AN: Emma owns a Gypsy Horse. The alluded way that they were created in this story is fictional (as far as I know; I just liked that they were called Gypsy horses and took off with the idea).
Allison walked into the locker room for her first official day as a trauma surgeon. But that's not what she had on her mind. She wanted to find Regina. She wanted to grab hold of her and never let her go—she knew she sounded crazy, but that's what she wanted to do.
She didn't think it would be so easy to find her though. As soon as she looked into the room from scanning the trauma bay, she saw her.
And it took no time for Eva to feel eyes on her and look to find Emma staring at her. Proctor had been making an introduction for the incoming fifth member of the alpha team at the time, so it was only fitting that Eva look at whom she suspected to be the new doc.
Eva wasn't the only one to look pastProctor, Chris and Serena both looked at Emma as well.
"Oh, here you are." Proctor smiled a friendly smile, "Eva, Chris, Serena? This is Dr. Allison Cameron." He pointed as he introduced the team, "Allison, this is team Alpha: Eva, Chris and Serena."
That's not her name. Was the only thought that crossed both women's minds. They continued to look at each other, but Nurse Tuck came in, interrupting introductions.
"We have incoming." He said before starting to make his way out. He stopped though and turned back around, "You must be Dr. Cameron." He smiled politely, "I'm Tuck."
"Tuck is the go-to guy for all of us." Serena said as she, Chris and Proctor made their way passed Allison.
Proctor turned at the door, "You ladies coming?"
"Yeah, I just need to grab a couple things." Eva said.
"I should change." Allison started making her way further into the room. She waited for the door to swing shut before she moved passed the locker with her name on it and stood directly next to Eva.
Eva grabbed her penlight, nametag and stethoscope, all the while feeling Emm—Allison's green eyes boring into her.
Allison finally after dreaming of this woman her whole life had the opportunity to say something. So, what came out of her mouth? "I saw you in the parking lot..the other day." Really? Way to go Allison! You rocked that one; really stuck the landing! She wanted to die. She had to physically keep her arm down so she couldn't slap herself.
Eva smiled; she could tell that this 'Allison' person was nervous; she looked almost as nervous as Eva felt. That was why she cleverly chose to say nothing. She didn't want to make an ass of herself. Though she would admit that the woman before her, who had accidentally chosen the 'making an ass' route was doing an adorable job of it.
Eva opted to simply smile and nod, and luckily, Chris poked his head back in, "You coming?" He asked impatiently.
Eva shut her locker door and nodded his direction as she made a few strides across the room. She took a deep breath and turned around, deciding if Emm—Allison could talk to her then she could talk to the blonde, "I'd hurry if I were you. We might stick you with the boring cases…"
Having almost fully recovered from her idiocy, Allison looked over to Eva, "I signed on for trauma because it's never boring." She smirked and moved to her assigned locker.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Emma was about three feet out the castle doors when her mother's voice rang from the parlor. "Just where do you think you're going, Princess?" Snow emerged from the castle doorway and crossed her arms as she leaned against the wooden frame.
"The stables." The 22-year-old princess said simply before turning.
"And why didn't you tell your father or myself?"
"I did tell daddy." Emma gave an innocent smile, "After I couldn't find you."
"Really?" Snow's voice was just as innocent.
"Yeah…"
"And did you tell your father that you were bringing your sword and dagger?"
"Of course."
"That was very kind of your father to let you go riding with your weapons as if trying to go camping without everything you know you need when the sky looks as grey as it does."
"It was. Very nice." Emma nodded and turned to go down the steps.
"Emma?"
"Yes, mother?" Emma sighed in annoyance, she turned to her mother once more and gave the queen a pointed look.
"Your father's in the sun room with me." Snow gave her daughter narrowed eyes. "Why are you lying?"
"Because I thought it would get me to the stables faster."
"Why do you need to go riding in the rain?"
"It's fun."
"Not for your father or myself. Last time we spent two days worrying because of the storm that came through—"
"I took cover—"
"I don't care. Dear, you need to start making smarter decisions."
"Maybe next year, or the year after that." Emma gave her mother her father's charming smile, "Look, mother, I need to go riding today. I've been cooped up with my studies for a week straight! I need fresh air and sunlight…" She looked up at the grey sky, "Or clouds. And Zambrano hasn't been out in forever! He needs to roam free!"
