Sam is supposed to be the thing that helps me keep my humanity, but how can she do that if she's losing hers? But when she's close and we're not in danger I can feel myself becoming less the animal. I look at her, taking in her scent and the pain in her eyes. I don't want her to become like me. But that kill was easier and she knows it, too. And I have another thought. It's a terrible one, really. Part of me wants her to harden, just a little. Maybe she needs to. No, she definitely needs to. The places we go, the things we have to do… If she wants to be by my side, she has to accept the things that I do. I need her to be able to accept them.
I'm not as hard as I like to think I am. I stare at her neck and grimace, my heart sinking. I have to control my emotions before they overwhelm me again. I'd hurt her. I'd hurt my Sam and I'll never forgive myself for that. By all rights I should put a hundred kilometers between the two of us and keep that distance. For her safety and my sanity. I haven't felt this way in a very long time. It took me a year after Yamatai to even start to feel human again. I want to cry, because I don't want to go through all of that again. Because I regressed so easily and I have to claw my way out of the mire again. But I've done enough crying today.
The mercenary...I don't know her and I don't know if I like her, but I suppose I owe her my thanks. I shift (slightly) out of Sam's grasp and hold out my hand to her. "Thank you."
Her grip is firm, but the handshake is pretty short. I wonder what she thinks, but I find I don't care and my grip around Sam tightens a little. The water is rough and the sky is cloudy, but it seems like whatever storm had accompanied them has passed.
Soraya brings us to shore, then once Sam and I are out she takes the boat a hundred yards out and scuttles it. Not a bad idea. I take the opportunity to inspect Sam, and she seems to have the same idea about me. So I touch her face and force her to look at me. "Thank you." I don't have to say why or for what. She understands.
"I uhm… I'm sorry. For taking off like I did. I just…"
"You want to talk about that now!?" I look at her, unable to keep the sheer disbelief off of my face. "I'm the one that should be apologizing! I was out of line, Sam, and-"
She gives me a sour look back. "You're forgiven, but you don't have to be so shocked about it!"
"I'm sorry. I never…" I sigh, exasperated, and pull her closer, locking my eyes on hers. "We need to talk about it, when we're safe because right here isn't... I still need you to know I … I think maybe I need to know I didn't push you away."
"You didn't. You're stuck with me. Forever into old age with a dozen cats and a corgie."
When she says 'forever' I remember something and my hand goes into my pocket, searching. The ring is still there and I sigh in relief. It wouldn't have been hard for them to have taken it from me, and then I'd have to swim back to get it. And I would have, because it was my mother's, and because I want to give it to Sam someday. I'm still questioning why I brought it with me.. Had I intended to propose on the spot? I should have left it in the vault but I hadn't wanted to be suspicious when I went in to retrieve it. Or maybe I should just admit to myself I didn't what know had been going through my mind.
"When the two of you are done eye-fucking, we need to get out of here." Soraya walks past us, dripping wet from the ocean. I don't like the way she looks at Sam. I feel this possessive instinct take hold of me and my fingers dig into Sam's hip. She notices, but I ignore her look and stare daggers into Soraya's back.
Mine.
Sam elbows me. She has a smile on her face that's knowing. She's amused. I'm not, but I try to relax and keep my voice down. "I don't like the way she looks at you. You're more than a piece of meat." Especially after our fight, I really need to tell her that.
Not answering me, Sam steps out of my grip and walks after the purple-haired woman. I keep glaring, until Sam looks over her shoulder and winks at me. It's such a mundane concern after the day we've just had that I let out a short laugh. She's bouncing back. That's good.
Once we're in the vehicle and driving away, I close my eyes. I want to just sink into this chair in the back and pass out. There are parts of me in pain that I've forgotten were even a part of my body, but I can't rest just yet. I eye Soraya in the driver's seat. "How much do you know about...any of this, really?"
"You don't recognize me? New Zealand? It was a long time ago for both of us. You weren't much higher than my knee at the time, and a lot cuter." She leans over to fiddle with the radio, which seems odd to me right now. "But I don't blame you being cautious.
"She worked with your dad, Lara! And oh my god did you know your butler is Soup Jesus?" The sheer enthusiasm in Sam's voice makes my head spin, but as soon as Sam says it I realize that I do remember Soraya. At least a little bit.
"You were with Roth, weren't you? I remember when I first met him, there were some others. Grim was one." Reyes hadn't been there, I was sure. And Soraya's hair hadn't been purple then. "And a woman." I glance at Sam and mouth 'soup Jesus?' She only grins at me.
