Title: Twisted Twilight
Author: Midnight
BETA: Moonlite NOT BETAD
Synopses: A different version of Twilight. What if Renee never married Phil, but John Reed, a local cop. John is actually an alcoholic, and is abusive to Bella and Renee. It's after a brutal attack, that Bella decides to go to Forks to live with her Father. As Bella's life experiences have changed, so has our beloved story. See how!
Rating: T
Chapter: Seventeen
Chapter Title: Journey
Warning: Includes mention of violence, and rape. Serious violence is explained in this chapter. The area will be marked by — and ended with ----.
Author's Note: So, once again, I'm waiting for the betaed version, which isn't here yet, due to personal reasons and we will not interfere with this. HOWEVER, I do feel that you have all waited super long, and I'm sorry, so I'm posting the version which has not yet been betaed
Special Thanks: april nichole, Drama Kagome, Ghostwriter, -Azn-Grl-Twilight-Fan-, dolphingirl79, FRK921x16, mya croft, Nekokitten1123, CassyCatastrophe, Romance4ever, iamkagomeiloveinuyasha, required, divine divinity, sicklittlesuicide, chloehudgens, Stephenie-Meyer-Addicted, switzerland10105, rerose1975, Koori Youkai Hime, shaid, Crystallized Hope, Gothic Saku-chan, TheKimikoGirl, Bella_Marie, RoryAceHayden147, starr33, Dalakh, twilight wolves, HerLadyship, inuyasha fanatic, DancinBlondeGurl, colorguard-girl, Offically Dazzled, deedob, Feenrai, , xoxoTayTayxoxox4, A is for Angel, .Lie, ty101, notebk24x3, AJ Edwins, marybk(long reviews are great!), and ButterbeerO.o.
Edward reversed the car without looking; not that he needed to. I was busy taking deep breaths to calm myself down. Edward picked up his phone before it rang; allowing him to answer it half way threw the first ring. With most people I would have been nervous driving with while they talked on a phone, but I trusted him. He wedged the cell between his ear and shoulder, allowing him to shift. "Alice? Good. What's it saying? 2:15 pm? That doesn't give me a lot of time- when's the next? 5:45? Well, I guess I'm going to have to hope to make it. Thank you." He hung up, and tossed the phone into the back seat.
"It'll be alright, Bella. Just relax." Edward promised. I couldn't sum up the strength to look at him though- I was too busy staring out the window. "I promise."
"I know." I said, my voice low. He didn't push the matter, instead allowed me to think.
It didn't take long for my shock to form into vivid anger. I clenched my fists almost tight enough to draw blood. John Reed was the kind of person who broke everything they touched- on purpose. Like the child that threw his toys. For the months I'd been in Fork, I was busying myself in order to keep my mind distracted. Now all those built up, dark and powerful memories where flooding back like poison. And with them, came an unsettling nausea. I was cold too, and shaking. My throat burned as specific thoughts. "Damnit." I hissed to myself. Edward must have thoughts I was insane.
"What?" Edward asked, his eyes shooting towards me in concern.
"Pull over. Now." He didn't hesitate. Luckily, we were on the outskirts of the town, so no traffic. I pushed my door opened, and stumbled just behind the tree line. My whole stomach was clenched.
"Bella?" Edward asked, appearing beside me.
"You don't want to see this." I murmured, right before I dry heaved. Edward caught my falling hair, and held it back. If I wasn't so shaken, I would have probably been embarrassed.
"I'm not leaving you." His voice made it clear there was no room for argument. I vomited again.
"I'm sorry." I chocked out, the acid burning my throat and noise.
"You have nothing to be sorry for." Edward's voice was soft, and caring. He rubbed my back lightly, as I proceeded to puke three more times. "It's called shock- you're finally going into it."
I attempted to say 'am not' but was cut off by the burning liquid escaping my lips. Gross.
He wasn't kidding when he said he's normally right.
When I felt brave enough to open my mouth again, I weakly asked for the bottle of water in my bag. He grabbed it and returned in seconds. I poured the water over my hands, and then cupped my right. I filled it with water, and washed my face. I quickly drank the rest down.