"That horse has the wandering mind of the dreaded people that gave him to you."
"Mother, gypsies are not dreaded people. And those gypsies invented a new breed of horse! And they gave me their prize pony! They're kind, lovely people." Emma looked down, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a horse that I've promised a ride to."
"Emma Swan White!"
"Bye mother. I'll be back before the storm… Or after." The blonde princess gave her mother a wink before running down the yard to the stables without another look back. "Zambrano?" She said once she got inside the stables.
The chestnut colored gypsy horse immediately stuck his head out of his stall.
Emma grinned as she picked up her saddle and walked over to him, "You ready for that ride?" She asked as she entered the stall. She took a look at his mane and the long hair around his feet, "Oh, did you get a bath and a grooming?"
The horse nodded his head with a whinny.
"Well, you spoiled horse, you must be so happy now. Especially since you get to go for a run, hm?"
The horse nodded again as Emma finished with the saddle and then placed his reigns. She walked him out of the stables before hopping on his back, "Okay, Zambrano, it looks like rain… You know what that means?"
Zambrano gave a loud neigh and kicked the ground, "That's right. We go as far away from here as possible so that we can't return home if we wanted… and I think I have the perfect spot. I finally found an old map that my mother forgot to have taken out of the castle. The one with her castle on it." She took a breath and pulled out her compass and the map; she glanced at it, having already memorized it and only double-checking before, "Let us go west." She turned the horse in the right direction and kicked his sides. Zambrano was only too happy to set into a gallop.
The sky grew greyer and day turned to night and back into day, but Emma pressed on—and Zambrano had the heart of an adventurer just like his human, so if she thought something was ahead he was ready and willing for travel, "I don't understand it. We should be able to see it…" She looked down at her map in the morning light that strained to peer through the building grey clouds. She jumped off Zambrano's back and pointed, "Right over there! It should be right over there! I was sure some of it would still be up. There's no way my parents stayed and took apart everything but the foundation…"
She started walking over to the spot the dead evil queen's castle was supposed to be when she saw something wrong with the forest that had grown over the alleged grounds. It looked like a ripple of some kind. A ripple in midair with the first of the dreaded rain drops.
"Zambrano, did you see that?" She called for the horse to come closer to her and pointed as another drop rippled in the air.
Zambrano cocked his head and gave a quick sigh with his gut.
Emma reached up her hand and touched where the ripples were. It was a shield of some kind. A magical shield, "Woah…" She looked up to the horse, "Shall we?"
Zambrano shook his head at first then changed his mind and nodded; he was a curious horse and needed to know.
Emma smiled and took his reigns. They walked through the shield and found the castle. It looked dark and dangerous and everything Emma had ever dreamed of when she heard tales about the evil witch. There was a wrought-iron fence that wrapped around the entire castle preventing her from going further. Her mouth gaped open, "Wow…" She sighed out.
Emma looked at the gate in front of her. It was held together with a large chain, the lock in the shape of a human heart. Emma grabbed it and jiggled it a few times. "Stubborn lock." She said frustrated before grabbing her knife from her boot. Then, with a stab to the lock and a hard twist, the rusting iron fell limp to the forest floor. She looked to her horse with a wide grin.
"Let's go inside." She took Zambrano's reigns and they carefully made their way to the door of the castle. Emma took notice that the grass and shrubs seemed to be freshly cut, which was odd considering this castle didn't exist anymore (even though it did) and the 'Evil' Queen was dead (so she'd been told). Her heart started fluttering in a way she'd never experienced.
~0~0~0~0~0~
They'd been cutting all day. Repairing people. Allison literally put a person back together. It was going to be a long recovery for her double arm amputated and reattached guy, but he was back from the brink of death and he was doing good.
Allison had thrown a tank top on and was sliding into skinny jeans when Chris and Serena walked in.
"Okay!" Chris covered his eyes quickly, bashfully, "I will do this or turn away from you and say nothing normally, but I like to make sure that each of my trauma gals know just how beautiful they are. And you, Dr. Allison Cameron, are beautiful." He paused a moment and peaked over his hand to make sure she was completely clothed, "But I will always avert my eyes."