Soraya laughs. It's a gruff sound. "That's why I'm here. Reyes called in a favor." She shrugs. Her tone is dismissive but there's something in her voice that sounds like fondness. She did this for Roth. I understand it, and it reopens an ache in my chest.
"I'm sorry. About Roth."
The mercenary scoffs. I see her eyes look back at me through the mirror. "Don't be. Knowing him he got himself knocked off being a big goddamn hero. Man always did have a soft spot for your family."
"Yeah, he did." Both for how he died, and for the soft spot he had for me and my parents. He never told me the story of how they'd met and I'm almost desperate enough to ask if she knows, but she speaks before I can.
"Then treat his decision with the respect it deserves."
Her tone makes me sit up straight, and I can see Sam do the same thing. "I don't think anyone ever put it that way before," I admit.
"Someone really ought to tell Reyes that," Sam adds, and I wince. It doesn't make it any less true, but that was still a bit blunt.
But Soraya doesn't look offended. In fact, she laughs. "Oh, I did, when I talked to her, but she is stubborn and the kind of person who needs to come to terms on their own. I'm sure she's realized that."
"Just never try to tell it to her face," I finish. Reyes and I had an interesting relationship. It was adversarial but I think we've moved into respecting each other more than anything else. Sam still thinks she resents me for playing at Roth's daughter when Alisha never got to know him, but I don't think that's the case. At least not entirely so. People are complicated and most of their motivations are a mystery even to them. God knows I don't fully understand half the things I do myself.
"You've had to deal with her under fire, so obviously you understand," the mercenary replies. It feels as though we've broken the ice, or maybe it's every inch we're putting between us and that research facility. "Now, you found something in that place, didn't you?"
I nod my head. "They're researching artifacts. Objects with unusual power. The kris I found - which has a fascinating style of engraving on it and the hilt is from a different location and time period than the-"
"Lara. Focus."
"Right, Sam. Sorry. You remember the ritual on Yamatai, to transfer Himiko's soul into a receptive vessel? Namely you? They're attempting it with these objects. Transferring powers, possibly souls from one to another. These objects, maybe they were people once. The kris certainly enjoys stabbing people."
"We encountered something like it in Havana once," Soraya interjects. "Also a blade. Bloodythirsty bastards."
I have to agree, and make a note to ask about that too. Really, I have a thousand questions for Soraya. About my father and mother and their adventures, about Roth. I have a lot of questions about Roth. His death is still fresh, even after a few years. I have quesitons about whatever insane things they might have found that might help me feel less like I'm floundering about. My greatest fear, before Yamatai, was getting the same label my father did. Delusional. Crazy. God, but I feel that way sometimes, except I've seen with my own eyes that the stories of my father were true. Soraya is a link to that, however tenuous.
"There's a lot of questions I have when we have time," I say. "I know you're not here for that or anything, but I'd be grateful for any information."
"When we get a chance we'll crack open a bottle or two and I'll share all sorts of stories." Our eyes meet in the rear-view mirror. I see someone I could be in twenty years, maybe. I guess she's less gruff when threats aren't immediate.
Sam makes a sound in the back of her throat, so I put my hand on her shoulder as she says, "I like the sound of that! So like… we could have shoved Himiko it a sword or something?"
"I don't see why not. But there's something you really need to know. There was one of those shadow people there. It came out of a byzantine vase, and it was a lot harder to kill than the ones from the ruins?"
"Shadow people?"
"Yes." I describe them, leaving no detail out, and Soraya's brow furrows. Those things are creepy, and I want to convey that as much as possible.
"I can't say I've ever encountered one of those but I've been out of the tomb business for a number of years now." I can emphasize. I really hate tombs sometimes.
I close my eyes, resting my forehead against the window. "Well, they're related to these artifacts, and those faces in the ruins, there's no denying that. The question is how, or why."
"Do you think the stone people are guardians?" Sam asks. She turns in her seat and I feel her take my hand. I manage a smile.
"Probably."
"Stone people are also new to me." Soraya clucks her tongue, but my eyes are still closed and I can't see her expression. "You really are your father's daughter."
"A few years ago she would have hit you for saying that."
"I would not!"
Sam's finger pokes my hand and I don't protest beyond that. No, I wouldn't hit anyone over it, but yes, I'd be upset. Roth raised me. He's more my father than Richard Croft ever was. Now though…Now I don't know. My father wants to tell me something. I need to look through the vault. And we need to get to Egypt, but I'm too tired to think that far ahead right now.
I bring Sam's hand to my lips and kiss her fingers. She's okay. Thank god, she's okay.
I'm nipping at a fingertip a little when lightning hits the ground next to us and Soraya nearly swerves off the road.