Then screamed. Everything bottled seemed to just explode within me. I crushed the bottle in my hand as I screamed, and then threw it deep into the woods.
"That will never decompose in there, you know." Edward said, with a small smirk on his face. Slowly I turned around to face him- and my expression knocked the smirk right off.
"I am going to kill that son of a bitch." I said, my voice was extremely husky with anger. Edward's eyes got this strange look, like- like a weird mix between anger, and sadness. I turned away from him, not wanting to see that look on his face- nor, did I want him to see this side of me. With another howl of rage, I tried to punch a nearby tree- but his hand wrapped around my wrist, sending me off balance from the sudden stop.
"No you're not." Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulder, and led me back to the car. I didn't struggle. "Killing doesn't help- trust me. All it does, is break away the parts of decency that you have. Every time you kill, you feel it- even if it is a just cause." Edward was struggling to keep his tone neutral. I dropped the subject, and retained my rage again- now wasn't the time for this. Right now, I had to deal with the situation at hand, and then I could react.
"How fast do you think you can make it to Seattle?" I asked, once we where both seating in the car. Edward pulled onto the road, and accelerated. As he did, a strong wave of confidence seemed to swell in my chest. I inhaled deeply, allowing it to consume me.
"Well, on average, it takes people about four hours, sometimes five if traffic is bad. If everything goes according to plan, I should be able to do it two hours. Hopefully. That's assuming that we don't run into any cops, traffic blockades, or traffic in general for that matter." Four hours was impressive enough- but two? With his driving, I wouldn't be surprised. I looked at the clock- it was about eleven. Make it there by about 1-1:30, get tickets, and go through security, around 2:00. That would give us fifteen minutes to find out gate and board- we were pushing it.
"We will need a car when we land- I think there's a rental place in the airport."
"Alice is calling ahead to book us a car." Edward's eyes narrowed slightly, and then he smiled. "Yellow, I believe."
"You can still hear her thoughts from here?" I asked, amazed.
"I'm most in tune with her and Carlisle. Most of her vision's I can watch with her, as long as I'm somewhat close. Right now I can feel her fading though." Edward smiled slightly.
"If we make the 2:15 flight then we'll be landing around five- the sun will still be out." I warned, suddenly uncomfortable. I had just assumed that he was coming the whole way with me, but now I realized that he promised nothing more than to drive me to the airport. "But if you're not coming, then that's not really a problem..."
"Bella, I'm lot allowing you to walk into the belly of beast alone." He rolled his eyes while he said this, as if it was obvious. I smiled slightly to myself- at least he would be with me.
"The car has a lot of tint- Alice has told them that I suffer from 'sun sensitivity'." Edward smiled slightly, as if this assumed him, "Once she assured them that price was of no concern, they picked a nice one. How far does your mother live from the airport?"
"Assuming we land in the Sky Harbor airport, it's about twenty minutes and we can get there by the SR-51 freeway east. But, she's as St. Joe's hospital."
"And how do we get there?" Edward asked, while merging east onto the large portion of the 101.
"It's like 15 minutes away; I'll give you directions when we get there." He simply nodded. "Or I could just drive."
"Ha. Nice try."
Easily going 120 (AN:that's about 190 Km/h for everyone who isn't American), he pulled all the way to the far left, surpassing all of the other cars on the road. I fidgeted awkwardly with my shirt hem- it was coming out. Edward 'focused' on driving, or at least, was pretending too while he scanned the thoughts around us for any sign of a cop. We passed by Port Angeles- it had only been about fifteen minutes.
For the most part, my mind had simply gone blank. It was easier to deal with the situation at hand, and then it was to process what had happened in the past. Always going east, we passed by the small town of Port Hadlock- the 101 interstate had ended just before it, now we were on WA-104 freeway. Then we passed Port Ludlow. More memories seemed to present themselves, but would only last a second before I shot them out. It's hard to run when your past is catching up to you. About an hour had passed.
Edward seemed to have different thoughts on the matter. After that hour of silence, he finally asked the question I had been dreading from day one. Day one being the first day I came to Forks- and that was: "Bella, what happened?" My heart almost exploded in my chest, part of me wondering if he could read my thoughts. I swallowed the paranoia, and became very still.