Allison eyed him, a telltale bit of humor behind timid, first-day-and-I'm-nervous-and-shy eyes before looking over to Serena.
"He's harmless." Serena smiled letting her know that the man merely was trying to give her a compliment.
Allison nodded, "So… I hear there is a bar?"
Chris smiled, "Yes there is. We tend to go there after work. Great food, great music."
"You wanna come?" Serena asked.
"After today? Definitely."
"You're going to be saying that a lot." Chris noted as he took his clothes from his locker.
"Definitely." Allison quipped as she turned to dig back through her duffle for her keys, wallet, phone and sandals.
Eva walked in just in time to see Emma-but-actually-Allison's denim covered derriere as the woman fastened her t-strap sandals closed.
She coughed to cover the groan of punishment/moan of want as she made her way to her locker.
"Hey!" Chris gave Eva his best flirty smile, "Just who we were missing. We're all going to the bar, you wanna come?"
Eva turned to the girls on the adjacent side of the room, but only saw green orbs staring back at her in question.
"Of course. I… I will be there in a bit. I need to take a quick shower though, so you guys go ahead."
"Come on!" Chris gave her a look, "We're all dirty."
"Yes, but not all of us got thrown up on twice before their patient inevitably died." Eva was not happy about that, but she did everything she could do—so she told herself. And even though logically she knew it was true, she couldn't help but think there was more she could do.
Allison, Serena and Chris all looked down.
"That is truth." Chris nodded, "We'll see you there though? Don't bail on us like you usually do when a patient dies. We have a guest…"
Eva glanced Emma—damn it!—Allison's direction before looking back at Chris, "She's hardly a guest. She's a new member."
"Which means that you shouldn't stand us up on her first night!"
Eva put a placating hand on Chris's shoulder, "Fine. Alright. I will definitely be at the bar."
~0~0~0~0~0~
22 years before:
Regina poofed into her living quarters with the same wicked smile she left the White Kingdom with.
"Is it done?" The genie appeared in the mirror above the fireplace.
"It is done." Regina looked into another mirror lining the side of the fireplace and blew herself a kiss. "I've my ultimate revenge." She let herself smile as she looked back to the genie, "That tiny child, that baby princess, that Emma…" the light in her eyes couldn't be avoided, "She won't feel emotion. Her heart will be stone to her family. She'll be cold and distant. She'll be everything a princess should never be. She will never be whole. And she'll never know why."
"And can you feel anything?"
Regina looked down, the smile fading, "No."
"My queen, I think you're lying."
"I sent the only part of me that felt any pain anymore over with that baby's emotions. We'll both know when to be sad, angry, happy—we'll know emotions, but we won't feel. I won't feel anymore."
"I think you do still feel. I think you feel loss. And I think it's the same feeling you thought you were getting away from—!"
Regina picked up a figurine from the end table of her luxurious couch and threw it at the Genie, causing the mirror to shatter.
"My Queen—!" He'd reappeared in another mirror and another figurine went flying.
"Shut it, Genie! You've no idea of what you speak!" The evil queen retreated to the darkened corner of the room and settled into the dark arm chair to sulk and try to figure out how the genie was right when the spell specifically said that it would let her not feel loss or anger or heartache.
"Yes, my queen." His voice interrupted after she first settled, "Call for me when you need me." He knew he wouldn't get a response, so he vanished from the mirror right after.
Regina sat. She sat and sat and thought and sat. She'd gone through the curse hundreds of times and every time she came to the same conclusion: She should not be feeling loss. She should not be feeling anything, but she did. She shouldn't still be hurting, but she was. She thought about her pathetic excuse for her life; every time she tried to help or heal or protect someone or something, she ended up more broken.
Like Daniel died when she tried to protect him from her mother and run away. Her father died when she tried to rid the land of the curse that Rumplestilskin wanted her to perform on the realm—so much for forgiveness and thanks for that from all the 'good' lands! You're welcome for saving your life. She just didn't understand why the pain and loss was still there. It was like she sent the only happy part of her to the other realm. And she didn't know how she did that.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Allison, Serena and Chris had made it to the parking lot when Allison realized she left her phone on the bench.
