled me with respect for her. While feeling this respect I was also dumfounded. She really thought I didn't want her. I couldn't have been that good of an actor. Couldn't she see that love for her enflamed each and every inch of my body?
"I'll do anything" I choked.
"Tell me why you left. Please I just need to know. Why wasn't I good enough for you?" she asked, looking me straight in the eye.
Her blunt words stabbed at me. How could I have made such a mess of things?
"Bella I am so sorry for everything. I was so stupid. I was just being stupid," I said.
My words were rushed and desperate. I had to make her understand why I left. That it had nothing to do with who she was. But I just couldn't find the words.
Bella turned her head towards the ceiling and squeezed her eyes shut. For a moment I thought she was about to cry, but then surprisingly, she started to laugh. The laughter had a sort of manic edge to it, but still it was a much better reaction than I had been expecting.
"Bella listen to me" I said reaching over to cover her fist with my hand. "I promise you that I will never leave again. I'll keep you safe. I'll look aft-"
"Oh no, Edward! No!" she cut me off. "I don't want to be the reason you're unhappy. You told me you didn't want me and I respect that. You have your own life to live and I want you to be happy. So, go and do what you have to do."
I opened my mouth to explain to her that happiness without her was impossible for me, but she interrupted me.
"And you don't need to feel guilty or worried" she told me. "I'm not even gonna lie when you left it nearly destroyed me and yeah, it's probably the reason I'm in here, but I think I just needed closure. Now that I've seen you I can do this. I can rebuild my life. And I'm not going saying it's gonna be easy. That's hard because I really fucking love you, but I'm going to force myself to get to the point where that doesn't matter anymore. I'll do it not just for you, but for me."
Bella tried to catch her breath after speech, but just ended up hyperventilating. She lay back trying hard to calm herself down. Despite her state of panic I smiled. What she had just told me made my decision so much easier.
Slowly, but surely I stood up and sat on the edge of her bed. I leaned down and kissed a line starting with her collarbone, up her neck, to her lips. In between each kiss I would whisper all the things I wanted to say to her.
Kiss "I love you" kiss "I'm sorry" kiss "It's okay" kiss "I'm here" kiss "I'm staying" kiss "You're beautiful" kiss "So strong" kiss "So brave" kiss "I love you" kiss.
"Are you trying to torture me?" Bella whimpered into my lips.
I pulled away slightly so I could look her in the eye.
"No. Don't you understand? I want to do the opposite!" I declared.
She did not understand. She just looked up at me, frightened and baffled.
I was about to poor my heart out to her. Force her to realize that now because of what she had done we could finally be together, but then I remembered there was somewhere I was meant to be.
"Shit" I muttered. The amount of confusion in Bella's expression increased
"Listen to me for a second" I said. "I need to go for a while, but I'll be back as soon as I can be, okay?"
Bella didn't show any signs of acknowledging what I was saying. She just turned her head away. She was disappearing again; I could see it.
Helplessly I said the only thing I could that might help her.
"I love you."
My words didn't seem to have any effect on her so I leant back down and kissed her hard. I told her everything with that kiss.
"I'll see you later" I said before standing up straight and leaving the room.
I was running (at human speed) down the hospital corridor when Jacob slammed me into a wall.
He pinned me against the wall by arms so I was still facing him. I probably could've shoved him off me with very little effort then continued down the hall, but I didn't. It somehow felt as if whatever confrontation Jacob and I were about to have would be important.
"I heard you and your pack of leeches were headed off on another big trip" he growled, flecks of spit shooting out of his mouth and on to my face. "You're abandoning Bella again!"
"Jacob-" I started.
"I guess I should have seen it coming. You have the look of a pussy about you" he shouted.
He kept going. Mindlessly screaming at me until I stopped him.
"You're right!" I shouted over him.
That got his attention.
"I did a stupid thing, but now I need you to let me go. I need you to let me go so I can fix it" I said.
He looked at me for a second. He had no doubt been looking forward to ripping me to pieces, but he couldn't do it to Bella. Not now.
Begrudgingly he let me go and clenched his fists.
"Jacob, thank you" I said."Thank you for loving her."
"Just go and short your shit out!" he barked.
Without hesitation I ran out of there.
. . .
Emmet and Jasper had just finished packing the car when I got back.
Thank god I thought. I'm not too late.
"Where's Carlisle?" I asked.
"He's inside" Jasper informed me. "Are you okay?"
"Absolutely, but you might want to stop packing" I said.
I full on sprinted into the hotel room. I found Carlisle sitting on his bed talking to Esme.
"Carlisle we can't go" I said, firmly as I could.
"Edward..." Carlisle trailed off, shaking his head.
"No, you listen to me!" I demanded.
Something in my voice must have struck Carlisle because rather than scolding me, he closed his mouth and looked up at me.
"It doesn't even matter if we stay or not" I proclaimed, my voice shaking, but loud. "That girl is strong. I couldn't destroy her if I wanted to. Nor could Jasper or James or even herself. I didn't know that before, but now I do. Now I need to help her get better, Carlisle. I do. So I can go on living."
I looked down at my feet and waited for Carlisle to say what he thought. I bit my lip to brace myself.
"Okay" he said.
I don't know what I had been expecting him to say, but it certainly wasn't that. With a sharp intake of breath I looked up at him.
"What?" I asked.
"It's okay" he said, unflinchingly. "I understand."
Without another word Carlisle stood up.
"Thank you, Dad" I said into his shoulder.
"That's alright, Son" he said.
. . .
So we stayed.
We were still far from happy. I didn't know how long things were going to take to go back to normal. I didn't know if Bella was going to become unbroken anytime soon. All I could do was hope for her and support her and love her. Because that has to make some sort of a difference in the end, despite everything. Doesn't it?
There we go. All the plot lines are sealed up. I am ready to leave it as it is, but if you want it to continue send me a review saying so. If I get enough people wanting me to keep going I will. Otherwise I'm gonna start writing an American Horror Story fic. I hope you liked this chapter. Sorry if it was a bit too long. Thank you so much for reading and have a great day/night.