"A lot of things." I responded, after a long and painfully quite moment.
"You can't keep this locked up inside of you forever- it's going to end up coming out one way or another- you might as well be in control when it happens."
-----
"Surely you can figure it out." I stammered. "You saw me in that hospital room."
Edward's eyes clamped shut at the memory, but re-opened a second later. His expression was pained, like someone had physically wounded him.
"I know the effects of whatever happened. I saw the X-Rays, read the medical reports. But that only gives me half the story- I want the other half- your half." We merged onto freeway WA-3.
"I don't even know where to begin." I said, honestly. Next thing I knew, I was rambling. "So much happened in such a short time, that I don't even really know how it all happened. One day things where normal, next they whole world was burning around me in an uncontrollable blaze." A swell of pain was burning my chest, but I ignored it. I just allowed the non-sense to ramble further from my mouth.
"You stay close to the blaze, because you know it. You begin to be able to predict its movements. But it still burns you, still hurts you. Each time, a little worse than before. It's like being the frog in the boiling water- turn the heat up slowly, and it won't run away." I could hear the anger growing louder and louder in my voice.
"By the time I fully grasped the seriousness of the situation, it was too late. I was in too deep. There's this- thing- in society, which states that if you don't report an incident just after it happens, then you're guilty of something. You're seen as hiding something- which you are, you just don't want to admit it, because what you're hiding- is yourself. At first, figuratively, then- literally; you where long selves, cover-up galore, hoddies, long hair, and then you withdraw yourself from people. But like I said- you don't notice it until it's too late.
"If it's a repeating incidence, then people want to know why you didn't report it 'before' or why you didn't tell someone what was happening- which means you have explain it. Normally you have to tell the story over, and over again. Like a bad dream you can't escape because- not only did it happen once, but now you have relive it- in front of people. All you want to do is forget it, but you can't.
"So, brilliantly, you decide that you're just not going to say anything. One day, you'll be old enough that you can just walk away without this person hurting you anymore. But, like I said, each time it gets worse. You make excuses for the person at first, like 'it's just the alcohol, if he would only quit drinking!' or 'he's angry about his work, not you...' and so on and so forth, until you learn to hate them. Then you make excuses not to say anything, like 'it would break my mother's heart if she knew' or 'they'll send you away, like it's your fault, if you report it'." I laughed a humorless laugh. "And you try to protect other people from it. Hide it, so they don't worry. Take the fight, the hit, the abuse- so they don't have to.
"Then you realize that the person you're trying to protect from knowing, already knows, and hasn't done a damn this about it. Why? Because they're afraid too. You realize that this is way more than just that fight, that day, it's a fight for your whole damn life. And the only way to win, in your mind, is to give in.
"Next thing you know you believe all the shit he says, and you believe all those 'battered woman' commonalities, like 'if I tell anyone, he'll kill me' and 'he really does love me'. And even though the truth is that once you're out, they can't hurt you anymore, because they're only one person, they can hurt people you love, because they won't leave. And even though you're really angry at that person for not doing anything, you have to put that aside, because you have to save them. But I was selfish, and I left. Even though I knew, I knew, this was going to happen, I left. And I was right; he just went after her." My voice cracked at the end. How had I let it get this far?
"When I left, I left the state because he's a cop. He had his fingers in a lot of pies in Arizona- not just Phoenix. I'm sure a lot of my fear was just paranoia, but it didn't matter. Coming to Forks is the best thing I've ever done with my life. And just as I was really settling in- he breaks everything again, and I have to go back. I have to do for her, what she could never do for me- save me." I didn't realize I was crying until the wet patch on my leg had soaked threw.
It was a long moment before Edward said anything. He was staring out the windshield, eyes wide, jaw clamped, white knuckles around the wheel and the gear shifter. "What finally made you leave?" He finally asked, moments later, the strain extremely evident in his voice.
I remained silent- Dr. Cullen had guessed, but no one else knew. Charlie might have guessed, but I never actually told him. "You can trust me, you know." He said, quoting me.
"I know. It's- it's hard. To talk about."
