I can't say I've ever fallen out of an airplane before but there's a first time for everything. I guess a helicopter can count for that. I don't know how long I was out for, but the blood on my head is dry and I'm sore just about everywhere. Was this how Lara felt on Yamatai? Oh god, Lara.

She'd been there and then she'd been gone! It makes me feel helpless and my entire body is trembling. I stumble to my feet and scream for her, but there's no answer. She could be anywhere. She could be dead and the thought makes me want to curl up and throw up.

But Lara wouldn't give up, not until she knew for sure. It's not something she's ever told me, but I've seen the look in her eyes. If she lost me, she'd just give up and die. So I can't let her lose me. I can't die. I can't give up. I can't give Lara a reason to not go on.

And that psychs me up. I start walking. It's not easy, I don't have anything to cut through the foliage but I push and I push until I'm exhausted. It's tiring. I'm thirsty and hungry, my cuts sting and I want to just stand there and cry. It's not an appealing mental image. I'm not going to be a wuss. As I walk, I start to think that I can't do this just for Lara. I have to do this for myself too. I've already proven to her that I can take care of myself but I don't feel like I've proven it to me yet. I just need to shut up the part of my brain that's constantly whining in the back of my head. She's annoying, the prat.

Sam, you can't do this. You're gonna die. Lara's already dead. Just take a seat and let all the ants eat you or something. Then you could go be with her.

"Shut up!" I hit myself in the head, which makes me kind of dizzy, but it works kind of. I'm being stupid. I need to find that helicopter, and then I need to find Lara. If I know her she'll be trying to find it too. And she'll be okay. Maybe the others'll be there too. The pilot, and our guide. I think his name is Victor. He seemed like a nice guy, so I hope he's okay too.

I'm not at all ready when it starts to get dark. Everything is too wet to start a fire, but I've got a lighter and persistance pays off. I don't sleep at all. I keep expecting something to attack me or bite me or poison me. The last two times I was in a rainforest Lara was there, and we had a base camp and everything. It was comfortable. Like one of our hiking or backpacking trips. This? This is a disaster!

I smell it before I find it. Burning fuel and something else, something that I'm way too familiar with for comfort. Burning flesh.

The chopper is in three pieces. The cockpit is on fire and I don't need to look to know the state of our pilot. I can smell her. It makes me gag, but I look around, trying to find our guide. "Victor? Victor! Lara!" I don't think about the pilot. I never even learned her name. It doesn't seem right, but I can't dwell on that.

I shout for several minutes, but there's no answer. Maybe there's a radio. I don't see Victor's body, so he could be alive. I hold onto that hope while I pick through the wreckage. When I find the radio, and when I hear Lara's voice, I have to sit down. My legs just give up and I know I'm crying so I'm glad she can't see it. She sounds like she might be hurt, but she's not letting it on, and I'm not going to press her right now.

Filled with renewed purpose, I start to pull together all the supplies. We have water, but only a little food. Lara will be happy to see the purification tablets. And my camera, of course. My harness didn't survive the crash so I'll have to hold onto it, but I've done that before so it's only a little inconvenient. I find our backpacks. Batteries and SD cards, maps and Lara's notebooks. I also find her climbing axe.

Lara loves this thing. At least that's what it looks like. It's like it has become an extension of her and she just loathes the idea of leaving it behind. If I was her, I'd hate it. The people it's killed, the memories associated with it. Things I'd rather forget. My soul itches just looking at it. This thing saved her life and mine, and probably my soul. I don't know what happens to a soul pushed out of its body but oblivion is probably a horrible place.

The axe has a weight to it and I swing it around, before turning it over and over in my hands. It's quickly clear to me how useful this would be in any number of situations, including fighting someone. When I hit one of the broken crates with it and it sinks deep into the wood, I shudder. There's this vibration right up my arm, and I have a vision of Lara pulling it out of some man's skull.

I let go of it like I've been shocked and turn my back to it. I still don't understand how she could have done all that. And I know I don't, and I don't ever want to. I can barely shoot straight, how can I take a life up close? The thought reminds me that we'd brought weapons. Lara had insisted on it, and I hadn't objected. In one of these crates should be ammo, a rifle, two pistols and some machetes and knives. She hadn't packed a bow. So I had. Because I'm a good girlfriend that way.

I find the pack with the pistols and knives, and one of the machetes. The rifle and the bow can be anywhere, so I keep looking, always trying to not lose the crash site. At least with the machete I can move through the underbrush and vines, and try not to think about the things that can make us need any of this. Big predators are at the top of my mind, but who knows if there's someone out there who doesn't want us investigating these skulls or this forest. After all, we hadn't expected anyone to be on Yamatai.

There's a chunk from the crash down a hill, so I move carefully down towards it, not wanting to risk wrenching my ankle or anything. Once I'm down, I cautiously approach the wreckage. There had been a snake earlier, so I use the machete to poke around. I literally shout Eureka as I pull the bow and quiver out of the wreckage. Lara is going to be so happy, I just knew it. Maybe I'll ask her why she prefers this over something with more power. We don't really have much of a choice, the rifle is still missing, and it's not like we're going to have much else to do except maybe wait for rescue. But something about it calms me down. I've seen Lara hit targets like they were easy mode.

The smell of burning fuel has lessened somewhat, but it still burns my throat. I've taken everything I can upwind, far enough away to get some space from the smoke but close enough that Lara can still find me.

Hearing footsteps, I look around. "Lara?" Oh, thats stupid. Thats really stupid, what if that isn't Lara? And isn't Lara. Its Victor. "Oh thank god! Victor!" I start to run towards him. "I'm really happy to see you. I didn't know if you'd made it!"

I see he has the rifle, which doesn't set off any alarms until he points it at me. I put my hands up. "Whoa. Okay. Whoa, hey, don't shoot! I'm a friend!" He spoke English right? I remember him and Lara talking in English, so its not like there's a communication issue here. But he looks very serious, and very deadly.

He keeps moving towards me and I'm backing up. I trip over the supplies just as I hear the rifle crack. There's this burning sensation in my shoulder. It hurts worse than almost anything I've ever experienced. Only Himiko hurt more, but this is a close second.

I grab for the first thing I can reach and scramble for cover as another rifle shot splinters a tree near my head. Why is he doing this? What's going on? I don't want to die! A million things rush through my head and I don't know what to do. I realize I grabbed the machete. That gives me a small advantage in getting away but he's fast. I duck under a tree and try to weave back and forth so he can't shoot me. He still gets close, way too close and I see stars when he hits me with the butt of his rifle. I panic and I turn and then the machete is sticking in his neck.

Victor hits me again, and screaming I swing the machete one more time before back peddling and falling to the ground. I keep moving back, choking back vomit and wiping at the blood on my clothing that's not mine. It's not mine, it's his and I killed him. The machete is just sticking out of his chest!

"Why…Why! Oh god. Oh my god. Oh fucking god..." I can't control my breathing and I can't get his face out of my mind, but my throat is too raw to really scream and I'm pretty sure I'm laying in a puddle of my own stomach contents and I don't care. This isn't fair, this just isn't fair. I don't want to do things like this and I know Lara never wanted me to. But it's too late. I can't erase this from an SD card. There's no rewind, I can't edit it out as it replays over and over in my head. I'm sick again and again until theres only the painful racking of my body's heaving..

I feel warm, strong arms around me and I resist them until I hear Lara's voice and recognize her smell. Burying my face in her chest I sob, and feel like a little shit. It's not like she got comforted after she killed that Russian. Or anyone after him. I try to push her away but she won't let me. She just holds me, and she rocks me until my tears are all dried up.