"Oh, damn it. I left my phone in the locker room. I will uh, I'll meet you guys there?"
"Of course." Serena nodded, "It's just across the street and…" She counted in her head, "Five blocks east."
"Okay, thanks." Allison smiled before making her way back in the hospital. As she was entering once more, she saw Tuck and Proctor, "Oh, hey guys."
"Where are you going? The fun's the other way." Tuck gave her a good-natured smile.
"I know, I left my phone…"
"We'll see you at the bar?" Proctor asked.
"Yes, I will be right behind you guys."
They both nodded and made their way to their cars.
Eva had stripped down and wrapped her giant towel around herself, securing it with the Velcro sewn into it. She'd gathered her shower supplies, or was in the middle of grabbing everything when the weight of losing her patient made its daunting presence known. She hunched over and let the tears fall. She heard the door and movement.
"Proctor, I said I'm fine—Oh…" She turned around to see Emma-Allison standing there.
Allison gave Regina—no, it's 'Eva'! Eva Zambrano!—a sympathetic look, "You're not fine." She walked over to the brunette and sat down next to her.
Eva closed her eyes and covered her face as a sob came forth. She quickly swallowed half of it and tried to wipe her eyes, "I don't know why it still gets me. It shouldn't still get to me. I've been doing this for five years."
Allison put a comforting hand on Regina-Eva's shoulder, "I think that when it stops getting to you, when losing patients stops getting to you, I think that's when you need to worry. Our job is tough. That's why so many people wash out. It's hard to handle. And the fact that you still feel sorrow after five years says more to me than anything or anyone else could say about you." She inhaled unintentionally when Eva rested her head on her shoulder, "You did everything you could." She said simply.
"I should have done more."
"There was nothing more to do."
"How do you know? You weren't on my case."
"Because you are the doctor that I would want on my case. You do everything swiftly and you anticipate. I watched you before my guy came. You are everything a trauma surgeon—any surgeon should be. You did everything you could."
"You watched me?"
Allison pulled from the other woman as her cheeks flushed with embarrassment, "Well, everyone. I was the only one without a person, I was debating who needed the most help or any help, but you were mesmerizing. You were like an octopus. Throwing stitches, catching bleeders; your hands were everywhere." She smiled, hoping to make the other woman smile, "You did it all. You did everything you could." She said it again.
"I did. But I wish there was more I could do."
"Next time, there will be." Allison said, "You should get washed up. You have a night of fun and drinking ahead of you."
Eva smiled and stood, "Yes, I do."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Present day:
Emma paused her and Zambrano's trek through the front gate of the castle and took a moment to reflect on her life up to this point. She had always known that there was something more, something greater to life than what she'd known. She'd known emotions, she'd known what to feel and when, but she'd never actually felt any of them. She could play the part and act as though she was feeling them—she'd had Alexandra fooled for a long time, but she never was feeling anything. She knew when people lied and when they told the truth; she knew when people lied for what they felt was the greater good.
She knew that her parents killed the Evil Queen because she couldn't feel, but some small, determined part of her had always told her that she was in fact feeling, she was just indifferent to most things. The only thing that seemed to rile her just a little, was when the Evil Queen was of topic. When the family and friends still toasted to their murdering her like it was something to celebrate. There was this small part of her that told her the queen was still alive.
Emma looked over the castle once more. She just hoped that that small part of her was right. And that's when she realized she was feeling something other than the everlasting indifference: She was feeling hope. Hope for the Evil Queen to still be alive. She was feeling an anticipated nervousness for what was on the other side of that door she was so close to. She kept her thoughts to herself as she tugged Zambrano along the path leading to the door.
~0~0~0~0~0~
Allison let Eva move into the shower pit. She stared after the woman a moment and inhaled deeply. "What the hell am I going to do about you, Regina Mills?" She asked herself as she grabbed her phone and walked out of the locker room.
~0~
After getting out of eyesight, into the shower stall, after turning on the water, Eva pressed her forehead against the tile, "What the hell am I going to do about you, Emma Swan?" She sighed again. This was going to get so emotionally confusing…
~0~0~0~0~0~
After that first day of her curse, her unfeeling ultimate revenge, Regina realized she still felt loss because she knew what she was losing, what she had lost for forever. Without that part that wanted to heal and protect and make right; she felt broken, exposed and horrid. She didn't go beyond her castle grounds; she didn't age over the next 22 years, and she played dead for the White Royals so they would finally let her live in what little peace she had left.