"I have time." I looked out the side window- we where now on the WA-3 coming up to Sliverdale- at this rate, we'd be in Tacoma in 15 minutes. I glanced over at the speedometer: 140 (220). We were weaving in and out of traffic like it didn't exist.
Edward must have realized that his anger would only upset me- driving gave him something to funnel it into... and he said he had a problem with his temper- it seemed pretty under control to me.
"I used to be involved with the technical theater program at my school; at lot of long hours in the theater at the school- it gave me an excuse to stay late. One day the rehearsal was canceled, and I was exhausted, so I just went home. I parked the car on the road, because I thought John was still at work- his car was in the garage- and Renee leaves first on Wednesday, so we parked behind him. I also went through the back door, because I forgot my key, and that's always unlocked.
"I'm pretty light on my feet, so I didn't make any noise going upstairs. And sadly all of this was seen as me 'sneaking up' on John, trying to bust him.
"In the set up of my old house, I'd walk past Renee and John's room to mine. Because he didn't hear me coming, he didn't close the door or anything, so as I walked by I saw him in bed with some random chick. I paused, shocked- long enough for him to register my presents. He was furious. I ran to my room, and closed the door, panicking." I stopped, my heart pounding. Before I could chicken out, once again, I pressed myself forward. Edward dissevered to know the truth, if anyone did- after all, he'd told me his deepest, darkest secret.
"The random chick left, and John burst into my room, furious. He was screaming about how I had no right to invade in affairs. I apologized, contentiously, telling him I didn't mean to. And- he took things to a completely different level." My whole body was shaking- I didn't want to talk about this- I didn't want to think about this. My fists made tight balls, and my breathing was ragged.
"His rage was- unbelievable. And like a coward- I didn't fight back. With a final blow to my stomach, I collapsed on the ground, unable to get back up. Normally when I can't get back up, he just leaves. But not this time- no, he decided that he was going to teach me a lesson in respect." My voice was shaking, as tears rolled down my cheeks, but I pushed myself forward.
"He- he climbed on top of me, sitting on my legs. I tried to fight back, finally, but it's didn't work. My body was far to weaken- everything was screaming in agony. He pulled the knife off my dresser- a Swiss army knife- and cut the button off my dress shirt- I went to a uniformed school. And- and then my bra. And- he- he touched me." I heard Edward gasp ever so slightly, but he quickly regained his composer.
"I tried to scream for help, but he- he wrapped his hand around my throat, and squeezed." My fingers traced the skin on my neck- the red marks that Dr. Cullen had given me calamine lotion for. "He told me if I didn't shut up, he'd kill Renee. So I stopped. He rolled back and forth on me, talking about how- how pretty his little Izzy was. He put the knife up my kilt, and cut my underwear off. Holding my hands in one hand, he used the other to- to free himself. And- he- he forced his way- inside of me.
"I stopped fighting, stopped moving, stopped crying, stopped everything. I just stared at my ceiling until he was done. He tried to get me to fight- said it- it turn him on. But I couldn't- even if I wanted to, I couldn't. He just sucked the life out of me." My whole body was covered in Goosebumps. My hands reached up to hug myself. I just wanted to disappear. I felt so dirty, so used. How could Edward possibly stand being around me? My stomach twisted and turned inside of me, as I attempted to regain myself.
"Bella, I am so sorry. I- I had no idea that he- he hurt you- like that." Edward was trying to sound calm, but his real emotions where pouring through. He couldn't bring himself to say rape. I shuttered at the word; I guess I couldn't either. It was easy to tell that he was angry and disgusted, but at John- he felt ample empathy for me. He didn't see me as the dirty, nothing girl I saw myself as. It gave me hope. Weakly, I continued.
"When he was done," When I went back into the memory, it was like I was trapped is a twisted, cold part of my history, unable to back out until the story ended, "he just got up, and walked away. I had been on my period- and I was lying in my own blood. I laid there for about an hour before I could registrar anything and move. Nothing was coherent. All I could think about, with feeling like I was literally dying, was this strange stain on my ceiling.
"When I regained enough of myself to get up, a switch in head flipped. I knew I had to get out of there- I was lucky this time, I had survived. I grabbed some clothing, and showered. I don't know how long I was in the shower- I don't remember it really. When I was done, I got dressed in shorts and t-shirt. I packed my duffle bag with everything I needed.
"By that time, Renee was home. I took stain cleaner to my floor, lifting the blood, and then closed the door. I walked downstairs, like everything was normal, and grabbed a banana from the counter. Renee asked me where I was going- I told her the gym; rehearsal had been canceled, I took a nap and showered, and now I was going to go work out. John was asleep on the couch. She told me not to be out too late, and I left.
"When I had reached the outer rim of the city, it was starting to sink in. I got gas, a coffee, and a power bar- all of which I never touched. As I drove past the gym, I gunned it - and never looked back." The whole thing had been one of those moments I couldn't explain- like when I first confronted Edward in the parking lot- and Lauren in the cafeteria. But once I started, I couldn't stop. When it was over, I felt- lighter.
I don't know how else to explain it. It was like a physical weight had been removed from my shoulder.
"If I ever see this man, alone- I am going to put him through more pain then he thinks' is possible." Edward's eye seemed to twitch. "I promise you, Bella- he is never, ever, going to hurt you again if I have anything to say about it."
"Please don't get angry." I whispered, suddenly intimidated, as if reality simply reappeared. Edward was absolutely furious- I was pretty she he was intending the wheel with his iron grasp.
"I'm trying very, very hard to keep my cool." He assured me. "I'm sorry if I'm upsetting you." A heavy sigh escaped his mouth as he said this.
"Making him hurt won't solve anything. A little over an hour ago, you told me that killing doesn't help." A very faint, little smile twitched on his lips, but vanished a moment later.
"Did we just pass Tacoma?" I asked shocked, realizing that we were suddenly approaching Seattle.
------
"Yes. We're only about twenty minutes away, if things keep up. We'll take the WA- 16, which we're still on, to the WA-99 into Seattle." I simply nodded, not knowing what to say. I felt- strange. It felt good to get that off my chest, it was nice knowing that someone else knew, and that they were just as angry as I was- that it wasn't just all in my head. But it was also awkward; someone else knew, after all and now it was like part of me was just standing naked in front of him.
Edward turned the radio on, to cover up the silence. More, by Tyrone Wells came on- one of my favorite songs, and without thinking, I began to sing along.
"'Sometimes I get so tried... Just trying to find a place to lay my head... I look up to the sky... I feel the warmest light comfort me. I've seen the great heights, reminding me that I'm alive, I don't want to die. I don't wanna waste another day or night. I know there's something more, then what we're living for-'" I stopped dead, and blushed, remembering I wasn't alone in the car.
"Why did you stop?" Edward looked disgruntled by this. "You have a lovely voice."
"Thanks." My whole face was bright red.
"Singing is therapeutic. It can help us loose ourselves for the moment." He fiddled around with the controls, going through CD's that where in the six-disk changer, and finally stopped. Then, he started going through the tracks on the CD, until he reached number eleven.
"Do you know this one?"
Doesn't look, doesn't see, opens up for no body. She's figures out, figures out...
"No," I said, honestly. Narrow line, she can't decide. Everything's short of suicide. Never hurts, nearly works
"It's Little House by the Fray." He explained
Something is scratching its way out|
Something you want to forget about
No one expects you to get up
All on your own with no one around
"It's kind of sad." I mumbled; it seemed to echo my life.
A part of you that'll never show. You're the only one that'll ever know. Take it back when it all began
Take your time, would you understand
What it's all about
What it's all about
Edward smiled, sadly. "It reminds me of you. I've always known that there was- something more then what I knew."
Something is scratching its way out
Something you want to forget about
No one expects you to get up
All on your own with no one around
"Look, I'm glad you told me the truth. It took a lot of guts. And- I just want you to know that, you don't have to do this on your own anymore." Edward looked towards me, his honey eyes echoing a soft, sadness.
"Thank you." I chocked out, attempting not to cry. "That means a lot to me."
Edward placed his hand on my shoulder, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Only moments later I saw the large sign proclaiming out entrance into Seattle. My stomach tensed up, and my mind raced a little. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and pushed the emotion back.