She just sulked and felt the everlasting pain. She'd tried ridding herself of it; she'd tried ignoring it; she'd tried distractions from emotional to mental to physical—her loyal huntsman did his damndest to try to take the pain away. She'd tried literally everything. Nothing worked. It was worse than before she sent that protective, healing part of her away because that part of her was raw but empty. There was reason for her feeling loss. Now, there was no reason behind the loss. She felt terrible loss because she lost that small amount of her that still felt anything.
There was only one thing going for her and that was her counterpart's potential happiness. But that didn't really help her out. The Genie was trying to tell her something when she felt it.
Someone breeched her protection. Someone was on her castle grounds, not touring for a visit and seeing the demolished grounds, not playing on the actual evil land of the evil queen, but someone was on her grounds. The ones that showed the castle was not torn apart and she was not dead.
She stood and moved quickly to the window.
"Genie!" She hissed.
"Yes, my queen?" The voice of the genie was filled with worry.
Regina's eyes widened as she took in blonde curls. But other than that, there was little reaction, "Is that who I think it is?"
"If you think her the White Princess, then you are right."
"Why is she here—how is she here?"
~0~0~0~0~0~
Allison looked around the bar after walking in. She knew she should have asked where they sat. The place was outside for the most part. Gates would be drawn to lock up, that was for sure. It was really like an open patio of a place, but it had a nice dance floor and plenty of seats.
Though that was the problem; there were so many seats, Allison couldn't find anyone.
"Outside on the deck." The voice came from behind her.
Allison turned to find Eva. She smiled gratefully.
"Come on." Eva grabbed Allison by the wrist and led her over. "Hey guys. You start without us?"
"Of course." Chris nodded, "But we took the liberty of ordering for you, too. Hope that's all right?" He looked to Allison.
Allison smiled, "Perfectly fine." She smiled as she sat down.
A new song started playing on the speakers and Eva and Tuck looked to one another. Tuck started laughing, "Now, you know I'm about to ask you to dance. Don't even pretend to start sitting down, Dr. Zambrano." He smiled as he offered his hand.
Eva merely laughed as she took it. "You do love this song." She said as she grabbed her beer and headed off to the dance floor with Tuck.
Chris stood, "Would either of you two lovely… lovely ladies like to dance with me?" He looked to Allison first then Serena.
Serena looked over to Allison too, expectantly almost.
"I don't dance." Allison said softly, telling Serena to dance with Chris.
"Really? Why?" Chris asked.
Allison shrugged. She opened her mouth to speak but Proctor interrupted.
"Why does it matter whether a couple people at your table don't like to dance, Chris? Maybe we were traumatized as children in freak dancing accidents." Proctor took a swig and when he received three entertained, questioning stares, he shrugged nonchalantly, "It could happen." He took another drink.
After watching the two of them go, Allison turned to Proctor, "You remind me of an old boss."
"Really?"
"Yeah… except you're not a narcissistic jackass. Just the quirky part." Allison nodded approvingly, "I like it." She said as she turned to watch everyone dance—as she turned to watch Eva dance.
Proctor chuckled, "Thank you."
~0~0~0~0~0~
Emma was on the last step of the giant steps that led to the main doors of the castle. Just as her second foot planted on the top, the doors flew open.
Emma jumped, and Zambrano was quick to duck behind her in fear then poke his head over his human's shoulder. The White Princess stared at the entryway bug-eyed and jaw-dropped to see none other than the Evil Queen herself. She couldn't do anything but stop and stare. She was everything her pictures (the forbidden pictures that no one, not even her mother knew she'd found in old libraries and stolen) showed her to be, right down to the body-tight dress and the… revealing neckline. She managed to snap her jaw closed as she continued to stare at the vibrant womanliness before her.
The evil queen didn't stop her from staring; she was sizing the princess up. She had a sword and dagger, and Regina would bet anything that she had a knife hidden in one of her boots, but she didn't get the notion that Emma was there to fight her.
So they stared at each other.
AN: Thoughts and feels? Please Read and Review!