Edward parked in the underground parking, even though it was still raining. "Alice has to come pick the car up, and it might be sunny." He explained. I simply nodded.
We each got out, and looked at each other across the car. "Are you ready?" he asked.
"As ready as I'll ever be." Edward walked around to the trunk, and opened it. "Give me your coat."
"What- why?" It was cold out…
"Because you're not going to need it in Arizona." Reluctantly I took it off, and handed it to Edward. It was freezing out, more so then I previously noticed. Edward tucked the coat into a corner, and put his own next to it. Then, he grabbed a long sleeved hoddie, made of a thin material, and handed it to me.
"I don't understand." I said simply.
"You wear it here, because it's cold. When we get to Arizona, I'll put it on to cover my skin." He explained simply, and then grabbed a pair of sunglasses from a box in the back.
"Oh, of course." I pulled the light blue sweater over my head, and wrapped my arms around myself. It was clearly too large for me, but the smell was amazing. I smiled to myself, while breathing in it.
"Let's go- we don't have a lot of time." He rushed towards the terminal, and I followed quickly behind.
The building was full of people who were pushing and pull their way through. Not to mention endless amounts of screaming children. Edward took my hand, and pulled me through the crowd with ease. Everything was flashing by like a blur, but I went with it.
When we finally made it up to the receptionist, it was 1:45- only 30 minutes- they were probably doing boarding calls right now.
"Hello, how can I help you?" She greeted kindly.
"I have two online tickets booked- the confirmation number is X2234Y4." Edward recalled perfectly from memory. Show off.
"As, yes- Mr. Cullen, we've been expecting you. Now, everything has been paid for, and you'll be sitting in the back, with no one else beside the two of you in the row, so you'll be able to close the shutters, and not worry about the sunlight. Your mother explained the whole thing about your skin sensitivity on the phone." She smiled kindly at Edward.
"Yes, it's rather sever." Edward smiled warmly back at the woman. "I'm so appreciative for everything you've done for us today." I watched as coherency completely left her mind, and she attempted to form a sentence.
"Right- so-"She cleared her throat and printed off the tickets. "Here you go. Do you have any bag to check?"
"Bella?" I opened my empty hands- I had grabbed my wallet out of my bag as we got out the car, and simply left it in the back seat. "No, nothing to check. Thank you, though."
"No- no problem." She smiled, while blushing. I rolled my eyes, and shifted uncomfortably. "Right, so that's everything. You can go. Enjoy your flight!" She yelled after us, but Edward was already dragging me to security.
Edward flashed something at a security guard, and suddenly we were escorted to the front of the line, and pushed through. "Thank you." Edward said as we walked through.
"Enjoy your flight, sir." The guard waved goodbye, and walked away.
It was the fastest I'd ever gone through security.
Edward was taking extremely long steps, and was virtually dragging me behind him. I tripped several times, but regained my footing before I feel over. He walked over to the gate, where a long line had formed, and went right to the desk where the woman was checking the tickets. Edward handed them to her, and she smiled.
"Right this way, Mr. Cullen." Once again we surpassed the line, and where shown the whole way to the back of the plane, and seated. Edward closed the blinds on either side of the Isle, and sat in the window seat. I passed him the sweater- just in case. The plane was surprisingly warm- for now, anyways.
"Is there anything I can get you Mr. Cullen?" The flight attendant asked. She smiled warmly, and seemed to pop her hip to the right.
"Would you like anything, Bella?" Edward asked, looking to me. I blinked, surprised- don't they normally come down the aisle during the flight?
"Um- a bottle of water would be nice?" I said- once again it sounded more like a question then a statement.
"Just a bottle of water would be lovely, thank you." He smiled warmly at her.
"Of course, sir. I'll get that for you." She returned a moment later with the bottle of water, and vanished for her pre-checks.
"How did you get us through security and such so fast?" I asked. Edward chuckled.
"When you donate a lot of money, you can pretty well get anything you want." Edward smiled sneakily. I just shook my head, and leaned back into the seat. Rich families get everything. My heart was going a mile a minute- not out of fear for the flight, but of fear for what I was walking into.
At 2:15 on the dot, the plane lifted off the tarmac. I attempted not to throw up.